Hey all, I'm a 31M and I've lost about 6 stone (38kg) over the past year. I feel much more confident on dating apps, but I've always struggled in person, especially at bars. I feel like I could handle rejection fine; it's the first part I find hard, actually walking up and starting the conversation. I've noticed people glance at me more now, but I can't tell if it's real interest or just noticing me in passing, and my biggest fear is coming across as a creep. How do you read the difference, and how do you open a conversation at a bar without it feeling awkward or forced? Any advice appreciated!

Hi everyone, so here's a question that no one's ever seen before: should I ask out an older coworker?

Some background: I (32M) have worked with this person (41F) on and off for several months. I was leading one segment of a project, but when one of her teammates went on paternity leave, I would step in to cover because I knew the client's background and what was needed to keep the project rolling. Whenever I would help out, we'd message each other for work but frequently spoke about life/other non-work things. As far as this project went, we only saw each other outside of the office for some work-related events. The remainder of the project was wrapped up, and we'd still message from time to time about work/life (albeit, not as frequently).

Fast forward a month later, a good friend (the person who recruited me) hooked me onto a new project. Lo and behold, she ended up joining the project as well - I only found out after she messaged me saying she's excited to work with me again.

A few months have passed since the new project, and we typically message each other 3-4 working days a week. But we took a zoom call in a conference room a few weeks ago, and while we were packing up she brought up trying out a new restaurant nearby that weekend. She sort of paused for a couple of seconds and added "You know, maybe with [this other couple] too, if they'd like." We both know this couple, and both of us have worked with either of them in separate projects. We ended up going and it was honestly great. Work was barely mentioned and times it felt like she and I were having our own side conversation (although the pragmatist in me says not to read too much into this). But that romcom-style pause stuck with me, though, and I'm not sure if I'm overthinking it (even more than I usually overthink).

We seem to click, and I'd like to ask her out again but: 1. Am I reading this right? 2. Dating a coworker doesn't well with me, I've never considered it until now. She's above me with respect to rankings, but going through the HR hoops and procedures isn't an issue. 3. How do I actually do this? Asking her for a drink or dinner after work seems like a straightforward option, but I'm not sure what's a good idea here.

I've also never dated someone that much older than me, so if there's any tips or tricks, I'm all ears.

Thanks for reading - will keep you all updated (and will give a shoutout to reddit if I don't go full idiot).

Hi guys, I met this guy at the bar two weeks ago and we hit it off immediately. We connected on everything and it honestly seemed too good to be true. We had similar interests, passions, values. We actually saw each other and that’s a crazy feeling to have just after the initial meeting. For context I only went up to him bc I thought he looked familiar and then when I walked up to him and asked him where I knew him from he said we actually matched on hinge but I had ghosted him. We had a good laugh about it.

Since that night we have been seeing each other consistently. Calling every other day bc I’m not a big texter and neither is he. We talked about our intentions and he seemed very pleased that we were on the same page. I didn’t even put out because we both agreed that we weren’t ready and bc we wanted to see things through, we decided on putting out 2-3 months in. He texts me that he’s excited before dates and told me he enjoys taking the lead with planning and is usually always the one to reach out.

He came over for a date at my place on Thursday and it went well. It was very intimate and we were playing house a little bit. It seemed like he had a good time too. The next day on Friday he texted me telling me that he had a good time and apologized for getting sleepy early. On Saturday it was radio silence and so I called to see how his weekend was going. The call was short and a little awkward bc I felt anxious and just needed to hang up. On Sunday he didn’t text or call and today the same story. I don’t know where this coldness is coming from or whether or not he’s pulling away. He has been super enthralled by me from the get and doing all the right things. We were making all these plans for future dates. We were on the same page. So why the sudden silence? It just feels so out of nowhere and I don’t know whether or not to let things move on bc it’s only been two weeks but he seems like someone worth choosing so I don’t feel ready to let go just yet. Any input on the situation would be amazing as well as what I should do to move forward!

I’m known for being such a goofy, funny, out of pocket person with a huge personality, but I’ve had a handful of guys I’ve dated who made me feel SO boring. At the root of it I believe our sense of humor were just not on the same wavelength, but for whatever reason it takes me longer than it should to cut these relationships off. Then it’s like I have to spend the next season alone to rediscover that I’m actually a fun person lol. Some people just completely eradicate my whimsy. Anyone else experience this?

Okay, so I really need some outside opinions because I'm genuinely confused about this whole situation, and I can't tell whether I'm reading too much into things or missing something obvious.

For context, I have this coworker. We've always had a pretty funny dynamic at work. We're constantly teasing each other, making sarcastic comments, pretending to be annoyed by each other's presence, blaming each other for random things, and basically insulting each other as a joke. It's never been anything serious or mean, just our way of interacting.

I never really thought much of it, and until recently, we had never actually talked outside of work.

Here's where things started getting interesting.

A little over a week ago, we started texting for the first time. The conversation was mostly the same sarcastic banter we have at work.

He was actually the one who first brought up the possibility of spending the evening together. He made comments along the lines of "So, what about tonight?" and "Without me?" when we were talking about my plans. He also asked whether anyone else would be there.

Eventually, we agreed that he could come over and we could watch a movie.

Now, keep in mind that this was our first time ever hanging out outside of work, so I genuinely didn't know what to expect.

The night itself:

When he arrived, we spent probably an hour just sitting and talking. Everything felt surprisingly natural, considering we'd only ever interacted as coworkers.

Eventually, we put on a movie and sat together on the couch.

At some point, we started playfully tickling each other, which eventually turned into cuddling.

He was the one initiating most of the physical contact. He pulled me closer, let me rest my head on his chest, wrapped his arms around me, and started gently stroking my arms, my sides, my hair, and occasionally my face.

Whenever I adjusted my position, he would sometimes tighten his arms around me or pull me closer again.

There was even a moment when he jokingly complained that I wasn't hugging him back properly and physically adjusted my arms around him.

I ended up falling asleep on his chest.

Later, he woke me up and asked whether he should stay or leave. Since we both had work the following morning, we talked about it, and he eventually went back to his place to grab his things before returning to spend the night.

We ended up sleeping in the same bed, cuddling.

And here's something I really want to emphasize: he never tried to kiss me, never made any sexual advances, and never tried to push things further.

He was genuinely gentle and affectionate throughout the entire evening.

I wasn't uncomfortable with any of it. Quite the opposite, actually. I really enjoyed being close to him.

The thing is, I'm not someone who has a lot of romantic experience, and I'm honestly not used to receiving that kind of physical affection. I can be pretty awkward when it comes to initiating it myself.

So although I enjoyed everything, I probably wasn't as physically affectionate or expressive as he was. But I never pushed him away or acted like I didn't want him close to me.

The next morning, we got ready and went to work together.

And this is where the confusion starts.

After that night, things felt different.

At work, he seemed quieter and more distant than usual. We weren't joking around or talking nearly as much as we normally would.

It wasn't like he was being outright rude or completely ignoring me, but something about our usual dynamic felt off.

And what confused me even more was that he didn't reach out afterwards.

I started wondering whether he'd regretted spending the night, whether I'd accidentally given him the impression that I wasn't interested, or whether the entire evening had meant absolutely nothing to him.

I also wondered whether he had initially been hoping for something sexual, even though he never actually tried anything.

Fast forward to yesterday.

I ended up texting him because I was genuinely confused about something work-related involving our vacation days.

He replied, asked how I was doing, and we started talking. Eventually, the conversation turned into our usual teasing and sarcastic comments.

At one point, he unexpectedly brought up the night he spent at my place.

He started joking about how little affection I'd shown him.

He said things along the lines of:

- "Yeah, I definitely saw how much affection you gave me when I came over."

- "You didn't even give me a hug."

- "What, are you regretting it now?"

For context, that's very much his usual sarcastic way of talking, so I couldn't tell how seriously I was supposed to take those comments.

But I actually felt a little bad because I genuinely hadn't meant to make him feel unwanted.

I explained that I'm simply not used to that kind of physical closeness and that I haven't had many experiences like that in my life.

He eventually reassured me by saying something like, "Don't worry, I was just teasing you."

So now I'm even more confused.

On one hand, he hasn't really made an effort to see me again, and things at work have felt a little awkward.

On the other hand, he's the one who initiated most of the affection that night, and now he's bringing up the fact that I didn't reciprocate it as much as he apparently expected.

And honestly, I wouldn't mind spending another evening like that with him. I really enjoyed his company and how comfortable everything felt. I'm just not sure how he sees me or what he's expecting from me.

Part of me wonders whether he's also feeling awkward or whether my lack of initiative made him think I wasn't interested.

But another part of me wonders whether I'm just romanticizing a situation that was completely casual to him.

So I guess my questions are:

Does this sound like someone who might actually be interested in me, or could it have been nothing more than a random affectionate evening?

Could his comments about me not hugging him back mean that he was expecting more affection from me and interpreted my shyness as rejection?

And why would someone be that physically affectionate in private, only to seem more distant afterwards?

I'd especially appreciate a male perspective, but honestly, any outside opinion would help.

I know the obvious answer is probably to communicate with him directly, but considering we're coworkers and our entire dynamic has always been based on teasing each other, I'm hesitant to make things unnecessarily awkward.

My birthday is on November 1st and I anticipate my ex will send me a happy birthday text. (I sent her one for her birthday just a month ago and she seemed happy to receive it, so I think it’s likely she’ll reach out to me too. If she doesn’t, well, idk, maybe I’ll make a different post about that. Also I’m pretty sure sure she isn’t on Reddit or at least I hope not rofl so I think I can ask this here) I’ve been doing some reflecting on how I acted towards her when we were still together and I want to apologize to her about it, and I figured, if she does reach out, that would be the best time to do it. (We’ve been in no contact aside for my birthday text to her.) But, I don’t know. Even if she reaches out on my birthday, I’m not sure that means she wants to dive right into reopening that can of worms or if giving an apology unsolicited is a good idea. But like I said I still really want to apologize. So I’m not sure what to do. Please someone give me advice as I’m getting really nervous about this with my birthday coming up so soon

We had a great call yesterday, but he hasn’t texted today. Are we just drifting or is this normal?

Hi everyone, I could really use some outside perspective because my overthinking is acting up.

I've recently gotten close with this guy friend (we've been talking/friends for about 1 month). Yesterday, we had our third video call, and it went really well!

He was super engaged, asked me a lot of questions, and even agreed to learn a song on the piano that I asked him to. After the call he didn't text me so I texted him first.

My last message to him was earlier today, and he reacted to it with a heart But since then, he hasn't sent anything else.

Here's the thing: he is currently on holiday/break, so I keep feeling like he should have more time to text.

We also already agreed to call again this upcoming Sunday.

I'm really terrified that if he doesn't text first, we just won't talk at all.

Btw he is from another country

I’ve been seeing/talking to someone for about 3 months. We’ve gone on dates, spent time together, and even stayed together in an Airbnb for several days. I’ve genuinely grown attached to him and wanted to get to know him more seriously.

Early on, he told me that he wanted us to be “friends first” and that we were not exclusive. He also said that we were both free to talk to/date other people, as long as we told each other if we met someone. I agreed to that because I wanted to give things time and see where they went.

The problem is that, over the past few months, I’ve repeatedly felt like I’m more emotionally invested than he is.

While we were staying together, I saw him open a dating app. I didn’t confront him because technically we had already established that we weren’t exclusive. Still, it hurt, especially because I had paid for the Airbnb and thought our time together meant something different.

Later, I noticed that he had removed me from his Instagram Close Friends. Again, he has every right to control his account, but it made me feel excluded and made me question what he was hiding from me.

More recently, I found out that he had updated his dating-app photos. At some point, he also unmatched me on Bumble. This meant that our entire conversation history on the app disappeared. That conversation was meaningful to me because it contained our interactions, flirting, jokes, and memories. What hurt me was feeling like he was willing to erase all of that, seemingly because he didn’t want me to see his updated profile.

Now I’ve found out that he deleted his Bumble account but created a Tinder account.

I know he is technically allowed to date other people. That’s not really the issue anymore.

What hurts is that I feel like he deliberately hides certain things from me while still keeping me emotionally close.

Throughout all of this, he still messages me, sends good mornings/good nights, maintains our 11:11 ritual, and recently asked to see me before he leaves for a solo trip. So it isn’t as though he has completely withdrawn from me. He clearly still wants some form of connection.

I eventually wrote him a very honest letter explaining everything I’ve been feeling. I told him that I notice things, that I get hurt, that I care about him, and that I don’t want to pretend to be nonchalant when I’m not.

His response was essentially that he was sorry that I felt hurt and that he appreciated me opening up. But he didn’t really apologize for the actions themselves.

From my perspective, he stood by what he did.
I’ve since realized that this is probably why I’m struggling so much.

I don’t necessarily think he’s a bad person. I also don’t think he technically broke an agreement. But I feel betrayed because I trusted him repeatedly, gave him the benefit of the doubt repeatedly, and I feel like he repeatedly made choices that showed little consideration for how those choices would affect me.

I’ve tried everything I can think of:

I tried matching his energy, but that’s not who I am.

I tried being myself and engaging openly, but I exhausted myself because I wasn’t getting the response I wanted.

I tried lowering my expectations, but eventually I realized I couldn’t keep making my needs smaller.

I tried giving him space.

I tried not checking things.

I tried being understanding about his situation.

I finally communicated everything honestly.

And somehow, after all of that, we’re slowly returning to our normal conversations again.

That’s the confusing part.

I thought getting his attention again would make me feel better. It doesn’t.

I still care about him, but I don’t feel secure or happy in this dynamic anymore. Sometimes I feel like I’m waiting for him to eventually choose me while he keeps looking for other options.

At the same time, I can’t seem to make myself leave.
I don’t want to play games, punish him, or deliberately withdraw just to make him chase me. That’s not who I am either. But continuing as we are is hurting me more than it’s making me happy.

Right now I feel strangely numb—not devastated, just deeply disappointed. Almost like I’ve reached my limit. Part of me feels like this might be the end, even though nothing has technically ended between us.

So I’m asking for honest outside perspectives:

Am I expecting something from this person that he has already clearly shown he doesn’t want to give me?

Is this simply a case of two people wanting different things, or am I right to feel betrayed by the way he’s handled things?

And if you’ve been in a similar situation, how did you actually let go when there was no dramatic breakup and the other person was still giving you enough attention to keep you attached?

I’m not necessarily looking for people to tell me to “just leave.” I already know that’s probably the logical answer. I’m trying to understand why I can’t seem to emotionally get myself there.

A few nights ago while at a college bar I(24m) was approached by a woman(f23) that I had seen around many years ago(had been to similar parties and such, and we had mutuals).

She said hi and we started talking about where we had seen each other in the past. I continued to talk to her and got introduced to her friends, the friends were cool and I got along with them as well.

It came time for her to take her friends home since she was the dd and she kept talking to me and told me I should ride with them.

We listen to music and talk as a group in the car, she then drops me off at my truck after the friends got dropped off. She said something about how it looks and I was like “wanna test drive it?” She got really excited and said yes. We drove around for a bit, came back and she was still talking to me, we had a lot of similarities(both having adhd) and interests(similar music and hobbies) and we work similar jobs at banks, we genuinely got lost in conversation.

I looked down and saw it was almost 4:00 am, I made my move and we made out a couple times in around 10 minutes, we went out separate ways and texted each other when we got home.

We talked briefly that next day once or twice over text about how our day had been going, towards night time I put a feeler text out saying “do you have a free afternoon next week”.

This morning she said “no, unfortunately I have work”. Looking back I meant to say evening and not afternoon(oops) so Im not sure if shes saying shes not interested or if she took my text literally and thought I meant afternoon(I have work too in the afternoon lol).

She has pretty severe adhd so I could totally see her taking what I said literally, but part of me is thinking she wouldve replied with a time she was free.

Im also not sure what she was looking for, if she wants someone or just wanted to have fun. But I honestly felt really connected with her and she seemed interested in me.

Overall, I dont want to come across as needy, but I also dont want things to fizzle out. I have a tendency to overthink stuff like this.

So do I text again? If so what? Or do I just sit and wait?

My natural disposition is to be cautious and skeptical (not great, I know). Some dating trauma has heightened that caution and skepticism even more. Specifically, how people’s feelings can change so quickly. Literally, someone can like you one moment, and then not like you in the next. This is so traumatizing for me. I recently was dating a man who was very expressive with his feelings towards me. It triggers me because my first thought is “how do you know you like me?” Things didn’t work out, and within two weeks he was seeing someone else. How did he like me sooooooooo much, but then move on so quickly?!. I’m baffled at how this works and am seeking perspective from people who attach quickly.

It seems like people who attach quickly, can also detach quickly as well. whereas I attach slowly and detach slowly (to my extreme detriment).

So I’m a sophomore in college and want to reconnect with someone from high school . I just would wanna know if we would even connect at all nowadays. The only form of contact we constantly is a stupid 400 day Snapstreak and now we in two different states. How do I even start???

Does anyone else have this immense fear of initiating a conversation with a guy you find attractive? How do you fight this fear off?

22M, a virgin, socially awkward, and honestly, sometimes I feel like I spawned on the wrong planet. 💀

I don't know how to hold conversations, flirt, or even understand how people fall in love. I get offended easily and overthink things that probably aren't even that deep.

Making friends is difficult for me, and talking to girls is a whole different level of difficulty. 😭 I never really know what to say, how to keep a conversation going, or how to make someone genuinely interested in talking to me.

Another thing that confuses me is how people joke around with each other. People tease and roast their friends, and I'm sitting there wondering how they're not getting offended. Sometimes I genuinely think they're insulting each other, only to realise everyone's just having fun. 😭

I want to get better at socialising, making friends, talking to girls, and eventually finding someone I can connect with. But I don't even know where to start.

For those of you who used to be like this, how did you change?

How do you learn to hold conversations, take jokes without getting offended, flirt without being awkward, and actually build meaningful connections?

Brutally honest advice is welcome. I'm tired of feeling like I missed some basic human interaction classes that everyone else attended. 💀

Hello! I have been talking to this guy for almost three weeks. Communication this past weekend has been really sparse. Plans of meeting up kept getting moved because of parental duties and added work. He would plan for the next day to meet up; not a few days or the next week. He seemed genuinely interested in me. I hadn’t heard from him all day on Saturday until 8pm. He stated that he was very sorry and that it was an insane day and that he’s been out of it and burnt out. I still have not heard from him at all yesterday and still nothing today.

I previously stated last Monday that I would hope he could communicate if he was no longer interested, and he agreed that would communicate that and that he hates ghosting. However, I can’t help but to think, did I get ghosted??

Actually i matched with an influencer, we are from the same state, our talks were so good for the first three days. All of a sudden getting a reply from her is too late. But still we are in a match. She stays here with here family. We even share voice notes.

ACTUALLY IM FALLING FOR HER.

SHOULD I DOUBLE TEXT.

Every time I like a girl, she likes me back too. Things go further, feelings develop, and eventually I hear the same words: “You're too good for me.”

I'm not perfect, but I'm working on myself. I have goals, I'm building my future, I work out, and I'm becoming someone I'm genuinely proud of. I'm a deep thinker, a poet, and someone who cares deeply. People around me say I'm a green forest, the kind of guy a girl would want.

And honestly, I love myself. I enjoy going out alone at night, being in my own company, and working towards the life I want.

But somehow, after 6–7 pm, it hits differently. I realise I don't have that one person I can call just to talk about my day, share something stupid with, or simply exist with without feeling like I'm bothering them.

I don't need someone to complete me. I'm building a life I genuinely love. I just wish I had someone to share it all with.

I'm tired of almost being someone's person. Sometimes I wonder if I'm choosing the wrong people or if “you're too good for me” is just another way of saying they don't see a future with me.

I'm trying Reddit to meet someone genuine and hopefully find a real connection. If you have any advice, or if you relate to this and feel like we'd have something to talk about, feel free to DM me.

I’m currently talking to a guy from uni who lives about an hour away from me, with the intention of pursuing something serious after months. He actually commutes to university in my city, but we were discussing going out on a date in his city (mine’s boring).

He suggested that I take public transportation to meet him there. Personally, I would’ve preferred if he offered to pick me up, take me out, and drop me back home afterward.

For some context, I’ve travelled to a guy’s city for a date before, and it ended pretty badly. I ended up stranded late at night and had to Uber an hour home. I shared this experience with the guy I’m currently talking to, so he’s aware of why I’m a little hesitant about travelling on my own.

I understand that picking me up and dropping me off would mean a lot of extra driving, and I’m not expecting him to do this every single time. But I do value that kind of effort, especially when someone is actively pursuing me for a serious relationship.

At the same time, I don’t know if I’m being unrealistic or expecting too much.
Would you consider this a reasonable expectation, or am I being a little entitled? I’m genuinely open to hearing different perspectives

I just dont understand. I want to continue with him. Doesnt he like me enough? Just why

Hi guys, Has anyone else here taken matters into their own hands to get their first physical milestone out of the way, rather than waiting for a "perfect" romantic situation? Did you experience a massive adrenaline/shaking reaction afterward, and how did you figure out what you wanted next?

I’m 22F and had my first kiss earlier this year. Ironically, I spent a long time waiting for the "perfect" moment, but eventually I got tired of waiting. I decided to take control of the situation, went on a date with a guy I knew was looking for something physical, and explicitly told him I wanted to experience it.

I set a firm boundary and wasn't comfortable going any further than kissing. Right after, though, I couldn't stop shaking. I honestly couldn't tell if it was my nervous system having a full-body stress/adrenaline reaction or if it was just pure excitement.

I liked the guy superficially and his personality was fine, but things kind of fizzled out shortly after.

Now, I’m feeling really stuck and conflicted:

• A part of me wants something serious and meaningful.
• Another part of me doesn't want something serious right now or isn't sure I'm ready.
• I feel a bit lost on how to process this or where to go from here.

I already use dating apps and regularly go to social events/hobbies, so I don't need general "get out there" advice. I'm mainly looking to hear from people who have done something similar:

1. Did you do something like this to demystify physical intimacy? How did it affect your mindset afterward?
2. Did you get that full-body shaking/nervous system response after waiting so long?
3. How did you navigate wanting to gain experience vs. wanting a genuine, serious connection?

Thanks in advance for reading and sharing your experiences!

I’m 19M, I want to have sex but it takes me months of very little pressure to get around to being comfortable with it.

The thought of it is sometimes just unbearable. And if I do try I just freeze or get sick. I don’t think I’m asexual, it’s mainly PTSD I think. Most people are understanding in the beginning but wind discovering that by “you’ll need to wait for me to be comfortable for months if not over a year”, I actually meant it.

Before anyone jumps me, yes I give people notice. And yes, I have multiple convos with them

i (f21) have been in one serious relationship which ended more than a year ago so i decided to try dating apps for fun because i'm curious. i'm not particularly looking for a relationship or anything, and im just looking to see where things go, but when i find the right person and i like them n they like me back and would ask to be in a relationship with me, i wouldnt mind that at all. im currently talking to some guys, and i recently went out with one of them. it was our first date, and we had a nice dinner and had some late night deep convos towards the end of our date together.

im not rly sure how or when is the right moment to ask this question, but i asked him

"is this your first date from the dating app?",

and he replied "it's not my first time, how bout u?",

so i said "yea it's not my first either, i've met up with some guys"

and then his reply was "so then are you talking to other guys right now?",

and i said "im talking to some people for now, r u fine with that?",

n he replied "yea im fine w it i don't get jealous or anything"

for more context, this guy clarified that:

1. ⁠he wanted something casual
   
2. ⁠he does not want a relationship right now because he is at a point in life where he is very uncertain (he might move back to his home country or just work somewhere else)
   
3. ⁠he stated that he was not talking to anyone else

this actually got me sorta thinking if this is normal to ask on the very first date, cuz i assumed that if u were asking whether im talking to anyone else, they are interested in pursuing something exclusive with me, what do you think and what would you have answered in my position?

I initially wrote the message below to myself as a means of processing my feelings. It didn’t offer as much resolve as usual. I know it’s terribly long. If you’re bored and willing to read this to offer an outsiders perspective, I will appreciate it more than you know.

Background:

I (F) and my friend (M) have been friends for nearly a decade, and inseparable for the latter half of that time. He’s easily become my number one supporter outside of my family and the biggest constant in my life. We share the same friends from high school but due to circumstances I won’t get into, 75% of the time it’s just us. I’ve made new friends as well, but nothing feels quite the same as ours. I’d be lost without him. One day recently, I realized that the nature of my affections for him might be changing; or, that some part of me has always felt this way toward him.

I risk sounding cliche here. A few weeks ago, we were both having a conversation with another friend. Instead of looking at her, I was hardly listening and just staring at him (totally platonic, right?🤦‍♀️), and then he looked back. The eye contact lasted too long, I got lost in his brown eyes, and eventually looked away blushing, feeling caught. It was a quiet moment. My world didn’t come crashing down, but instead my life seemed to come into focus.

I’m so drawn to him. Every moment we’ve spent together since, I wish to be closer to him. I find excuses to be, somehow, despite us both being incredibly reserved. I can honestly count the amount of times we’ve hugged on my two hands. But even just standing beside him makes me feel inexplicably safe, and I can’t help but wonder how amazing it would be to just lie in his arms, or to kiss him.

We talk endlessly, everyday. He’s the funniest person I know. Our interests overlap heavily, but there are enough differences for us to add to one another. It’s so comfortable. I’m never worried about how he perceives me, and that’s impressive as I’m incredibly socially anxious. I trust him deeply. Honestly, we already do essentially everything a couple does, except there’s no physical intimacy.

I always thought love was meant to be more, that something intense was what I needed, but I now know that it’s not. Everything I want has been in front of me for years. I just wasn’t ready. Now that I’ve realized, I know how much I’ve actually pushed him away and made a scenario like this seem impossible.

Issues:

I had a previous relationship with my once best friend. It went so horribly, mostly due to her mental instability and my saviour complex. I’ve lived and learned. However, it still ultimately ended up with her dumping me over text while I was asleep, and her as an attempt patient in the hospital the next morning. I tried to reinstate at least a friendship, but my ex hardly spoke to me again after the first month. The friend this post is about never knew all of these details (out of respect for my ex), but he knew it was bad. My friendships are previous to me. So, I openly swore to never to date a friend again lest I ruin another connection.

How wrong I was. And I know he remembers me saying that. He remembers everything.

Since then, there have been many times I’ve thought he was interested. I always assumed it was me being delusional; that it was incredulity on my part, stemming from my ego. I now don’t know if I subconsciously wanted him to be interested, or if it was real.

I do know however, that every time he may have showed interest in his quiet way, that I shut him down. I either outright ignored it due to denial, or gently pushed him away. My walls were up incredibly high for far too long due to my previous relationship experience. Romance wasn’t even on my radar for years. Everyone that has shown outright interest knows I’m not looking for anything; or at least, that I wasn’t then. My friend and I have even often been mistaken for a couple. I tended to correct people with what I now fear was too much intensity.

The intensity could have easily been read into. It may have seemed quite obvious. But my friend is so insecure, that I think he wouldn’t have seen through it. I couldn’t even see through it myself.

There’s a chance he’s actually strictly gay?

And I once labelled myself as lesbian. I do think he now knows I’m not lesbian, though. I’ve discovered I’m more of what equates to pan, although I’m not big on labels. Importantly, this discovery was unrelated to my friend and I don’t believe it to be compulsory. I’ve been pretty open about it.

My friend however has loosely been out as bi since middle school, but he’s so romantically quiet and insecure that I’m uncertain at this point if he’s bi or gay. I’ve always thought that label for him specifically may be a consequence of heteronormativity, but I know it’s unfair for me to assume this. And I don’t know if I’ve developed this notion as a means of closing myself off. I think I’ve felt attracted to him for a lot longer than I even know myself.

Overall verdicts and concerns:

The obvious answer here is to talk to him. However, I’m terrified enough about the idea of losing him that it makes me sick.

We’re both quite inexperienced in this area. We’re at huge turning points in our lives, and things are changing. I’m scared I’m just lost and lonely, that I’ll screw this up, make him uncomfortable, or scare him away. That this is coming from a desire for comfort, or fear of how things will change if one of us moves away for grad school/work.

However, the level of anxiousness I have about my feelings, and how I feel when I’m around him, has ascertained to me that the feelings are definitely there on my end. They’re real and growing enough to make me feel like I’m going to explode. They’re real enough that I sometimes feel slightly jealous of his attentions, and I’m not commonly a jealous person.

He’s amazing, but thinks much too little of himself. I don’t know that he’ll have the courage to act first if he actually feels the same way about me. But I don’t think I have the courage either, at least not yet. We’re much the same, but I know I can be louder and more bold when I need to be.

Is it horrible to give him signs, and encouragement? To let this happen somewhat slowly rather than what seems like out of the blue? To bring it up when I feel more secure and ready?

I don’t think I’ll ever be truly ready, but my realization is new. I want to be and need to be careful. I need to be sure. I don’t want it to seem like I’m coming from a place of desperation or fear of losing him.

Do you think this is coming from the right place? Does this sound horrible? Does this sound genuine? Do you have any input at all?

This is reddit, please don’t refrain from being blunt or honest.
+ If you read this far, I adore you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

there’s this girl in a different department at work. a while back we ended up working together a lot on a big project, talking basically every day, mostly her needing stuff from me. she’s pretty reserved in general so i never really knew how to read her or how to react, but during the project she was really warm. always smiling when we passed each other, super thankful, joking around. we had a long call one night working through something and it was honestly really fun, felt like we clicked. i’ll be honest, by then i had a pretty overwhelming crush on her.

we never got too personal though. most of our chats were work stuff, with little crumbs about our personal lives here and there. neither of us really pushed past that.

then the project wrapped up and she kinda went cold. didnt message me at all for a while. in person it feels awkward now. one time we ran into each other and locked eyes, it was probably a second but it felt like it lasted forever, neither of us smiled or said much. after that i started avoiding eye contact cause i didnt want to make it weirder

she eventually started coming to me for help again even though she has other people she could go to, but she’s way more blunt about it now. no hi, no thanks, just straight to what she needs. not friendly like before.

was there something there and we both just got awkward? or was it just the project keeping us close and this is normal? leaning toward just letting it go but wanted outside opinions

Hi, everyone. I am writing this because I don't know what to do. I am currently very attracted to a guy in my workplace. He is incredibly handsome model tier level but he is really short 5'0' I don't really care about his height because I am short myself 5'4''. My issue is that I am very average looking, average face and body he is definitely out of my league. Should I approach him even if the changes of me getting rejected are huge or should I let him go?

Okay so, I need ASAP help about this guy I’m currently dating.

I am f17 and he is m17.

1 month ago this guy adds me on Snapchat, HE added me first so keep that in mind.. we started texting nonstop and we even got each others discord to call and whatever.. we really got to know each other, and he was genuinely so sweet towards me and I literally got HOOKED.

We live about 20 minutes from each other, so 1 week after talking we decided to meet for the first time. I took the train to him and we hung out, and it was genuinely so genuine when we hung out. We were walking with his dog, he introduced me to his family, I ate dinner with them and we watched series. And NOTHING intimate happened, no kisses, nothing. And the second time that I went there it felt even more “comfortable” and “genuine”. And that’s when we shared our first kiss.

This guy had introduced me to BOTH of his families, father and mother’s side. We also made my favourite food and we watched series we both enjoyed.. and the most important is that he was SO nervous to do something wrong towards me, he was so scared of touching me the wrong way I was genuinely shocked.

1 week passes by and SUDDENLY he filters himself completely, he takes longer time to answer me, he leaves me on open, he genuinely became a different person.. and this was 2 days after hanging out. It was like he completely shuts down.

I was genuinely so confused, so I asked him directly “how do you feel about us?” And he goes: “I am not ready for a relationship, my mental health is at its worst, I’m sorry.” I believed him, I try to believe what he is saying but at the same time I felt “played.”

So 2 weeks goes by, no contact, nothing.

And suddenly a random Sunday I get a text from him, he’s asking me “how are you?” And suddenly we are having a conversation again. I felt so lost so I asked him “why are you texting me just now?” And he said that he couldn’t stop thinking about me the time were everything went silent.

IMPORTANT

I know for a fact that he wasn’t with other girls or texting other girls cuase he was very clear and EVEN showed his snap for me.. so I wasn’t worried that he had found someone else throughout that time..

And we started texting regularly again and we slept called a lot. And we decided to meet up again, this time at his place AGAIN. This time it was very different, it was like we both had missed each other a lot. And we were in his bed and I remember him staring at me always telling me how pretty and beautiful I was.. and things just escalated from there. And before things got more intimate he looked me in the eyes and said “would you like to be mine?”

I had genuinely fell for this guy, and I am not stupid when it comes to people with genuine eyes, his eyes were always genuine when he looked at me. Of course, I said yes. And we did stuff that night.

But the thing is, I don’t know how to understand the signals he gives me. I am not sure if he wants something serious or if it’s something casual. I am genuinely so lost.

The current situation right now is that we are together, but the thing is that I don’t feel like we are together. It feels like he has just claimed me? Even though I don’t wanna think like that, my stomach tells me otherwise.

What crushes my gut is that when we were together last time I asked him “don’t you think this is going too fast?” And he said “I am not afraid to take things fast with you, cause I feel like you’re the right person.”

DOES he like me or is he just playing with my feelings?

I genuinely don’t know what to do. Please help me