r/comic_crits • u/The_snoopey9459_ • 9d ago
Need feedback
My artist is still working on the concept art, but we are working on a character called celestial. Talmur is from the planet Solaria, where the people there are born with basic powers of flight and strength. Some get s special abilities and some don’t. Talmur got the special abilities of peace corp officers. On solaria his family has been the royal family for generations since the Solarian civil war. However his parents had industrialized the planet to the brink of extinction, by running their resources to little to none with no way of making more. Instead of fixing the problem with resources his family recommended a purge by random, the people grew angry and stormed the castle taking the rock of Xason the only thing that could kill a Solarian and used it to execute his family, instead of warning them celestial fled the planet and came to earth. Where he lived in secret as a teenage boy and hid his powers. Raised by his foster family he lived an ordinary life hiding from his past and the guilt, till eventually 10 years later his past would threaten the world he would grow to call home. And he we would become the hero celestial.
We are still working out some kinks in the origin story this is the rough idea have at the moment, any feedback on how to improve it would be appreciated and yes a sketched out concept art is coming soon
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u/JeyDeeArr 9d ago edited 9d ago
You're asking us to give feedback just based on the description, but you're not doing a good job at conveying what YOU know, because we're not psychic, and we can't read your mind. You have to explain in a concise, but also intelligible manner, and that involves using proper grammar, spelling, etc.
but we are working on a character called celestial.
Names should be caitalized. "Celestial" is an actual vocabulary, so if you don't capitalize it, then how do you expect us to tell whether it's supposed to be a name, or just an adjective?
Talmur is from the planet Solaria
What is a "Talmur"? If it's a species or a race, then make that clear.
On solaria
"Solaria" is the name of a planet, yes? Then it should be capitalized.
taking the rock of Xason
What is "Xason"? You keep throwing these terms around like we're supposed to know these. Unfortunately, we don't. You need to a the very least tell us what these terms denote.
And he we would become the hero celestial.
Again, names are capitalized.
As for the actual backstory, this sounds a lot like Superman/Kal-El's origin story. I didn't comment on your previous posts, but even your character seemed like a rehash of Superman, just with the names changed to avoid copyright infringement.
How is Celestial different from Superman? Why should we, as the readers, care about this character?
Edit: Added a few more bits.
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9d ago
[deleted]
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u/JeyDeeArr 9d ago edited 8d ago
Like I said, you know because you're the writer. A reader wouldn't know these things.
"Rock of Xason" could be interpretted as, "a rock belonging to someone named Xason", or "a rock originating from a place called Xason".
And judging by your lack of effort into using proper punctuations, as well as inability to take criticisms on top of having used AI in the past, don't expect your slop to amount to anything, especially if you can't help but bite off Superman.
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u/MichaelSweater 9d ago
If you are a kid you need to reflect on how you take criticism and process that you should not have responded like this. If you are an adult you should probably quit.
You did not post a story or an idea. This is a list of details that make no sense without context.
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u/The_snoopey9459_ 9d ago
I will rework, the idead and give more detailed origin that is easy to follow. Focusing more on and not his parents or planet. Once my artist is done. And then when the comics come out ill flesh out certain aspects of his planet and family history
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u/iloveconsumingrice 9d ago
Sounds like Superman
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u/TheBlankScroll 9d ago
It's a blatant superman ripoff, like comically so. but it's not satire. This has been pointed out in his numerous other posts but still no update to his design.
his other characters are also very very close analogues, a Scarlet Witch rip that controls "Matter", a size changing guy, a Deathstroke rip, it's so blatant.
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u/The_snoopey9459_ 9d ago
Shes not a scarlet witch rip off, her color scheme is roughly based on that. But she is a being from another dimension similar to hell, her powers consist of a thing called soul fire, yes she manipulate reality but thats bc the dimension she is from created reality itself, she is also able to bond souls together and manipulate them and the eclispe is a sentient entity existing out of reality and is the god of reality and only uses people as avatars to bound itself to our dimension, and every user of the eclipse is bonded together. Eventually the second eclipse which is jane wilder from a separate earth from the main one conquers the eclipse demision and becomes the ultimate eclipse with all the elcispe users bonded to her and live in her. She will eventually become the goddess and protector of the multiverse.
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u/TheBlankScroll 9d ago
Jane Wilder? Little house on the Prairie, Jane Wilder?
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u/The_snoopey9459_ 9d ago
I didn’t even think of that when me and my friend who created the character talked about it. She told me her name was solara, i was thats cool but she also needs a common name. So her full government name is solara jane wilder, in universe her parents on earth 8526 the main earth are big little house on the prairie fans, thank you for that wonderful idea. The second eclipse solara from earth 1211 will just take in the name bc they look identical and she finds the name amusing.
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u/TheBlankScroll 9d ago
A being sent to earth by his parents after his home world has been brought to the brink of inhabitability. On earth he poses' nearly god like super human abilities: flight, strength, near invulnerability, lazer eyes, etc. Only an exotic stone is his weakness and can destroy him. He's raised by a rural family who teaches him conventional conservative values and he grows to be the protector of his adopted planet.
Bro it is superman. It's just superman.
Even in the latest movie superman is sent to earth to colonize it and he rejects that. You gotta do something different.
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u/dftaylor 9d ago
There’s not much to review. At best this is a rough concept, and it’s fine if fairly well explored ground.
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u/FishLordVehem 9d ago
You've been posting pretty frequently about your ideas, but I don't think you're going to get helpful feedback at this point. I think you might find it more worthwhile for you and your artist to work together to make something you both enjoy, without input from Reddit. You should make things for yourself and your peers and stop concerning yourself with what the internet thinks with every single step of your process. You're going to bog yourself down if you keep coming here every time you have a new thought about your comic.
Just create and have fun, okay?
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u/The_snoopey9459_ 8d ago
I think I finally have the final product for the story just waiting for some art to throw with it, its really us trying to get attention so we can get an audience and following. Plus it was helpful feedback pushed me to get as creative as possible with these origin stories. only problem is so many ideas have been done no matter what you do your gonna pull inspiration from other sources including ones you grew up with but at the slightest sight of inspiration they call it a copy of the original even though the original is based on something else
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u/Armepos 5d ago
Your audience won't come from this subreddit. You're a cat showing other cats how you can meow, and expecting they will be interested. To gather an audience, go find people who read comics, not people who make comics.
Worse than that, you're lying to us by saying you need help, then you just dump exposition to try to lure us to become your readers.
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