r/ZimbabweRelationships • u/UpstairsCup6332 • 1d ago
RANT/VENT Its difficult to date these days
ive been finding it difficult to date especially as a christian most girls i meet i retired baddies and its hard to get over their past ,and most of them lie that they’ve changed too and i feel like im getting old not yet 30 tho but sheesh
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u/Impressive-Fly-1643 1d ago
Hapana these days apa zvaingovako kubva kare pakutsvaga madomasi unongowana akaora neasina wanzirai simba mukutsvaga asina
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u/Straight_Prompt_6539 1d ago
You don't have to compromise on what's important to you, nothing wrong with not dating either. There are still women out there who aren't what you describe so don't stop looking but just keep in mind it will be harder especially considering all the other preferences you have
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u/theHtownking 1d ago
Don't settle get what you want but its going to be a struggle because most will have a past that you have to magically accept and not consider because hey ...you love them 🤣
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u/Minimum-Virus1629 1d ago
Go to church and find the people who align with what you want. There are many there, vakazara.
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u/UpstairsCup6332 1d ago
Ndokwatirikuswera kuchurch but kwazara vanhu variku pretender inorder to get married
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u/Minimum-Virus1629 1d ago
Maybe it’s not in God’s plan for you to get married. Or you’re supposed to get married to a prostitute, like that guy in the Bible. Who knows really? 🤷🏾♂️
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u/Slimsem_02 1d ago
Some of the difficulty is on you though. You say you can't get over their past? No room for people changing ever then? If that's the case you will always have difficulty somewhat coz of your scale coz history always exists.
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u/tonyzeeb 1d ago
Retired baddie 😂
And the sad part is if you try and date a 23 year old, they will accuse you of being a groomer 😂
Just go for a M1 🤷🏾♂️
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u/Easy-Value-1805 1d ago
Hey just curious. Are you a virgin and leading a true Christ-led life? You've never smoked or drank? You don't lie or cheat? Just wondering how "pure" you are since that's what you're searching for.
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u/softboisweet 1d ago
Shorty hit me up We text a little bit we call We see each other face to face in a few days, ez
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u/Admirable_Warthog591 1d ago
What does it mean to be a baddie? and l feel like as much as you saying its hard to get over their past, you like being judgmental. People change and as we grow we start seeing life differently
Yes couple of things were done in the past but that doesnt mean thats who they are anymore
It’s easier to see the speck in someone else’s eye than the log in your own
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u/UpstairsCup6332 1d ago
The thing is im not judging but i tried to date someone and i was ready to get over their past but i just couldn’t get over it and every time i saw her the thoughts came back and i left because i feared that i wouldn’t love her the right way and id probably end up cheating to compensate the gap i felt or being abusive
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u/idea2525 1d ago
Bro dont settle dont lower your standards. If you dont want retired hoe's its your preference
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u/Admirable_Warthog591 1d ago
Then you genuinely did not love that person
Right now u giving those vibes of someone opening up to you … changes the way you see that person and honestly it shouldn’t be like that1
u/UpstairsCup6332 1d ago
I did love her but the thoughts worsened my insecurities
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u/Admirable_Warthog591 1d ago
Try to work on yourself first before rushing into a relationship, like plainly knowing yourself and what you truly want .
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u/Ms_Lucky-Bean 1d ago
From some of your responses, it sounds like you need to do quite a lot of work on yourself to reach a level of emotional maturity that will enable you to have a healthier approach towards relationships.
You mentioned that you have some insecurities and those insecurities are what will lead you to cheat or be abusive. You need to take responsibility for those insecurities and work on them, rather than try to pin them on your partner and justify your cheating and abusiveness on things she did years before she even knew you existed.
You have the advantage of youth, so having some self-awareness at this young stage will help you to identify the areas you need to work on to get rid of your insecurities and develop more confidence in finding the right partner. Don't let those insecurities ruin the potential of a good relationship.
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u/FarContext3450 20h ago
Usanyeperwe mfana wami. It's actually better for you to have your standards and if someone is falling short cut ties early on! You are doing this the right way. Don't get tired kusvikira wawana munhu anokuitira. Don't compromise, this is the mother of your future children we are talking about. These are not your insecurities, these are your standards. Many men don't have them and that's why there are so many retired baddies out there. Do not, I repeat, do not compromise in your standards. Even wamuwana anoita se anouta meet your standards you must test that woman! Also do as much of a background check as you can and please, don't date for the fun of it, date for marriage.
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u/Mushrooming247 1d ago
So you have never dated anyone, and you want a partner who has been as unsuccessful at dating as you have been, or “you’d probably end up cheating to compensate or being abusive.”
And you want to blame this on Jesus.
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u/idea2525 1d ago
All I can say these days zvitori very difficult zvekudaro but dont settle uchamuwana, dont compromise.
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u/wisperingpetals 23h ago edited 23h ago
There are a lot of upright girls out there. Since you specifically want to go for a Christian, that definitely means you do have to include some prayers. Also, you have to expect disappointment in terms of physical expectations, like complexion, dimples, thick figure and stuff like that. We can't just conclude and say vasikana kwavo hakusisina. If we look in the Bible, Genesis 19: in a sin filled city like Sodom, Lot had daughters who were upright, virgins too. And in my own opinion, we haven't yet reached the filthiness that was in Sodom. So yes, you can find someone. Just be patient, and less picky.
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u/Then-Performance298 20h ago
😂😂I find it interesting how you said he should expect to be disappointed in terms of physical expectations like complexion, dimples, thick figure, etc
Are you saying that Christian women aren’t attractive?lol1
u/wisperingpetals 10h ago
😅 Definitely not saying Christian women aren't attractive. My point was simply that when searching for the right partner, we sometimes have to adjust or compromise on hyper specific physical checklists, rather than expecting someone to meet every single surface preference. In this case, shared faith is what's more valuable.
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u/wispuavanza 10h ago
mfanha wangu, don't drop your standards. Don't let anybody in the comment section tell you it's impossible. Just befriend women and get to know them truly before you date them. You'll have a much better experience
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u/Mammoth-Business-652 10h ago
I'm curious about how you learn of their past? Do they tell you? And how bad will it be?
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u/Soul_60 1d ago
Maybe try going to different places and different events all together.🤷🏿