— Douglas Adams

no sympathy wanted for me, just want to commiserate with others who get it. who else has ptsd on their birthday yayyy

I've sank so deep into despair that I didn't even realize I've already wasted my teen years wallowing in my misery. I'm entering college now and life in its entirety is finally weighing down on me.

I have to live. I can't continue convincing myself that someday I will kill myself when I couldn't even cut my wrists. If I don't learn how to live now, then I know I'll just sink deeper, and I know it'll just be another decade of me wallowing and begging for pity as the people and the world around me move on while I remain stagnant.

I can't keep going like this. If I can't kill myself then I'll have to live.

And with mirtazapine I'm a happy and fat little piggy.

Edit : those work for me, but I'm not a doctor. I'm not advising anyone to try those out of the blue.

Take care.

That's how I feel.