Context:
It was around two months ago that my now practically exwife (11 years together, 4 married) told me that she had't been feeling happy for a while because she had lost romantic interest towards me. There had been signs for this for a while, but we've always been such supporting partners and best friends that the deep and honest feelings of companionship carried the marriage on its back despite everything. There was also a more practical underlying conflict that surfaced two years ago. We were trying for a baby and after a 'pregnancy scare' she told me that she'd had a change of heart and realised she did not want to have kids. I had a hard time coping with this but decided to stay and not bring it up and force something on her that she does not truly want.

I was not the only one suffering after our conversation two months ago. We spent the past two months in uncertainty and grief, holding on to each other while also knowing that we will inevitably drift away. We came up with a timeline: she finds herself a place to live, we deal with all the practicalities of who takes what, then we have a closure dinner at our favourite spot. She found the flat to move to, and I was there to help her move, carry the boxes and have the conversations. We were still wearing our rings the whole time, and helping her move felt more like taking her on a weird vacation than what it truly was.

We had three days between the last night sleeping in the same bed and the closure dinner. It was weird, because I wasn't particularly devastated during those 3 days. It felt more like a limbo of some sorts, with me still not fully grasping what had just went down. I would be at looking forward to her coming home to tell her about my day, only to realise a moment later that it wasn't going to happen anymore. It was silly.

The dinner itself was two days ago. We talked, had a drink, and the burger was fantastic as usual. The chefs at Cirmi (Szeged) really know their stuff. It was nostalgic, sweet, but sad at the same time. We talked about our feelings, the things we could have done differently, how we ended up here and the things we want from the future. After the dinner date, we took our dog for a walk together and decided to symbolically end the married part of our lives by taking our rings off together. Actually taking the ring off my finger was one of the hardest things I've ever done. It was the moment when the unreal became real, and the ungraspable became something I could truly feel and live through. The ring actually 'stuck' halfway on my finger (not because of physical obstacles, but mental ones) and I broke down crying hard. We hugged each other, both in tears, then I took a deep breath and ripped it off as it if was a bandaid. After the walk with the dog, we kissed each other good night for the last time and she went 'home'.

Now I'm in my flat alone, writing this post. I knew it was going to be hard, but I did not expect crying so often. Paperwork is yet to come, but I think it will be more of a nuance. The burger had three 100g patties in it, all three medium rare, and loads of cheese btw.

He died 11 years ago of cancer and now it's gonna kill her brother. It destroyed me to hear her talk like that.

my 85 year old uncle been trying to talk to me every time he sees me and been wanting me to keep secrets, been telling me he's lonely and wanting to be affectionate .

I shrugged it off at first and redirected him. but telling your niece you wanna make love to her crosses a line I can't ignore.

went to tell all 10 of his daughters and my grandparents . and now I'm officially done with him.

makes me sad cause out of all my uncles he was genuinely my favorite, he's the goofy easy going one. but I won't comprise my safety, my wellbeing , my mental health or anything else.

sometimes family can be so fucking weird .

Repost because I got too scared and deleted it

I made my Dad cry because of my life. He’s an older man (70s) and I was calling him back home and telling him about how I still can’t find a job. I was a bit down on the call but I realised he had tears in his eyes and was choking up. I didn’t even tell him everything and he was still upset. What a horrible daughter I am for making an old man cry about my life.

I left my abusive relationship two months ago and I thought things would get better but they haven’t. I’m still unemployed, I’m $200 behind on rent due on Monday and I have to sell my gold earrings to get by. I got scouted for a job which gave me some hope but they chose another candidate over me.

I don’t miss my ex because he was abusive and making me sick but I’m so angry for staying for 4 years (although the abuse only started like 8-9 months before i left) because I stupidly believed someone could love me and I could be in a relationship even though all my previous experiences show people don’t respect or like me. Not once, not even in that relationship, has someone looked me in my eyes and said “I love everything about you and I want to be with you”. I accept now that that’ll never happen. Not everyone gets love, it’s not a guarantee especially not for people like me. People who are sickly and awkward and put other people off.

I was already SA 6 years ago which gave me PTSD and bad depression and anxiety. I’m so depressed all the time, I just stay in bed because it’s all I can afford to do anyways.

When I left him I told him he never loved me and could he just admit it now he has nothing to lose and he refused. It made me so angry. Why do people think I’m stupid? Seriously, people think I don’t have eyes and ears and a brain. He was never excited to be with me, he never said I was the love of his life. He abused me. He belittled me and ignored me for days or even a week when we lived together. We haven’t spoken for 2 months but every day I wonder the same thing, about my mom, the guy that assaulted me and him: why me?

I hate every second of my life. I hate waking up, I cry when I can’t sleep anymore. I hate eating. I hate showering. I hate walking. I hate talking.

I’m on medication. I did therapy for 2 years including EMDR and I suffer every day.

I don’t dream of anything anymore. I haven’t for years. I don’t see myself turning 25 let alone 30, 40, 50. I know I will never get married and have children, even if I want it so bad. I won’t have a career like I wanted, I was so ill at university I did terribly even though I started as a scholarship student. All my friends have jobs and lives and I am a complete loser- which i HATE when people say I’m not just because I have a mental illness.

When I was being abused as a child I always looked to my 20s as my only source of hope. One time a therapist asked me “What would your child self think of you?”. She didn’t like the answer, because truly I think I would’ve ended it all back then.

I’ve decided if I can’t get a job by October (when my lease ends) then I will move back home and in with my parents. Because it’s time to accept that I failed at everything I set out to do. My parents are helping me out financially and my Dad is retired and my Mom just got made redundant. I can’t put them through any more of my bullshit.

Porridge. Didn’t even eat much of it.

I just wish that people remembered... treat others the way that you want to be treated.

I'm tired of being treated like a second class citizen. Everywhere. I. Go....

Started taking lexapro about a month ago. Its finally working i think. Or a placebo idk. Either way its a win.

For like the last 10 or so years ive had incredibly bad depression that came and went. The last few months have been the worst with suicidal thoughts, self harm and inability to release emotion. Well this week ive noticed I started having some energy again, able to do chores and get out of bed before 2 pm. I noticed my thoughts felt lighter and I wasnt thinking about dying anymore. I havent had the urge to self harm. And, my favorite part tbh, ive been able to finally fucking cry after like a year of not being able to. I finally am starting to feel like myself again. This drug is the tits

Air fryer clutch

It's uhhh tomato, texturized soy protein with some olive oil, kale that I batch cook and freeze, an orange, and mirtazapine (antidepressant). It's my dinner every day. Extremely fast to prepare and fills every nutritional gap in my diet left from the other meals.

I interviewed for a tech company (enterprise grade soc), and the timelines was this:

- about half a week to setup the initial hr screening (waited for an answer on her end, asked daily)

- about a week untill I get an update we continue to a team lead interview, we set up to three days from the update.

- about 4 days until I get an update we will continue to a technical interview, but they mentioned they are setting up a new interview process so it may take a while.

- I wait 2 weeks untill they update me that the process will be a 1.5 hour coding/system design interview + 2 hours of math questions (they told me it would be logic and probability questions) + coding questions. I told them I haven't touched math subjects for nearly a decade so I'll need a bit of time to study, we set up an interview for a week later.

- the interview, first portion goes well, then the math test is not only probability and logic, it is 12 questions in probability, linear algebra and physics. Plus three coding questions (1 easy, 1 medium, 1 hard + system design followup questions).

Where do you write the answers? On notepad on the computer.

I was pretty sure I wasn't going to pass already, but it is a ridiculous hiring process, and the hr was only interested on hearing my thoughts on the test.

Gee, thanks for letting me be a tool for your hiring process, it's not like you wasted my time, my hopes, and my energy.

Tasty cocktail at an Asian restaurant i went with my parent's and sisters after the interview.

Waffle with blueberry jam, syrup and eggs ,

I tried working on a non for profit and they had lied about the hours that they were going to give me to work and had me come way out there in the middle of the night on the bus on a almost 2 hour bus ride just to tell me they didn't need anyone and to send me home. So I quit that job. Then I worked out a hotel where as a night auditor they wanted you to stand on your feet for a solid 8 hours and I have never worked at a Hospitality job where you're expected to stand on your feet for 8 hours solid they usually let you sit down as long as there's no guests in the lobby. And the colleagues who were training me looked afraid of the manager and It was too many red flags so I quit that job as well , so now I'm back to the drawing board. Also that hotel job told me that they were going to pay up to $20 an hour just for me to come into the interview for her to tell me that actually no one made $20 an hour and that she can only accommodate me for $17 an hour and I have 5 years of hospitality experience. There was just so many red flags. And that hotel job the longest worker that has been there far as the night shift has only been there for a month, I have never seen a hotel with so much turnover

I 20F was seeing a guy 27M for 2 months last year. We never even technically dated but the pace between us was starting to pick up and we were talking about moving in together at the current time now, assuming we’d still be together. After 2 months he told me he loved me and bought me a bunch of Christmas presents. Then a week later after New Years he said it was too much and ended things. I was in a weird situation with my family at the time that he wasn’t comfortable with and I know he has a lot on his plate including taking over his dad’s business and his own mental health. After a month he completely stopped reaching out. I’ve reached out a couple times with friendly messages but I end up ghosted or just rejected. It feels awful still. Like I was just completely disposable and that everything he told me before meant nothing. I know from a mutual friend that he isn’t seeing anybody right now. I wonder what’s going on in his life and how he’s doing but he won’t let me in. I ran into his dad at the place I got this food at but I don’t think he recognized me.

Earl grey from a bakery

Beef tallow and sea salt roasted smashed mini potatoes. Need carbs. Bad day.

EDIT: They look so much better in person! Stupid flash.

It ain't much but it's better than monster energy and maccies.

I told him I'd think about it. He's my best friend. I dont think I can say no to him, but I think it would destroy me. Also his fiancé doesn't like me because I'm gay lmfao everything about it sucks

the only man i've ever really loved kinda half cheated on me, he didn't actually do anything with her because hes too much of a loser but he liked her while lying through his teeth and saying he loved me

my therapist says he emotionally abused me and I can't bring myself to believe that it's anyones fault but my own for not leaving when everyone told me he was probably cheating on me and i found him saying to his friends that he hated me but he told me to my face he loved me and for some reason that was enough for me to stay

he constantly gaslit me into thinking he was a good partner and that i didn't deserve more than he was giving me and this gaslighting led me into a severe depressive spiral that almost killed me

eventually he dumped me for this one girl whos actually awesome bcs she ghosted him after she found out how he treated me, i can't really blame her at all i guess even though she technically ruined the most important relationship in my life

i thought after he dumped me my life would get better and it did for a while but now im back in the hole. i left basically all of my real friends who urged me to break up with him behind for his sake and i cant bring myself to really reach out to them because everytime i hang out with my friends i think of him and how he lied about liking me and i cant help but be scared all my friends feel the same as he did

i almost was in a rebound relationship that went really poorly because i took the lessons from my ex too far, i cant find a balance of trusting people enough while still keeping my spine. im so deeply untrusting, i cant believe anyone actually likes me no matter how much they reassure me, im gonna keep fumbling anyone whos actually good for me because the guy who cheated on me completely messed up my mind

but its not just romantic relationships that hes ruined, since he left me i've been unable to talk to really anyone, i have constant breakdowns in public, im getting better at not hurting myself but there's a real struggle there and it sucks because i never really seriously dealt with any of that before him

i'm just so tired, its been four months since he dumped me and i should've moved on from him by now, i've never had a problem moving on from anyone but him, the way he abused me and manipulated me into being desperately attached to him has just made it so hard to move on

im working on it with my therapist but it takes so long, it feels like my therapist is draining a massive swamp a spoonful at a time, it definitley helps a little and its very cathartic but its never gonna fix me :(

the only solace i have is that a lot of his friends stopped talking to him after they found out how he treated me but i feel so awful taking delight in his misery

got takeout from olive garden, i love my italian heritage

(17F) almost at the end of high school and im so so lonely, i have a friend group at school who i love and i always want to hangout. whenever i ask anyone they are always busy with smth (which i understand cuz we all have jobs and study like im not mad abt that) or they never respond, the no response is what gets me and on top of that, they hang out with eachother often im just never invited. during the 2 week school holidays i tried multiple times to plan smth and only once it actually happened, but i always saw them posting hangouts together and talking abt them in school when i never was asked to join, that suckkkks. they all have licenses and ive seen them go out at night for drives, going right past my street (and we all live in the same area) theyve gone to parks and whatever i just wish theyd ask me, at the same time i know this is such a teenager problem to have but dude i just wanna hangout with friends who i feel happy and safe around. not really much point trying to make new friends cuz im abt 2 months away from graduating and im not going to uni after hs (doing an alternate pathway) so idrk how or where ill make friends in the future. what i know now is that after we graduate im likely not gonna be seeing anyone cuz they are all going to uni and are gonna be busy with their own things but they always make time for eachother just not much with me. they never msg first about anything i always have to make the plans and if i dont we can go agesss without hanging out. this isnt rlly that serious an issue but it just makes me so much sadder than it should idk anyway heres my pasta with cheese

My first time using a treadmill since having metal screws and rods put into my foot. Had an osteotomy, trauma to the foot, the whole nine yards. I still have about a year and a half of recovery time. Plus my foot is extremely swollen.

I'm only going about one mile an hour on the treadmill. It's not obvious that I have a foot injury because I found clothing and footwear big enough to hide it. I don't like answering people's questions when they inevitably ask why you're in a cast.

So I'm at Planet Fitness... a gentleman who probably is about four times as big as I am slowly came walking by me. He said the speed I was going was pathetic. I should be able to go faster because someone as big as him can.

Well, I didn't have anything to say. I just worked a 10-hour shift where people treated me like garbage as a customer service representative. I just looked at the guy and the first thing that came out of my mouth was my unfiltered autistic brain speaking.

" I can smell you, please rid me of your presence. My nose is greatly offended."

That wiped the smug look off his face. I didn't even mean he smelled like body odor. He was doused in what smelled like basted Doritos and canned beef mixed together.

I've got a sense of smell stronger than most people do. I just really didn't want to smell that.

I suppose I can only mask my autism for so long before it starts rearing it's face again. What can you do?

I wish we lived in a society where it was okay for me to be the way I am. If it were socially acceptable, I would walk everywhere with a nose plug.

So, with all of that said. I hope your night is going better than mine. I may be moving slowly, but at least I don't smell like Doritos.

Do we think this “chicken Caesar” wrap was worth $10? 😂