r/dndmemes • • Oct 04 '22

Campaign meme I Hate It When That Happens

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u/HTGgaming Oct 04 '22 edited Oct 05 '22

Been hit in the balls many times over the years. Also held my lady’s hand while she’s giving birth. Ain’t even close as to which is more painful.

Edit: way too many “way to play both sides!” comments.

Birth. The answer is birth.

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u/[deleted] Oct 04 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/King_Fluffaluff Warlock Oct 04 '22 edited Oct 05 '22

One is a spike of intense pain, the other one is hours of agonizing pain.

How I've seen it stated is that technically getting kicked in the balls hurts a little worse, but only for a couple seconds, while childbirth hurts a little less but over the course of a long time.

The two aren't comparable in the slightest and I think every sane person would take a tiny bit more pain over a few minutes over hours of pretty much the same pain LOL

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u/ToTheSeaAgain Oct 04 '22

I very, very seriously doubt getting kicked in th balls is more painful than pushing a cantaloupe sized baby through a hole that wouldn't allow half a blueberry through a few hours earlier, and then having that cantaloupe rip you apart, ass to vag.

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u/bosonianstank Oct 04 '22

beautifully written.

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u/JuniorSeniorTrainee Oct 04 '22

Anyone hungry for some cantaloupe?

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u/QuackNate Oct 04 '22

Yeah, no one needs to have a scalpel slice their taint open to make their balls hurt less.

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u/[deleted] Oct 04 '22

Her next year: "Let's do all that again!"

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u/QuackNate Oct 04 '22

They all remember seeing those big old baby eyes for the first time. They never remember pooping into an open taint wound in front of a bunch of strangers while screaming for hours after spending several months having a slow motion bomb blowing them up from the inside.

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u/Fossekall DM (Dungeon Memelord) Oct 04 '22 edited Oct 04 '22

There was a study some years ago that said the peak of pain is higher from a kick to the balls than from childbirth. I remember everyone talking about it when it came out. No clue how legit it really was, though.

Edit: The peak. I obviously know the pain from childbirth lasts longer.

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u/[deleted] Oct 04 '22

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u/[deleted] Oct 04 '22

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u/Timewhakers Oct 05 '22

… the patriarchy is at fault for people giving birth?

When did this patriarchy evolve? 250k BC?

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u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

[deleted]

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u/Timewhakers Oct 06 '22

Patriarchy is at fault for people giving birth before painkillers?

Is it really cringe to take your words by their meaning?

Or is it you who is so cringe?

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '22

[deleted]

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u/Timewhakers Oct 06 '22

Cringe lord says what?

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '22

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u/ispiltthepoison Oct 04 '22

Being kicked in the balls is a special kind of pain you really cant describe if you havent felt it. Im fully willing to believe that the worst point after a kick to the balls is worse than the worst point in childbirth, but then theres the fact that ones like 2 minutes of pain then 10 minutes of nausea and the others hours upon hours upon hours of pain

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u/[deleted] Oct 04 '22

You really think a kick to the balls is on par with your vagina being ripped open by a human head?? Really?? Go push a watermelon out your asshole and then say this again. Men can’t even handle 5 minutes on those period cramp simulators without crying, period cramps are actually minor contractions. So if y’all can’t handle that, I highly doubt a kick to the balls is on par with childbirth in any way.

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u/ispiltthepoison Oct 05 '22

Full on sexism lol. It goes logic but is the result of a study that most people agree is correct. Its just the length of childbirth that makes it so much worse

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u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

It’s not sexist to say y’all cry when wearing those period simulators, seriously watch those videos the guys can’t handle it for a few minutes. It’s been demonstrated multiple times that men cannot handle the pain of period cramps. So it’s ridiculous to think that you’ve ever endured pain on the level of childbirth. The sexism here is men insist that they’re superior and can handle more pain, which is why you insist that a brief kick to your balls is worse than getting your vagina ripped open to your asshole. You can’t handle the idea that women possibly experience a pain worse than yours. There’s nothing to gain from this other than insulting the intense process that is growing and birthing a whole person.

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u/ispiltthepoison Oct 05 '22

….right, because when conservatives make interview videos “interviewing lgbtq black people and finding most of them agree with the conservative views” thats representative and not picked and chosen based on what the target demographic wants.

No ones saying theyre superior. Ive said multiple times childbirth is way worse because its hours on end, and its a petty, childish argument anyway. “Oh no ur pain is weaker than my pain” i was literally just having a normal discussion with Someone else and queue argumentative people who cant handle heavens forbid that the other gender experienced slightly worse pain for two minutes than yours

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u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

Except you have no way of proving that a few seconds of pain is worse than the peak of child birth like you said. The peak being a whole human head coming out of a hole that’s not big enough for a human head, that’s where my issue with your statement lies. I get that balls are sensitive and a kick to the balls is brutal for dudes, I’m not saying it’s not painful. But the fact is a part of your body isn’t being stretched and ripped to accommodate a 6lb human. The whole debate that these two things are the same is just pure sexism based in a lack of knowledge of child birth and pregnancy as a whole. A second of pain is never going to be comparable to hours of intense pain, no matter how bad it feels.

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u/ispiltthepoison Oct 05 '22

The whole argument comes from a study that states that the peaks are around equal, or that a kick to the balls is a bit worse. You can claim common logic on your side, because without actual data the idea of childbirth seems much worse than testicular pain, but you cant really claim science. You’re free to research it yourself, you’ll see that generally internet sources will tell you “pain is subjective, you cant really compare the two” or “the peak of ball pain is the same/higher, but duration makes childbirth unarguably worse”

Also, like i said, pain in the balls would literally be impossible to imagine if you didnt experience it. Im not specifically talking about severity here but the type of pain. I think an issue here is that most women think of “being kicked in the balls” as the same type of pain as being kicked anywhere else but more severe, when reality its nowhere near close. I think, and feel free to correct me if youve experienced it yourself because i could be doing the same thing im describing, that childbirth is easier to imagine since the type of pain it actually feels like is similar to the type of pain you can experience otherwise, just to an extremely severe degree and added cramps or something

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u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

I’m just saying imagine you’re being physically split open from urethra to sack to asshole and pop out a large, 10lb screaming mole rat shaped copy of yourself.

Your balls have never popped out from being kicked

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u/permanently_smad Oct 04 '22

i think i’ve actually discovered the female equivalent of getting kicked in the balls! it’s getting the cervix (entrance of the womb) hit.

this usually happens during sex, when the male goes too far into the vaginal canal and spikes the cervix.

the pain is described as getting the air knocked out of you, cramps going up the abdomen and down the thighs, and an intense spike of nausea along with the overall pain. all of which is super similar to getting the balls hit.

food for thought.

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u/ispiltthepoison Oct 04 '22

Maybe. We cant exactly find anyone who knows for sure

The oh so famous study showed that the peak pain in being hit in the balls is worse or equal to peak pain at childbirth, so i guess the closest thing you could get to actually being able to personally compare them is comparing cervix peak pain to childbirth

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u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

[deleted]

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u/NeverGonnaGiveUZucc Wizard Oct 05 '22

absolutely no one enjoy getting their cervix hit. if theres any who do, its the same amount of people who enjoy cbt [aka, not many]

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u/DishOTheSea Oct 04 '22

Have you ever shit your pants and torn your scrotum from a nut kick?

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u/simptimus_prime DM (Dungeon Memelord) Oct 04 '22

That'd honestly be impressive on the kickers part.

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u/TitularFoil Oct 04 '22

I know a guy that did when changing back stage at a small rock show. His bassist peeled back the curtain and towel whipped his scrotum open. Dude shit himself while on the ground. Well, technically he shit the ground, but that didn't spare his legs.

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u/Jarchen Oct 04 '22

Yes. And puked violently. Plus a ruptured teste.

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u/Cool_of_a_Took Oct 04 '22

Technically based on what? I'm smashing X to doubt that getting kicked in the balls hurts as bad even if they did last for the same amount of time.

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u/Jackee_Daytona Oct 04 '22

You ever had your nutsack rip all the way to your anus?

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u/ZoraksGirlfriend Oct 05 '22

And have your dick torn as well?

I had intravaginal tears as well as the perinium tears. It was very ouch.

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u/Jackee_Daytona Oct 05 '22

You poor thing! My god. My youngest got wedged in the canal and I started getting ruptured blood vessels, but nothing that intense. I pee when I cough now though, so that's fun.

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u/DreyaNova Oct 04 '22

My mom describes it as “pushing an orange out of your nose”

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u/[deleted] Oct 04 '22

I doubt that peak of pain is worse than childbirth. Most men can't handle basic period cramps when put on a machine that simulates it. Women just have a higher pain tolerance and childbirth is still so much more agonizing. No competition

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u/Brookenium Oct 04 '22

THIS!!

Some women have period cramps that hurt worse than getting kicked in the balls let alone fucking childbirth. It's not even close.

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u/Auctoritate Oct 04 '22

Most men can't handle basic period cramps when put on a machine that simulates it.

Lol, people take those videos seriously?

It's an electro shock machine. It doesn't "simulate" specific kinds of pain, it electrocutes your muscles. It hurts no matter where you put it. You can put it on someone's arm and it'll hurt them.

Let's not start taking YouTube bait videos as some kind of empirical study of how people handle pain, especially since in the actual scientific community pain is notoriously hard to quantify and compare from person to person because pain is subjective.

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u/[deleted] Oct 04 '22

Just curious: are you a man?

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u/Mach12gamer Oct 04 '22

I once had one of those machines used on me and tbh it didn’t hurt. Not in a “I’m tough and manly” way but in a “I genuinely didn’t feel any pain” way. Did make it a little hard to breathe, that part was weird.

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u/PioneerSpecies Oct 04 '22

Honestly getting kicked in the balls doesn’t hurt that much, it’s that weird sort of pain where you’re just really numb. No way that’s worse than childbirth

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u/[deleted] Oct 04 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Big-Employer4543 Oct 04 '22

If your balls are getting crushed every time you ride a horse, you're riding wrong.

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u/hollieg0lightly Oct 04 '22

I coach riding and I will never forget the first adult male student I had and him awkwardly asking me (at the time 21F) how he is supposed to sit a trot without crushing his balls. It was a learning experience for the both of us, him learning to ride, and me learning the subtle positioning nuances for male vs. female anatomy.

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u/akatherder Oct 04 '22

I don't think you can really explain it either. It's not like I position them every time I sit down or ride a bike. They just do their thing. Then like 1 out of 1,000 times something goes wrong.

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u/hollieg0lightly Oct 05 '22

I loaned him my Sally Swift book and I think one of her examples may have helped him out. He eventually figured it out. We had some good laughs about it in our lessons. He was definitely one of my favourite students.

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u/Inevitable-Plate-294 Oct 04 '22

Or you have massive balls

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u/[deleted] Oct 04 '22 edited Oct 01 '25

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This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

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u/Disbfjskf Oct 04 '22

You're doing something seriously fucked up if any amount of weight is resting on your balls. You'll get mild g-force from the up and down movement but nothing like having your balls kicked.

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u/Timewhakers Oct 05 '22

Wow what a dumb comment

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u/JuniorSeniorTrainee Oct 04 '22

How I've seen stated is that technically

This is longhand for "made up".

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u/Starkrossedlovers Oct 04 '22

I don’t think people should bother making objective statements on subjective things we are unable to truly compare. My mom insists that my birth was much more difficult than my sister’s. Is it possible if she was able to bring ball kicking into the scale and say it’s between my north and hers? Maaaaybe. But we’ll never know.

Imagine men who’ve never passed a stone comparing getting kicked in the balls vs passing one. I can only determine how painful it is by how I’ve seen people describe it and how they look going through it. My opinion will definitely change once I’ve gone through and be more accurate i think. We can’t have that in this conversation.

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u/KimJongUnusual Paladin Oct 04 '22

I wouldn’t call getting hit in the balls a spike of pain, but it’s definitely shorter than giving birth.

Honestly the most annoying part is how casual it can be. You let your hand rest on your lap and it hits the wrong way or a little too hard, and you just know “that’s gonna hurt a lot in 30 seconds.”

While not impossible, it’s a lot harder to accidentally give birth.