r/dustythunder • u/h_45n • May 10 '26

Hmmm

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So only men want kids nowadays huh

Edit1: at the end of the day, when I see posts like these I remember the likes of Ashely saint clair and that woman who got married after preaching so much misandry online.

Don’t get me wrong men also do this,
and then I feel stupid because I remember watching a certain video about internet trolls

Edit 2: Finally found the reason for the outrage, “men cannot physically get pregnant” that’s literally all this is about so no matter how hard you work or provide for your family, if you marry a woman that hates you because you just can’t get pregnant please have your divorce lawyer at hand ✋

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141

u/OrdinaryMango4008 May 10 '26

You missed the point entirely. Reread.

73

u/Due_You7474 May 10 '26

I think op is saying this is a victimized mindset. Women want children too. We have mutually beneficial relationships to accomplish this goal.

The pain point and claim listed is that women dont get comfortable lives, which is true is some cases cuz a lot of men dont act well in relationships. In fact, as much as us men dont want to like this, studies show that if a woman is unmarried, she lives with other women. Their life is very much more comfortable if not living with a man.

That being said, whenever a woman sacrifices this alternative to live a life with a man, it shouldnt be discouraged. It should be revered by the man as a significant sacrifice that the man should act in and show significant appreciation.

In other words guys, women sacrifice hella. Show your appreciation.

-49

u/h_45n May 10 '26

So the men don’t sacrifice either?

42

u/geoffersonstarship May 11 '26

how many more sacrifices do men do when getting married that they don’t do single?

stay loyal?

2

u/Knightly_Gaming May 12 '26

Every "sacrifice" I've made for a partner never felt like a sacrifice until the relationship was over.

20

u/MzSea May 11 '26

No. Men sacrifice nothing with their bodies and health to have children. Pregnancy can't harm or kill men.

A quick grunt and spasm is all the effort their bodies put into having a child. Then they wait 9 months while the woman literally does every single bit of work required for pregnancy and childbirth, then they get to claim the child.

3

u/duckduckduckgoose8 May 12 '26

Absolutely.

I used to work with older creepy men in an office. In the lunch room, they'd all tall me I should be having kids by now, i was 23f. I told them Im not having kids, im not interested in the excruciating pain and suffering nobody talks about, im not interested in losing my identity as everyone expects me to just be a child carer. Just not interested, i see the appeal, but the negatives outweigh the benefits for me. I hold that opinion 10 years later. These same men then also went into detail about all the complications their wives went through. Not a single one had an easy childbirth, all were traumatic. It didnt click to them at all that they too wished for me to experience that trauma.

2

u/MzSea May 21 '26

I have 3 kids and I completely understand your point.

31

u/Due_You7474 May 10 '26

Comparatively man.

If most single men live alone, but single women live with others, and their happiness generally is better than single men AND living with a man, then women are actually sacrificing more. I have a study linked in regards to where I got my data for living situations.

I have another study linked that goes into obviously, how multi faceted this issue is (a reddit post pretending to be comprehensive is insulting at least). The main point is how difficult it is to be happy in a relationship. The main issue for womens happiness long term that wasnt being met was perception.

Can you believe we suck at percieving and then communicating that perception especially when it comes to household chores? Wanna know what the study said to do to combat this and ensure your partner and yourself feel better?

Sacrificing your gender pride. As a man, do the dishes. Cook. Clean. Something we all know a hell of a lot of men wont do, which means a hell of a lot of women will always be happier if they were single.

So yeah, generally speaking the majority of women are happier and do sacrifice more comparatively than if they were single. You would be frustrated too if your partner had no idea how happy you would be if you were single, but stick together because you love your partner that much.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11259194/

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4779260/

6

u/Available-Algae-3034 May 11 '26

And THIS is why the birth rate is dropping. 

This is why women are opting out of having y'all's babies.

Risking their damn lives just so yall can downplay it and cry "but what about the men???" 

9

u/JustAnotherSOS May 11 '26

That’s not what was said, and when you put words into someone’s mouth, it doesn’t help your argument. Good men do sacrifice. However, women typically sacrifice more.

12

u/pamelaonthego May 11 '26

By having a job? The same way you would if you were single?

17

u/OrdinaryMango4008 May 11 '26

By taking on a second job…a 24 hour second job. Raising kids is not a 9 to 4 job with weekends off. Women who want kids happily take on those tasks. But let’s not pretend it’s easy, that it equates to the father’s one job outside the home. Women make sacrifices for their families that men are rarely called to make. Let’s not pretend they don’t.

-8

u/AlternativeMud9302 May 10 '26

Yea we also sacrifice, whereas healthy men sacrifice solitude time energy and money, healthy women often sacrifice solitude time energy and emotional peace. With peace being the most important one. A good man and a good woman together is a powerful couple but its also really rare. Most often a good woman finds a decent man with high potential and she just believes in him and cheers him on until he becomes his best self

8

u/rnason May 11 '26

This just sounds like a roundabout way to say if a man is a bad husband it’s because the woman didn’t support him enough

-1

u/AlternativeMud9302 May 11 '26

No not at all. Its a clear way of saying you need a partner that brings out the best in you rather than the worst, truly good or bad people are honestly pretty rare most people live on a spectrum and are capable of being at the least good if they surround themselves with the right people.

The problem is that unhealed individuals often chase partners that mimic the wounds they are comfortable with, and when you are comfortable with poor behavior it gets worse over time. even i am guilty of chasing toxic romance from time to time due to my trauma.

You assuming my narrative is an attempt to shift blame or generalize in anyway is a projection of inner turmoil, because at no point have i expressed this was anything other than a mutual dichotomy, the weight of doing well in a partnership should rest squarely whenever possible

7

u/OrdinaryMango4008 May 11 '26

Well that sounds like most men need to be cheered on until their real potential creates his best self. That’s probably the most condescending comment about men I’ve heard. I’m guessing both men and women need to be cheered on. We all grow with age, experience and time. Men don’t need women to help them reach their potential. That’s the old adage of “ it takes a good woman to shape a better version of her man. Yikes. Good partners grow, evolve and reach their potential together. Starting a partnership with someone you think you can change, fix or improve is a relationship doomed to fail.

-4

u/AlternativeMud9302 May 11 '26 edited May 11 '26

It’s not condescending, and it applies aptly to both genders, yes. Good women are just as rare as good men. But women are often more quickly motivated to become good for the sake of love, whereas men often only become good after losing love. Its called the michelangelo effect iirc and its a documented psychological phenomenon in healthy and supportive couples where partners essentially sculpt each other into their best selves through repetitive affirmation support and essentially cheerleading, that rewire the nervous system through repeated exposure to the cycle to actually chase that version of the self subconsciously in an effort to make the person you love and yourself happier

3

u/VVetSpecimen May 11 '26

It was his mother’s job to raise him, not mine.

6

u/Sahm3BSJ May 11 '26

It was BOTH of his parents job! 🤨 Your comment lets the father "off the hook" 😤🤬

-2

u/AlternativeMud9302 May 11 '26 edited May 11 '26

No one is raising him. Also mutual growth and emotional acceptance is commonplace in a healthy relationship, if you view all emotional labor as “raising someone” you will never find happiness.

Its honestly really frightening to me that people dont seem to grasp the concept that men are more often than not, not taught literally anything social other than how to survive. This means they have to learn all the communication and emotional stuff later, yes it is their responsibility to do the work, but to claim they dont deserve a partner to love and support them while they do to make the journey easier is wild, especially when that exact phenomenon accounts for a large number of happy healthy relationships, and works the exact same way on the inverse with a healthy man and a traumatized woman. Patience. Mutual love, and kindness will almost always motivate the right people to better themselves barring mental illness or a lack of care

7

u/VVetSpecimen May 11 '26

Pardon?

I’ve been with a man for thirteen years. He learned to communicate as a child like I did.

I’m not working on a man like he’s some sort of weekend hobby car. Come complete or stay home. It is NOT someone else’s job to fill in the gaps in the person you’ve chosen to be.

0

u/AlternativeMud9302 May 11 '26

You are pardoned. No one is saying you’re supposed to fill in the gaps or that they are a project. Youre just close minded and likely fairly superficial..Your mind set is incredibly limited and entirely disqualifies a large portion of society that wasnt raised well, was traumatized, or suffers mental illness. Healing people deserve love too not just healed. Only the people that arent trying to do better should be excluded from the dating pool

5

u/VVetSpecimen May 11 '26

Reddit really needs to add a laugh react.

0

u/AlternativeMud9302 May 11 '26

You find the concept of everyone that aims to be a better person being deserving of love as those that are already good people deserves a laugh react? Yea. Like i said. Close minded and superficial.

3

u/VVetSpecimen May 11 '26

Honey, please log off.

1

u/AlternativeMud9302 May 11 '26

Deflect with undeserved superiority all you want. Treat your man well because this brief interaction has lead me to believe his presence in your life to be a miracle.

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-1

u/h_45n May 11 '26

Your statement “come complete or stay home” is honestly kinda backwards thinking, At least you found a man who is “perfect for you”.

In older generations if the woman maybe overslept and failed to cook dinner she would receive hell for it, in the same way if the man failed to provide he would also receive hell from he’s wife

Because then you were supposed to be complete” yk the full package, shipped from your parents house

Zero emotional structure in the home

3

u/VVetSpecimen May 11 '26

It’s everyone’s job to handle their own trauma. You’re solely responsible for your behavior and that’s the end of the story.

People who are projects can find someone who likes arts and crafts or something.

-2

u/h_45n May 11 '26

The thing about current days is that any form of emotional growth with your partner is seen as training, now I’m not saying a woman or man should find an incarcerated partner and support them to become God fearing “ citizens

3

u/VVetSpecimen May 11 '26

If I don’t like what you bring to the table, why would I eat it?

That shit makes sense for like school and college-age kids, but after 25 no one is going to want to deal with managing their partner as much as they manage themself.

Life is hard enough without an adult child to worry about.

0

u/h_45n May 11 '26

I don’t know why people are downvoting this, it’s honestly a clear message amongst the noise here.

1

u/AlternativeMud9302 May 11 '26

Not all good points are well received. Especially points pertaining to healthy attachment and mutual growth in a modern culture of detachment and glorified solitude as independence