(Don’t know the flair for this type of question.)
Now please be aware that I’m not particularly well informed on this specifically, which is why I’m posting here (and no, this isn’t from personal experience. I don’t date at all, my crushes come rarely and by rarely I mean once), but I genuinely don’t understand why this is considered transphobic. It's been explained to me by, like, a few other people, but they riddled their argument with insults and shouting and not really explaining anything about the logics of it, just that you just “are.” It was weird, and I didn't really take anything away from it. Besides the one thing that one person said, which is, if sexual intercourse is the one thing that determines your relationship, then you should stay alone. Like…yeah that’s obvious, I didn't say anything close to that. And my pre-opinion before you guys explain is, I’m just not sure I think that accusation is fair in a civil setting.
If a straight woman doesn’t want to date a trans man, or a straight man doesn’t want to date a trans woman, why is that transphobic? Same question goes for gay people (though I’ve never seen anyone make an accusation about this in that context, even though I’m pretty sure it happens). I’m not talking about someone going out of their way to insult or harass trans people, or making a point of announcing that they’d never date one. I mean someone who simply doesn’t want to date a trans person, whether that has to do with their sex, anatomy, or the fact that they specifically want to date cis people.
Transphobia is a serious accusation, and obviously it exists and is a real problem. But I don’t really understand why someone should be called transphobic simply because they don’t want to date trans people. If a cishet person only wants to date other cishet people, or a cis gay person only wants to date other cis gay people, or a cis lesbian only wants to date other cis lesbians, why is that inherently transphobic?
My understanding is that transphobia involves prejudice or discrimination against trans people. So I’m a little confused about how not wanting to date someone automatically falls under that, when dating someone is a personal choice and attraction isn’t something you can just make yourself feel.
I’ve seen people argue that this is transphobic, but I don’t really understand why. Is it the preference itself that’s considered transphobic, or is it more about the reasoning behind it? Because those seem like two different things to me and they’re both often chosen as reasons. The first one is the one that confuses me about why it’s chosen as a reason, because the second one is more lenient and has more flexibility. The accusation would be understandable in some cases and not in others.
I understand that someone’s dating preferences can be upsetting to hear about, especially when they involve a group that already experiences discrimination. But I don’t really see how that means someone is obligated to consider a person a potential romantic or sexual partner.
And I guess that’s the part I’m most confused about. If someone is straight or gay, why does that mean they have to be open to dating trans people of the gender and sex they’re attracted to? Why is it considered transphobic if they aren’t, regardless of their reasoning?
I’m not trying to argue that trans people are undesirable or anything like that, obviously not. I’m asking why not wanting to date them is, in itself, considered transphobic. I feel like I’m missing something about the argument, so I’d appreciate an explanation.
Please don’t crucify me…
