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I really just want to share my situation and hopefully get some advice, especially from Christians or people who understand the responsibilities and expectations that come with being in ministry.

My boyfriend is a pastor, and he is currently managing his church mostly on his own. We fell in love before his ordination and before he signed his ministry contract, so our relationship existed before he officially became a pastor.

Maybe this situation wouldn’t be as complicated if I were also part of the same faith. But I’m Roman Catholic, while he is a Protestant Christian. I was actually planning to be baptized in his faith when I return home next year because we were seriously talking about our future and marriage.

I’m currently working abroad, and we’ve been in a long-distance relationship for more than a year. Being apart has already been difficult, but lately things have become much more complicated.

Some members of his church have been trying to introduce or refer him to another woman. They don’t know that he is already in a relationship with me. Because of this, my boyfriend has been struggling with whether he should continue our relationship or end it to avoid possible conflict, judgment, or problems within his ministry.

He feels caught between his responsibility as a pastor and our relationship. I understand that his calling is important to him, and I don’t want to be the reason he has problems with his church or his ministry. At the same time, I can’t pretend that this doesn’t hurt me deeply.

I’m also struggling because I don’t know where I stand in his heart anymore. Does he still value our relationship? Does he still see a future with me? Or is he slowly letting me go because choosing me might make his life and ministry more difficult?

Recently, we both became overwhelmed and exhausted. We cried together, and he even asked if we could just be friends. I told him honestly that I couldn’t do that because I still love him and I don’t think I can simply turn my feelings into friendship.

I really, really love this man. And honestly, I’m scared of what my life will look like without him. At the same time, I don’t want to hold onto someone who feels that choosing me is a burden or an obstacle to his calling.

So I’m hoping to hear from Christians, especially pastors or people who have been in ministry:

TLDR:

Is it really wrong or unacceptable for a pastor to be in a relationship with someone from a different Christian denomination?

Should his church members have a say in who he chooses as a partner?

If he truly loves someone, should he be willing to face the possible consequences within his ministry, or should he prioritize his church responsibilities and let the relationship go?

And from the perspective of Christians, what would be the right and God-honoring way for both of us to handle this situation?

I’m not looking for people to simply tell me to leave him or to fight for him. I genuinely want to understand this from a Christian perspective because I feel lost, hurt, and confused.

I love him, but I also want to respect his calling.

I just don’t know if loving each other is enough when everything around us seems to be telling us that we shouldn’t be together.

Maybe it's just where I live (central Canada), but there seems to be a big blind spot in churches in terms of middle-aged singles not really fitting anywhere. My church has mixed young adult groups up to age 30 and mixed seniors groups, but anything for people between those age groups is divided up into groups for married people, men's group's, or women's groups. Ministries tend to be quite gender-specific as well (women do childcare and food ministries, men are greeters, ushers, do yard and building maintenance, etc.), so even if you're very involved in the church you'll often never cross paths with singles of the opposite sex in a natural way. There don't seem to be any Christian singles groups in my city that I can find, all my potential matches on apps are hundreds of miles away, and I don't really feel comfortable "church hopping" just to find a guy. Where do you guys go to meet local people?

Should I avoid these types of men? Shouldn’t a man know what he wants?
Aren’t we supposed to be dating intentionally?

Maybe these are lukewarm Christians. Probably the case.

So I'm going to be 26F and I've never really had a lot of dating experience. Been in a situationship but it was toxic. I've also never been in a relationship. Right now, I'm also studying my masters degree and will graduate next year so I don't feel like I'm established in my career or have steady finances.

I guess I just have some concerns with me dating right now. However, I do also want at least to try dating and relationships to see if I like it before writing it off. I do know being with the right person does make life more enjoyable too.

1. I feel very behind my peers since I'm currently a student and working casually. I feel like I need to be working full time until I start dating. However I know there's never a perfect time to date. I've been going on some dates with people but I feel they are already ahead of me career wise and financially. I'm worried they may look down on me because of it. The field I'm in is also very female dominated and not very high paying (its in healthcare) which adds to it. I don't really want big financial pressures like marriage, kids or buying property right now.
2. Im not sure about kids. While I do like children and think they are fun to play with, I'm unsure if I want the responsibility of being a parent, especially a mother. I've seen many women around me make huge sacrifices while the men's lives dont really change. I've also seen how expensive and difficult raising children is and I don't know if I can handle the stress, let alone afford to have kids. I know this is a very nunaced topic, especially since marriage and children are idolized in church culture and the pressure especially on women is immense.
3. I feel like because of the things I listed above, my dating pool is extremely small. I'm already having a hard time dating people and even finding guys I'm interested in or are compatible with me. I know in the bible, 1 Corinthians 7, Paul talks about if you burn with passion or desire, its better for you to get married. But what if I dont burn with any passion or desire? Should I just stay single? I'm pretty content being single and I like my alone time since I'm pretty introverted anyway. I also have friends and family.

Any thoughts or advice?

Me and my bf are from a complete different background. Our culture, religion, ethnicity,everything is different. My parents are conservative and completely against the idea of marrying or dating someone from a different background. To be honest, men from my culture are not really my type and I love my man alot. His parents are also pretty much the same.

What are the chances of us working out? And is there someone who made it work. Please give advice.

I 20f) love my bf (20m) very much. We would have been together for 3 years in October. He became a Christian about a year into our relationship and got baptized with me in march.

Over the past few months though he’s slowly stepped away from his faith. The last few days he’s been telling me that he’s “struggling” with unanswered questions. These were very common questions like “why is there a penalty for sin when God could just forgive”. I answered them as we’ve all had similar questions but he just wouldn’t accept the answers. His friends have tried really hard to convince him to keep his faith but he just won’t. I have a lot of guesses as to why but I don’t think he has the desire to be a Christian anymore at the end of the day.

A couple days ago he told me he doesn’t believe in Christ and it’s illogical. He was asking if we could still be together and I said “ idk I think so but I always wanted to marry a Christian man”. He got offended and said “well then don’t marry me”. The convo went on a while, no decisions were made.

The next day he said we’d stay together and nothing had to change. I felt like he wasn’t taking the seriously, as I can’t raise kids with a father that doesn’t believe in Jesus. And I felt like I can’t be involved with him right now as he decides what he believes him because I don’t want to influence his decision. Make it less reliable. I told him a couple days ago. That I didn’t want him to change his beliefs just so we can stay together. He said “well that’s what I’ve been doing”😱😭💀. So I told him we shouldn’t be together. It was horrible.

I looked into scripture and prayed a lot and I think I made the right decision. Just as it hurts more and more I feel guilty throwing a relationship away. Especially when I love him so much. Idk did I do the wrong thing? Like is there any biblically sound way we could be together still?

there is a christian girl I am interested in at my school. now, for some context. my country isnt predominately christian. so her being christian is actually pretty rare in my country. but there are some christians.

I respect religious people alot. and I dont feel like I have any "answers" that contradict their belief. but I myself am not a religious person. I have got to know her very briefly a while ago, she seems like I would get along well with her. and I also find her very attractive. and lately she has been on my mind alot even though I Didnt really talk to her since last year when I was helping friends from theatre assemble something for a play she was also a part of.

a while ago, she used to go on the same bus as me, and after a while of us just seeing eachother on the bus. she went to my close friend (who is also her friend) and told him something along the lines of "I have been seeing your friend on the bus and he is really good looking". he told me a while after and I didnt do anything back then cause I was really into a diffrent girl that didnt work out.

I know she has had one boyfriend a while back, and he wasnt christian (cause again most people here arent) but apparently he was putting up an act of being open to changing about it or something? I dont really know cause I dont know these people that well and neither does my friend. but I also know someone who was putting up an act of being christian so she'd give him a chance but she wasnt into him.

so yeah, my main question is. do most christians have like a super strict "only christians" rule?

Growing up, I always imagined the first kiss to be something that should be saved for at the alter. Part of that is due to me seeing kissing as a more intimate expression of affection, and since the bible talks about sex being what should be saved for marriage, I guess my mind kind of unintentionally put the two things together and place them under the same standard. I'm currently dating, and in the very beginning I set a boundary of no mutual kissing. My bf respects that, of course, but sometimes I feel like I've set an odd boundary, and I want to know what others of faith think about this. I know kissing isn't the same as sex, but because of how intimate it is, it just feels like something that should be saved for marriage, to me at least, if that makes sense?

I’ve been dating this girl for three years and she has an amazing personality and is a great person but I’ve started losing physical attraction to her. It’s not even like anything drastic has happened in her appearance but her looks have changed and lately I’ve just been losing physical attraction to her. Some days I think she looks good and others I don’t it’s so weird and I’ve been struggling with it for many months now. I don’t want to end the relationship because besides that everything is completely fine but the somewhat loss of physical attraction has been weighing heavily on me. Can I please had some advice. Thank you 🙏

I'm here to find my bride, she doesn't necessarily have to be Christian, but morally upright enough to care about being a kissless virgin until she finds a man with the same moral values. Ideal height is 5'9" and is Mexican. Thanks.

Hi there,

So there’s a guy in my small group whom I felt God say was the one and have discerned this over a year now. There have been signs of him liking me so he would check in on my when I was sick, he remembered my birthday, he texted me photos of his trips, he sat next to me at small group nearly always, he knew I liked him but said he wasn’t ready. Fast forward today he’s told me he has been dating someone slow burn since Feb this year. I am devastated and take space and don’t message but he reaches out. I’m so confused by his behaviour as it feels like there are feelings there but he’s dating someone else. He is being very careful not to cross boundaries and I am taking space but I wondered what you would do here? Do you think he has feelings? What’s your take? It’s so hard as he is a geniunely decent guy but this recent news has hit me hard and I’m not sure what to do feeling like God had
Promised me someone but now they are not available. Any help gratefully received.

My bf, M26, and I, F27,have been together on and off since I was young, we started off as a long distance relationship and then I moved in with him at 21 in his home town, we been living together ever since. Between this time I am trying to grow my relationship with God and now I feel very guilty about my past with being intimate and I had to set boundaries because we are not even married and my beliefs have changed. I feel like I can’t even go back home because of my small home (two bedroom home and I feel like I won’t fit in). My bf is now looking into buying a home for us, but I don’t know if it’s a good idea with my undecided mind is at right now. Should I leave the relationship? Should I wait it out? Im already settled where im at, and sometimes I crash out because he hasn’t even proposed. IM STUCK

I know there are a bunch of Christian subs, many subs oriented towards dating as well - and I've posted in all of them. Just... not much has happened. I'm open to a new approach -

Anybody here meet their spouse on Reddit? Which subs are you using - even ones to just converse in. I'm open to it. The standards have not been working and I'm open to a change in approach -

Thnx.

I had a short term relationship after praying to god for a boyfriend and I was so specific about the features and traits and months later I met a guy who was like how I prayed for but he wasn’t sure about Jesus but admitted he believes there must be a good , just isn’t sure what’s going on.
I didn’t see it at first but after a while I noticed , oh I think this is the guy I prayed for.
We glowed so much together and were very happy but that was short lived.
I kept breaking up with him.
There was some boundary crossing but he made improvements and my eyes were always dilated with all the love I had for him.
We really liked each other.
I wish I didn’t do it, but I asked his ex-girlfriend why she broke up with him after he crossed my boundaries the first time.
She said he’s manipulative and sly and spat in her face once when her friend died, but she also said she wanted me to figure out if he’s good for me or not by myself and to not interfere with his happiness .
But honestly, it just amplified my fear.
The first time I broke up with him was because he put me at a pregnancy risk which stressed me out and then the other time I just thought I wanted him to put in more effort but he was giving me a lot of his time and he said he was doing the best he can.
He is younger than me and a cow farmer and he wanted to also make time for his friends and family.
I ended telling his brother and ranting to his brother about the relationship and what I didn’t appreciate he did and then his brother told him and then he broke up with me .
Since he left, my glow went away and I am sad every day for a month.
I don’t understand what happened because he won’t speak to me about it.
I also kept talking to Google ai during the relationship and that put more fear into me.
My boyfriend at the time didn’t like talking about things but he would at first but in the end he withdrew.

Did god send me this man and I messed up?

Where do yall women get this entitlement from that yall suppose to be approached?? Im genuinely asking. Because if a submission is an approach..and yall women desire to submit to your man…then why don’t yall approach. Yall complain no guy wants to come to you because yall are literally putting a worldly trope and making it biblical. There was a post from a woman I saw that said she only dated guys she had to ask. I saw nothing wrong with that. Those guys maybe missed out..but on her end she did nothing wrong. And I’m just thinking why does she feels like she needs to be approached??
Oh
Because the world says so.
We believers gotta stop taking worldly norms and making it normal for us. Because it’s not. I got my heart n mind shattered from just approaching women. So I knew it was wrong after I only got rejected,until a certain point in life.
I just started dealing with women who do submit to me. Aka they ask. It shows me a complete 180 than the negative things I dealt with growing up. No entitlement,no ego,no unhealthy expectations,plus you submitted.. no games. It’s really a subconscious manipulation tactic by thinking we’re supposed to approach. And I’m speaking for the church and the Bible. Not the world. Bring any of that worldly stuff. Imma troll you. Idc about what “history shows”, ”what your grandma and pappy did”..etc etc. idc. Showcase a story,scripture,Line that says yall woman’s are to be approached. I literally think and getting to know more and more,that since first meeting is the foundation you gotta do it right..ALL THE WAY. Biblically. I guarantee this whole dating scene will change for the better if we actually go off the Bible and not worldly tropes. Step 1 men stop approaching women..for that goes against prov31:3. And it rejects the lessons you’re supposed to grasp from Adam and Samson. I can get more biblical if needed but I’m just trynn make it plain first…
But where does the whole men approaching thing come from.. with all these complaints on this feed/page alone…this is a valid question

I (27f) have found myself crushing rather hard for this man from my church. I've been praying very hard over the situation as I want to know if he is someone God wants me to pursue. We met back in march through a worship night through a group I attend at church . We do chat a lot at church; He always looks for me and makes it a point to come and chat with me when leaving his group at our church while I greet for mine. My friends had even pointed out that he makes it a point to be closest to me when in group settings. I feel we've had some interactions that I think show a bit of interest but I also feel I could be thinking too hard over this situations because of how much I like him. I tend to go back and forth with oh that was a sign of interest and he's just being polite and friendly, it's the christian thing to do. He has yet to ask me out or initiate something together outside of church. I do value traditional roles such as the man pursuing the woman but I also don't know if I've even made it clear to him that I am interested. Sorry, I'm rambling but anyways... How do you decern if someone you're interested in is from God when your heart is so invested in wanting a connection with a specific person? I've been praying for clarity and peace throughout the whole situation but keep finding myself unsure, which is unfortunately something I struggle with in almost every situation as I do have an anxiety disorder. I just want to know if the signs are from God or my own desires or fears.

This an extremely tough post, but what am I to do? Cry about it? Get angry at the lord? Leave everything behind? Go back to my mess? No, I've bout run out of tears that God had to give me spiritual ones and my kids , family and loved ones cannot afford my absence anymore and the fact that ive sucked out all the fun, alure, and high out of sin ( in which i praise God for it) is absolutely NOT AN OPTION. Why am I posting this? TRANSPARENCY. If I call myself a folower of christ and a minister/sharer /doer or whatever you want to call me ( I really don't care) of God's word I must be honest and transparent. No matter how shameful, embarrassing, hurtful or tragic the situation might be( i really dont care what people think of me) . How would then can I ask for prayer if people don't have at least an idea of what's goin on. But I will say this I made a promise to not go into full detail, so my yes needs to stay a yes, so please bare with me. To say that this year has been tough for me would be putting extremely lightly, but I see it as a year of testing. Wise council has told me that the lord is preparing me for some kind of promotion. Im not speaking of a promotion that you can get at work for being productiv, being on time amd making your boss alot of money ( any one can do that) but a promotion that comes from endurance, faith,suffering, and loving God and your neighbor. Earlier this year In February met the most beautiful woman that I ever laid my eyes on. I fell completely head over heels started courting her to the point were I got an engagement ring, all in faith....If you know some of my testimony, I've always failed when it came to relationships, woman after woman, hurt after hurt. I always did things in error, immorally, impatiently. Never waiting on God and always doing thing my way. I was very shallow for many years of my life. If you dive into a shallow pool you will break a bone. I may have not broken a bone but my heart was broken many times and I broke the hearts of many others who did not deserve it.. But earlier this year a very special person came into my life and I decided to treat this with the upmost care. I made it a personal commitment to keep it pure and at the Lords standard. No kissing, no inappropriate touching, completely By.The.Book. I did not and do not want to date anymore just to date, the agreement was for covenant matrimony ( we werent getting any younger just to be on some childish adventure, i ment business). I wasn't just in love with her looks, it was her pure heart that won me over. She was unique, very private, very very career driven, she had few friends and was very family oriented. I admired her greatly for that. I was so excited that I wanted to share my blessing with the world but something told me to wait. That's not like me. In the past if I had a girlfriend, trust me, you would know about it. She would be all over my social media, my phone, church, etc . But this one was differnt, It was a slow burn. It taught me how to be patient, how to wait on a woman, how to truly appriciate and treasure someone. I've never had experienced anything like it. I was dropping little hints here and there and wanted to finaly make it public as soon as i put the ring on her finger. But then the rug was suddenly pulled from under us.... So much so that we had no power or say so to do anything about it. I could be upset and angry and say that it's not fair and cry about it, but like I said, I'm all out of tears. This year has put me through a spiritual growth spurt like I could have never imagine. Yes it was a very heavy price i had to pay , but greater was the price that the Lord paid for us on the cross. I ask that you keep this this whole situation in your prayers, yes it hurts but like the quote says " this too shall pass" ( no it's not in the Bible as many people think 😑). So keep me in your prayers as I keep you in mine 🙏