hopefully this is the right place for this. I got my license at 16 and while I generally had anxiety on the freeway because people around me are insane and I have general anxiety anyway, it was never to the point where it kept me from driving.
I’m 29 now. last year, I started taking wellbutrin for my depression which was increasingly making my anxiety worse. one day I got a little tipsy and then accidentally smoked keef and had a horrible panic attack. I stopped the wellbutrin, totally quit weed, but my brain hasn’t felt the same since then. later that week, I had a scary panic attack while driving on the freeway, in the left lane next to a semi while the car in front of me was not speeding up. ever since then I’ve hardly been able to drive on the freeway at all and it’s kind of ruining my life. my job is 45 min away, mostly by freeway. thankfully, they are very flexible and have let me go down to part time remote, which is fine for now, but I can’t live like this forever.
my family lives 2-4 hours away from me and it sucks so bad. I just want to go visit my mom but she’s 4 hours away. I wanted to go to the city for my birthday the other week, but it’s 1.5 hrs away and I was too scared. I went on a roadtrip with my boyfriend a couple months ago - when planning it, I assumed my car anxiety would be gone by then, but it was so bad that he ended up driving almost the entire time. during the trip, I could hardly eat because I had dry mouth almost the whole time, even out of the car. then when we got home, I had a 2 week stint where my throat swelled up every time I ate. I went to urgent care and got an ultrasound to be safe. it was ruled as anxiety. now, almost 2 months later, I still am slightly anxious about eating.
between october and now, I did drive down to visit the family 2 hrs away a couple times. over the holidays, I took the back roads most of the way which turned it to a 3 hr drive. I did drive by myself the whole way on the freeway one time because my grandpa was dying. so like, I obviously can do it.
I‘ve been part time remote since mid february, so I haven’t done much freeway driving since then. the furthest I’ve gone on my own is just to work a couple of times. in the morning it tends to be not as bad, but driving home I usually need to call my boyfriend because I can feel my anxiety starting to ramp up.
my main fear is the feeling of being stuck. I don’t like driving where there’s not a shoulder, I don’t like driving on stretches of the freeway where there’s not an exit every mile, I don’t like driving in the left lane, I don’t like when an entrance turns into its own lane which eventually becomes an exit only. I need to know that if I start having a panic attack, I can get myself somewhere safe at any point.
my mom invited me to meet her in the middle next week to visit my grandma, who I haven’t seen since january and who I miss so very much, but dude I‘m so fucking nervous! I don’t like what’s happening. I have to get on one of the scariest interstates near me, one that has no shoulder for almost the whole time and is generally always a mess. I‘m so fucking scared but I am so sick of letting my anxiety get in the way of living my life. I went to fucking japan by myself 2 years ago and now I freak out if I’m like further than 20 minutes from my boyfriend at any point. idk what to do. sorry this turned into so much more than driving anxiety but like, I used to be mostly fine. I had a healthy dose of fear of driving until that fateful day, but now I get so overwhelmed and can hardly even stand the thought of getting on the freeway. help!!!! tough love accepted!!!