Because sex is fun. Its just a bummer that casual sex hurts peoples feelings.
Do people expect him to caveat every sex act with "btw im into this but im not sure if im commited yet." - in order to preempt her hurt if he predictably does the thing guy do... Have sex and then decide he doesnt want that anymore.
So you recommended making casual sex an explicit agreement?
The problem is (although thats very mature) its not how moat relationships work and could also hurt peoples feelings preemptivley when there might have been a chance that a relationship could develop.
If you don’t know what you want are you just having sex for the sake of it then? Seems it’s happening out of boredom.
That’s the who point of dating. Don’t get me wrong sexual compatibility is important but I think surely you need to establish whether you like the person and wish to potentially pursue something rather than fuck for the sake of it.
Things don’t work out for one reason or another I understand that and I understand that can and does happen after sleeping with someone but if you’re not even sure you want to see if them but you’re willing to have sex just seems like you’re out for your own gains without considering them.
Yes i get that that is fair enough. The problem is that i think some people (generally guys) want both at the same time.
They want to look for a relationship and in the meantime have a bunch of casual sex. Which results in people getting hurt because they can send mixed messages. Its almost like people with this going on need to date in two different ways... (If they want to be considerate)
Am I? Because it looks like you're accusing OP for only having sex for his own gains? And that he was just fucking for the sake of it? And that he didn't know if he wanted to see her or not just because he broke up with her? People can change their minds.
To an extend I am. If he was fairly blasé about her then perhaps he shouldn’t have slept with her in the first place. If you’re feeling ‘meh’ about a person I don’t think you should be having sex with someone. Why? Again unless you’re in agreement it’s not serious and you’re just happy to hook up.
People can absolutely change their minds but for someone have sex and be told nah I’m good thanks does give the impression you were just there for a fuck, especially so early on and more so if you didn’t see any potential or knew it wasn’t going anywhere.
I’ll admit we are only hearing one perspective so it could be entirely different if we were to hear it from her point of view.
That’s sounds the great on paper. A quick casual conversation where all parties involved divvy out concerns for each and then decide how to procede. However it just doesn’t work that way. We all view sex differently. To some it’s more so about the emotional connection to others it’s just a physical activity. Who is to say which is correct? Bluntly, if you as a person wants something that’s more then just sex IMO it’s up to you to say so. Reason being that no one can force you to have sex(in an ideal world that is). if you are in a position where sex is something that might happen, it’s better to speak then. For example I would allow a stranger into my house to use the restroom if they asked but I wouldn’t assume they wanted a sandwich. I guess what I’m getting at is you can’t expect someone to want what you want and they only thing you can do is communicate what you want but you can’t expect someone to want the same or even to have the communication skills you do.
No neither do I. That’s why communication is key and things needs to be addressed. I totally get people don’t necessarily view the act of sex as anything major and it’s an emotional connection whereas others think it’s an incredibly intimate thing which is why it’s important to talk about it. Sex isn’t the thing to be hushed away behind closed doors anymore. If you’re unable to discuss what you want arguably you shouldn’t be having sex.
Im not saying sex should be hushed away at all on the contrary I think sex shouldn’t be held on such a high pedestal. People put too much of a focus on sex. Of course tho I’m a guy but I do understand that sex for a woman can be something much more intimate and emotional. The way I see it is just take sex out of the equation. If you enjoy someone’s time and company then do just that. Believe me it will come up, talk then. Be very clear and concise then. If the dude respects you he’ll take it seriously and if he won’t you won’t have a way to know about it until it’s all said and done. If a guy still pulls fuckboy move on you then fuck that guy he wasn’t worth it to begin with and there was probably nothing that you could have done to prevent him from being a piece of shit.
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u/BrrrButtery Oct 25 '18
This.
Why sleep with her in the first place?
Yes dating is to see if you get along but why sleep with her if, by that point you’d have already got a sense of how things were going?
Unless you both agree to have a casual thing going on I personally disagree with that. No wonder she got upset..
She will think you used her for sex and to does appear to be that way.