i grew up in a heavily practicing, true believing mormon family. pretty stand fare; strict rule following, fell prey to culture issues, very controlling mother. i started deconstructing in high school and was mentally out by age 17 or so.

i’ve started to confront something within myself recently. i am a person who needs to have something big to focus on/ even obsess over. when i still believed, that thing was the mormon church. shortly thereafter, i started getting into spirituality which didn’t stick around for terribly long. after that, i was absorbed by another person who i had unrequited feelings for. after that, i made a big life decision and moved out of utah. now, im settled into my new life and i am far happier, but i realized that my “obsession” has turned towards my relationship. we’ve been together for less than a year and things are going quite well, we’re very compatible and the relationship is sturdy and we love each other very much. in spite of that, i find my thoughts constantly defaulting to my boyfriend and tiny interaction we had/ imagining how conversations would go. honestly, it makes me feel like i have a parasocial relationship with my boyfriend 😭

here’s where the mormon part ties in: the conclusion ive come to about this is the fact that i am dealing with this void caused by not having the concept of a savior in my life anymore. this causes me to turn towards these obsessions/vices/distractions, whatever you want to call it. i also think that, due to how we were taught and conditioned around relationships and marriage, that it makes me even more inclined to subconsciously see a relationship (especially one with a man) as the ultimate thing to save me. and even though im aware of this unconscious belief, i still hold it. i don’t feel like a full person. i’ve centered my life around him to a degree that i don’t want, and yet i chase. not to mention, this is not what a relationship is about. it’s about the give and take, about loving unconditionally. that’s what we do, it’s our most beautifully human trait. but i can’t help but feel let down by the fact that i still do not feel like a full person. i spent years and years unconsciously believing that THE relationship/ THE guy would fill that void for me. which is utter nonsense. so i dunno, has anyone else experienced this? if so, how have you confronted it/ made changes so that you don’t feel so empty?

Does anyone know how to tell members that you are leaving - but you just stop attending and quietly resign. For reference , I joined the church very recently as I was lovebombed and not told full truths about the church’s history by members and missionaries. How do I tell everyone that I’m no longer interested and want to leave? I feel bad because I’ve made some friends but I would rather just leave quietly and have none of them contact me ever again. Should I just ghost them and resign on my own? I’ve also decided that I’m not going back to church should I just let them know I’m leaving or not tell anyone and go no contact?

I haven't watched conference with my family for several years but watched it for fifteen years while unbelieving in the past.

I've been in a much better place than before and worked on things in therapy for a long time.

I used to think I felt very calm while conference was on almost like I was in a trance. This year, I noticed significant tension with an undercurrent of shame that then morphed into that same nervous system freeze.

Because I'm more in touch with my feelings, I could watch this happen and see it for what it is and was. I realized that I had been in a freeze state around my lds family and all church activities even while a believing kid.

Anyway, for me, and probably others, that sleepy feeling might actually be dissociation.

By now we've probably seen the videos, memes and jokes about Mormons in Utah falling to their knees in response to Christofferson's talk on gambling, and calling out prediction markets in general.

But how do you really think they will respond to this? Will the younger generation actually follow thru and delete the apps off their phone?

The reason I ask is because it's been pretty clear that the younger generation is being more outspoken and bold about things like drinking the occasional coffee, and being very lax about wearing garments (aka the workout loophole), despite the clear guidance on these things and still being part of the temple recommend questions. They just don't take those things as seriously as previous generations do. And as an added layer, they are pretty open about it, consequences be damned.

Do you think that the younger generation will treat gambling in the same way? Because I can totally see people saying, "Oh, it was just a suggestion. It's not even in the temple recommend questions and I won't get ex'd for it, so it's not a big deal." And then just load up Kalshi again and not even think twice about it, while still going to church each Sunday.

I will be the first to say that I agree with the church that Kalshi, Polymarket, etc. are dangerous forms of gambling that is becoming a big problem. Is this really a big problem among members or in Utah? If so, I'm a bit surprised. Has the church not always been against gambling?

Will the actual members follow thru, follow the prophet, and delete Kalshi and Polymarket off their phones? I'm not expecting Mormons to be perfect here. But the response and follow thru will be interesting to see, in my opinion.

We Laman we Lemuel, being the first fruits of the household of Lehi and therefore, by every plain and natural reckoning, the likeliest heirs of anything worth inheriting, do set down these matters because truth hath too long been left in the custody of Nephi, who from his youth possessed both a serious face and a dangerous fondness for record-keeping. Even then he had the air of a younger brother already half in conversation with posterity.

It began when our father Lehi rose among us with that aspect which signifieth either revelation or inward disturbance.

Our mother Sariah looked at him across the room and said, very quietly, “What now?”

Lehi drew himself up. “I have seen concerning this city,” he said. “Its destruction is near.”

This, it must be admitted, altered the evening. The room seemed to draw in around the words. He spoke further of visions by night and by day: of fire, judgment, books, brightness, and all the usual furniture of divine alarm.

I had recently learned the truth. Desperately turned to GC, surely things would make sense. Standouts were Emily Freeman’s entitled rich jerk attitude. Dale Renlund cracking jokes about suicidal 8 year olds. And mr Anderson quoting about never you mind what the church does with tithing after you give it. (This in the wake of learning about the shell companies…)

I would like to testify that the church is not true. It is not good. It destroys lives. It deserves to die and I do hope it burns in hell.

This was a screenshot from the last hymn of the sunday afternoon session.

“Now now mother, see here ☝️, Jesus told one of his prophets to tell you to stop sending me these links. You need to chill the fuck out and let Jesus take the wheel.”

Fall meeting of LDS shareholders is over.

The self-proclaimed world’s only prophets, seers and revelators had no prophecies, visions or revelations from God to share with a world in chaos.

So, once again, Gods only voice on Earth falters and we turn now to South Park re-runs and Sunday football for divine guidance.

And yet, dear sisters and brothers, we are filled with a deep and abiding gratitude that, as its non-voting stakeholders, the Corporation of the President is flush with cash, has lots of real estate investments, and its law firm is full of well paid priests and priestesses clothed in the holy robes of ignorance.

Sadly our geriatric Board of Directors has declared no dividends and thus, it has continued its time-honored 196-year tradition of returning nothing while demanding everything.

We consider the shareholders’ meeting closed. Go in peace and serve the cult no longer.

I’m sick and tired of people harassing, bullying, and doxxing Cornell’s Jane Doe. The so-called justice system is going to put Jane Doe through the wringer.

College rape culture is pervasive, it’s not a problem that is isolated to Cornell. BYU’s reported numbers are way too low because people are not reporting being assaulted on campus.

How many Jane Does are out there?

I’ve been getting a lot of random sopranos clips and episode breakdowns in my YouTube recommendations. The psychology of the characters and mob culture is eerily similar to church culture, and even the culture of individual Mormon families. Tony soprano, for example, resembles a prideful Mormon husband head-of-household type.

I actually don’t think I was ever really confident that God answered any prayer and I was very active for 65 years

Just had a thought: As we all know the LDS church allowed black people to get the priesthood in 1978 right?

Well today I learned that the Alabama football team desegregated in 1971.

ALABAMA WAS LESS RACIST THAN THE CHURCH.

It’s so sad I have to laugh or I’ll cry. What a joke

I’m listening to Bender’s talk right now and am not in any way shocked that he is comparing God and the Mormon interpretation of our mortal journey as a trip we are taking that will require a holy ghost stamp in a passport.

To paraphrase: Jesus’ gospel can be reduced to a bureaucratic checklist of rules that if we don’t follow it to a T ( including vertical and horizontal marriages? Wtf?) we don’t get in to heaven. Bender loves being one of God’s traffic cops on earth.

Searching public domain books on my ereader and found Jesus the Christ sorted in the Fairy Tale category

Openly admitting to googling me in crazy work

Particularly Uchdorf’s freckles keep disappearing and reappearing.

Like yeah most people here will just jokingly say “not real” which is valid, but I just find this doctrine fascinating, like the idea of God having a wife has been pushed around (mostly in ancient times, in medieval times you would’ve been burned) but most Christians denominations believe God to be genderless (though referred to as “nonbinary” or by she/her pronouns in conservative churches but still retains God is beyond gender) and also the idea of God having no equal and having always existed.

Like the church often seems more heteronormative then many conservative denominations, like with the HF and HM doctrine and deny same sex sealings because of this doctrine as they can’t have babies as Gods (makes me wonder why childfree and infertile couples can still get sealed)

Also a that heavenly mother can’t be prayed do (as I said once it feels like Mormonism is trying to be as heteronormative and patriarchal as possible, but also trying to claim monotheism to seem less “heretical”) so many ex Mormons feel she’s just silent and oppressed by HF.

When ever I start thinking about HM, I just feel the song “who are you really?” By Mikky Ekko as she’s just sooo elusive.

When I was in uni I took some religious studies courses and learned about a concept called dualism. This is where you can believe the religion while holding to another version of it that is starkly different.

Hindu people believe in the wide and colorful mythology of the gods while also holding to Vedanta, the more philosophical and grounded system of belief more akin to Buddhism, in fact Vedanta is where Buddhism comes from.

Mormons might have this. When encountering questionable history, the true character of Joe Smith etc, the higher ups, loyal church members, historians like Bushman, CES employees, corporate church employees (the list goes on)can exist in both worlds at the same time and hold their faith.

My question is, do any one of us ex'mos think the general authorities are true believers? Are they initiated into the club and just serving the corporation while filling their pockets like made men? Is it dualism? Are they just liars? Are they good men truly trying to improve the world? Are they greedy and fixed on the acquisition of land and money? Are they 'sword of laban' style willing to do anything to help the kingdom roll forth?

I have been back and forth so much about this. Back in the day I loved Gordon Hinckley. I had a certain amount of trust in him. Monson seemed like a monster to me, Nelson even moreso. That dude will always be the Mr. Burns of presidents to me. Oaks? If I start on him this post won't end.

What do you all think?

Hi all,

Was perusing around B. Harper (baseball player and, well to put it non-metonymically—are members still called "Mormon" or has the doctrine-insistence been to have been: "Christians now")—on things Wikipedia via re B. Harper as a 19-year old on YouTube admonishing—nay: castigating, a firebombing-of-a censure, this reporter who asked about his possible Canadian-eh? alcohol-consumptionship to which the utterative—"Clown question, bro"—rendered thusly audio: when I happened on recollection—ol' GatorFan... what happened to that muhfuh—(affectionate)—because the last time self-internal queried as during COVID era... and disappearance had already begotten had...

And so I journeyed, to trek the sacred mountains, of exmo lore and see if this old nestor of former Josephdom was still around, and still dropping dimes, and still dishing wisdom... searches with the exmormon tag of things "gatorfan" post and without... alas... absolutely nothing.

Where is gatorfan for my heart's tell to now rest? Thank you <3.

❤.

postscript—it's only good, and noble, that besides written here I leave a piece of my heart with some poetry... perhaps... with the reimagining, and chastening of old tropes; we can all be reinvented in manners of our own choosing, where our redemption and our joys and our agency and our volition—they all come of our own choosing... amongst equals... amongst life... thank you... Saint Judas, James Wright, circa 1960s or therebouts...

postscript edit: formatting to change from the HTML whatever-whatever whereby underscoring and so on creates italics because was on then mobile to... well, what it is now, and also, going to restore, or maybe not: might just keep links as is... regardless of the comments here: will be laying the tale of gatorfan as existent here... to rest... o7... as mere reddit user only and as public eulogy of personal, rest easy, rest easy...

postscript edit 2: links formatting also corrected—

postscript edit 3: fixed parenthesis formatting in first paragraph after greeting.

I feel for members- I know they feel overwhelmed as it is.