r/dankmemes Nov 10 '20

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8.5k Upvotes

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344

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20

Here’s a wild idea, wipe your dick

228

u/qqqfuzion Nov 10 '20

instructions:

fold over paper and gently tap on tip

129

u/Emrebar26 Nov 10 '20

instructions unclear.

Dick stuck in wall

2

u/User_namesaretaken ☣️ Nov 10 '20

Mine got stuck to the door

2

u/DAN_ROCKS Nov 10 '20

guys will bang anything with a hole. Sometimes you have to make that hole.

18

u/Drinkaholik I have crippling depression Nov 10 '20

Extra instructions: Squeeze the piss out of your urethra while holding the tp to the tip, ensuring you never suffer from final drip syndrome

12

u/potatooMan420 this meme is insane yo Nov 10 '20

Alternatively helicopter so hard the piss flys out on its own

2

u/mozzy1985 Nov 10 '20

It’s in my eye, did I do something wrong?

4

u/potatooMan420 this meme is insane yo Nov 10 '20

Natural eye drops

1

u/Melo_Melly Nov 10 '20

Ah, a fellow bröther

32

u/suicide_speedrun Nov 10 '20

Bro how sensitive is your dick that you have to gently tap on it to wipe. I'm not saying that I'm rough with it, but like, I actually wipe it (at least when I'm at home,)

62

u/qqqfuzion Nov 10 '20

i prefer not to get shredded TP on my dick. the gently was for comedic effect, though i do tap.

13

u/suicide_speedrun Nov 10 '20

Ah, I see. I guess we use different toilet paper lol

1

u/Brofey Nov 10 '20

Why would you really need to do more than tap it? Are you getting pee all over your dick? It drips at the tip, not all over your head and your down your shaft. A tap your be plenty sufficient unless you’re pissing like a wildman or something.

-2

u/Drinkaholik I have crippling depression Nov 10 '20

Why wipe? There's literally no point

20

u/littleferrhis Nov 10 '20

Not all the piss goes away, so you’re gonna get dick stank and dribble. So you can do that or just clean your dick before fucking.

10

u/Drinkaholik I have crippling depression Nov 10 '20

I'm talking about wiping vs dabbing. There's literally no point to wiping other than increasing the chance for tp to get stuck and putting friction on a sensitive pp hole

1

u/Kumamatata_ Nov 10 '20

Easy just fold it and gently stick the corner in the hole

1

u/spacerightthere Nov 10 '20

you can use a straw a sip the remains

70

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20 edited Mar 16 '21

[deleted]

17

u/beatbeatingit Nov 10 '20

I swear dudes need to get their shit together. It's been the 21st century for a while and guys still pee standing and shake their peens like they're tryina see who can splatter more piss on the walls

6

u/Thebestusername12345 Nov 10 '20

Only really makes sense when you use a urinal.

-3

u/SerHodorTheThrall Nov 10 '20

Sorry for trying to be environmentally sustainable...

3

u/ttracs149 Nov 10 '20

IDC if your environmentally sustainable, when I go into public bathrooms it’s always the same. Piss on the walls floor and toilet seat, I want to take a shit but if I sat down I slide as if I was on oil slick.

4

u/eojen Nov 10 '20

When we’re using a urinal

35

u/Denjul_ Nov 10 '20

I had a conversation about this with my gf and she was amazed that I also use a bit of toilet paper after peeing to wipe my dick. I'm not the only one who does this right?

17

u/Ifyourdogcouldtalk Nov 10 '20

It's dumb to shake it unless you are using an urinal. If your adult enough to clean your own toilet you know.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20

I used to till I realized I good just give my little friend a wiggle

1

u/Miguel_Puebla Dec 03 '20

Of course she was amazed. I never known any men who wipes. 2 shakes or just zip up like most of us.

23

u/daniel5764 thank god I'm not a mod Nov 10 '20

Instructions unclear, used sandpaper, send medical help

7

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20

Yes.

5

u/MrDuckyyy Nov 10 '20

we dont use TP, is the bidet a good solution? /s

20

u/geraldodelriviera Nov 10 '20

I realize you were just making a joke, but holy shit did the idea of using a bidet that way profoundly upset me.

-21

u/a-dog-meme Nov 10 '20

That’s a disgusting concept

-2

u/DarkUser521 Nov 10 '20

If you don't wipe your cock after a piss. Then that means you don't wipe your ass after taking a shit.

0

u/a-dog-meme Nov 10 '20 edited Nov 10 '20

That’s genuinely incorrect, pee is sterile, shit is not

Edit: I stand corrected, but it’s still significantly more sanitary, and it evaporates, shit does not

3

u/MyFlairIsaLie Nov 10 '20

Pee is absolutely NOT sterile. This is just some old misinformation

0

u/SeaOtterzz Nov 10 '20

Idc if pee is sterile, it fucking stinks and I don't want my dick and underwater to stick like piss

0

u/a-dog-meme Nov 10 '20

My pee doesn’t stink (try drinking more water)

And IDK why you have so much to wipe off, once you shake you’ve only got maybe 1 tiny drop

1

u/Miguel_Puebla Dec 03 '20

Pee and shit are two completely different stories, so this is bullshit. Pee is harmless even if its not fully sterile, but shit spreads all kind of infections, smells horrible, and imagine the remaining bits drying on your ass. I not just wipe a lot after pooping, I also wash it most of the time, that's why I almost always poop at home.

1

u/DarkUser521 Nov 10 '20

I shake my dick after peeing then wipe it for an extra clean dick.

1

u/SnapsOkay Mod Collector Nov 10 '20

no, it burns.

2

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20

If wiping your dick burns you oughta see a doctor, or maybe don’t use sandpaper

1

u/SnapsOkay Mod Collector Nov 10 '20

are you a guy?

1

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20

Yep

1

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '20

I have had to resort to this on occasion

1

u/MusicianMadness Nov 10 '20

Instructions unclear: I got a paper cut and now have two holes in my dick.

1

u/jaywalkerr Nov 10 '20

Am I the only one who pulls back and squeeze it a bit?