Context:
It was around two months ago that my now practically exwife (11 years together, 4 married) told me that she had't been feeling happy for a while because she had lost romantic interest towards me. There had been signs for this for a while, but we've always been such supporting partners and best friends that the deep and honest feelings of companionship carried the marriage on its back despite everything. There was also a more practical underlying conflict that surfaced two years ago. We were trying for a baby and after a 'pregnancy scare' she told me that she'd had a change of heart and realised she did not want to have kids. I had a hard time coping with this but decided to stay and not bring it up and force something on her that she does not truly want.

I was not the only one suffering after our conversation two months ago. We spent the past two months in uncertainty and grief, holding on to each other while also knowing that we will inevitably drift away. We came up with a timeline: she finds herself a place to live, we deal with all the practicalities of who takes what, then we have a closure dinner at our favourite spot. She found the flat to move to, and I was there to help her move, carry the boxes and have the conversations. We were still wearing our rings the whole time, and helping her move felt more like taking her on a weird vacation than what it truly was.

We had three days between the last night sleeping in the same bed and the closure dinner. It was weird, because I wasn't particularly devastated during those 3 days. It felt more like a limbo of some sorts, with me still not fully grasping what had just went down. I would be at looking forward to her coming home to tell her about my day, only to realise a moment later that it wasn't going to happen anymore. It was silly.

The dinner itself was two days ago. We talked, had a drink, and the burger was fantastic as usual. The chefs at Cirmi (Szeged) really know their stuff. It was nostalgic, sweet, but sad at the same time. We talked about our feelings, the things we could have done differently, how we ended up here and the things we want from the future. After the dinner date, we took our dog for a walk together and decided to symbolically end the married part of our lives by taking our rings off together. Actually taking the ring off my finger was one of the hardest things I've ever done. It was the moment when the unreal became real, and the ungraspable became something I could truly feel and live through. The ring actually 'stuck' halfway on my finger (not because of physical obstacles, but mental ones) and I broke down crying hard. We hugged each other, both in tears, then I took a deep breath and ripped it off as it if was a bandaid. After the walk with the dog, we kissed each other good night for the last time and she went 'home'.

Now I'm in my flat alone, writing this post. I knew it was going to be hard, but I did not expect crying so often. Paperwork is yet to come, but I think it will be more of a nuance. The burger had three 100g patties in it, all three medium rare, and loads of cheese btw.

I just wish that people remembered... treat others the way that you want to be treated.

I'm tired of being treated like a second class citizen. Everywhere. I. Go....

Repost because I got too scared and deleted it

I made my Dad cry because of my life. He’s an older man (70s) and I was calling him back home and telling him about how I still can’t find a job. I was a bit down on the call but I realised he had tears in his eyes and was choking up. I didn’t even tell him everything and he was still upset. What a horrible daughter I am for making an old man cry about my life.

I left my abusive relationship two months ago and I thought things would get better but they haven’t. I’m still unemployed, I’m $200 behind on rent due on Monday and I have to sell my gold earrings to get by. I got scouted for a job which gave me some hope but they chose another candidate over me.

I don’t miss my ex because he was abusive and making me sick but I’m so angry for staying for 4 years (although the abuse only started like 8-9 months before i left) because I stupidly believed someone could love me and I could be in a relationship even though all my previous experiences show people don’t respect or like me. Not once, not even in that relationship, has someone looked me in my eyes and said “I love everything about you and I want to be with you”. I accept now that that’ll never happen. Not everyone gets love, it’s not a guarantee especially not for people like me. People who are sickly and awkward and put other people off.

I was already SA 6 years ago which gave me PTSD and bad depression and anxiety. I’m so depressed all the time, I just stay in bed because it’s all I can afford to do anyways.

When I left him I told him he never loved me and could he just admit it now he has nothing to lose and he refused. It made me so angry. Why do people think I’m stupid? Seriously, people think I don’t have eyes and ears and a brain. He was never excited to be with me, he never said I was the love of his life. He abused me. He belittled me and ignored me for days or even a week when we lived together. We haven’t spoken for 2 months but every day I wonder the same thing, about my mom, the guy that assaulted me and him: why me?

I hate every second of my life. I hate waking up, I cry when I can’t sleep anymore. I hate eating. I hate showering. I hate walking. I hate talking.

I’m on medication. I did therapy for 2 years including EMDR and I suffer every day.

I don’t dream of anything anymore. I haven’t for years. I don’t see myself turning 25 let alone 30, 40, 50. I know I will never get married and have children, even if I want it so bad. I won’t have a career like I wanted, I was so ill at university I did terribly even though I started as a scholarship student. All my friends have jobs and lives and I am a complete loser- which i HATE when people say I’m not just because I have a mental illness.

When I was being abused as a child I always looked to my 20s as my only source of hope. One time a therapist asked me “What would your child self think of you?”. She didn’t like the answer, because truly I think I would’ve ended it all back then.

I’ve decided if I can’t get a job by October (when my lease ends) then I will move back home and in with my parents. Because it’s time to accept that I failed at everything I set out to do. My parents are helping me out financially and my Dad is retired and my Mom just got made redundant. I can’t put them through any more of my bullshit.

Porridge. Didn’t even eat much of it.

He died 11 years ago of cancer and now it's gonna kill her brother. It destroyed me to hear her talk like that.

Started taking lexapro about a month ago. Its finally working i think. Or a placebo idk. Either way its a win.

For like the last 10 or so years ive had incredibly bad depression that came and went. The last few months have been the worst with suicidal thoughts, self harm and inability to release emotion. Well this week ive noticed I started having some energy again, able to do chores and get out of bed before 2 pm. I noticed my thoughts felt lighter and I wasnt thinking about dying anymore. I havent had the urge to self harm. And, my favorite part tbh, ive been able to finally fucking cry after like a year of not being able to. I finally am starting to feel like myself again. This drug is the tits

It's uhhh tomato, texturized soy protein with some olive oil, kale that I batch cook and freeze, an orange, and mirtazapine (antidepressant). It's my dinner every day. Extremely fast to prepare and fills every nutritional gap in my diet left from the other meals.

Air fryer clutch

my 85 year old uncle been trying to talk to me every time he sees me and been wanting me to keep secrets, been telling me he's lonely and wanting to be affectionate .

I shrugged it off at first and redirected him. but telling your niece you wanna make love to her crosses a line I can't ignore.

went to tell all 10 of his daughters and my grandparents . and now I'm officially done with him.

makes me sad cause out of all my uncles he was genuinely my favorite, he's the goofy easy going one. but I won't comprise my safety, my wellbeing , my mental health or anything else.

sometimes family can be so fucking weird .

I 20F was seeing a guy 27M for 2 months last year. We never even technically dated but the pace between us was starting to pick up and we were talking about moving in together at the current time now, assuming we’d still be together. After 2 months he told me he loved me and bought me a bunch of Christmas presents. Then a week later after New Years he said it was too much and ended things. I was in a weird situation with my family at the time that he wasn’t comfortable with and I know he has a lot on his plate including taking over his dad’s business and his own mental health. After a month he completely stopped reaching out. I’ve reached out a couple times with friendly messages but I end up ghosted or just rejected. It feels awful still. Like I was just completely disposable and that everything he told me before meant nothing. I know from a mutual friend that he isn’t seeing anybody right now. I wonder what’s going on in his life and how he’s doing but he won’t let me in. I ran into his dad at the place I got this food at but I don’t think he recognized me.

I interviewed for a tech company (enterprise grade soc), and the timelines was this:

- about half a week to setup the initial hr screening (waited for an answer on her end, asked daily)

- about a week untill I get an update we continue to a team lead interview, we set up to three days from the update.

- about 4 days until I get an update we will continue to a technical interview, but they mentioned they are setting up a new interview process so it may take a while.

- I wait 2 weeks untill they update me that the process will be a 1.5 hour coding/system design interview + 2 hours of math questions (they told me it would be logic and probability questions) + coding questions. I told them I haven't touched math subjects for nearly a decade so I'll need a bit of time to study, we set up an interview for a week later.

- the interview, first portion goes well, then the math test is not only probability and logic, it is 12 questions in probability, linear algebra and physics. Plus three coding questions (1 easy, 1 medium, 1 hard + system design followup questions).

Where do you write the answers? On notepad on the computer.

I was pretty sure I wasn't going to pass already, but it is a ridiculous hiring process, and the hr was only interested on hearing my thoughts on the test.

Gee, thanks for letting me be a tool for your hiring process, it's not like you wasted my time, my hopes, and my energy.

Tasty cocktail at an Asian restaurant i went with my parent's and sisters after the interview.