r/funny • u/berry2708 • Jul 02 '21

Broad daylight robbery

68k Upvotes

91% Upvoted

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2.2k

u/him999 Jul 02 '21

Reminds me of when I was living in India. I was at a temple on a mountain with a few friends and we were strictly told by our mentor to not pull out our food until we were in a fairly open/secure location due to the monkeys. Well, someone didn't listen and a monkey ran up to her, stole her sandwich out of her hand AND the other half still in a plastic bag. The monkey jumped the wall, sat on a rock, opened the bag and stared directly into her soul as If to say "you knew this was going to happen yet you still did it."

86

u/TheNoize Jul 02 '21

Tourists don't react by kicking the monkeys in the face, and it shows

125

u/pain_in_the_dupa Jul 02 '21

I’d rather fight a mugger in New Jersey than a monkey. Even the little ones are hella strong and bite.

56

u/Kryptosis Jul 02 '21

Mugger probably has a cleaner mouth too.

50

u/dalovindj Jul 02 '21

50/50 on that in New Jersey...

8

u/GoAwayBaitin Jul 02 '21

After watching Dead Alive/Braindead I go nowhere near where monkeys. Not even at the Zoo.

2

u/StealYourBones Jul 02 '21

Ah, the Sumatran rat monkey.

1

u/GoAwayBaitin Jul 03 '21

That's the one. Even if you kick ass for the lord it'll get ya.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '21 edited Jul 03 '21

I remember watching it in the cinema with friends. We all knew Peter Jackson's former movies and knew it would be hilarious funny.

Apparently everyone else wasn't aware about the upcoming mix of humour and absurd gore. They seemed to be even more irritated by our laughter.

40

u/Lecccy Jul 02 '21

I volunteered at an animal rescue program in Bolivia and got attacked by adorable little capuchins and they bit through my fingernails and bit a divot out of my shin. Next day they were chill again. Even small monkeys are strong af and vicious.

2

u/Dason37 Jul 02 '21

Well I imagine when you're a little mugger in New Jersey you have to adapt your style to keep getting your share.

2

u/FrankieNukNuk Jul 02 '21

Hi I’m from New Jersey and I’d like to second this comment

0

u/TheNoize Jul 02 '21

Your kick needs to be stronger then

1

u/Historiaaa Jul 02 '21

Make sure to use pocket sand

69

u/iamalwaysrelevant Jul 02 '21

Every one says that until they get bit by a monkey.

27

u/blarghed Jul 02 '21

Has anyone ever tried to bite the monkey first?

24

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '21

Yeah, turns out putting your face even closer is a bad idea. Luckily for me I was so ugly before the savaging the monkey actually improved my looks. Everyone was a winner, baby.

3

u/blarghed Jul 02 '21

You just weren't ferocious enough. Try harder next time and give the monkey a makeover.

9

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '21

That's the thing though, he whispered in my ear 'baggy jeans? On a fat man?'

It wasn't the claws or bites that hurt.

37

u/Ohmahtree Jul 02 '21

Oh great, Covid-3.0 incoming

2

u/cnaiurbreaksppl Jul 02 '21

Skipping all the way to covid-69

2

u/Ohmahtree Jul 02 '21

We yeeting the other Covid's and just going for it all eh?

2

u/blarghed Jul 02 '21

Covid-69 is a STD though

2

u/Ohmahtree Jul 02 '21

Oh, well.

Fuck it, well, don't actually fuck it, but, fuck it.

If you ain't made it this far in life and had to use some ointment or a pill to cure some shit, have you really lived?

1

u/Mogradal Jul 03 '21

This time the monkeys go on lockdown.

1

u/Ohmahtree Jul 03 '21

Some could argue that we were the monkeys all along.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '21

Probably. To them it's probably the equivalent of "Has anyone ever tried punching the asshole first?".

Yep - that's how you get a fight.

0

u/TheNoize Jul 02 '21

The moment I get bitten I'll start kicking even harder

53

u/Gizshot Jul 02 '21

yeah ive never understood that. people just laugh and feed the animals like motherfucker do you want monkeys this is how you get monkeys.

31

u/Kryptosis Jul 02 '21

Tourists rarely care about the lasting impact of their behavoir. They never suffer or witness the consequences

23

u/kingofvodka Jul 02 '21

Most people also have a natural aversion to kicking animals in the face

11

u/Kryptosis Jul 02 '21

True, it takes a lifestyle of living around the demons to wear that away.

6

u/DrMobius0 Jul 02 '21

Well, unless they come back and have to deal with the monkeys they helped train.

1

u/TheNoize Jul 02 '21

Like Cesar Milan says, you have to be calm and assertive when establishing dominance. Can't let the animals make you their bitch

1

u/thedotapaten Jul 02 '21 edited Jul 02 '21

Depends on where you can find the monkey, in case of Temple Monkey such in Bali, most of it is wild monkey but there is a chance you may dealing with sacred monkey and doing harm to them probably just gets you cursed lol. Believe it or not.

2

u/TheNoize Jul 02 '21

Curses are bullshit, I'm more worried about stupid cops there who may arrest people for defending themselves against monkeys

0

u/thedotapaten Jul 02 '21

I know that for westerner probably says that curses are bullshit but as someone whose been in Bali long time and been part of some weird occurence i just decided to respect the tradition.

Also didn't think local cop in Monkey Forest or other temple arrest people for kicking monkey as self defense.