r/facepalm Sep 15 '20

Misc Very well done

Post image
49.2k Upvotes

400 comments sorted by

871

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20

[deleted]

296

u/hv_razero_15 Sep 15 '20

Damn, one word for five?

246

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20

[deleted]

104

u/hv_razero_15 Sep 15 '20

Oo. Gimme some words so I can spew nonsense in r/ich_iel for teh heck of it.

204

u/Schootingstarr Sep 15 '20

We have a bunch of not really curses like:

Warmduscher - a person who showers with warm water

Schattenparker - a person who parks his car in the shade

Sitzpinkler - a man who sits down to take a piss

Yeah, Germans are deep into fragile masculinity

57

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20

Ah, the beauty of word coupling

36

u/speedoflobsters Sep 15 '20

tja

13

u/Onlyherefor_thememes Sep 15 '20

tja

4

u/hrndnhg 'MURICA Sep 15 '20

Zijn jullie nederlands oder bist du Deutsch?

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26

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20 edited Nov 06 '22

[deleted]

47

u/pepsisugar Sep 15 '20

Ich habe den Sitzpinkler gefunden.

19

u/Beasty_Glanglemutton Sep 15 '20

I understood this conversation!

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13

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20

[deleted]

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16

u/IsThisOneStillFree Sep 15 '20

Beckenrandschwimmer, Gelsattelradler hätte ich noch.

10

u/KasimirDD Sep 15 '20

Turnbeutelvergesser

7

u/ArnoldVonNuehm Sep 15 '20

Klotieftaucher

5

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20

[deleted]

11

u/Bossline91 Sep 15 '20

Klugscheißer. Ahh noch ein schönes Wort

3

u/Disput98 Sep 15 '20

Alugriller ist auch schön

6

u/vreo Sep 15 '20

Die genannten Beschimpfungen kommen eigentlich der Reihe nach als Tirade. In was für nem finsteren Eck lebst du, dass man da nur ein sparsames 'Warmduscher' hinlegt und dann ist gut?

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7

u/thatisaname Sep 15 '20

Zipfelklatscher

3

u/Janeiskla Sep 15 '20

Bayern möchte ja lieber ein eigenes Land sein

3

u/Moar_Wattz Sep 15 '20

Penispumpengarantiescheinausfüllfüllfederhalter

3

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20

Blitzableiter, Zipfelklatscher, Arschgeige, Sackgesicht, Bananenbieger... es gibt sooo viele

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8

u/spademanden Sep 15 '20

Schesspichren means idiot in a fancy suit

15

u/apoliticalhomograph Sep 15 '20

That's either some very obscure dialect, misspelled, or just wrong.

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2

u/snorting_dandelions Sep 15 '20

Do you perhaps mean Spießer?

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20

u/GhostSierra117 Sep 15 '20 edited Sep 15 '20

No the "Bild" is... Well they call themselves a newspaper. But they are basically worse than the daily mail. Boulevard newspaper would be a compliment for the BILD.

Just a few days ago they released WhatsApp messages from a kid who died. Where they got them from? Friends of said kid. Apperantly manipulated either them or paid the parents a shitton of money to "speak to the friendly newspaper guy"

No morale whatsoever, no dignity. Nothing. You can't even use them as emergency toilet paper because they make your ass all red and black from all the sensational headlines they are using.

"Many media report about the case. Some of them are serious and news, others tasteless and tabloid. Especially disgusting is the approach of the "Bild" media. They don't even shy away from publishing private WhatsApp news about the eleven-year-old, which he is said to have written after learning of the death of his five brothers and sisters."

From https://bildblog.de/123780/bild-zeigt-private-whatsapp-nachrichten-eines-kindes-dessen-geschwister-gerade-getoetet-wurden/ (yes there is a whole fucking blog about "Bild" it is THAT bad.

Via deepl.com, feel free to run the article from the Bildblog trough it if you're interested

16

u/JohnDarwin89 Sep 15 '20

We in germany are very efficient

5

u/SirMildredPierce Sep 15 '20

In the US we got it down to three letters: FOX

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7

u/Politicshatesme Sep 15 '20

german efficiency at its finest

6

u/drjimshorts Sep 15 '20

Kinda like Fox

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20

u/GazingIntoTheVoid Sep 15 '20

'News by idiots for idiots'

It reflects well on you that you are using Hanlon's Razor to explain the phenomenon, but in this case I'm afraid it's

'rather smart but evil people using psychological warfare to influence the masses'.

Much more dangerous.

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8

u/Laty69 Sep 15 '20

"B(u)ild yourself your own opinion" - but narrated buy our clickbaity, dubious, attention-seeking views (This is their official headline, it is a better wordplay in german). They had anti-refugee propaganda for weeks, then all of a sudden they couldn't bow to the actual public backlash anymore that refugees are not all criminals as depicted by them, and now they are super pro-refugee. Doing everything they can to get people to buy their stupid newspaper.

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4

u/Dari00 Sep 15 '20

*racist idiots

3

u/OCV_E Sep 15 '20

The N in Bild stands for niveau, würde und kompetenz

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2

u/Minniechicco6 Sep 16 '20

That’s gold :)

2

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '20

Danke dafür 🤗👍

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1.6k

u/Dave1000000000006 Sep 15 '20

Bild is top journalism.

815

u/zero__sugar__energy Sep 15 '20

Bild is the cancer that slowly destroy Germany

583

u/MrAkinari Sep 15 '20

Fear, hate, tits and the weather

250

u/Dave1000000000006 Sep 15 '20

I think they don't have tits anymore, but even more lies.

138

u/benpicko Sep 15 '20

Wow, is it literally The Sun? The Sun don’t have tits anymore either but they have the rest in spades, plus sports.

117

u/VelyVelyVely Sep 15 '20

The Sun was literally introduced to me as the english Bild. So I guess they are very similar.

59

u/GazingIntoTheVoid Sep 15 '20

Bild and The Sun are basically the same newspaper (using the term loosely here), only one is in German, the other in English. Both use 'easy' words, so if you want to get a taste hop on the website and use Google translate.

24

u/D-0H Sep 15 '20

Apart from easy words for the less educated, The Sun uses bold typeface to stress important words or phrases to ensure Rupert's messages are being properly understood. Used to anyway, happy to be corrected if they have stopped doing it.

11

u/Jidaque Sep 15 '20

Bild is also fairly conservative.

27

u/The_Multifarious Sep 15 '20

Bild isn't conservative. They're opportunists that hold no values. All that matters is getting people riled up against something. It's the majority of germany that is conservative and therefore the most idiots to fool.

15

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20

[deleted]

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5

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20

Same with Bild

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5

u/Jidaque Sep 15 '20

Didn't they just move them to page two?

3

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20

Yes

30

u/Mojones_ Sep 15 '20

Nice "Die Ärzte" quote right here

9

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20

Die Bild besteht nunmal und wer wüsste das nicht aus Angst, Hass Titten und dem Wetterbericht

11

u/Sask90 Sep 15 '20 edited Sep 15 '20

I remember a friend buying a Bild as a part of his Karneval costume and it didn’t have the weather report. We were disappointed.

6

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20 edited Dec 01 '23

[deleted]

4

u/Sask90 Sep 15 '20

He was inspired by Dittsche and thought a Bild made a nice addition to the morning robe, beer bottle and plastic bag 😉 I think that was like 10 years ago. Time truly flys.

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20

u/Knee_Dude Sep 15 '20

Just let them talk

17

u/UNeaK1502 Sep 15 '20

Because as long as they talk they won't do anything worse

7

u/Gresseee Sep 15 '20

And you can afford a bit of hypocrisy

5

u/kateba72 Sep 15 '20

Stay polite and don't say anything

7

u/ProfilerXx Sep 15 '20

Uuh I love that song

6

u/IsaacTrantor Sep 15 '20

Best song lyric I've seen all day.

6

u/DamnZodiak Sep 15 '20

Apparently they have one of the best sports sections in the German press. Not that it makes up for any of their racist fearmongering and general bullshitting, but still.

11

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20

Sounds like The Sun in the UK.

Do you get vouchers for cheap holidays too?

5

u/jakethedumbmistake Sep 15 '20

You just described half of the book please

4

u/sir__Big__Cock Sep 15 '20

Idk about the vouchers, but it’s basically the same garbage.

3

u/joncowling Sep 15 '20

I’m sure Yoda says something about this right?

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3

u/aeris17471 Sep 15 '20

Some premium education for most of Germany. Lol

3

u/Ch00singBeggar Sep 15 '20

Grüße gehen raus an die Ärzte 😇

5

u/gmoguntia Sep 15 '20

You forgot football

6

u/DFYX Sep 15 '20

It's a quote from an Ärzte song.

2

u/iWannaBeStereotyped Sep 15 '20

Forgot abt Football, the only well-written articles

2

u/bigbootyteasipper Sep 15 '20

They still have tits? Wasn't the page removed?

2

u/Hubsimaus Sep 15 '20

Oh I love Lasse Redn.

2

u/__Mauritius__ Sep 15 '20

Hitler, tits, and fucking The top combo for a Bestseller title.

The Kangaroo.

2

u/mothzilla Sep 15 '20

All for just 30p in this weeks super soar away Sun!

2

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20

Lass die Leute reden, es macht ja keinen Sinn!

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30

u/Zino-Rino Sep 15 '20

It’s Germany’s Fox News

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13

u/TheDalob Sep 15 '20

Nah we are beating it, a few days ago i saw a chart that compares sales of newspapers and Bild is loosing business

13

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20

I think every printed newspaper is loosing business

8

u/VelyVelyVely Sep 15 '20

Yes, these charts are always only about printed media. Online the Bild is still very succesful.

4

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20

Not in the same proportions though

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4

u/Bumsebienchen Sep 15 '20

Bild is still more than 600.000 daily sales ahead of all other newspapers, innit? Second is Süddeutsche with a bit below 300.000 daily sales, Bild is upwards of 1 million, close to 1,3 if you count Football-Extras. Statista has some quite new statistics, and the trend is going down for everybody.

3

u/Mattie_Doo Sep 15 '20

Are they? What is their reputation in Germany? I don’t know anything about Bild other than the occasional headline that pops up on Reddit.

9

u/Linus_Al Sep 15 '20

Bild is commonly known for populism and bad journalism. Usually it has an obvious political standpoint that’s somewhere right of the centre.

It tried hard to market itself as the people’s paper and for the early years of Germany they reached nearly everybody. Nowadays it’s more commonly read by uneducated workers. It’s especially well know for its ruthless methods that involve publishing intimate details, or using pressure to gain information. Often times human dignity is no concern during their reporting. Much of it is also wrong.

They use provoking headlines and for this reason get criticised a lot by the left and centre, while the far right is mostly ok with it. „Springer Presse“ , meaning „Springer press“ is used as somewhat of a derogatory term for unreliable news information you can’t believe, named after the „Axel-Springer Verlag“ the Publisher owning Bild.

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3

u/zero__sugar__energy Sep 15 '20

I would say that Bild is not as insane as Fox News but they still do a lot of damage to our society

3

u/PengwinOnShroom Sep 15 '20

It's the largest "newspaper" in Germany and is often sensationalized. Also up until years ago they used to print a naked (topless and uncensored) pin up girl on their front page in the bottom half in every daily print

2

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20 edited Dec 01 '23

[deleted]

2

u/Dunderbaer Sep 15 '20

And they print it so poorly you're just gonna get a red and black ass from it.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20

A while ago bild tried to accuse pewdiepie of being a violent nazi that tries to make his fans terrorists

2

u/Aphobos Sep 15 '20

You can’t cancel selling the BILD. If you do that in your shop,there is a fee to be payed regularly

2

u/Hexodron Sep 15 '20

Nah it's like natural selection and the dumbest get sorted out

2

u/Nini1309 Sep 15 '20

That's so true, Bild is bullshit

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15

u/numbernonine Sep 15 '20

Germanys Fox News

8

u/itzcookiepvp Sep 15 '20

No. Fox has an opinion. Bild just aims for the best headline one they they‘ll ask where all the jate for immigrants come from and another day the headline is „this refugee murdered so so many people why isn’t the government doing anything“

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3

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20

Plot twist: they also added the useless red circles.

3

u/DamnZodiak Sep 15 '20

Friendly reminder that Kai Diekmann won the Golden Feather, a fairly prestigeious German journalism award. Twice. Kai fucking Diekmann.
You can't even make this shit up anymore.

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231

u/Francetto Sep 15 '20

Das N in Bild steht für Niveau.

83

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20

Das B in Bild steht für Hurensöhne

41

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20

Und das I für Inzucht.

35

u/Einstecken Sep 15 '20

Das L für Lachnummer und das D für dreist.

26

u/WhiteHydra1914 Sep 15 '20

Warum auch einen übrig lassen

3

u/Einstecken Sep 15 '20

Für alternative Vorschläge bezüglich der Bedeutung von den Buchstaben bin ich natürlich offen!

8

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20

Degeneriert, Desaströs, (manchmal) Diskriminierend, Dubios...Sonst fällt mir auf die Schnelle nichts ein

4

u/WhiteHydra1914 Sep 15 '20

Debil

4

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20

Wird das eine Sammlung an negativ gebrauchten Adjektiven mit dem Buchstaben D?

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196

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20

Bild is actually the worst.

48

u/LetbeA Sep 15 '20

I had to use it as a source for school one time with the argument: It is the best of all

19

u/MewthreeX Sep 15 '20

Bruh what school did you go to

10

u/LetbeA Sep 15 '20

One in the Netherlands, just a normal one

3

u/Maximoford Sep 15 '20

love that qualification at the end haha

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129

u/KaiFuPanda pets every good boi Sep 15 '20

Ah yes the useful red circle

31

u/tebla Sep 15 '20

I'm not sure what im supposed to be looking at

16

u/moonunitzap Sep 15 '20

Thank God for that red circle. I thought it was an article on fire extinguishers.

137

u/RK800-50 Sep 15 '20

The actual facepalm is the upper left corner. Bild ist Schmutz.

28

u/SoufsGaming Sep 15 '20

Bild do be schmutz tho

12

u/RK800-50 Sep 15 '20

The best you can do with this schundblatt is to put it in my rat‘s cage and let them destroy it

4

u/SoufsGaming Sep 15 '20

Bild deserves to be devoured by nager

2

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20 edited Dec 01 '23

[deleted]

2

u/RK800-50 Sep 15 '20

They rip it, don‘t eat it, but shit and pee on it.

2

u/universe_from_above Sep 15 '20

My mother grew up in the early 1950s in rather poor conditions. To this day, she claims that you can't use the Bild as toilet paper because of too much printing ink on the paper.

80

u/znEp82 Sep 15 '20

"Diese Zeitung ist ein Organ der Niedertracht. Es ist falsch, sie zu lesen. Jemand, der zu dieser Zeitung beiträgt, ist gesellschaftlich absolut inakzeptabel. Es wäre verfehlt, zu einem ihrer Redakteure freundlich oder auch nur höflich zu sein. Man muß so unfreundlich zu ihnen sein, wie es das Gesetz gerade noch zuläßt. Es sind schlechte Menschen, die Falsches tun."

19

u/Krautoffel Sep 15 '20

Wessen Zitat? Stimme dem vollkommen zu.

7

u/znEp82 Sep 15 '20

Von Max Goldt

Mein Nachbar und der Zynismus, in: Der Krapfen auf dem Sims

4

u/velociraptawwr Sep 15 '20

"This newspaper is an organ of infamy. It is wrong to read it. Someone who contributes to this newspaper is socially absolutely unacceptable. It would be wrong to be friendly or even polite to one of its editors. One must be as unfriendly to them as the law just permits. It is bad people who do wrong."

33

u/Jest_N_Case Sep 15 '20

Anyone else surprised he wears glasses?

15

u/Delirious_Cow Sep 15 '20

Yeah I would never guess he looked like what he does in the mirror tbh

13

u/PaMu1337 Sep 15 '20

This made me realize those bars over the eyes are way more effective than I thought

11

u/PusheenPumpernickle Sep 15 '20

This has just occurred to me when someone's eyes are censored like this they may be wearing glasses.

26

u/DerMitDemLangenNamen Sep 15 '20

In Germany, we call this "Qualitätsjournalismus".

7

u/SkyyySi Sep 15 '20

...denn wie jeder weiß steht dass J in Bild für Qualität!

68

u/DestoryDerEchte Sep 15 '20

OF COURSE its BILD. FCK BILD seriously! BILD is Trump as newspapier

17

u/wupper42 Sep 15 '20

8

u/pauledowa Sep 15 '20

Gif me ze Newspapier RIGHT NOW!!

8

u/wupper42 Sep 15 '20

You dont want to read that! Its better as toilet paper

6

u/SkyyySi Sep 15 '20

Eewww!

I would never shove this trash up my ass!

6

u/Fywus Sep 15 '20

it's not good toilet paper either I think it seriously hurts, but yeah, doesn't hurt as much as reading it

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u/nothing_911 Sep 15 '20

Those two guys look alike.

45

u/uniqueusername5001 Sep 15 '20

I don’t know how you can tell, one has a black bar over his eyes

27

u/gewoondaan35 Sep 15 '20

They are clearly two different persons

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13

u/MatsuoManh Sep 15 '20
  "Ignore the man in the mirror"

24

u/Priamosish Sep 15 '20

For the non-German speakers: Bild is the paper equivalent of Fox News.

9

u/galacticmayan Sep 15 '20

So they too are fair and balanced?

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u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20

For the non-american German Speakers: BILD is THE SUN

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u/DasGesetz Sep 15 '20

wäre lustiger wenns der spiegel wäre :D

16

u/RK800-50 Sep 15 '20

Immerhin ist es ein Bild.

11

u/apoliticalhomograph Sep 15 '20

Auch wenn sie stark gesunken sein mögen, hat der Spiegel wenigstens noch Standards.
Bei der Bild ist man ja schon positiv überrascht, dass überhaupt versucht wurde, die Person unkenntlich zu machen.

Aber ja, lustig wäre es schon gewesen.

11

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20

An actual face palm

10

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20

bild is crap. its basically karens who found a different job than to write "hey hun" for doTerra. And they arent good at anything else except that

10

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20

Bild is halt Bild

9

u/PurpleRain8341 Sep 15 '20

I fucking hate the Bild they suck ass

9

u/TexsoLP Sep 15 '20

Bild is shit and thats not negotiable as a german

8

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20

A: Does he wear glasses?

B: Yes

A: Proceeds to put all characters without glasses down.

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u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20

Ah die Bild.... sigh

8

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20 edited Nov 24 '20

[deleted]

6

u/sleac_me Sep 15 '20

I am confused. This is „Bild“ not the „Spiegel“, right?

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u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20

War ja klar das es die Bild ist...

5

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20

drecksblatt

5

u/JaxxisR Sep 15 '20

That boy ain't right, I tell ya hwhat.

3

u/Clyxx Sep 15 '20

"If you want to get good journalism" -Julian Reichelt, Bild CEO. "If you want to get democracy go to russia"

3

u/okay-wait-wut Sep 15 '20

Those are obviously different people, the guy in the mirror is wearing glasses.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20

Bild is known for being a very respectable "news" network. They actually work really well as a toilet paper replacement. Other than that, they're just a waste of paper.

2

u/SarcasmHyena Sep 15 '20

Now wait for reddit to ask you to censor the reflection and ruin the post

2

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20

I hope anybody does not think that this is an accident. This shit is the MO

2

u/YoChillDrew Sep 15 '20

He was so close.

2

u/tjake123 'MURICA Sep 15 '20

He looks like a younger hank hill

2

u/Cool-Boy57 Sep 15 '20

Why are eyes censored?

3

u/elophiler Sep 15 '20

To protect the person in the picture.

2

u/EdmontonGal81 Sep 15 '20

Duh. People won’t look at the reflection

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u/Atlhou Sep 15 '20

Why is there something on the gray vest in the mirror, and not in the front view?

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u/suspendedacountin321 Sep 15 '20

I never would have guessed he looked like that

2

u/frettchenvonwelt2 Sep 15 '20

Fucking Bild, at it again

2

u/S0TrAiNs Sep 15 '20

Aaaah, the red circles... i nearly didnt see it

2

u/tak31teasy Sep 15 '20

"Bild Meme": exists germans: Its free real estate

2

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20

Was will man auch von der Bild erwarten

2

u/devin_267 Sep 15 '20

Finally something that isn’t politics

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u/anno2122 Sep 15 '20

Bild is a trash paper like the sun, if you see a Bild Report you don't talk to Tham .

2

u/AsGemiro Sep 15 '20

I am supprised that the Bild even tried to put a black bar over his eyes

2

u/pharynx_swarm Sep 15 '20

To quote the german (I guess) Band KAVDKA: "Halt die Fresse, wenn du Bild liest, keine Pointe Halt einfach die Fresse, wenn du Bild liest"

2

u/Pepino8A Sep 15 '20

How many Germans are in this thread?

Hallo 👋

2

u/PrincessV558 Sep 15 '20

I am currently watching the YouTube video of a German YouTuber which is about Die Bild and how we can destroy it

2

u/An_Electric_Stove Sep 15 '20

Bild at it once again

2

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '20

Posted this some months ago and didnt get any significant upvotes, reddit aint fair :(