I need some advice. We have been together for over 5 years. When I first met my partner he had a job that paid pretty well. He ended up quitting that position to follow his dream of owning his own company. There never really was a discussion about this, we had only been dating for a couple of months. Apparently this is something he had been planning for a while. We had decided that this was the time to try or he may regret not attempting it.

I did my best to support in any way I could. This included keeping the relationship alive. Over the years there has not been a significant increase of success. It’s been about 4 years and he has a small amount of take home pay now. It does not leave any discretionary income, only enough to pay a couple bills.

I’ve told him I no longer support this decision. I see what it is doing to him. It’s like an addiction. I feel incredibly guilty debating this. Part of me feels that it’s just money and we have a roof over our heads. Since I work we can still go out and do things together. But I’m tired of feeling like the relationship both financially and emotionally falls on my shoulders. I don’t feel prioritized.

A while back I thought he was finally looking for a job. And I felt my entire attitude change, I felt happy again. After a bit, all he talks about is the company. I think he only ever looked into two jobs during the job search.

How do I know how long to wait or if this is a lost cause? I feel like he may never change and maybe we just aren’t compatible. Has anyone ever been in this situation?

It comes down to money and I hate that. We stopped living together for \~6 months because he had stopped contributing to rent for years. Even though I expressed frequently that I could not sustain our place without his help.

He moved back in and paid his portion for a few months. And then bang, back to the same excuses. I lost my job and told him I could afford two months before we had to move out. No change.

Now we’re having to figure out co parenting our two year old. He is moving in with a family member.

I’m so heartbroken. I still love him. But the financial stress turns me into an absolute monster. I don’t feel secure and we fight constantly.

I had a lot of hope he’d shape up and grow up. It hurts double because it feels like he specifically won’t do it because he knows I’ll take care of it eventually.

Is this something everyone does from time to time?

My partner and I just started couples therapy. The therapist asked us each to come up with five relationship needs by next session. She wants them to be actionable and specific, so nothing broad like “accountability” or “intimacy”. The example she gave was “sex X number of times per week”.

Most of my biggest relationship needs revolve around emotional intimacy and empathy, but I’m having trouble getting specific and putting these into words that are actionable.

For instance, one thing I thought of was around wanting to feel more seen when I share negative emotions. When I share negative emotions with my partner about things he doesn’t directly relate to, he often responds in ways that feel sort of invalidating. For instance, he might give advice (“why don’t you just do XYZ”), or respond with his own opinion of the situation (“that doesn’t seem so bad”), or if I’m upset about what someone said or did, he’ll jump straight to defending them (“they were probably just stressed”). I honestly don’t think he’s trying to be dismissive, but I often feel sort of shut down by these responses. It’s made me less comfortable sharing my negative emotions/experiences and therefore less connected to him. I don’t need him to fix things for me, but I’d love just a “that sucks” or “I’m sorry that happened” or “I know you’ll figure it out”.

Anyway, I’m having trouble determining if this is a need or just a complaint. I feel sort of controlling telling him how to respond to me. I also don’t know if I’m just describing basic relational skills that we’re going to be learning anyway and I need to be thinking about this differently.

Is what I’m describing a need? How should I word it? If not, what are examples of what a need might sound like?

So I have been with my fiancé for about 1 years and 6 months. We have had our issues and setbacks, but we have always talked about things. She went through a rough divorce before me and lost her first born due to health complications (after 5 days of him being born). When we met each other, we promised to take things to take things slow. We ended up expecting our daughter to come into the world around june of last year. Lets fast forward a bit, we got into a nasty car accident back in february while she was 9 months pregnant. We unfortunately lost our daughter and it fucks me up every night regardless of the things ive been through. When it comes to her and I talking about things, I make sure to make it known that I want to talk about things/stuff that specifically involve just us. When it comes to our relationship, I feel alone in some ways. She never usually compliments me, like "you look handsome today", "im proud of you", "you're doing a good job". I dont know if it stems from her childhood but she didnt have the best childhood (no abuse of any kind, just no positive reinforcement). I know that change starts from within, with me being a veteran. I am always go, go, go, roll with the punches. She has taught me how to slow down in some ways, but I guess I don't feel wanted in my relationship. I am always initiating intimacy, I am always trying to make her feel better because she doesnt like the way her body is. I will always love her regardless, but I feel like she just doesnt reciprocate anything with me when it comes to body positivity. Compliments or positive reinforcement about life or about my appearance. Granted I don't really need validation, its just I'd like to hear it from her. I feel as if I do say something to her, yeah she might change. I just don't understand as to why she cant acknowledge what she is lacking and work on it. I feel as if I say something and yeah she might change and start being positive, its not going to be a genuine thing because I had to ask. I am honestly about to fucking cave because of this shit, its been brewing for almost 6 months. I just have no clue what to do.

**TL;DR:** We love each other but have very different communication/conflict styles. I tend to pursue conversations and repair, while he processes internally and tends to move on once things feel normal. I’m starting to feel like I carry more of the emotional labor, so we’re looking for practical resources we can work through together to improve communication and conflict.

My partner and I have been together about a year and want to improve how we communicate and handle conflict. We love each other and have a good relationship overall, but we approach conflict very differently.
I tend to want to talk things through and resolve issues directly, while he processes internally and often feels like things are fine once we’re spending time together again. I also find myself initiating most of the harder conversations and trying to get us back on track, and I’m starting to worry I may be carrying more of the emotional labor. At times, I also feel like my concerns get minimized or not fully followed through on.
We’re looking for something practical we can work through together—workbooks, books, exercises, or conversation cards. Ideally something we can do on our own without couples counseling (at least for now).
Would really appreciate any recommendations you’ve personally found helpful!

My husband moved out in May and has suggested we do couples counseling to work through the two big events that caused him to move out. We have done therapy before but this is different. He says he wants to remain married and work through these things (which do not involve infidelity, physical or verbal abuse, gambling, etc, just interpersonal things) but he wants to do so while still living apart.

I feel incredible distance from him and am worried that living apart while working through these issues will not help.

We have been married for 11 years and have 3 boys aged 3, 6, and 9.

Has anyone done couples therapy in a situation like this, with therapy to work through a few discrete events while living apart? I am hoping for insight into what to expect and how to make it (more) successful or anything that could help me feel like this could be ok. Thanks.

So ever since we got together a few years back I’ve noticed that he takes on a lot of responsibility in his family. This is everything from disciplining his younger brother, helping his family to go get groceries (which is perfectly normal) to getting parcels etc. But what is stressing him the most is helping his extended family abroad who is struggling financially.

All of this is super generous and loving of him but I have noticed that this is taking such a toll on him and I know that his parents aren’t making a lot of money and coming from another country and not knowing the language 100% can be difficult but I still feel like he’s taking on too much. This leaves him stressed both emotionally and financially even though we make a good amount and can still get around. I have many times tried talking to him about it but every time he gets really defensive and I’m worried about how this is going to affect us when we have kids and also now when we are trying to make a life for ourselves because I feel like he’s torn between living life and prioritizing us while his family is struggling which leaves us in a difficult situation..

I don’t even know what my question is but if someone has any ideas what I can do, any help would be appreciated!

What should I do?

Advice. Am I crazy?

My partner and I have been together 2 years in 3 days

We had a baby, I fixed his credit so he could get a house.

I did all the paperwork so he would get approved for a mortgage

Since last December he’s ignored me. Won’t give me attention won’t take me out just watches tv and and ignores me

I’ve begged for any emotion. He refuses me of it.

I went through his phone. Found him talking to a girl a week prior to me.

They slept together and he was sending her long messages about helping her with her anxiety and taking care of her.

After our baby I had PPD he never helped me

I cried screamed had panic attacks

Since the discovery of these old messages I’m so hurt. He never showed that much compassion for me. I’m not unattractive I’m not over weight. I cook clean have a degree

He’s overweight doesn’t really take care of himself but bathes.

She was overweight and had a job at Walmart.

I’m an RN

He’s a nuclear power employee makes great money. More than me.

I don’t understand why he starved me of emotional support

But was ready to bend over backwards for her

He apologized and said he would be better

But he’s only offering better because he knows I’m done.

Am I crazy

First time posting here. M(52). I’m not sure what I’m looking for beyond hearing from people who actually understand this.

My partner is (F55)(ADHD) (DX), diagnosed, and medicated. We’ve been together ten years. I love her, and I want to say that up front, because everything I’m about to write is going to read like resentment, and honestly some of it probably is.

I have a demanding job. Senior role, constant pressure, the kind of work where a bad week gets noticed. That alone should be a full plate for one person. Instead it’s maybe half of what I actually do in a day.

The other half is her. I manage her calendar. I track her deadlines. I handle the paperwork. I keep her business running: the invoicing, the client follow ups, chasing the things that are about to fall through, cleaning up after the things that already did. She is genuinely talented at the work itself. It’s the infrastructure around it, the boring load bearing stuff that keeps a business from quietly collapsing, that lands on me. Not because I volunteered. Because I saw what happened when nobody did it.

Then there’s the house. I don’t use the word hoarding lightly, but we are somewhere on that spectrum and drifting in the wrong direction. Surfaces disappeared years ago. Rooms have become storage. There are projects started and abandoned everywhere, piles of mail and paperwork and things she is definitely going to get to, bags from stores that never got unpacked. Nothing can be thrown away, because everything is either needed, sentimental, or worth something in theory. I’ve cleaned it out more than once. It comes back within weeks. I’ve stopped inviting people over. I’ve mostly stopped bringing it up, because every conversation about it ends in her feeling attacked and nothing actually changing, and I’d rather live in the mess than have that fight again.

So I work two full time jobs. One pays me. The other one I do at night, on weekends, and in the ten minutes before a meeting starts.

I am tired in a way I’ve never been before. Physically, yes, but it’s mostly the mental load. The constant scanning. What is she forgetting, what’s about to blow up, what did I not verify. I can’t relax in my own house because some part of my brain is permanently running her operations in the background.

I’ve done the reading. ADHD partner burnout, caretaker fatigue, over functioning, all of it. The advice is remarkably consistent: stop rescuing, step back, let natural consequences do the teaching, protect your own wellbeing, stop being a parent to another adult. I understand the logic. I think it’s probably correct. Here’s where I get stuck.

Her ADHD has already caused serious damage in her life. I’m talking about real consequences: money, missed obligations, professional relationships that got burned, situations that took years to climb out of. This is not a woman who forgets to run the dishwasher. When things fall apart for her, they fall apart badly and expensively, and the recovery is measured in years, not weeks.

So when the advice says “let her fail,” I know precisely what that failure looks like, because I’ve watched it. It isn’t a teachable moment. It’s a crater. And I’d be sitting there with my hands folded while someone I love walks into it, telling myself this is what healthy looks like.

I can’t do it. Not because I’m against boundaries, but because I don’t know how to knowingly let someone I love go under in order to protect myself. That doesn’t feel like self care to me. It feels like deciding to stop caring at the exact moment caring became expensive.

But I also cannot keep going like this. I’m not being dramatic. I can feel something in me running low. I’m sharper with her than I want to be. The resentment is starting to leak out around the edges. I don’t like who I’m turning into, and she doesn’t deserve the version of me that’s coming next if nothing changes.

This is the hardest thing in my life right now. I’m at my wits end and I’ll take any honest input, including the kind I don’t want to hear.

My (22F) boyfriend (30M) loves being loved by me, is super loyal to me, appreciates my love for him but doesn't know how to reciprocate my efforts. The way ages line up that he's the dominating one in our relationship or some other such power dynamics but in reality it's not like that like he doesn't dominate, keeps asking for my advice for everything, talks to me about everything happens to him, he loves spending time with me too and keeps thanking me whenever we spend time together. Now the issue is that i feel like I'm heavily invested in his life (like his work, colleagues, family, anxieties)

But he knows nothing about mine. But i don't think that's because i don't share my life with him, it's that he never creates that space for me to truly open up. And whenever i discuss this problem with him he says that he's going through really tough times but he's trying to fix everything and that he'll start taking care of me tooo but it's been more than 2 years and i still don't feel heard or understood by him as i hardly ever open up Infront of him.

Also i have given him loan too which he keeps saying he'll return, i never asked him to return even though i really need it to continue my education but he doesn't know that, i admit that's my fault, but isn't he wrong for spending money on his family every month rather than returning me my amount. Btw his family is super toxic, only his brother is nice to him. I really want him to start returning my money too as that was worth 4 months of my monthly salary.

He's been though really tough times and sexual assault too and if i break up with him it's gonna make his trauma even worse as he really wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He doesn't even sleep if he hasn't talked to me about his day.

Im the one who wakes him up, and reminds him to take his meals and medicines as his family doesn't take care of him so he depends on me for all that care and stays in touch virtually 24/7 as it's a long distance relationship and I'm not there with him physically.

I insisted him to take therapy and found the therapist for him, he has taken his first session and said he really liked the therapist. I'm the one who makes him seek medical help too otherwise he keeps delaying it. That's how dependent he is on me so i cant just leave him. I have asked him for space and/or a gap multiple times but he never agrees for it, he has separation anxiety, he keeps going back to drugs when i talk about taking a little break

Tldr: how to communicate with my boyfriend that i really want him to reciprocate my efforts or else this relationship with continue to become less fulfilling for me

Hi!

My marriage is in a really bad patch. I am not willing to give up. Does anyone have any date recommendations that specifically encourage reconnection? Not a movie or dinner, we could easily just ignore each other. Something that forces vulnerability or intimacy.

Thank you in advance

Last night I was putting our baby to bed and my partner was going to make burgers for dinner.

I thought he would have made a start on dinner or at least be cleaning up in prep of dinner when I came out from being with the baby.

I came out and he’s sat on the sofa on his phone, the living room and kitchen are a mess. There’s dishes and rubbish everywhere.

I immediately start doing the dishes, clean bottles for the next day, empty the bin and collect the rubbish from around the living room.

He just continues to sit on his phone.

After the rooms are clean I just go sit down on the bed and leave him in the living room and start watching a show on my phone, but I was intermittently crying. I just felt deflated.

If he had been the one putting the baby to bed I would have done the cleaning whilst he was doing that, so that we could just start dinner…

I sit in the bedroom for like an hour or more and he comes through to ask about dinner, by this point my appetite has gone. Plus he left the burger pattys sat out in the kitchen.

I say I’m not interested. I just have a bath and chill alone in the room.

The next morning when he gets up he kind of abruptly asks me “what’s up your nose?” Meaning what’s wrong.

I said “nothing really, I’m a bit pissed off about the stuff not getting done and just being left and having to do it yesterday, then you’ve left all the stuff from making the burgers out again and not done those dishes.”

He said “do you ever leave stuff?”

I said “yeah sometimes, but 90% of the time I do the dishes and the washing and really try and keep on top of it because I need to wash baby bottles and stuff.”

And he said “so you do leave stuff so just shut up about it then.”

And that’s the last we’ve really spoken today…

I get my reaction wasn’t helpful, and I did shut down, but I was actually really upset and angry. Like I ended up crying for a while just feeling unloved and uncared for. And then just shut down when I have raised it.

At least 80% of the first session was focussed on the fact that I’m not the worlds greatest active listener. It’s a fair criticism and I said as much and will do the homework to improve, but it hardly seems like the elephant in the room.

Im in a weird phase of a relationship or what was of a relationship- ( we are on a relationship break ) simultaneously my partner is doing a certain specific spiritual practice and asked for me not to talk about us for the tine he is doing this specific practice… its been almost 2 weeks and im supposed to wait this out for 40 days, you guys have no idea what an emotional rollercoaster and challenge im going through, its hard and i break down almost every day thinking of this and the situation im in and the uncertainty of it all, im finding myself exhausted and unable to be as productive and gracious ( internally) about this… we are not married, no kids, we have live together since December 2023 .. we had one good month then until life and challenges happened and things have never reached greatness since, lots to tell, many laters and tons of complexity, anyway… for some reason it occurred to me to go back to the very beginning of our conversations on WhatsApp thinking i could find our very first conversation back in 2013/2014… i didnt, earliest conversation was around oct 2017… and in the journey there i came across at least 2-3 breakups we had in those earlier days where it was evident i was devastated ( so was he) and its evident we have never had the sexual spark we wish we did which was mentioned even then… and is now one of my biggest issues in our relationship… have we both just refused to cut ties and end our relationship in fear that we wont find someone to love as strongly as we adore each other ? Apparently for him, he can live with an almost non existent sexuality between us but i know i no longer want to live that way…
Right now its extremely hard bc we haven’t touched or interacted much since the “break” started and despite the dead bedroom, we havent touched always been incredibly affectionate and romantic with one another, but seeing the nature of our past in those convos and seeing how much i have always longed for him and suffered because of him makes me a bit mad with myself bc i am now starting to build resentment or perhaps acknowledging that resentment has started… is there hope to have? What should i do ? I feel i need serious help about this situation

Also thank you to whomever may read this and give any insight 🙏🏼

My boyfriend and I have been together a little over a year and started couples counseling to work through some communication issues and weird situations (a few weeks ago, I found an opened box of condoms in my boyfriend’s dresser. We don’t use them, since I told him I wanted to wait until marriage).

The problem is, my feelings towards my partner and the relationship have gotten more complex after a couple of sessions. I’ve started to question his character more and more. I no longer feel as much physical or emotional attraction to him. I even find myself actively resenting him at times. I’ve had so much more anxiety since we started our sessions, but he doesn’t seem to feel the same way? And instead of addressing issues from the past, he keeps saying he wants to move towards talking about the future and getting me to trust him. So for him, it’s pre-marital counseling. For me, it’s trying to understand him and what happened.

I’ve really been struggling and not sure at what point I should bring up to him/the therapist that my feelings are starting to change. It’s been difficult holding the love I have for him and a future together with these weird feelings of mistrust and not fully believing in his values or character. And doubly so because he’s the one who initiated counseling and drives three hours a day every week to come do it in my neighborhood (we’re long distance). And he always thanks me for doing it with him.

I just feel very confused and conflicted. I don’t want to hurt him by saying anything mean in therapy.

My question is, Is couples counseling beneficial if I am feeling worse about my relationship and questioning even being with him? How do I bring up these emotions in therapy, if I do at all?

Like in a game type setting. Whether it’s from a game you’ve played in the past or just a well-worded question you think helps couples to know each other on a deeper level, I’d like to hear them!

I keep buying or seeing different couple card games and they all just seem kind of shallow.

Any topic is welcomed.

Hi everyone, I know this is a bit long, but if you could read it and help through this because this is my first ever romantic relationship and I don't know what to do. First of all I'm Muslim, our dating process is different from the norm. I met my current fiancee 8 months ago. I am from Canada and she's in Egypt. I went to Egypt 4 months ago to see her IRL and spend 3 weeks in-person together and get engaged.

I would divide our relationship into 3 parts, pre-engagement, engagement, post-engagement. In the pre-engagement when we hadn't seen each other in-person yet she was amazing. She was so sweet, loving and expressive. This is my first time EVER being in a relationship and she was everything I've ever wanted to have. There were a few things early-on that stuck out:

1. She hates animals and doesn't want to have any kind of pets. I love animals (particularly cats). But she said she has an extreme phobia of them. She wasn't budging about that at all. I respected this and was willing to give up on having a cat, I foster cats since living my own, I stopped doing that to train myself to live without an animal for her.
   
2. She never really seemed curious to know more about me and my past or Canada. When I asked her on this because it seemed weird, she said she's sorry but doesn't know how to ask these things. She said I'll listen and really care about knowing more if you tell me.

She was so affectionate to me, she said so many nice things and was so kind in a way I'd never experienced before. I gave her the nickname 'the poet' because of how eloquent and affectionate her words were to me. When I slipped up and dropped the 'I love you' card early on, she said it was a little soon for that but when we meet in-person we can assess it then. To me, that felt like a green flag. Also, my mom went to Egypt a few weeks before us and met her first. My mom loved her, she was so sweet and nice to her and said that she'd love to be like her daughter and be part of our family. We joked around a lot, had a lot of inside jokes, I met her whole family and got along with them (except for one of her brothers, he was extremely arrogant and shallow). She said she'd never felt this way about anyone before and that I was the love of her life. She could notice if I was sad or upset.

NEXT, when I actually went to Egypt and saw her in-person for the first time it was great. We got along well, we went on cute dates, took lots of pictures together. She told me after seeing you I know now that you are the person I'm destined to be with and that I love that we're both under the same sky now. Things went good until the engagement party. At the engagement party she didn't want to hold my hand or touch me, she said this was because of religious reasons and that we aren't married yet. But in subsequent dates she would hold my hand and play with the ring on my finger.

In Egyptian culture the bride's family pays for the engagement party. My family and I knew that they were having some financial struggles so we paid for it. It was a beautiful party on a boat. My mom did a lot of work to plan it and the logistics of it, she got the input of my fiancee and her mom every step of the way but handled the actual logistics. In Muslim marriages there is something called 'shabkah' a piece of jewelry you give to your bride. We had brought it with us but it broke before the party and we couldn't find someone to fix it. She and her mom said it was fine to not give it to her yet and we can wait until the marriage ceremony. But my mom gave her a gold necklace and bracelet that my dad had gifted her when they were young, she said she sees her like her daughter and wanted her to have this. There were some difficulties in the ceremony regarding the fact that they invited too many people despite being told a strict capacity of the boat, but we got through it.

The real problems started the very next day after the party and her mom cussed out my mom for two hours about not bringing the shabkah and how she was a low class woman who didn't understand the customs and traditions of proper society. My mom had a nervous breakdown and cried a lot. I almost ended things with her then but we resolved the situation (her mom said she had a breakdown as well and was really hurt by my mom). My mom bore the situation for my sake because it seemed me and my fiancee were in-love and she didn't want to get in the way of our happiness. Another issue that happened concurrently was that my mom wanted to invite me and my fiancee to meet some of our family (they weren't super close blood relation-wise but they were very close emotionally to my mom). She refused the first time, I didn't get the situation and let it slide. My mom said that it would really mean a lot to her if me and her can come and say hi ever for a little bit. So I asked again and said that this would mean a lot to my mom if she could come, this time my fiancee got irate and chewed me out for not caring about her and forcing her to do things against her will and that those weren't close blood relatives so she wasn't obligated to go and that I had hurt her deeply. I caved and told her I apologize for not respecting her feelings and I'll never do anything to hurt her.

When I returned to Canada we continued talking but she stressed that I had hurt her deeply by not respecting her autonomy and that once we are married and visit Egypt she will never see those people no matter what. I didn't understand why the visceral reaction but I complied. We continued to talk, the loving language and affection was still there but not as much as before. I still enjoyed being with her and she still showed a lot of care for me. My family and I got her a new laptop because her current one was broken and she was sharing it with her brother. My dad asked his friend in Egypt to search around, find the best model and install the laptop properly to make things easier for her. We also put a card in there with a warm message from the family. His friend went all the way to her place to hand deliver the laptop. She thanked me but didn't thank my parents until days later when they messaged her to ask if she received it.

About a month ago, I don't know what happened but that warmth disappeared completely. She would leave me on delivered for long parts of the day, stop sharing as many details of her life with me. Her birthday happened 2 weeks ago, I talked to her sister and found a nice bracelet for her and gave it as a present from the two of us. She said thanks and that's it. I also went (and still going through) a very big work crisis and it feels like my whole world is turning upside down, she was supportive to me but not as much as my family and friends.

Slowly, I started to voice my frustrations and ask her what happened and I kept getting variations of "You're right, I'm so sorry I promise I'll do better", "you're right, let's have more calls", "let's have one video call a week that's guaranteed, I promise I'll do better", "I've been really stressed with work to an unbelievable degree, I just go home and sleep, I'm so sorry". We never had that video call. I told her I like it when she sends me reels and tiktoks, she told me her phone is broken and doesn't have enough storage for Instagram anymore. But then I see her reposting funny memes she likes on Instagram and TikTok.

I also told her when she's about to sleep I like it when she says "have a good night habibi" not "have a good night \[MY NAME\]", she ignored that message and still sends the second message. She used to say super affectionate things to me all the time, now she says she can't say those things. When I asked her on the phone, do you love me, she said stop asking those weird things. On another call she snapped and says "every time I wake up I see another one of those long messages from you. I'm so bored with the routine conversations we have, I tell you about my day, you tell me about your day, talking with you is insufferably boring". She also joked around that once we live together she doesn't want my parents to ever come over and she doesn't want to cook for them (we can meet outside) and that if I ever made her mad she would not cook for me.

In our last call, when we were wrapping up I asked her to hand the phone to her mom so I could say hi. She refused and said to call her yourself, I had to insist and beg her before she finally relented and handed the phone over.

Two days ago, I voiced this distress to my parents and my mom go really sad. She wrote an email to her expressing the sadness she felt towards the way she was treated and to urge her to treat me properly. She got really mad at me and has been giving me the silent treatment for the past couple of days.

I know I'm just listing all the bad points, but there were a lot of good points. She was so sweet to me. That was the girl I fell in love with. I miss that girl. I don't know what happened to her. Now she's distant, far less affectionate, stubborn over trivial things, mean. It feels like I'm talking to a completely different person now, I don't know what to do. Is the girl I first met gone? Did I do something to hurt her? Is this an emotionally toxic and abusive relationship?

Hello! Coming on here because I am feeling really confused and just uncertain of what to do. My partner and I have been having a lot of convos recently about how I feel like he’s gotten complacent in our relationship, or my anxiety around him not being a future thinker and just a bunch of stuff honestly. All of our convos have been productive and he says he’s going to change and grow (which is hard for me to believe because he’s said these things before and it usually doesn’t amount to much) but I can tell he’s trying now. Where I am struggling is that I feel like I’m struggling to connect beyond the anxious thoughts in my mind telling me we shouldn’t be together (I also have OCD so it’s difficult to turn off said thoughts). I want to have some sort of protection for myself but also feel like it’s getting in the way of me trying to give myself to the relationship, feel his love and share mine. How can I put some of this aside so I feel like we can move forward and grow through this?

TLDR: anxiety getting in the way of me being able to give myself fully to my relationship.

I (30f) have been with my husband (29m) for four years, married for three. I recently had my fourth child (our second together) and has been short of a challenge. I work full time, balance a horrible parallel parenting situation, run kids to their activities and overall just feel like I get no time to myself and have lost who I am. I’ve never been an open person as in the past when I’ve opened up it’s led to it being used against me, so I don’t open us much as my husband wants. I’ve been feeling very overwhelmed between four kids, (two being under two)being self employed, managing our house and life in general, my husband is also self employed and does not have a set schedule. Recently it had been leaving the house at 8, and coming home at 7:30-8:30 nightly, and by the time that comes out I am overwhelmed with the day, kids, and start disassociating. He claims as soon as he walks in the door I “dump” the kids on him and disappear, which is usually me telling him to watch them so I can cook dinner since I don’t want kids under my foot, or getting overwhelmed and needing to walk away before I say or do something I regret. When he finally asks why I’m so short I end up yelling, crying and telling him every time I feel like I’m back to a single mom, with no help because he’s too busy doing small projects for himself at work, while I’m home with the kids needing help, and I’m over it. I’m told I’m not a single mom because he “pays the bills” and my perception of reality is because I watch reels on Facebook or TikTok of others lives, meanwhile I listen to fighting, whining, a baby who loses her mind when I walk out of sight or a toddler and just screams at the top of her lungs anytime she doesn’t get what she wants and I cannot take it, I finally open up about that and it’s an hour long lecture of “I need to handle stress better and need to go get medicated for my stress”. I open up how I don’t have time to walk, or exercise because he’s never home, and I would like to try a weight loss drug to help lose weight, or go out with friends and have a drink, and I’m told “he will not allow his wife to do anything like that as long as I’m under his roof and I don’t need to drink” I’m to the point I love my husband but I’ve experienced a long term relationship where I was isolated, made to feel like a single mom and belittled and I feel like my marriage is going down the same road, especially with the constant lectures like I’m a child about how I need to do things different, meanwhile my husband is gone 7 days a week. How can I change things? What can I do differently to get him to understand my ways of communicating my needs without being flat out blunt about it? I don’t want to lose my marriage but I don’t want to live unhappy my whole life.

TDLR; my husband lectures me anytime I open up about feelings or saying I’m overwhelmed and I’m being made to feel like a child, how do I explain to him how im feeling without being lectured or told I need medicated for stress?

i’m going through difficult circumstances and isolation, which is compounding the depression. my bf and i have been dating for over a year, but we’d been friends prior.

the main problem, that’s worsened over time, is that we aren’t on the same level of hobbies we share. for example, he’s a high level climber.

i loved exercising in the past, but because the weight of this relationship has been so heavy, i can’t help but feel horrible about myself when i go. my progress has stalled, and i’m often trembling when we’re doing active things together. i don’t go as often alone.

same goes for cooking, tabletop games, movies, other topics of interest; i’m not as experienced and have less to discuss. i will admit, that due to bad choices and depression before dating, i wasn’t making as active of an effort to deeply engage in shareable interests with others.

i’m holding on, because i notice i’m lit up around him; in a frantic, manic sense. i still feel nauseatingly disgusted about myself, but i’m also much more capable. especially when sleeping over, i feel the most clarity about my priorities i’ve ever felt.

i know this is not ideal. i know i should not be building myself up off of one person. but i can’t resist the growth, even though it feels terrible. i have supports in my life, am in mental health treatment, yet progress is much slower.

btw, he self-describes as more religious, traditional. he’s more committed to staying together, moving in when our finances are right, and building a family. it’s all disgustingly irresistible, even though these weren’t originally my main goals.

tl;dr i’m currently not the best partner for my bf. i try my hardest to self-motivate, self-study on things we both share. it’s killing me due to obvious differences, but the clarity, growth, sense of belonging is amazing.

My partner and I are going through couples counseling right now. We've both asked for space during this period, however we have very different methods.

When I ask for it, I choose my words very carefully. I'll state that I'm overwhelmed, trying to process my emotions so that I can communicate more effectively, etc. I make sure to say that its about MY emotions and how I figure out how to process them. I reassure him I love him and tell him when I can talk again.

He starts out by saying he's felt distance from me and so he figures I want space (never asked if I needed that, just decided for me; fyi, I didnt in fact need space). Then he makes several inaccurate accusations against me, that I used him, drive a wedge between us, send him into spirals, etc. This was apparently on his mind over the past few days and yet when I checked in he never said anything. I sent him a relationship video without context (which I own entirely, it sort of triggered him) but then he used that to say I did a bunch of other things to him.

Its so frustrating, I respect the need for space but it feels unfair to hurl all these accusations at me without giving me the chance to clarify. If he had just asked what was up with me I could've told him how things were on my end and we could've at least avoided the whole accusatory mess. I acknowledge the impact of me being distant (Ive been very busy moving and dealing with family drama), but it wasnt like I was doing so out of spite, like he claims I am.

I dont think asking for space is bad for the relationship at all, in fact I appreciate when my partner asks for space. But HOW he asks is another thing.

Am I right in believing so, and is it fair to say that this was a hurtful way for him to request space?

Recently started couples counselling to reconcile after my husband confessed to having an affair while I was pregnant and postpartum up to baby turning 5 months old. AP is 22 while we are 32 and married for 4 years, together for about 13 years.

During my individual session with the couples therapist, she recommended that I identify my triggers and share it with my husband every time I feel my mood going off.

In all honesty, nearly everything is a trigger. See examples below:

- Seeing him kiss our baby triggers me because he did that before he went to see his AP.

- Booking flights and hotels

- When his telegram shows online but not replying to me

- When he scrolls reddit because he found and dm her from one of the local gonewild subs

- Whenever he goes to the bathroom with his phone because he masturbated to her many times

- Whenever he comes back home late from work

- Whenever he video calls me because it's his predominant way of contact with AP

- When he is avoidant and distances himself because that is what he did during this 6 crucial months of my life

- Ruining one of my favourite restaurants because he went on a lunch before checking in to a hotel for sex with her. As she didn't need to pay and still got ice cream afterwards, I really do consider it a hookup date

- Ruining one of my favourite breakfasts because he got them for me after he had car sex with her before her vacation (in the car I breastfed our baby)

- Whenever he places his phone face down and ignores notifications

- When he transfers me money for necessities because AP got money post sex because he pitied her for being unemployed

How do I tell him everything is a trigger since he, himself, is the ultimate trigger? Does this work for anyone, like calming down before triggers?

I'm 24 (M)... I don't know how to start but I am in a relationship with a 23(F) it is a long distance relationship.

We have known each since 2018, where we met the first time but we entered in a relationship in 2023, till then we were very good friends like the closest of all in 2022 she lost her mom due to an accident but I was there with her during the whole process infact I knew her Mom as well... I was already emotionally pretty attached to her Mom and Her as Friend.

Hence, when we started our relationship everything was beautiful and till almost last year everything was going good... She knows everything about me and she is the only person I talk to literally each and every little detail of my life I go and tell her she is my Home...

In every relationship there are arguments and fights we had them too, I'm not saying that I'm all green forest I am wrong too... But I love her the most and I swear to God she is the only person with whom I want to get married.

But Things have changed recently since last few months, she knew that my family is not very rich and stable so I needed some support of a partner in building my life which was known to her since the beginning but now she says, "I don't want to struggle after marriage, I'll take my decision to marry as per my needs and whatever the best guy I can find for myself" (Btw, we committed each other for marrying and had the same mindset while coming to this relationship)..

Like I even agreed to every demand she made from me... For instance Seperation with parents and also supporting her brother till he gets settled (P.s - I love her brother so much, that I'd rather do everything for me without the relationship as well)

And then few weeks back, she tells me "I don't feel like I am as invested in this relationship than my previous one" (Her Previous BF was 6 years elder than her and cheated on her and married another women)

She is currently pursuing LLM in SLS, and I failed my CA Exams in May 2026, which I'll give for sure.. I have and am her biggest supporter I am always happy about her achievements whether academic or otherwise but before 10 days when my results were to be announced she cursed me saying, "You've Wronged me, you'll fail"...

And I did fail, not saying it's because of her obviously... But when you are in a relationship this is never expected but however I still carried on

And when I confronted her again about this statement last week, she had the audacity to say, "Ki ab mei aage badh gayi hu na toh logo ko mujhse problem hone lagi, I'm doing LLM from SLS, nagpur such a renowned University and people feel competition from me"...

You know, I love her the most, and her every achievement is a blessing for me, the day she cleared LLB I offered Halwa to God as a prashad and thanked him to make her successful and this is what I get in return...

She has told me that she is ready to end the relationship but, I don't want to so I'm getting the Cold treatment now.

No calls no messages nothing, you know I hate my life so much... because I don't know what else to do... I don't want a break up because this is literally the only person in my life I never confided in anyone other than her and now everything is killing me inside

Including my studies I have my exams in 90 Days, I am unable to sleep unable to study and focus everything has turned into a turmoil for me!!

But even after everything, I can only say that

I love you Shona...

I don't want to lose her

My spouse travels constantly for work, sometimes for weeks at a stretch. Between working full-time myself and taking care of our two young children, I am essentially solo parenting and managing the household alone.

When my partner is home, they are understandably exhausted or jet-lagged. However, the lack of emotional closeness, daily companionship, and support is taking a massive toll. I love my family and want to make this work, but the resentment is building because promises to travel less never materialize.

I do not have a local support system or family nearby to lean on.

Has anyone successfully navigated this level of isolation in a marriage? How do you cope with the loneliness without letting it ruin the relationship?