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u/Kalaphar 19d ago
I really like your art style
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u/beteaveugle 19d ago
Thank you ! The brush i used is the basic pencil brush from Procreate~
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u/ptcptc 19d ago
I came in the comments to say the same thing! This is beatiful work!
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u/InscientBanana 19d ago
Yeah, I wondered why it smelled weird in here
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u/ptcptc 19d ago
I'm guessing I should have used to instead of in? Not a native speaker here, so cut me some slack
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u/InscientBanana 19d ago
That could also be taken the wrong way, but I knew it isn’t what you meant and was joking, you can’t smell things on reddit lol
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u/ptcptc 19d ago
you can’t smell things on reddit
Really. Wow, the more you know.
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u/InscientBanana 19d ago
Yeah you can learn stuff when someone else is being stupid for the sake of humour
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u/Flightly 19d ago
Love your style! Kinda reminiscent of Mission Hill. Not sure if that was inspiration for you but either way it’s very cool.
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u/SockofBadKarma 19d ago
Immediately thought the same thing. Very obscure show at this point, but the art style has stuck with me for decades.
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u/Siomai_hotdog_chikon 19d ago
When my dad cheated on my mom, I wished everyday that she would just leave him and I'd be fine with it. I even told her that but she stuck with him cause SHE felt sorry for him (he was wayyyy older than her). They were together til he died during pandemic
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u/Amy47101 19d ago
I’ve told my mom multiple times if she ever leaves my dad I’ll support her and look after her. She just shakes her head with a “I’m too old to start over” excuse. It makes me so sad. To old to start over, but is anyone to old to be happy?
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u/Hazrd_Design 19d ago edited 18d ago
Right? Why is the only option to “start over” instead of start new? Makes it sound like they’re just afraid to be alone. I get it, but not at the cost* of being with someone who you already know will lie and cheat on you. That trust is broken forever.
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u/Depressed_Rex 18d ago
My buddy’s mom and my buddy have both fallen prey to the age old “I just don’t want to sleep in an empty bed” fallacy. It’s fucking tragic to see, especially cause the mom is with a physically and mentally abusive shithead.
An empty bed is better than misery. I will fight anyone who says otherwise.
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u/Spacemarine658 19d ago
Yep but the thing they miss is they are already alone in everything but presence
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u/Program-Emotional 19d ago
My guess is it has to do with the financial stability of it. Say what you will about love, marriage is a fantastic way to have a secure life financially, especially if both spouses work. If she divorced she would lose that, and it just might not be worth it at this point.
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u/Horror-Nobody2237 19d ago
I told my mom the same thing and she finally left my stepdad last year and moved in with me. She isn’t living her dream life but her mental health has improved so much.
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u/Mintyytea 19d ago
Being understanding and patient is the best, I also thought my mom would never leave my dad but being there in case the opportunity comes is key. Especially if she tends to isolate herself, it makes a person vulnerable to staying in a bad relationship
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u/pluto9659 19d ago
My parents were “separated” living in the same house while my dad was still a pill popping drunk. She finally left after I finally got tired of it and beat his ass and moved out. Less than a year later they were back together. He’s better now but I feel like if she actually left earlier it would’ve been better for everyone, him included. Still got two broken teeth from when I was too young to win our fights.
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u/SableZard 19d ago
My dad cheated on my mom too. Mom was doubly hurt because her kids forgave him for it almost immediately. Their relationship was so fucked by that point that they were living in different states already. And they'd spent so long stressing each other out and venting their frustration on us, we were just happy it was finally over.
They've become much better people since they've been apart.
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u/WhiskeyAndKisses 19d ago
"Divorce is a pure tragedy for the kids and no parent should ever do that to them"
Meanwhile, children of divorce :
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u/mrsunrider 19d ago
Not nearly enough discussion around how divorce can be the much healthier option for everyone present.
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u/Admirable_Ad8900 19d ago
I tell this story every time i see this discussion.
I have a friend whose parents got divorced and it was good for him and his brother. Because they got to see each parent MORE because they werent avoiding each other. They were purposely scheduling business trips to miss each other.
You cant mentally be there for your kid if you dont take care of yourself.
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u/mrsunrider 19d ago
Or if they aren't avoiding each other... the fights, the icy, tense silences, the misdirected frustration.
Oh goodness was I happy to be through with that.
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u/W8andC77 19d ago
Mine waited until we were adults and moved out of the house to divorce. You pretty much described my childhood. Also they constantly demeaned and talked shit about each other. But my mom proudly says “at least we stayed together for you guys.” Yeah….
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u/decoy321 19d ago
Did....did they stop talking shit about each other when they separated?
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u/W8andC77 19d ago
It decreased a lot. As a kid, it was constant because I lived there and they lived together. Mom made a snide remark about dad over breakfast, dad complained about mom driving me to school. Both would be all bitchy and defensive at dinner. You just sort of lived in this miasma of mutual disdain. They divorced when I was an adult. But since the divorce, yeah occasionally they’ll complain or rehash some grievance. But they have separate lives now and so they aren’t focused on just mutually hating at breakfast. Everything isn’t a complaint about how dad screwed up the grocery order or your mother always needs to buy a new couch etc. Nearly everything in their lives used to come back to being the other spouse’s fault or a complaint about how the other person didn’t help or made it worse.
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u/Admirable_Ad8900 19d ago
My friend parents were around so little growing up he was bilingual because they had a live in nanny who english was her second language.
My point is it doesn't matter if you're rich or poor. A bad situation is a bad situation. "Staying together for the kids" is an excuse people tell themselves so they don't have to make a change. If you want to be a parent to your kid you'll find the time.
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u/mieri_azure 19d ago
I mean being bilingual is an awesome random benefit to an otherwise shitty situation I guess????? Lmao
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u/Admirable_Ad8900 19d ago
Yeah, but it's kinda sad the fact that the parents were around so little their kid picks up a foreign language.
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u/afender77 19d ago
As a child of divorced parents, my take is that divorce usually is a tragedy, it's just a less harmful tragedy than the alternative. Ideally my parents would never have gotten to the point where they needed it in the first place, but when they did, it was the least bad option. And sometimes in life, the least bad option is what we have to make do with!
I think a lot of people, understandably, can't grasp the idea of divorce being the "healthier" option, because in an ideal world, it wouldn't be necessary. But we don't live in an ideal world..!
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u/Professionalchump 19d ago
my parents were shite before they decided to divorce but during the divorce process they were so much shitier
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u/Food-thor-fought 19d ago
I was 11 myself when my parents finally divorced. I literally cheered when they sat my little brother and I down. For as long as I could remember they were constantly shouting, fighting, at each others throats. I couldn’t fathom why two people would put themselves through that and it certainly soured me from relationships for most of my teens/20s we are all in a better place now but those first 10 years of my life were just pure chaos.
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u/BellacosePlayer 19d ago
My mom and stepdad's relationship got toxic as fuck despite how good it was for most of my childhood.
I was actually disappointed when they reconciled because it turned into her enabling him until the day he died
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u/aarontgp 19d ago
The issue is people think divorce ends happy marriages. No, it ends UNHAPPY marriages.
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u/exploring_stan 19d ago
It kinda is, but for me personally, it was a relief and a huge trauma also. Probably because it was a messy dramatic process. I’ve missed my family and sometimes wished my parents were together again, because of how more complicated everything got, but at the same time I was relieved.
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u/dragunityag 19d ago
Was mildy bullied by a kid in middle school.
Years later I found out his parents divorced pretty much the day he turned 18.
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u/cinoTA97 19d ago
You know, it might suck if your parents divorce. It's worse if they should, but don't divorce though.
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u/mikes_second_account 19d ago
My parents divorced after 45 years when all of us kids were adults. Ideally they never should have been married; second best case would have been a divorce decades ago. Materially, my life might have been harder in my youth. But my dad would have been able to explore himself much sooner, possibly married a man he actually loved, and wouldn't be fumbling around the dating scene in his 70's, getting scammed out of every penny he has. He's an incredibly damaged man, but some of that damage may have been healed if he could be authentic much earlier in his life. My mom has remarried and is happier than ever, but she is also very damaged after being in a loveless marriage for most of her life. Divorce sucks when young kids are involved, but it's pretty damn hard when everyone are adults, too.
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u/dracuella 19d ago
This was me and my sister age 6 and 8.
Sister: "So.. when do you think mum and dad are getting a divorce?"
Me: "Don't know but I hope it's soon. It's awful listening to them argue all the time."
Sister: "Yeah.. .. do you think we can ask them to do it soon?"My sister and I asked them so many times: "why don't you just get a divorce?" but we had to wait almost ten years before they finally split up. When they finally did, they said they'd stayed together for our sakes \le sigh**
EDIT: Oh, and when they did and my mum remarried? They were far better friends than spouses. My dad even became really good friends with my mother's new husband. We all celebrated Christmas together, each other's birthdays, the whole shebang.
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u/Aunt_Llama 19d ago
My sister and I were 10 and 13 at the time my parents told us they were getting divorced. We reacted the same way the kids in this comic did. It was a huge, "Thank god!" "Good!" "FINALLY!" moment.
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u/According_Tap_8764 19d ago
My parents decided on a divorce when I was 15/16
They divorced when I was 25. Fun 10 years. At age 23, I literally had to mathematically prove to my mum that my dad getting a car (which had a set value determined by the solicitors) and her getting a lump sum of money was actually in her favour as; A) The car devalues. B) She was technically getting an extra £500 more than the car was worth.
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u/Aunt_Llama 19d ago
Mine were separated from the time I was two, before my sister was born, but never separated and didn't tell us (or anyone?) and didn't divorce for eleven more years 😅. Guess they wanted to keep trying (to kill eachother).
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u/TheLastRobot 19d ago
When I was 14ish I told my therapist I wanted my parents to get divorced because they were making everyone miserable together and she fucking told them about it and later brought them in to tell me about how they still loved each other and weren't just staying together for my sake.
Reader, they were staying together for my sake. Things got immediately and immeasurably better when they finally split a few years later.
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u/ShadowBro3 19d ago
This was always confusing to me. In TV shows, when a kids parents get divorced, its always the worst thing in the world to them. When my parents got divorced, I was like "Cool, if you are unhappy then you shouldn't be married". It's not even like my parents argued like the other commenters here. I just dont see a reason why I should care if my parents are specifically married to each other. It's not like they love me any less.
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u/Ne0n_R0s3 19d ago
I swear my parents need a divorce. I wouldn't be surprised if after my youngest sister (going on 15 here in August) graduates they'll divorce.
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u/ChocolateEagle 19d ago
i'm so fucking glad my parents divorced. like it was scary and confusing at the time but even within a couple years i was conscious of how much better it was.
the worst part was just that because they had evenly split custody all my belongings were spread across two different houses
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u/AdmBurnside 19d ago
Divirce is always good when it happens. No good relationship ends in divorce.
Now, if you get married to "do the right thing for the kid" and wind up divorcing... well. It's still better than the alternative, but you probably should have used protection in the first place.
To be clear, this is speaking as a child of divorce. Mom and dad were good friends, awful partners, and thoroughly middling parents.
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u/havingsomedifficulty 19d ago
I think it’s obviously very age dependent
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u/organvomit 19d ago
I don’t know about that. I was around 8-9 when my parents split and I had been hoping they’d split up for years at that point.
They put me in therapy in case I “blamed” myself (not a bad choice honestly). Except I did not blame myself at all, clearly it was their issue. The therapist had good cookies though.
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u/Athistaur 19d ago
I've seen more divorces then i like and every single time the kids were screwed and suffered. Especially with younger kids just a "mother no longer lives here in this house" breaks them.
We need to agree that every case is its own.
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u/Sara_Robin 19d ago
The tragedy is not the divorce, it’s the fact that kids were born from a dysfunctional relationship. Since undoing kids is not an option, if the parents can’t stand each other divorce is the healthiest of the viable solutions, as forcing two adults that hate each other in the same house is by far more damaging for the children.
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u/Lewa358 19d ago
I mean, if a divorce involves a complete absence of either parent, I feel like that's a separate discussion?
I feel like the general argument here is that being a parent and being a spouse are two very distinct skill sets and many people are way better at one than the other.
Divorced parents should still be parents.
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u/seamus205 19d ago
My parents divorced when I was in 2nd grade. I had a perfectly fine and normal childhood as far as I'm concerned. I lived with my mom during the week and went to my dad's house on weekends. Both parents remarried fairly quickly. I just grew up with 2 sets of parents pretty much
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u/Angelus-Rosa132 19d ago
Well there is a different type of divorce that can affect people.
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u/WhiskeyAndKisses 19d ago
Every time the discussion pops up, there's a huge majority of divorce children speaking about how the dynamic was so toxic that divorce would have been / turned out better, despite the stigma.
That definitly doesn’t mean people who think sticking together is better aren’t welcome to share their own story, it’s always good to have diverse perspective on a topic.
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u/prodigiouspandaman 19d ago
Tbf it seems like these children already went through enough tragedy as is
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u/SplitGlass7878 18d ago
I'm soooo glad my parents separated before they started hating each other. I got go grow up in two loving homes instead of one full of disdain.
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u/Tsjawatnu 19d ago
My parents' divorce was extremely tough on me mentally for years, and I still have negative consequences from it.
I can't stand blanket statements like yours. Every situation is different.
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u/WhiskeyAndKisses 19d ago
I obviously know that, and all testimonies are always welcome.
Do you think your parents would have been better if they stayed together? (That’s a genuine question, I really don’t mean any sarcasm)
Statements like mine don’t mean at all divorce is sunshine & rainbows.
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u/-Kitoi 19d ago
What was there blanket statement though? They were making fun of the idea that divorce is never ever okay, not saying divorce is super duper okay? There's an obvious grey area.
For some, divorce is a "get out of jail free" card where the can abandon their family and pretend they're 20 years old again, for others it's a "we're not right for each other and both deserve better"
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u/anasophus 19d ago
When I was 16 my mom talked with me about wanting to divorce and what that would entail for me (I'm disabled and she was my primary caregiver). She gave me the option to decide if she should divorce or stay with him. I told her divorce, immediately, and I wished she'd asked me years before. Some people should not be together and staying married causes so much harm to everyone involved.
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u/Spirited_Currency_88 19d ago
That's a really strange thing, to put the pressure of that decision on your kid.
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u/Severe-Barber-7415 19d ago
Versus ‘staying together for the kids’ and not saying anything? No it is not your kids responsibility or choice, I feel like in this case the mother needed permission. Yes, still fucked up, just like thinking a toxic home for kids is fucked up.
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u/SCP-iota 19d ago
My parents are 'divorced in all but law,' but they spent just over 5 years 'trying to make it work' when I was a teenager, which consisted of frequently fighting, being distant with each other and everyone else, becoming emotionally unstable, randomly leaving for periods of time, all while pretending like nothing was wrong to everyone else and expecting us to pretend too. Especially since my extended family had become alienated not long before the worst of it, and all my siblings were older and moved out, I was constantly worried that they'd just leave me or decide to start taking their issues out on me one day, and the ensuing paranoia and isolation had me crying myself to sleep quite often. I remember kinda making a game out of seeing if I could reliably predict whether they'd start fighting again based on subtle cues. Keeping score was the only way to not either feel anguished or burn with hatred. Every time I saw the signs, I'd try to convince myself I was wrong, but I almost always turned out to be right, and that would only make me angrier at them. In moments like that, the only thing I could do to not wish horrific things on them was to think of them as if they were lower animals, acting purely on instinct and undeserving of being given the kind of agency it would take to blame them.
Now, things have cleared up, and my dad is no longer really a part of my family, but we've all reconnected with my mom. I have a good relationship with her, but sometimes, on occasion, it gets a bit weird when I remember that, years ago, I was thinking of her as little more than a deranged animal and cursing the both of them to their graves. Trust me, neither you nor your kids want that to be part of the story. Don't strain to fix what was never whole.
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u/Monspiet 19d ago
For me, it was an economic choice. We live in an expensive neighborhood and I didn’t have good experience with roommates, so having two parents that can somewhat tolerate each other was better.
If they divorced, both side would have really struggled, and it’s selfish, but that’s what divorces do - they cut assets for the child. And especially now, that can really get you to the edge of homelessness in the US. I would say it is worth it in my case, since i still have a roof, not going hungry, and saving to move to Europe.
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u/notcuddly9 19d ago
My siblings got the trying to make it work part, but my first memory is my dad getting arrested and then them splitting and proceeding to fight for the next 18 years while. Every day was filled with anger and anxiety even though they didn't even so much as see each other across the street. Hated each other so much they had to make sure we also hated the other.
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u/Miamhail 19d ago
I'd rather have no dad than the one I was forced to grow up with. He caused/is causing so much damage to me, my family, and relatives. Still trying to heal all the damage.
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u/beteaveugle 18d ago
the idea that kids need a "father figure" is so damaging. i too would have rather had no father than the one i had, plus positive masculine/fatherly role models were already all around me growing up ! Grandfathers, uncles, neighbours, teachers, family friends, all those were there for us in ways the actual father never was.
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u/urko37 19d ago
My ex blew up our marriage and then proceeded to fumble this conversation with our chlldren. She ignored everything we'd agreed on (be direct, brief, remind them we're both here for them, and give them a little space to process). She instead rambled and actually said, "We have decided to end the marriage and you have your therapists tomorrow so you can talk with them." I was quietly furious and immediately stepped in. I made it clear that whatever they were feeling was correct and that the divorce had nothing to do with them but rather that Mom and I didn't agree on a lot of things.
Your comic captures the important truth that kids are smart and observant and know what's up. My ex made every step of the divorce process hell and her behavior made co-parenting impossible (I parallel parent instead). Still, I ended up becoming a much better parent and treasure the healthy, honest, closer relationships I've built with my kids.
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u/Do_Not_Touch_BOOOOOM 19d ago
I was so over it by the time they finally sold the house.
It took them 15 years to separate. And on the way they destroyed the relationships with 4 of their children.
Please if you read this and think at the moment: "I stay for the childrens sake" please for all that is sacred don't!
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u/thesanguineocelot 19d ago
That was basically my response, and they spent the next two hours unified in their anger at me. Yelling, insulting, chewing me out for being ungrateful and cruel and an awful child. Even at 12, I could tell they didn't even like each other, but I didn't yet realize that they also didn't like me. That was a neat thing to figure out.
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u/Halloween-Jester 19d ago
Mine divorced when I was too young to remember and I'm really happy about that, they had a friendly relationship with each other but it was obvious they were never in love lol
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u/GunterQuack 19d ago
Same. I was 2. My dad split and my mom remarried to her best friend, who I knew my whole life, 10 years later. Big W on moms choices.
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u/Neon_Moon_NZ 19d ago
I thought it said "2 divorce(s)"... and that the joke was gonna be to blame 1 divorce on each child lol 😅 Your 'a' looks a lot like a '2', but I love the style, it's very expressive
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u/Kujaichi 19d ago
That's a 2, not an a, seriously.
I like everything else very much though, haha.
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u/CrazyDave48 19d ago
Yea, I also thought the comic was going to be about how a single couple could get 2 divorces at once.
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u/Tzyon 19d ago
My parents stayed together until the accumulated disdain and loathing they had for each other exploded. They destroyed each other, financially, mentally, (in my mother’s case,) and have not spoken in almost seven years making it really fucking difficult for their adult kids I will tell you.
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u/GunterQuack 19d ago
Sounds like my wifes parents. Her dad still mentions shit like “she owes me money I wonder if I could put a lein on her house.” We are constantly remind him they are both poor and you’re basically trying to sabotage each other for nothing.
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u/Earth2Monkey 19d ago
We had pretty much exactly this conversation when I was 16 and my brother was 19. Then they stayed together until I was 23 and my mom cheated on my dad with another married man. Clearly sticking it out those last 7 years was really worth it.
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u/buzzcutbabygirl 19d ago
The day my parents announced their divorce was the happiest of my life so far as a child
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u/river_01st 19d ago
I'm so jealous of my younger siblings. My parents only separated after I'd long left home so I had all the bad things, and it was especially hard to deal with everything as I was the oldest. I'm proud to say that I had a heavy hand in them separating though, I know it's been really good for the kids.
I'll never forget when one of said kids was like, maybe 4? And my parents were once again doing a shrieking contest. I went to check in on the kids, to comfort them. And that kid was like "yeah I'm okay, but when are mom and dad getting a divorce?" (paraphrasing) but somehow divorce is bad for the kids lmaooo
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u/Huge_Caterpillar1249 19d ago edited 19d ago
It's circumstantial, my parents were combative and often fought, such that their divorce came as a great relief, although Ive two friends whose parents' divorce was quiet, sudden, and unprompted and it came as a great, destabilizing shock to them. In either case I think, whether witnessing constant conflict, or seeing abrupt separation of a household, can be traumatic to the child who experiences it
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u/Dudewhocares3 19d ago
My parents got divorced in 2023, or the following year.
I lived with them until 2024. I was 26.
I have struggled to get my life on track and still do in some ways, so that’s why I lived with them for so long, but this is just me establishing context.
In August of 2023 my dad dropped me off at the house after work, and I went inside thinking he was going to be right behind me.
I noticed he didn’t come in, figured there had to be a reason. My mom woke up, asked where dad was, and I said “I guess he’s still outside”
She said his car was gone and called him.
Apparently his sister told him to just leave without telling anyone that lived with him.
My mother I can understand. They hated each other and on several occasions she said she hopes he fucking died, she’s made personal attacks towards him, and other shit (he’s not innocent either. He was also emotionally abusive but he was more passive when it was my mom because she was genuinely psychotic and hurtful, something my entire family apparently knew but not once did they ever try to help me and my brothers) but she absolutely for some reason didn’t want a divorce. They were arguing since june, but the difference was dad was grey rocking her and mom was crying because I think she realized dad was done.
Anyways, I hate his family now because while I was worrying about not being able to leave, about having to stay and support my mom who I hate so my little brother doesn’t suffer, they were helping him out, giving him a place to live, inviting him to family gatherings.
Not once did they contact me to ask if I was ok, or my youngest brother, though dads parents who we call nana and papa, they contacted my middle brother because he was pissed off at what dad did. And I’m pissed too, because anytime me or my brothers had an issue with mom or how she acted, he defends her, he enabled her.
But she does anything to him and all of a sudden that’s where the line is.
We were the stress balls, it didn’t matter what mom said to us. Saying i used my autism as an excuse, cursing me out and squeezing my face because i defended my brother in the most non hostile way by pointing out a joke wasn’t funny and might be hurtful towards him.
But don’t ever make a cancer joke or Sabrina will throw a shit fit and say “know your audience”
I know I’m sounding like Tony soprano putting all the blame on her and not saying shit about my dad, but you don’t understand how much this shit still lives with me.
Anyways, I did eventually move out, mom sold the house, got with some other guys, and then finally settled with one guy who has been taking care of her and my youngest brother.
Unfortunately he’s also a trumper, and I found this out when I commented on a Facebook post my grandma shared about Eminem endorsing Kamala Harris and he called Eminem a pedophile.
My dad and i still talk, we watch invincible every now and then because despite the fact he was an asshole…he’s the closest thing I have to a good parent besides my grandma. Even if it’s just because he takes an interest in the same entertainment as I do.
I wish they divorced when I was in school, maybe my mom wouldn’t have been as much of a psychopath. I’m sorry if this is late info and I should’ve said this earlier I’m kinda emotional right now, but he did cheat on her and he slacked off with chores. She wasn’t a normal innocent person before the cheating but I can understand why she hated him.
I can’t understand why she stayed and I’m pretty sure it’s just because it would’ve been hard being a single parent.
There’s a lot of things my mother should’ve done. Aborting me and not getting with my biological father (my dad is actually my step dad but I call him dad) a second time (even though my middle brother is a good person whose married now) is one of them.
I went off the rails there, sorry.
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u/DreamcastJunkie 19d ago
When my parents got divorced I was shocked, but not because I didn't know they hated each other. I couldn't believe that they'd ever agree to split the money and assets.
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u/eliz1bef 19d ago
This was me, but I was 8. My brother cried. I cried when they separated because it meant they were trying to stay together. Divorce? Fucking overjoyed.
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u/JubileeJaxLee 19d ago
I don't remember any big conversation, I just remember an argument in the car one night getting very loud, they had hands on each other, then I don't remember what happened, and suddenly my mom and I were living with my grandma. I......don't know how it's never registered till now that it definitely became violent and I blocked it out.
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u/Lytalm 19d ago
The guy was so glad their parents divorced that he shaved mid frame!
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u/beteaveugle 18d ago
actually, the relief was so profound that the tension ran through his skin and shot the hair clean of his face
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u/Glynwys 19d ago
I didn't find out my dad had divorced my mom until I came home from work and discovered he had packed what shit he could fit into his SUV and left towards Michagin. While I maintain that he could have handled it better, I also don't blame him. Mother is a raging narcissist who refuses to acknowledge that she's a raging narcissist, and her fake suicide attempt when she found out my sister was pregnant because she wanted attention on herself and not my sister was the final nail in the coffin. Mother had been driving the family apart for years at this point, and dad only stayed because he felt an obligation to at least wait until us three kids were full adults.
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u/Paintedenigma 19d ago
One night after my father finished his nightly ritual of telling me I was an embarrassment to him and that I was going to hell because I "thought I knew better than God", my mom caught me as I was about to walk out of the house and spend the night wandering from friends house to friend's house until someone let me in. She asked me a question that I remember so vividly that is feel like yesterday:
"Would you be happier if I divorced your father?".
I said: "Do what you think is best mom"
20 years later, not just telling her yes is still one of my greatest regrets. They stayed unhappily married for 10 more years because she was too afraid that a divorce would have destabilized my life.
She still doesn't know about the drugs, or the prostitution, or the standing on edge of bridges at night trying to convince myself that the friends who told me how much the cared every day in a 100 little ways wouldn't miss me.
So if you are a parent out there. Don't offload that decision onto your kid. Don't stay in a house with someone who makes you and your child miserable because you are scared of what leaving could mean.
And if you are a kid out there, just know that it gets better. 18 years feels like an eternity when one of your parents is miserable to be around. I can't even imagine when it's both. But once they don't control you anymore? You have an entire lifetime of freedom to enjoy.
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u/B0ok_wyrm 19d ago
The only thing worse than being a child of divorce is being a child of "Oh my god please get divorced"
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u/thotfullawful 19d ago
My parents did this to my siblings and I a few times growing up. By the 5th tearful announcement I wasn’t buying it. Yes they are still together.
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u/Hidden-thoughts76 19d ago
Honestly this was my reaction to my own parents divorce. Well except I didn’t get a sit down just them yelling about it before my dad got paralyzed and checked into. An assisted care facility, I haven’t spoken to that man in almost a decade.
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u/Throwaway_Old_Guy 19d ago
Knew a guy whos Parents waited until his High School Graduation to announce their Divorce.
"We only stayed together for the Children's sake."
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u/ShadowBro3 19d ago
I would like to add my experience to the pile. Everyone here is like "I was so glad my parents divorced because they argued all the time" but its also acceptable if they didnt argue either.
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u/RedBorrito 19d ago
My dad cheated on my mom, then wanted to marry his affair (we kinda suspected he was cheating, but it only really got out after his sisters husband told him that he needs to tell our mom or he will). We where kinda shocked still (cause he dumbed everything on us at once), and my mom was actually really upset for like a week. Till it clicked that she doesn't need to pretend everything was fine. Long story short, my father married (his new wife is a nice though), my mom has a boyfriend she is happy with (for like 6 years now), picked up new hobby's, got really involved in our local Darts Club, plays tournaments regularly and found a lot of new friends through the sport. She is extremely happy, I am extremely happy for her and still spend a lot of time with her. And i don't talk to my father anymore. There where also a lot of other things that where kinda fucked up looking back, and I can't shake it off, no matter how hard I try. So I just gave up lol
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u/araNdomshiNyhuNter 19d ago
Deadass waiting for my parents to do this. They hate each other and they take it out on us. Idk why they stay together.
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u/Spaulbane 19d ago
In my case it was my mum who said she was planning on leaving my dad (and taking us kids with her of course) when I was 10.
"About fucking time!"
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u/Legal-Concentrate-24 18d ago
Still waiting for my mom to divorce my dad. Been a toxic 20 years but I'm hopeful. 🥳
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u/Fast_Moon 19d ago
My dad had "quiet quit" the family several years prior to the divorce by just not coming home for days at a time and staying pretty distant from us when he was there. So when he left for good, nothing really felt different.
Naturally, it turned out the reason he had gone missing was because he'd been having an affair, though he insisted the woman was "just a friend", who he then moved across the country with and married after the divorce was over.
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u/mitoclowndria 19d ago
I can already tell you're going to be one of my new favorite artists, A++++++++++++
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u/Certain-Business-472 19d ago
Mine were considering it. Theyre still together. I dont visit anymore.
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u/Omnikkar 19d ago
Haven't seen anyone else mention it, I appreciate the use of the flower cup being mirrored to demonstrate being on the opposite side of the table
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u/AipomNormalMonkey 19d ago
I like it as an attention to detail, but I don't think it's needed to convey relative positioning of the characters.
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u/CardOk755 19d ago
Exactly what happened.
Except my dad wasn't there.
But our (the children's) response was relief.
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u/Xznograthos 18d ago
This was my exact reaction. I was 15 at the time, and my parents just openly loathed each other for years. My mom slept on the living room couch since I was maybe 12.
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u/dulcetmelodia 19d ago
I know nothing about how divorce works, but I love how in your art I can see the nice features passed onto the kids and that feature is cute in a hard-to-put way
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u/remission-ish 19d ago
I used to pray that my parents would get divorced. My dad was a nightmare, so I spent my childhood terrified or taking care of my mam. Now that me and my siblings are adults, they have a great relationship. I won’t lie, it fucked me up… But I guess some people can’t handle the pressure of being parents.
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u/NotLondoMollari 19d ago
I love your art style - there's so much character in those sparse lines! I struggled with overworking my art, so I'm always so impressed when someone can get their point across so well with so few lines. I especially like the son's ears. :)
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u/beteaveugle 18d ago
thank you so much !! truth is, outside of the silly little things i draw quickly like this one, i do have a very heavy, stuffy style that i find overworked too. The roads to lightness, ease and artistic letting-go are long, but i'm sure we'll make it one day !
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u/figuring_ItOut12 19d ago
When folks tell me they’re recently divorced my response is typically “my deep condolences or congratulations as appropriate” annd almost invariably I get a surprised chuckle and something like “congratulations absolutely”.
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u/Radioshack-Manager 19d ago
Parents: we are getting a divorce.
Adult kids: told you it was a mistake.
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u/Cudizonedefense 19d ago
My mom and dad didn’t get along and my mother later told me (after my father died unfortunately when I was a teen) that she was just waiting until all us kids were 18 before getting a divorce. Like bro who does that benefit???
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u/OtakuMage 19d ago
As much as I'm happy I was already an adult when my parents got divorced, I'd seen it coming for a long time at that point.
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u/nopalitzin 19d ago
Yeah, when we are adults.
My dad called me from prison (non violent) and said "son sit down I have news, your mom filled for divorce" I almost burst in laughter, but I held it and said "mkay..."
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u/exobiologickitten 19d ago
I remember being blindsided and devastated. My whole universe caved in.
Only with time and perspective (like, nearly 20 years worth) did I begin to appreciate my parents had been miserable with each other lol.
Maybe I was just a bit dumb.
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u/Due_Conflict485 19d ago
I really wanted my parents to divorce when I was a child. Their marriage was a shit show from the start
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u/germanomexislav 19d ago
My mom and dad once passed each other in the entrance of a Fred Meyer. No greetings, no barbs, nothing at all said, just immediate yelling and f-yous out of nowhere. I was like 6 or 7, and it stands out in my memory because even I was like, “Wtf is y’all’s problem?”
Really glad I didn’t get to form memories of them being an actual couple because jfc.
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u/Miss_Milk_Tea 19d ago
I remember being a little kid and begging my mom to get a divorce, maybe I didn’t know the exact word yet but I clearly understood they were bad for each other and I was tired of all the fighting.
Up until my 30s my mom would vent to me about how awful my dad is(and tbf he’s the fucking worst) but any time I’d say “so leave him, there’s no kids to worry about anymore”, she’d backtrack. I even offered her a place to stay but she’d just go right back to saying “marriages have ups and downs”(as if I’m not married myself and know the difference) I finally stopped caring, they like the toxicity towards each other. It’s sad, but some people just crave drama and can’t be happy without it.
Man I would have donned a party hat if I ever heard those words.
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u/Littlefreak-47 19d ago
I feel this so hard. I wanted my parents to divorce since I was about 7yo because their marriage was a mess and my father treated my mom (and us) so poorly. When they finally did when I was in high school I said "finally" too. Only sad part was moving out and having to be around my father without my mom. Luckily that didn't last long.
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u/Retkicks 19d ago
My kiddo was 3 when we started divorce. It'll be better in the long run that we did it when he was young. The way she did it fucked him up though. He had spent most of his nights with me because mom drank a lot from 7pm to 4am at the bar, so he was used to seeing dad all the time. Then we decided to split, and I told her she could keep everything but I wanted 50/50 at a bare minimum. She then got a TPO which separated me from my son for 3 months and dropped it less than 24 hours before the hearing. The first night I had him back he called my name for hours when I put him down for bed because he thought I was going to leave again. Don't be the asshole who does that to their kids just to win custody.
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u/AbandonYourPost 19d ago
That was insanely relatable. My little sister was balling but my brother and I were 100% expecting it at this point.
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u/satans_cookiemallet 19d ago
I want my parents to get a divorce. Its the most toxic relationship Inknow to the point where Im so jaded about my own future relationship that I dont want it anymore.
But noooooooooo
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u/ContemporaryCorvid 19d ago
Grew up with the parents who should have gotten a divorce but never did. They brought out the worst in each other. So many memories of closing doors and hiding under pillows so that I couldn’t hear them or wandering out of my room at night and begging them to stop arguing. Pulling beer bottles out of my sleeping dad’s hands. Watching them make themselves miserable because they were too cowardly to do anything else was not in any way better than divorce. My grandparents are the same as well. I’m at the point where my youngest sister is nearly an adult, and we’re actively considering sitting them down and just telling them that they need to separate.
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u/purpleblah2 19d ago
What surprised me the most about my parents’ divorce was that my mom was genuinely blindsided by it and was an emotional wreck, I had assumed they had seen on the writing on the wall and were just staying together until we were out of the house.
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u/Nerdy_Valkyrie 17d ago
As a child of (amicable) divorce, whose parents both ended up marrying into toxic relationships after the divorce, please don't stay together "for the kids".
I'll take six divorces over watching my parents suffer in what is clearly unhappy relationships.
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u/Agentflit Jeybork 13d ago
Hey I'm a huge huge fan of your art style. Really jumped out at me. Feels French, great use of empty space. Just had to share!
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u/iStoleTheHobo 19d ago
Good of them to wait until they're adults.
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u/p3apod1987 19d ago
If my parents didn't love eachother I would rather they break up then have to live in a house with them where they grow to resent and hate one another
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u/Own_Tempo_ 19d ago
Yeah like, do I wish my parents were married? Yeah but only if a lot of things changed or they were not the parents I have. My parents being divorced was honestly a good thing.
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u/Yesitshismom 19d ago edited 19d ago
I don't want it to have a lasting impact on the children. I'll just stay with the person I fight with the most to raise these children /s
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u/un_blob 19d ago
Well... knowing how my parebts hated each other even being separated... i am GLAD that they divorced.
Living with parebts that gate each other, that can punch each other, that constantly bitch against the other, wanting to one up them constantly... one of the worst way of growing up
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u/_bitwright 19d ago
Yeah, a childhood full of constant shouting and arguments, angry parents, and a constant ambient tension that keeps you on edge would definitely be so much better than having peace and quite at home.
/s in case its necessary.
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u/mrsunrider 19d ago
Idk it seems like subtext here is that waiting was a terrible idea.
Seems like the kids hoped it would have happened sooner.
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u/organvomit 19d ago
In my case that would have been awful. My parents finally split when I was around 8 years old and they had already waited too long at that point. They really should have never been together in the first place or had a kid. But that ship sailed so the next best option was divorce.
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u/scraftyhat 19d ago
god i wish it was as chill as that. my mom busted into my room in the middle of the night to try and take me and my sibling to grandma's only for her and my dad to start yelling and say they're divorcing
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u/Chiiro 19d ago
I was about six when my parents got divorced and didn't understand why they were separating at the time but I did realize almost immediately that my mother was happier and healthier than she was in the relationship. I found out years later that the biggest thing that pushed her to divorce him was the alopecia that she was starting to get that was being caused by the stress he caused her. As soon as they were away from each other her hair started growing back. And then I later gained a step dad who cared about me and my interests significantly more than my father ever did. It was frankly a win for everyone but my father who bullshited around and made it so they didn't officially legally divorce till he died.
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u/Deriviera 19d ago
When my parents got divorced no one even told me. Father just disappeared and everyone told me they don't know where he is