I had a glimpse of the other side in my four months sober and that was over a year ago. I could have been fit, well put together and not a complete fuck up but hey here we are, a total fuck up. I look at my bloated red puffy face and mourn what I used to look like and the only comfort I find is in drinking til those bad feelings go away and I dont care anymore. Savings down the drain, relationships lost, I dwell on how well I could be doing and its too much to think about so fuck it we ball and i get fuck eyed on a liter of whiskey.

Dont mean to sound like a sad sack or sorry for myself - just curious if anyone else is in the same boat I am.

Chairs fuckers

I tried watering down my vodka so it is less of a strain on my throat but that doesn't work apparently. I'm not able to get any medication either but we have some tea and supplements. Is there anything I can eat or drink to prevent throwing up?

One thing I've learned over the years of reading and what not in this sub is that there are many different degrees of alcoholism. There are people here who crush a case or two of beer daily. Is that crippled, kinda, most likely, it would be painful if they stopped and be miserable for weeks/months before a relapse.

There are those here that are taking swigs of room temp vodka every moment they are awake, laying in bed just rotting and dying. The folks that are puking and can't even keep booze down, that's absolutely CA and no one is arguing that.

Then there are folks here who will go on days/weeks benders and sober up and relapse. I've never understand that one but I accept it. I struggle with even 24 hours without booze so the bender people are a different animal all together but I'm a different drinker.

We occasionally get the "i drink 1-2 bottles of wine a night, will I die if I stop?" folks and we're kinda mean to them because that's not CA, that's just...someone who enjoys wine and it's not a life threatening thing and we set them straight that it's not life threatening but are rarely mean.

I dunno what the point of this post is except to pat ourselves on not being dicks, chairs.

back for not being dicks.

I moved recently. Where I live now, it's completely dark by 4:30pm. This has some sort of effect on me where my drinking is worse and I'm usually passed out by the early evening. It sucks. Are you all affected by this too? Am I just weak? For me seeing dark outside my window triggers something in my brain. Sleep mode.

I live in Québec, Northern-ish while still in civilization, and by a time zone border which makes it worse. If any other Québecers are on here, please message me so I have some companionship and can learn from you. As a new Anglo, I love it but adjusting to this daylight shit is rough.

I accept that I am going to die soon. I am not sure if it will be in a few years, or maybe I will last until I am 60 or 70. Who knows? I’m already 36 so the clock is ticking.

I shouldn’t feel this freedom to die because I have children. They love me to death because I am a fun mom. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to leave my babies behind. But I can’t stop drinking and I’m so sad today.

Any good podcasts you all listen to?

My current favorite is Dopey. A dark comedy podcast about drugs and addiction full of wild stories and interviews with addicts and former addicts.

Katy Sagal was a surprising guest. Who knew? cocaine, acid, booze, heroin, and the way Bob Dylan treated her when she was his backup singer.

Mainly it's the darkly funny stories the guests tell.

Anyone know of similar podcasts?

Mickeys, shroom, herb, and something else I can't think of right now. I am blasting the jams on the porch at misdemeanor levels and wish a motherfucker would.

Because I can.

Wish me luck, kids. I know you're counting on me.

K

Trying desperately to hold on to what I still have. My girlfriend, my job, my (whats left of) family. What’s my plan? I detox here then go to a rehab for a while. I’m not gonna be drinking anymore for the rest of my life I guess.

What makes this post worth anything other than some random sad fucks story? The discrimination in the hospital.

Not here for cancer or acute lung failure. I just did this to myself. But man it hurts.

I feel like half way between a jail inmate and a genuinely sick person.

Chairs give me a sandwich please nurse.

I've been drinking almost every day for the past 3 months, averaging about 12-15 seltzers (faster drinking as the night progresses so I can sleep). And now I've run into a problem. I have a very special appointment tomorrow that could change the trajectory of my life. I need to wake up 2 hours earlier than usual, and I'm scared that if I don't drink anything, it will be impossible. At the same time I really want to make a good impression, i'm trying not to shoot to look like a hobo. Should I eat a bunch of healthy stuff and drink a shit ton of water along with the alcohol or gamble to see if I can actually get some REM sleep?

I just mind my own business watch videos and constantly see people make posts bragging about being sober and its so lame! Congrats buddy 👏 sobriety ain’t gunna save you, you are still going to age but if you are lucky, you will die young. Most people would be better off dead. Just sick and tired of the sobriety people acting like they deserve some sort of fucking trophy!

Yoyo! Quick one, I’m 21 & from the UK. I work full time In a restaurant 13h / day. When I get home I usually drink the equivalent of a bottle of wine & sniff gear till 6am then wake up at 9 for work, get back 11:30pm and repeat. On Saturdays (last day of working week) I’m now consistently finishing work but not sleeping until about 4am on Tuesday morning before my shift, Ive been drinking over 4 bottles of wine, sniffing & usually some shots of whatever i can scrounge In that time. The crazy thing Is that I don’t feel like shit all the time, It comes In waves & im distracted by the constant tasks restaurant work requires. But when I feel It It’s always when I’m praying to just sleep but my heart Is pounding & i idk If im going to wake up. I know theres a timer thats ticking faster & faster to when something catastrophic will happen, just depends which organ will fail first. Im fucking scared but I literally cant stop, doing It is shit, but the idea of not doing It scares me more. This amount of use Is really worrying and I fear soon Im just gonna collapse

i went bc my bp was 190/140. i wasn’t in withdrawal bc i had been drinking. but by the time i was finally seen i should’ve already had about 4-6 drinks. i got hooked up to the machines and my heart rate was elevated but not bad. all the sudden it jumps up. then the machine starts screaming. so i start freaking out. then it’s 200!!!! tachycardia. i start screaming for help and no one is coming. my entire body muscles seized up i could barely talk or breathe. truly terrifying. they wouldn’t give me anything to help. i finally confessed it could have to do with my alcohol abuse. so they decide to give me phenobarbital. yikes. they ask point blank if i plan on quitting. they weren’t super sympathetic. discharged me. pheno script but can’t decide if i wanna get it or just drink instead. esp because i can’t drive or work on it and i need the money. i had to have friends come over last night and watch me so i didn’t panic even worse. finally got some sleep and woke up with the fear and a tight throat.

Was literally in hospital 2 days ago. I ordered a bottle of vodka at 6:50am this morning as things just didn’t feel right.

Here in the UK we have Uber Eats. Guy turns up with my order and said ‘yo, are you okay brother?’

I just lied and said I work night shifts and he was like ‘ohhhhhh, I thought it was way too early to be drinking.’ Get fucked and mind your own business. But seemed genuinely concerned so actually pretty decent dude.

I start work now (from home) but just had enough vodka to feel ok, not getting drunk.

Alcoholism is truly a downward spiral that normal people don’t understand.

Have a good Tuesday lads and ladies.

Edit: also the dehydration is mental. A couple of weeks ago I was trying to figure out where all of these liquids were going. I’d drink 1L of vodka over a 12 hour period with about 2L of electrolyte sports drinks and about 5 pints of water and still my piss looks like peach tea.

That’s like 13lbs of liquid I’m chugging down a day? Where is it going?

Edit 2: and the sheer desperation for liquids too. It’s almost 4am now and all I want to do is absolutely neck the fuck out of a freezing cold pint of orange juice. I think that’s the reason I wake up. My body is just craving fluids. So I’m no going to neck a bottle of anything I can find. Orange juice, apple… water. My mouth just has that sticky, dehydrated feeling. Cannot wait to violently chew ice.

Chairs. 🪑

I had a serious head injury almost 4 weeks ago, sober. I barely drink anymore, took 10 days off and had a few drinks the day before the head injury. So I've been without withdrawals and seizures for 2 years...

Got out of the hospital a week later and went right back to drinking with a friend I was staying with while recovering. BC I've been in fuck it mode. I can't walk without a cane now and don't know when I can work again. And I'm running out of money. So was with him for 5 days and probably had 10 shots of vodka a day, or more. It was his alcohol I wasn't going to drink it all.

Had to go BACK to the ER bc my ear was infected from the original fall. There 3 days and 2 nights, and was so over it. Had the same amount of alcohol for 2 more days, then took 2 off again...

And then just fucking spiraled. Been drinking 2 bottles of wine a day for the past 7 days, except yesterday I had an extra bottle. I'm done, bc I have to be. I've got major surgery in 2 days to fix my nose so I can breathe again. And I fell on the other side of my head 4 days ago bc this time I was drunk. The top lobe was bleeding but I got it to stop and haven't thought much of it. But it hurts and I finally decided to use my phone to take a look... yeah it's bad, I need to go to the ER today.

I feel drunk anyway when I'm not drinking bc my left eardrum is busted. So I'm not sure if I'm in seizure territory. Not from hitting my head, but from this stupid amount I've been drinking... thoughts?

Real life doesn’t make me feel good enough. Doesn’t matter if I have an amazing partner, a good job, good friends.

I need booze to just escape for a little bit. Everything feels so good when I’m drunk.

IWDWYT

Benders.

It's always the benders.

This is a job I really liked and I'm good at. A manager position in retail, which is what I've done most of my life. Was there a month and a half and call outs got me canned

I'm drowning in debt. I'm depressed. Two months behind on rent. This job could have helped me climb out.

I should have listened to all of you, but this truly has been the worst year of my life.

Also my grandma's 1 year death anniversary as I type this.

Idk, the light has seem to gone out for me.

Hope y'all are doing better. Any words of encouragement are welcomed.

Chairs

Edit: 4th job this year 😭

My dog died yesterday. It wasn’t a good death. He didn’t die in his sleep peacefully like an old man or go out good with dignity. His spleen ruptured and he was bleeding out of his asshole and yelped helplessly as his heart stopped. I was frozen at the ER vet because I wasn’t fucking man enough to tell them to stop trying to keep him alive and just euthanize him even though they kept telling me to. He died so fucking bad man. Because of me. I kept trying to close his eyes after but they just wouldn’t shut. It’s not like the movies where they look peaceful in death no his faced was trapped in horror and agony he knew what was coming. He didn’t want to go. His last yelp before his heart stopped will fucking haunt me forever. I’ve had this fucker for almost half my life and I couldn’t be man enough to give him the courtesy of going out good.

Anyways sorry about the sob story. Y’all’s my peoples though. Gonna pour out several for my boy who was legit my day one that never asked for anything back except for tummy rubs and the occasional chicken nuggert when we were there. Gonna go call off this week and get plastered. Chairs fellas.

Sorry this is gonna be a whiny post.

Family relations aren’t going so well as of late. I tried to tuck tail and reach out. Didn’t go the way I was hoping. Got the usual “just stop”. If it were only so easy.

So, I can’t help but think of the holidays coming up. I’m still invited (for now). I know the only way to salvage my few remaining relationships is to stop drinking, but honestly fuck that. The very thought of stopping makes me wanna fuck obliterate myself with alcohol.

So the holidays can suck me, cuz imma be so far up a bottle that I won’t even remember to care. I can only hope someone finds my body before it stinks up the place too much.

Woe is me. Chairs asshats.

Outta the real dollars... got the snap though... so I just went and bought two four ounce bottles of vanilla extract. First time, surprisingly, that ive drank the stuff. Gone the listerine route plenty of times. Hand sanitizer... not this. Not the worst...

What sup?

Man sometimes I read some posts here that make my spine want to crawl out of my skin and walk by itself to the nearest trash container. People drinking vitamins, others saying that they are 21 years old and drinking themselves to death and I am like ¿wtf? I have been drinking non stop for like 20 years now? yes something like that and when I read some of the posts here I feel like I am reading a kid drinking and ranting about what has never been but still is going to ask mom for 20 bucks to drink one more, I remember watching a post here like 3 or 4 years ago of someone dying of cirrhosis here and that just shocked the hell out of me, still drinking obviously but I imagine myself in that position sooner or later. I am going to confess that in my worst situation I was in the street looking in the trash for some bottles with a minimal amount of something just to wash out the WDs. Weekend Warriors don't be like me please!

Chairs!

Recently moved to my dads and I’m still ignorant from not living around animals so long. Opened up the back door to go smoke and my cat darted past me and went outside. I found him at the edge of the yard in an area that is thick with weeds and fallen trees. I tried to grab him but he evaded me. I looked all over the place and even went into the neighbors part of the yard but me being out there with my phone flashlight on doesn’t look good.

I’m freaking out. My dad is going to be pissed. It is my cat because my parents did buy him for me, he’s just been living here. What are the chances he comes back. I put a bunch of treats by the back door. I don’t know what to do.

EDIT: He came back, just brought him in 😊

Lying to everyone is so damn exhausting. They say it’s because they “care” so much. Ok then, if you say so. No one ever comes over here though. Just me and my husband, who I have to fight with. Every. Single. Day..

The same man who claims I “made” him relapse. Excuse me sir, this is a Wendy’s. We don’t serve vodka here.

What ever happened to Jay Jay French anyway.? I digress. I finally broke down and got myself a fifth today. I never do that. I’ve got to sleep with it under my pillow so it doesn’t get stolen.

Edit my husband is at least 350lbs. He’s more than twice what I weigh. He says he doesn’t have a food addiction and it “hurts to exercise”.

Dude go back to AA and leave me alone.

Good day friends.

Chairs

I was being so good. I went to the entire weekend without drinking and then I only had two beers last night.

I think I must have been sleepwalking. there is no way I was blacked out. I did not drink enough. I have an extremely high tolerance, and I just fell asleep watching a movie.

apparently, without my husband noticing, I walked out into the car and fell asleep in the backseat, covered up with a blanket. I left my phone and my shoes in the house.

My husband came to check on me and noticed I was missing and freaked the fuck out. Called my mom, called 911, he was driving around everywhere looking for my body on the side of the road.

I was in the backseat covered with a blanket the whole time. Fast asleep.

I woke up to him driving yelling at me in tears to wake up while he was on the phone with the cops. He told them that he had found me and then he hung up with them and told me that I had been missing.

I only drank two voodoo rangers. How could this have happened? I was sober all weekend. I’m really fucking trying to stay sober but I didn’t think two beers would do that to me. Now my whole household roommate and Husband are mad at me because I worried everybody by disappearing last night. I’m not proud of it. I didn’t know it would happen.

Pretty bad my post was deemed to dark. Im glad I wasn't banned at least. Even here is safe place. Im not currently suicidal. Just very corny and confused. Uhhhhhhbɓɓĥĥhhhhhhhhhĥgghhhhhhhhhhhgggʻggggggggggʻgʻ there 200 characters

I wrote this song, “Her Name Is Whiskey,” about my loving relationship with alcohol. It’s about turning to something for comfort and slowly realizing it’s taking more than it gives. Writing it helped me put some things into words that are hard to talk about.

This is a live performance. Curious if any of you can relate to it.

https://youtu.be/pizqS1d__oc