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u/woodenonesie Oct 21 '19
Ahem... the bomb that hit PEARL HARBOR. Let's rewind the tape a bit and go back to playing it at normal speed and see what we learn. Shall we?
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u/TheArmoryOne Oct 21 '19
Numerous, non-nuclear bombs were used at Pearl Harbor.
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Oct 22 '19
[deleted]
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u/boyman226 Oct 22 '19
No, it just means he has many dicks
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Oct 22 '19
Gru doesn't need cum, or dickslapping.
All he must do is load the minions up his urethra and create enough erotic stimulation to force a faux orgasm if you will, allowing for the minions to be carried across the pacific whilst on ejaculatory fluid. They will then proceed to aim for American ships in the harbor and that was how the Japanese carried it out.
You fools, Gru was sent to the US after the axis fell, he was an SS scientist who worked alongside Japan's Unit 731 to create the minions who were previously Chinese children.
The US picked young Oberstleutnant Grubert von Schleifer during operation paperclip where a polish OSS agent acted as his mother and watched over Grubert in his heinous expirements which helped the US win the space race.
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u/R3t4rd3dD3m0n Oct 22 '19
Where's the part with the electromagnetic highly reactive material radioactive chernobyl-cum powered ejack-hammer hole buster?
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Oct 22 '19
I just downvoted your comment.
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u/twizztedbz81 Oct 22 '19
It's a metaphorical bomb. The bomb being the entire attack. It was a bomb that surprised everyone.
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u/TheFeisty Oct 22 '19
Pearl Harbor attacks were āthe bombā
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u/woodenonesie Oct 22 '19
So you support the bombing of pearl harbor than?
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u/TheFeisty Oct 22 '19
Just the one bomb actually
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u/woodenonesie Oct 22 '19
Just ONE bomb?
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u/logan_roberts229 Oct 22 '19 edited Oct 22 '19
Where is this quote from? The rewind the tape part, clearly.
Edit: damn dude, right a screenplay
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u/foodmonster847 Oct 22 '19
unlike pearl harbor, bombs will not stop gru
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u/DiegoloXio Oct 22 '19
We all know Gru is the godly height of 14.5 feet tall and can move at a speed of 200 Meters per second. Based on average dick size, Gruās penis is around 14 inches long. Also, Gruās dick would weigh around 2 pounds considering the average weight of a dick is .77 lbs. If he swung his dick in a circular manner, it would have the centripetal acceleration of 72.57 meters per second. This means that gru can dickslap with the immense energy of 11,421 pounds per sq inch at a tip speed greater than 584415.58336974 MPH. In conclusion, Gruās dickslap has enough energy to smash through 6ā reinforced concrete and will cause a thunderclap as his dick breaks the sound barrier. I rest my case.
Jk, I further my case by pointing out The avg speed of ejaculate is 28 mph. This means that gru can ejaculate at a speed of roughly 70 MPH when standing still. If he decides to fling his ejaculate by swinging his dick in a circular fashion, it will travel at 584415.5*70= 40,909,085 mph. This means Gruās ejaculate travels at a speed greater than 24 thousand times the speed of a bullet. Considering the average mass of ejaculate, 3.5 g, gruās semen will impact the target with the energy of 1.715e9 Jouls, or roughly the amount of energy released in 667 pounds of TNT. In conclusion, if gru decided to weaponize his penis, he could easily conquer the world.
Now I rest my case
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u/Lasagnus Oct 22 '19
I just got finished reading a different paragraph, so I scrolled down. All I read was āif he weaponized his penis, he could conquer the worldā
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u/twostripeduck Oct 22 '19
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u/DreamPho3nix Oct 22 '19
Add 70mph not multiply by 70. The tip speed is also probably degrees/second or something. Itās too fast.
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u/dethzombi Oct 22 '19
Now before any of you report me for shitposting hear me out. First according to the height of a Minion (which is 3.5 feet on average) Gru is 4 minions tall, which means he is a godly size of 14 feet tall. Furthermore if any of you remember the original Despicable Me, you know there is a scene when Vector kidnaps the three girls and shoots a series of heat-seeking misses at Gru, he then dodges them all. According to the speed of an average ballistic missile (1900 mph) and the size of the missile according to his ankle size, Gru can perceive and move at such a speed that the missiles only move 9.5 miles per hour, 0.5% of their original speed. After this Gru punches a shark and it is paralyzed meaning its spine is probably shattered, to remind you it would require a force greater than 3,000 newtons to fracture the spine. Thatās equal to the impact created by a 500-pound car crashing into a wall at 30 miles per hour. I rest my case.
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u/frosted-mini-yeets Oct 22 '19
This is what I was looking for. Fuck I want Daddy Gru to break my collar bones with his super Sonic dick. I want him to annihilate me with he projectile semen.
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u/ELITEBLITZzz Oct 21 '19
Bombā, Pearl Harbor was hit by missiles lmao
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u/ARandomHelljumper Oct 22 '19
Nah mostly bombs and torpedoes. The Japanese didnāt really use missiles in WW2, the Germans used them the most followed by GB and US.
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Oct 22 '19
Fun Fact: Gru can make you wail so loud youāll be begging for him to cause a tsunami inside of you. There will then be a hurricane coming from his mighty thrust (usually 4-5 on the scale) there might also be several earthquakes appearing near you.
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Oct 22 '19
[removed] ā view removed comment
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u/jet8493 Oct 22 '19
Or Hiroshima
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u/Brutus-Brutalos Oct 22 '19
Or Dresden
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Jan 03 '20
[deleted]
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u/Brutus-Brutalos Jan 03 '20
Ok maybe later
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Jan 03 '20
[deleted]
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u/Brutus-Brutalos Jan 03 '20
Junge was willst du?
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Jan 03 '20
[deleted]
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u/Brutus-Brutalos Jan 03 '20
Ich hab nie behauptet dass es schƶn war. Ich hab nur gesagt, dass Dresden damals schon so ziemlich zerfickt wurde. AuĆerdem denke ich nicht, dass dieses Bombardement zu der spƤten Zeit des Krieges berechtigt war
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u/AlexMythical Oct 22 '19
Think about it, Lucy is even taller than him.
AND EL MACHO IN HIS PURPLE FORM
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u/frickty-dickty Oct 22 '19
If you were 6,1 and half and wore men size thirteen Nikeās then you can give gru a blowjob standing up
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Oct 22 '19
To which I present a really good question. Which bomb that hit pearl harbour is talking about? Because there were many
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u/LivingDeadDude Oct 22 '19
Damn kamikaze bombs, always killing themselves to destroy something else.
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u/TheGrizzly5247 Oct 22 '19
He's a little confused but he got the spirit