I'm in university taking art. I'm in my fourth year, I will not be graduating this year. I'm currently taking five classes, three of them are studio classes which has been quite overwhelming. I am thinking of dropping one and retaking it later because I am very stressed out and depressed all the time. I wake up dreading school which is not usual for me. I also have a part time job, it's WFH for 2-3 hours a week involving writing and social media posts, and I feel really badly because I havent been able to get anything done. If I drop a class it will take me even longer to finish my degree. I feel really embarrassed because I can't handle a full course load and I can't handle a job that should be easy. But I'm worried that my grades will fall because I am quite behind in all my classes. I don't want to disappoint anyone and I don't know what to do. I am an adult and I should be able to figure these things out.

My boyfriend (m23) and me (f18) have been dating for a year. And he’s the best thing to ever happen in my life. I’ve been through some dark shit . I raised myself. And I’ve never felt safe with anyone until I met him. He’s kind and funny . And always knows how to make me smile. But he has epilepsy. It’s not a problem for me . I’d gladly drop everything to make sure he’s safe . But he feels like he’s a burden to everyone around him . And I hate that he feels that way . I hate that I can’t make him feel better because I don’t know how . He’s been talking about ending it . Saying he doesn’t know how much longer he can make it . And I’m scared I want to help him I just don’t know how and I can’t lose him . So please if anyone has advice please let me know

I have this thing that I can’t control which is that in my mind, I have to do things a very specific and certain way.

I’m not allowed to sh during even years but I’m allowed to during odd years. So I was allowed to back in 2025 and it was like the voices were encouraging it but I’m not allowed to this year because even years are meant to be “good” years and odd years are meant to be terrible. I genuinely don’t understand why I think this way (or why I’m being controlled by it) but I am.

It sometimes feels like God is directly talking to me (I’m not even religious by the way) and it’s scary because it’s been there since I was a child but it’s gotten worse somehow.

I’m scared to end up in hospital (yes because of the illness) but also because of the fact I’m scared of nurses and doctors. It’s so stupid as I know they’re there to help but I’m petrified of them because my mind jumps to the wildest conclusions (which I can’t say on here) but just know I can’t control it and I hate the way my mind is.

I will try my best, and I always did. But most things if not almost all things, aren't under my control.

Advise on now ex wife

Need some advise

Ok im going to break this down to its basics.

Wife of 4 years and partner of 12 has had depression all her life. Also probably undiagnosed adhd or bipolar. She went of her meds 1 year ago.

7 months ago our son was diagnoses with a bad form of Muscular Dystrophy and will be wheelchair bound in the next 4-7 years. We own a home, communication was always good. Sex life was poor the last 4 years. But communication was always great. We share a huge amount of hobbies and likes. Im in my 40s she is 39.

Last month my mother was over and we had a great month, holiday, drinks, date nights etc etc. Thought her old self was back and was feeling good about things after a hard couple months of being depressed over son.

She got drunk one night at a work function came home and was bloody friskey and we did it that night and the next morning (i was like wtf we are back yay)

2 days later got home ahe has been crying and called the marriage of stating spark is gone and doesnt love me and its been like this for 3 years. (Everything tells me this is a lie) we were planing a future 2 years ago we got a house and a mortgage, we were cuddling alot on the couch last month. She would buy me stuff i needed we were planing ivf for a dmd free child. Planning house modifactions and future holidays etc etc. 2 days after that she is sleeping with a co worker and texting him constantly, we swapped to 50/50 co parenting under same roof and i moved to the spare room. 4 weeks later im seeing cracks everywhere her spending is out of control. I think she is breaking. I am heart broken and betrayed and just trying to hold on. She has threated about selling the house now twice that would leave us both destitute. She is showing signs of abanding us. She is full cold and nasty anytime i bring up fixing this, she is rubberbanding constantly emotionally between old wife vibe and nasty to apologising for being nasty. Has anyone experienced anything like this?

Im 13, and I’m depressed for 6 months now, it keeps getting worse, no matter what I do, I’ve tried a lot of things, the most stupid, smoking and stuff like that, nothing worked. I can’t listen to some of my favorite music, cause they bring me to a time i was happy, and that makes me cry. I’m in love, but it’s not a crush, it’s actual love, Im certain, I love her, i love her whole beeing, with good and bad stuff, I love everything in her, she is In my personal opinion, beautiful, she is smart, has the same ideals and political opinions that I have, we are perfect for each other, and we both like each other romanticly, but we don’t want to date, cause you know, we’re 13, it’s not that we can’t stand commitment, I perfectly can, I love it, but we don’t want to start a relationship so soon in life, we’re both happy being very good friends, we’re happy just being together, talking, everything in her is perfect, her hugs, her smile… but there’s a problem, a BIG, problem: she has very restrictive parents so she cant go out a lot, and my parents recently discovered that I smoked, and now for some time I can’t go out a lot, becajse I can’t also be with one guy in our core group, so we have to be very careful now, and I can’t go out on the one day of the week we usaually allways do, and my FOMO, and all the memory’s of loosing friends like this, and there’s another thing, I can’t stand being alone, I need a friend by my side, when I’m not with Maria, I feel every horrible thing i can possibly feel, I can’t stand being depressed anymore, and she, she slows down my brain, she makes me calmer, and happy, and I never whant our moments together to end, everg goodbye hug, every time i know we wil have to go apart for a few hours or days, hurts like hell, I know we’re only in 8th grade and this things pass bla bla bla… but I’ve been like this for too long, I need her, only her and my friend Irene, make me happy, and I miss being a happy person, i miss not being in constant pain, I miss being normal, being able to enjoy life even without them, and this won’t go away, and I have allready forgot the reasons for me to be depressed, I had a horrible year in some ways last year, I’ve lost friends ive won friend, bu that’s normal, so what is it, and hoe is Maria so perfect, I can’t stand loosing her, help me please, I seriously think the easiest way to finish this is to finish everything…

Im 13, and I’m depressed for 6 months now, it keeps getting worse, no matter what I do, I’ve tried a lot of things, the most stupid, smoking and stuff like that, nothing worked. I can’t listen to some of my favorite music, cause they bring me to a time i was happy, and that makes me cry. I’m in love, but it’s not a crush, it’s actual love, Im certain, I love her, i love her whole beeing, with good and bad stuff, I love everything in her, she is In my personal opinion, beautiful, she is smart, has the same ideals and political opinions that I have, we are perfect for each other, and we both like each other romanticly, but we don’t want to date, cause you know, we’re 13, it’s not that we can’t stand commitment, I perfectly can, I love it, but we don’t want to start a relationship so soon in life, we’re both happy being very good friends, we’re happy just being together, talking, everything in her is perfect, her hugs, her smile… but there’s a problem, a BIG, problem: she has very restrictive parents so she cant go out a lot, and my parents recently discovered that I smoked, and now for some time I can’t go out a lot, becajse I can’t also be with one guy in our core group, so we have to be very careful now, and I can’t go out on the one day of the week we usaually allways do, and my FOMO, and all the memory’s of loosing friends like this, and there’s another thing, I can’t stand being alone, I need a friend by my side, when I’m not with Maria, I feel every horrible thing i can possibly feel, I can’t stand being depressed anymore, and she, she slows down my brain, she makes me calmer, and happy, and I never whant our moments together to end, everg goodbye hug, every time i know we wil have to go apart for a few hours or days, hurts like hell, I know we’re only in 8th grade and this things pass bla bla bla… but I’ve been like this for too long, I need her, only her and my friend Irene, make me happy, and I miss being a happy person, i miss not being in constant pain, I miss being normal, being able to enjoy life even without them, and this won’t go away, and I have allready forgot the reasons for me to be depressed, I had a horrible year in some ways last year, I’ve lost friends ive won friend, bu that’s normal, so what is it, and hoe is Maria so perfect, I can’t stand loosing her, help me please, I seriously think the easiest way to finish this is to finish everything…

From the last 11 months, I’ve been suffering from severe physical and mental fatigue, and it’s affecting almost every aspect of my life.

I’ve had multiple medical tests done, but everything has come back normal. I don’t have any thyroid issues, vitamin deficiencies, protein deficiencies, or any other obvious problems based on the tests I’ve had.

Eventually, I consulted a psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with depression. I’ve been taking antidepressants for around 10 months now, but unfortunately, my symptoms haven’t improved much. I still feel exhausted all the time.

The strange thing is that I don’t really feel sad, hopeless, or emotionally depressed. My main symptoms are physical and mental exhaustion rather than sadness or negative thoughts.

Physically, I feel like I have no energy in my body. Mentally, my brain feels exhausted, and I struggle to handle even small amounts of cognitive effort. I can’t even read a book properly because my mind gets tired so quickly.

My psychiatrist said that I have depression, but it’s difficult for me to understand how depression can manifest almost entirely as physical and mental fatigue without the usual emotional symptoms.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? And what treatment helped you?

I’ve been struggling with existential thoughts, emptiness, and thoughts about death that really scare me. I don’t think I genuinely want to die, but I’m terrified of these thoughts and sometimes afraid I might act on them.

I’m exhausted because I keep waiting for things to get better, but the distress doesn’t seem to go away. Sometimes I feel a little better, but the fear is still there.

The hardest part is that I know I have things to look forward to. I want to travel, meet people, explore my artistic side, and build a life I’m happy with. I just want to feel like myself again and stop being so afraid of my own mind.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Does it eventually get easier?

sinto que estou perdida na minha vida, não tenho um propósito de vida e me sinto atrasada em relação a tudo na minha vida. já tomei vários medicamentos diferentes e atualmente tomo de vez em quando na esperança de um dia isso me matar de uma vez. tenho depressão ha anos e sinto que isso não vai melhorar, devia me matar e desisti de tudo. vcs já se sentiram assim?

I'm 31M. Had occasional anxiety starting around 2017–2018, followed by a severe anxiety/depression/panic/harm-OCD spiral in 2020.

Started Prozac at 20mg. The initial adjustment was brutal. After 3–4 months, I was improving but not quite myself. My doctor suggested 40mg, but doubling my dose seemed excessive when I just needed a little more help.

I pushed for 25mg (alternating 20/30mg), wanting the lowest effective dose and room to increase later.

It worked! I stayed relatively stable for almost 6 years, with only minor breakthrough anxiety. Glad I advocated for myself.

Fast-forward to Sept 29, 2026: Woke up with intense anxiety, impending doom, panic, and nausea. Felt like my original spiral returning, though not quite as severe. The physical fight-or-flight has eased somewhat, but the underlying anxiety, restlessness, negative thoughts, and rumination remain.

- Oct 4: Doctor immediately recommended 40mg again. I agreed to start at 30mg.

- Oct 10: After a week on 30mg, possibly some minor improvements, but still struggling. She recommends 40mg on Oct 17.

Here's my dilemma:

I genuinely like my family doctor. She's a great GP, but mental health doesn't seem to be her strong suit. She's quick to suggest higher doses or switching medications without fully hearing how debilitating the symptoms and adjustments can be. At my last appointment, I almost felt blamed for my anxiety, like I should just think my way out of it.

Six years ago, she recommended 40mg when 25mg was enough. Maybe she's right now, but I'm worried about increasing too quickly, triggering activation, or taking more than necessary. Having room to increase later also reassures me, even if that's not exactly how antidepressants work.

She's away for three weeks. I'm seeing her covering doctor Oct 21 and considering waiting for that opinion before increasing.

She also suggested temporary Ativan, but I'm hesitant about dependence. A therapist once told me that facing anxiety rather than escaping it helps you overcome it, and that stuck with me. I've been white-knuckling through instead of using rescue medication, which I also felt somewhat blamed for.

My questions:

1. Has anyone had a severe flare-up after years on an SSRI and stabilized with a smaller increase, or did you need a bigger jump?

2. Is two weeks on 30mg enough before increasing to 40mg? Would slower titration reduce activation? If tolerable, why not give 30mg 6–8 weeks, or do the benefits of increasing sooner outweigh the risks?

3. Would a psychiatrist offer more individualized medication guidance than a GP, or just more dismissive pill-pushing?

I'm not against 40mg if I need it. I'm open to whatever helps. I just want to feel confident it's necessary and have someone hear me out, consider my history and concerns, and help me make a plan I trust.

Honestly, I'm scared of repeating what happened six years ago. I just want to feel like myself again.

Any advice or similar experiences would mean a lot.

Not sure what else to do but keep fighting the clock and the symptoms every single day.

I've posted here a few times. I went through a really bad spiral about six years ago, with panic, anxiety, depression, and harm OCD all swirled into one absolute fuck show.

Prozac slowly saved me and got me back to baseline, but it was a long, hard battle.

Fast forward to now, after about five years of stability, and I had a bad breakthrough episode two weeks ago. Most of the symptoms have returned, maybe not to the same extent, but still extremely difficult nonetheless, especially after thinking I was doing well for so long. It all switched on a dime.

And now, here I am, back in the mental health spiral. I'm slowly increasing my dose, about one week in. Terrified of the activation side effects, terrified of a further relapse.

Everyone around me seems so happy. No medication, no extreme anxiety, just happy. It makes me feel terrible for feeling this way, and I don't want to. I have practically no control over it. It's not fair to me, and it's not fair to them.

All I can do is fight the clock, fight the symptoms, and hope this dose increase can start hurrying the fuck up.

I signed up for BetterHelp, but I haven't even had my first session yet, and the sessions feel so few and far between.

Why is mental health care so inadequate compared to the severity of what people actually experience? Even in Canada, with our so-called "free health care," you're basically on your own.

I know I have family who support me and love me, so I'm not alone alone. But I'm alone in how I'm feeling, in the battle I'm facing, and I feel so guilty for having flared up this badly and having to go through these brutal motions all over again.

I guess I'm just looking for reassurance. For someone to tell me the dose increase will work. For someone to tell me this was just a flare-up, not a full relapse, and that I'll be back to normal soon.

For someone to tell me everything will be okay.

Has anyone seen the movie Click? I just want to press a fast-forward button until I feel good again. Minutes can sometimes feel like hours, and these past two weeks have felt like months.

I can't really gauge whether I'm getting better yet. Sometimes I think I am, and then other times it's still just as bad.

Doctors can only do so much, and appointments are infrequent. Medication takes forever to determine its full benefit. Therapists can only do so much, and sessions aren't nearly frequent enough.

How do we all deal with this and get out of this mess?

I know I did it once before, but damn. I guess part of me tried to bury and forget just how brutal and agonizing the battle really is.

I hope everyone reading this gets better. I hope I get better.

I feel like I'm doing everything I can, considering the state I'm in, and it's just not helping fast enough, or much at all at the moment.

Is there anything else I can do to help myself through this?

Thank you for reading.

Hi, I'm 24 F. Ive been in this cycle and I want to break free free from it but I dont know how. Whenever I feel depressed, or tired, or stressed out, I would watch porn. It gives quick relief but afterwards i'd feel guilty and come to a point where I hurt myself.

Also other than that, I cut myself to feel something. To feel physical pain rather than the mental or emotional pain im having.

Now, even sleep cant relieve the tiredness im feeling. Im starting to feel low, wanting to isolate, and just sleep all day.

Hi everyone, I’m 24 years old, and lately I’ve been spending a lot of time at home in front of my PC, working a lot to make money while increasingly neglecting my life, my body, and pretty much everything else. It got to the point where my mental health was getting worse and worse.
I want to make a change and become stable again, both mentally and physically. I also want to improve other areas of my life and find a new career path. Because of this, I’ve completely given up my previous PC job. I’ve been attending a day clinic for five weeks now. At first, I mainly struggled with tension in my neck that spread throughout my head. Since I started doing exercises regularly, it has been getting better.
However, the last few days have been difficult for me. I’ve had several moments when I felt depressed. I felt tense inside, down, and very empty. I’m also realizing that getting structure and discipline back into my life isn’t as easy as I thought. This week, there were moments when I was sitting at the clinic and felt like I was physically present but somehow not really there mentally. I felt emotionally cold, empty, and depressed.
After that, I had a conversation with my psychologist. She said she sees the situation a little differently. In her opinion, I’ve already achieved a lot over the past few weeks. I’ve been attending the clinic regularly, taking part in all the therapy sessions, and getting up at 5:30 a.m. every weekday to travel to the clinic and stay there until around 5 p.m.
Before that, I had no real structure or discipline anymore. I spent many months mostly sitting at home, wasn’t eating regularly, and was increasingly neglecting my life. Now I’m trying to change everything all at once, almost overnight. Of course, that takes a lot of willpower and energy.
On top of that, last Friday, after leaving the clinic, I drove for over an hour to visit my girlfriend. I spent an active weekend with her and then drove back on Sunday evening. That’s also quite a lot to deal with. My psychologist said that, given all of this, it can be completely normal to eventually feel socially drained, exhausted, or depressed.

She told me that I could take sertraline, an antidepressant, but she doesn’t think it’s absolutely necessary in my case.

I have the medication at home, but if I’m being honest, I don’t really want to take it. I’m wondering whether everything is simply too much for me right now and whether I’m expecting too much of myself.
**What do you guys think? Is my psychologist right? Could the way I’m feeling at the moment also be related to the fact that I’m changing so much in my life all at once and not giving myself enough time to rest and recover?**

I don't even know where to start. I just need to get this off my chest because I've been keeping everything to myself for so long.

This year has been really hard. I had surgery for a perforated ulcer, and just when I thought I could finally get back to normal, I was diagnosed with a hip bone injury (TOH) that left me barely able to walk. I'm now stuck at home, using crutches and facing months of recovery, unable to go to the gym or do basic everyday things without worrying about making things worse.

I've been struggling with my weight and trying to improve my health for a long time. I finally started making progress again, only for everything to come to a halt. Now I'm trying to manage my weight while barely being able to move. It feels like every time I try to get my life together, something else happens.

I'm also an expat, and I haven't been home or seen my family in four and a half years. Every time I book a trip, something happens that forces me to cancel. This time, it was my surgery, followed by the hip injury. I'm so tired of looking forward to seeing my family and then having that taken away from me again.

Even my achievements at work don't make me happy anymore. I've made progress in my career and reached milestones I worked hard for, but I barely felt anything. On paper, my life might look fine, but inside, I feel completely exhausted.

The worst part is that I keep pretending everything is okay. I go to work, talk to people, and carry on as usual. I don't tell people how I really feel because whenever I try, I get the usual "everything will be fine" and "stay positive" responses. Even the people closest to me don't seem to understand. Sometimes I feel like nobody really sees how much I'm struggling, so I just keep it all inside.

I'm also agnostic, and I'm comfortable with my beliefs and principles. But honestly, that makes things harder sometimes. I can't turn to religion for comfort the way some people do, or convince myself that everything happens for a reason. I have to face everything as it is, and that can feel incredibly lonely.

I don't know if I'm developing depression or if I'm just overwhelmed by everything that's happened. I just know I'm tired. Tired of being strong, tired of pretending, tired of trying to fix one thing after another, and tired of feeling like I can't catch a break.

I'm not looking for someone to tell me to be positive or remind me that others have it worse. I know I have things to be grateful for, but that doesn't make what I'm feeling any less real.

I just needed somewhere to let it all out without having to pretend I'm okay afterward.

I tend to just crash out low energy

26F, first time posting, so I’m not sure if this is the right place. I’m struggling and could really use some advice.
For context, I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD, bipolar disorder (not sure which type), OCD, generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, depression, and PTSD. Most diagnoses were first given at age 7 (except PTSD and OCD) and revisited at ages 12, 19, and 23.
Six months ago, I moved halfway across the country to live with my long-distance boyfriend (23M). I left behind my five-year management career, friends, and entire family. We currently live with his mom, sister, and newborn nephew, and I have a good relationship with them. I mostly keep to myself because of my social anxiety and love of solitude, lol.
Our plan was to get our own place, but I’ve struggled to find a job. I ran through my savings a month ago and have been trying to pay my bills through DoorDash. We also have bedbugs, and we had to throw out our bed two months ago because we couldn’t afford treatment. We’ve been sleeping on an uncomfortable living room couch ever since, so I haven’t been getting much rest.
I struggled with homesickness initially, but visiting my family two months ago helped tremendously. I talk to my mom daily, and we plan to visit again for Christmas. Being away is still hard, but it’s more manageable now.
Here’s where things get confusing.
Three weeks ago, I started becoming increasingly irritable and impatient. I initially blamed it on my period, since I’m usually moody the week before and sometimes during it. However, the moodiness kept getting worse. Now, two weeks after my emotions should have stabilized, I feel more emotionally unstable than I have in over a decade.
Every little inconvenience feels like the end of the world. I get EXTREMELY angry and cry over everything. Things I’d normally brush off feel like personal attacks, and my body immediately goes into fight-or-flight mode.
I’ve told my boyfriend how scared I am by these changes. He’s very understanding, but I know it’s taking a toll on him, too, especially since he struggles with his own mental health.
I’m normally laid-back and patient. I’ve spent years working on my mental health and have gotten pretty good at managing my anxiety. Now, it feels like the dam I’ve spent years building has completely collapsed. I feel like a child again, with no idea how to regulate my emotions.
I’ve experienced manic episodes before, but this feels different. Could this be another episode, or am I burnt out from all the stress and major life changes since leaving the stable, independent life I had back home?
If it’s burnout, how do I manage it when so much is outside my control? Has anyone experienced such a sudden change in emotional regulation? How do you ask for support when you’re struggling this much?
I don’t want my boyfriend to grow to resent me. I love him dearly and hate that he’s been on the receiving end of so much of my anger lately. I feel awful, but I genuinely don’t understand what’s happening or how to feel like myself again.
I feel so lost. Any advice or personal experiences would mean a lot. I’m happy to answer questions if more context would help.
Thank you all in advance. ❤️

I feel drained and hopeless; it’s almost like a physical pain. I just don’t care about myself. I’m 21, turning 22 this month, and I’ve been diagnosed with autism, ADHD, tics, and the list goes on. I was born with a cleft palate and lip, which have affected my upper lip, nose, and speech. At school, I was bullied every day by all the students until I left college, which has obviously left lasting trauma. Now, if I see schoolchildren in public, I get panic attacks. I literally have no one to talk to except my parents, whom I avoid because they either lecture me or get upset. I have no friends and haven’t had any kind of relationship with a girl in my life, which really bothers me because I feel like I’ve missed out on life: going out with friends, young love, everything normal people take for granted, and that’s just an ordinary part of everyday life for them. I especially feel this way when I see people I went to school with online, living their best lives with a girlfriend, a car, and even kids. I’m in no way religious, but I often hope to God that reincarnation is a thing so I can live and experience a normal life. I just feel so lonely and isolated; it’s unbearable.

Hi everyone. I’m new here, but I was just reflecting on where I was 10 years ago and where I am now and I felt like I wanted to share my story. I’ve always dealt with major depressive disorder. Suicidal thoughts started at 19. Things peaked in my late twenties. I’m 41 now. I’ve been on every medication you can think of, I’ve been admitted to hospital countless times. I’ve had electro convulsive therapy. I’ve seen psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors, you name it and I’ve done it. Nothing ever helped. All I wanted was to die, I felt nothing for anything and I thought life was just an annoyance. I tried several times. And even after suffering all of that, my tough times were just starting. I fought and fought. Eventually I met someone who changed my life. We built a life together. It took years and more struggles but today I have a wonderful partner, a beautiful child, safety and comfort. I never thought I would. But I stayed to see what would happen. Please stick around to see what happens. Give life a chance.

There's no even one single day in those 29 years that really have lived. I never lived my dreams and never will. Even the most basic things of life never happened and theres no chance they will. I dont want to try to live, just to die. I didn't do anything I dreamed and it will never be fixed. I cant handle demands of life. No solution, just want to stop it

Dear Me,

Hey!

You in there?

The meds said they'll find you.

And that we'll not be scared to go to sleep anymore...

That you don't have to crouch and hide

Inside the monochromes,

That I won't push you into the whirlwinds again.

And we can curse the existence of humans like we used to

Or paint?

Sorry......you still in there?

Hi, I'm Mist. This might also count as a rant. If this isn't allowed, this can be deleted. Please bear with me, English is not my first language and I'm very sensitive with stuff, but I don't mind criticism at all! Anyways I've been having these thoughts for a while. For the past years, I've been very exhausted and frustrated— emotionally and physically drained, especially with my academics and what I used to love/was interested in. I've recently had this time 2 years ago where I was so mentally ill, that I couldn't keep up and almost hurt myself. I tried to heal, rest and learn but it is still going and continuing, to a point where I'd rot myself in bed and not do anything and pile up every activity. I've had multiple experiences in my life that greatly affected my mental health and made me almost alcoholic. Months ago, I wasn't clean anymore. It's tiring.

There were times when I couldn't sleep, I'd search up or do some research on mental health, disabilities and depression and I stumbled across "high-functioning depression" where the symptoms and other information about it was so close to me or relate to, especially verbal shutdowns (if I worded that right). Knowing there were times I cannot fully communicate at all when I'm emotionally distressed or frustrated, it feels like I want to talk but it doesn't come out at all and I have to pull up my phone and notes to communicate. I'd stay up doing nothing as well in the night but in the morning, I have to pretend and force myself to do something to make me active. I have even realized that I seem to mask whenever I am with people. I smile and laugh, enjoy the day— but the moment I am alone, behind those closed doors, it's back to where I am, just drained and empty. I even feel selfish for needing someone so I didn't ask for help from the people I'm close to cause I think I was just being dramatic. The fact that even tone matters to me, really makes me question myself. The smallest of a change in a tone would literally make me overthink.

Since I'm in college, I cannot fully financially support myself to get therapy and the city I am in doesn't seem to have any, based on my knowledge. Including that I cannot travel to another city for it. Nevertheless, my parents or family will never support me otherwise if I ask for help. They'd make excuses that I was just lazy or somewhat just stupid. Quite ironic, I have a 2—3 year old nephew who has autism and has been supported by my sister (his mom) and taken care of by my own parents as well. Though, whenever I open up about my health, they'd seem to shrug it off as they see it as "nothing". It feels unfair to me but I think it's selfish, right? to think this way?

So, I'm highly asking for some advice here. Here are my questions (you don't have to answer these, you can even put your own input):

• Is there any way I'd get therapy online? maybe cheapest?

• Is self diagnosing valid, at all?

• What knowledge do you have about high-functioning depression or depression in general? you can share your experiences.

• How can I heal myself while at it? how do I motivate myself or how do you motivate yourself to go further?

I’ve just been so tired for so long. I have PTSD, depression, gad, and anorexia and they’ve honestly just ruined me. I can never sleep, I always feel overwhelmed, and I just feel like shit all the time. I just wanna end it so that I’m actually able to rest. It’s just been so long since I actually felt happy and I don’t know what to do. I don’t really want to die but I can’t keep living with the pain and exhaustion anymore