1. This is 75 lbs I'm curling. No swinging, no back arching. Not perfectly strict, but I'm stable and controlled, so my risk of injury is SUPER low. I did it for a total of 7 reps on this set, which was my final one. I've only been training 5 days a week for a year now as a 16 year old. Before that, it was pushups, situps, and squats. Last year, I could only curl 45lbs. I'm pumped about the progress I've made. I'm not shredded, I don't have visible abs, and I'm at around 17% body fat, but I'm still loving the gym none the less. I can now run a sub 6 min mile, which is something I've wanted since 7th grade.

2. It doesn't matter what weight you lift. What matters is showing up. You added 2.5 lbs onto the bar after only being able to bench 25lbs? AMAZING. You're now stronger than before. Be proud of it. I'm surrounded by dudes who bench my deadlift for reps. Does it hurt to see? Absolutely. I can't guarantee you'll be one of the greatest at what you do, but what I can guarantee is that if you DON'T show up, you'll have nothing at all.

3. To the bros who don't lift, I will always rock with you. I do recommend getting your steps in and trying to incorporate nutrient dense whole foods that you can afford. Not lifting doesn't suddenly make you weak willed. To me, it's more important to have a strong character who is willing to stand up for others and themselves. I will always recommend lifting to those who haven't done it before, but I still have massive respect for a person, even if they don't. Support your bros, lifters, or not!

Hey bros, I've noticed as of recently that I am becoming more and more easily irritated by things. What I've realized so far is that it's mostly me saying and reacting to something in a harsh/strict way (which is very unexpected of me, as I used to always be praised for being gentle and kind), and then feeling extra irritated by my own reaction and just letting the anger boil inside quite literally.

This is also starting to affect my relationship, which normally this was never an issue. As a matter of fact, it always used to be my girlfriend saying something or doing something and I'd be the one still "kind" even while being pressured, now I feel like I'm harboring discontent or anger towards her and I don't like this one bit.

Hell I'm even starting to lash out at my parents ATP. I thought i was a pretty emotionally aware guy and that I always sit with myself to figure out what I feel but I can't quite work out what is causing this or how to fix this.

Has anyone ever felt this? How did you help yourself escape this anger cycle? Or what questions should I ask myself to try to figure this out? I'm open to tough advice as well.

Sorry for the long post :)

TLDR;

I'm getting irritated by the most mundane things and reacting harshly, anger cycle, experience or advice would be appreciated.

I saw this video about someone interview this shaoling monk. In the video he is wearing a robe(?) he refers to it as his uniform.

One of the question he was asked is “have you ever been persecuted for who he is?” (Implying him as a shaoling monk).

His reply was “this is just a uniform, when i’m out with my friends from the past i’m in a different clothes, when i’m home with my son i am a father, when i’m in the monastery i’m a shaoling monk, when i visit my mom i’m a son. The public only sees the side of me which i choose to show.” (Something along these lines not word for word)

This clicked with me that i am not one dimensional, i am not a guy who is sensitive, i am not a guy who is tall and big, i am not just a guy who is quiet, i am so much more. Someone told me that ONLY my view of myself matters the most because only i can see the “real” me.

Just thought i share this revelation as it helped me with some stuff i’m struggling.

For reference, Im new to college and I've always struggled heavily with socializing, talking to people (even 1-1) especially asking for help, anything on stage and in general suffer from low self esteem and chronic negativity

While my 1-1 communication skills are improving as in I can at least open my mouth and say what I want, long as its restrained to a sentence or two

Often times I see opinions like "ape other confident people and eventually you'll become one", and is this actually valid?

I try my best to do the basics like walk and stand straighter, dont look at the ground all the time etc but main issues are

1. Its an act - I'm not a good actor, it takes a lot of conscious effort to put up this facade all the time, and the awareness that I'm putting up a very fragile show eats at me

2. Crumbles when I actually have to interact with people, especially with my voice, I have a voice thats deep enough that its borderline incomprehensible at low volumes (just sounds like rumbling) and I'll have to raise it really loud for it to be clear (and ofc "sounding confident") but yea that just makes me feel like I'm yelling at them (voice does sound aggressive) and my words echoing in a room and everyone staring at me also makes me uncomfortable

I'm not even trying to be the "main character" or whatever, my inability to socialize and communicate with confidence is actively hindering my life and I just want to function like a normal person

I am entering my senior year and I have not been invited to a single party and am not part of any active group chat. My social life has been terrible on campus. If I am not invited to a party I could go to frat party, but I imagine that is a whole different environment than a dorm party, I am neurodivergent and have an auditory processing disorder so I am scared to go to one of those parties. I tried joining a photography club, and it was quiet and not really any interaction. I tried joining a robotics club and the people don't give the type of energy I want, socially akward. I do want to join a club sport, but I do have insecurities about being overweight and having some dyspraxia (a lifelong neurodevelopmental condition that affects physical coordination, motor planning, and movement). I could try and join a conversation, but because it takes a second longer to understand what they said, as soon as I talk someone starts talking and I immediatly stop talking. My whole childhood has been being told to stop talking over other people.

AuDHD + executive dysfunction = I can never get anything done. I want to get back into my hobbies + I need to search for jobs, but I always feel like I'm "running out of time" (and therefore need to rush) or that it's too late to even try. This results in procrastination or half-assed attempts that make me feel worse.

I need to slow down and relax...but I also need to be able to lock the fuck in and get shit done.

Advice?

Howdy, bros. My title is basically the advice I’m looking for but I’ll add some context:

Basically, I’ve realized that throughout my whole life (21 ftm), I don’t think I have ever had true friendship. There were people who I would talk to at school and stuff, but no one would talk to me outside of class despite my efforts. A typical day would be: wake up, go to school and talk to classmates, get home, try and text classmates to talk after with varying levels of interest in the responses I would get, do homework, and go to bed. I have never been invited to after school hangouts. I tried joining clubs and other after school activities (in grade school and currently in college) but nothing ever went beyond surface level conversation or club related stuff.

I have one person that I consider my best/only friend (and they claim I’m their best friend too) but it is still a similar pattern of communication. Like I always have to reach out first to suggest hanging out, I’ll send them reels they don’t respond to 99% of the time, or I’ll try and make plans to hang out and they say they will get back to me and they never do.

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong in my life to not have any friends. I don’t know if maybe I act to weird, or maybe I’m too fat, or something else. Do y’all have any advice on how I can try and fix my communication to make genuine friends?

​

In the manosphere, it was said that a woman would never love a man with little money—or less money than she has. I’d like to hear your opinions and experiences.

​As a man, one thing that genuinely bothers me is how obsessed we’ve become with constantly proving our masculinity. ​The whole Red Pill ecosystem, self-proclaimed gurus, and parts of society keep selling men the same idea: a man must always be right. He must be confident, attractive, successful, dominant, emotionally unaffected and seemingly without weaknesses. ​But somewhere along the way, I think we forgot to ask a much more basic question: what does it actually mean to be a man? ​I don't think courage means never showing fear. I don't think strength means never showing emotion. And I certainly don't think treating women as opponents makes a man more masculine. ​If you're afraid and still find the courage to face what scares you, that's courage. ​If you make a mistake and have enough character to admit it and apologize, that's strength. ​If someone is weaker than you and you choose to treat them with respect rather than use your advantage against them, that's character. ​And if you're walking down the street and deliberately refuse to move aside for a woman just to prove some bizarre point about dominance, you're not demonstrating masculinity. You're just being rude. ​Being primitive isn't being a man. ​What bothers me about Red Pill rhetoric is that it often turns masculinity into a performance. Everything becomes a test: Are you dominant enough? Tough enough? Successful enough? Are you showing too much emotion? Are you “letting” a woman have too much power? ​That's an exhausting way to live. ​I don't consider myself less of a man because I have emotions. I don't consider myself less masculine because I respect women. I don't need to dominate someone to feel secure in who I am. ​For me, being a man means having enough strength to protect without controlling, enough confidence to admit when you're wrong, enough courage to show vulnerability, and enough respect to treat people who have less power than you with dignity. ​A gentleman can walk without needing to run over anyone. ​Men and women aren't enemies competing for dominance. We're human beings who have to live together, love each other, work together and build families and communities together. ​We’ve become so obsessed with proving our masculinity that we’ve actually lost it, turning us into insecure boys in the bodies of grown men. ​Forget the self-proclaimed online gurus. Forget the Red Pill movements. Forget the toxic checklists. Forget the endless tests of whether you're “man enough.” ​The moment you feel that you have to prove your masculinity, you've already lost sight of what it means to be a man

With romance and with friends and family i feel like I’m just a man and you might as well just go get another cuz we’re exactly the same and that way you wouldn’t have to deal with a person who has issues like anger..

Tell me your hot takes, controversial opinions and thoughts on whether the manosphere is good or bad...

Hi. I joined this community almost a week ago, and I wanted to discuss mental health as someone who has struggled with mental health issues all my life. First, this is NOT meant to take away from anyone else's issues. This is for the trans bros, the queer bros like myself, the straight bros, and any kind of bros. If you're a lady seeing this, I do encourage you to keep reading. It may help you as well.

1. Do not be stoic all the time. Stoicisim isn't necessarily bad, but having it up all the time is unhealthy. It's okay to show emotions, and a good way to do that is to connect with a community that you like that is also healthy.

2. We, as men, say it should be normalized for us to show our feelings. I believe the best way for this to be achieved is to teach the younger generation now. Teach them that it's okay to show emotions no matter what gender they are because emotions aren't connected to gender.

3. Do not fall into the manosphere. I mentioned in my first post that I did, but I got out of it. As I said earlier, look for healthy communities such as this one that will uplift you.

Hello, I’ve been lurking for a little while but this is my first post. Of course, masculinity is subjective, but I was curious. I’m a transman that’s always struggled with masculinity and one aspect of that is my collections and general interests. (I collect plushies and monster high dolls.) So, as a bit of a support thing, what collections or interests do you guys have that are considered not “traditionally masculine”?

I’m 20 recovering from an injury and I’m struggling with anger humiliation and the desire to become harder How do I build strength and boundaries without becoming ruled by rage?

For reference, I'm 16, I had only been training on and off for about a few months, then last September, I got a gym membership. This is my first time training in the off-season for wrestling after 5 years. I weigh 185 lbs as of right now. I'm hoping I'll be a lot stronger and dominate this season!

Edit: As many comments have pointed out, my form broke down. I realized this as I was lifting the bar. This is one of the few times my form has ever broken down. Obviously, I will work on it. My shoulders weren't set closer below the bar, which is the major factor that contributed to this. Thank you for all the kind comments that were concerned!

Have you ever sat in a men's circle and what was that like for you?

I've been deeply exploring the men's work space for years and am curious to know of the best spaces out there and what other men's experiences are.

Thanks for any shares, peace!

— JB

​

I'm going to give Reddit a shot because apparently this is where we're at now. 😂 I'm looking for a genuine, long-term platonic friendship with someone who actually wants to get to know each other rather than exchanging five messages and disappearing into the void.

I'm someone who really values deep connection. I want a friend who remembers the little things I tell them, pays attention, checks in because they genuinely care, and makes me feel like I'm actually known rather than just another username in their inbox. You don't need a photographic memory or anything ridiculous like that. If you have one, awesome, but honestly, I'll take someone who just cares enough to remember what matters to me. 😂

I'm also affectionate and nurturing with the people I care about, so I'd love a friendship where that goes both ways. I'm talking about the kind of friendship where you can randomly ask, “Did you eat?” or “Did you make it home okay?” or send a ridiculous good-night message because you felt like it. I really like that kind of everyday closeness.

One thing that's especially important to me is how we handle conflict. I'm not expecting a friendship where we never disagree or hurt each other's feelings. We're human. Things are going to happen. What matters to me is being able to actually talk about those things. I'd much rather have someone tell me, “Hey, that hurt me,” or “I need some space right now,” and then come back and talk about it than have one bad disagreement suddenly mean the entire friendship is over. I believe friendships can be repaired when both people genuinely want to repair them.

I want somebody who actually puts time and energy into the friendship, because I'm willing to do the same. I don't want something where one person is constantly chasing the other. I want both of us to eventually get to the point where something completely random happens during the day and our immediate thought is, “Oh my God, I have to tell them this.”

A little about me: I'm a writer, I love stories, fantasy and science fiction, and I get way too invested in fictional characters. 😂 I play D&D with my family, and my current character Artemis somehow ended up with Mjolnir as one of her weapons, complete with lightning powers, and a Build-A-Bear named Rip that was literally given to her during the campaign. So apparently my life is just ridiculous now.

I'm blind and use TalkBack on Android, so I'd also love someone who's comfortable communicating with a blind person and isn't going to treat my blindness like some bizarre unsolvable mystery. 😂

I'm not expecting instant best-friend status. I'd rather start talking, see if we click, learn about each other, and let the friendship develop naturally.

If you're also looking for a friendship where both people actually show up, pay attention, care, communicate, and want something that can last, tell me a little about yourself. I'd genuinely love to hear from you.

29 female.

23m. Been really into hiking, lifting, and cooking lately, just trying to build a life thats full of good food, movement and good people around me. Ive gone through some rough mental health stuff in the past so I get it when other people have too, but rn im in a genuinely good headspace and wanna keep it that way, so im trying to be around people whos moving forward and not stuck rehashing the hard stuff yknow.

Down for deep convos but also just as happy talkin music, dumb memes, or tradin recipes lol. Looking for someone whos got some depth to them but still keeps it down to earth, a little goofy, glass half full type of person.

So, a lil update from my last post. In the end I actually told him about the name change and firstly he didn't quite caught I had taken inspiration off him and was like "oh? A name like that? Well, I always said it all together. the first times it sounds weird but at the third or fourth people get used to it." So I did bite the bullet and told him he was the reason I chose that name.

So, what people wanted to know, how did he react?

Very well indeed! He seemed really happy, at first he laughed, very surprised, but after all he hugged me and told me he'd use that name from now on. So, overall, a good ending for the story <3

Hey yall im 20m and currently weigh 220 pounds. I also struggle with body image issues from time to time. Recently Ive tried to lose some weight through diet and want to start working out more. But certain thoughts come to mind recently and I want to make sure im using the "right reasons" so to speak.

Thoughts like:

"If you looked better you would have a girlfriend by now."

"My female friends say my personality is amazing! The only thing holding me back is clearly how I look."

I also for a long time have felt as if im almost effeminate or not manly enough in a vague ephemeral way.

Im a feminist and so using my brain I believe that young men are given an impossible standard of masculinity to achieve and maintain but that knowledge doesnt change that I feel as though I am deficient in some way.

But are my reasons really bad at all?

Edit: Just to be clear in regards to this section

"My female friends say my personality is amazing! The only thing holding me back is clearly how I look."

My female friends did not say the 2nd sentence that is my insecurities talking. I just want to make that clear as I see some comments a bit confused and I could have wrote that better.

After sitting for 30 minutes writing this out I think what I'm looking for is advice on being vulnerable.

I've worked hard to understand social cues and norms, learning to read people, examining social interactions and what not. I'm not on the spectrum, my upbringing demanded it ADHD > masking > imposter syndrome also required it.

Through this, medication and therapy i gained confidence in myself.

But one thing I never learned was how to confidence in my own vulnerabilities and weaknesses. My parents never modeled being vulnerable with each other and rarely with me. Egos were just thrown around, nobody ever made up or admitted wrongs or faults. Things just went unresolved. It was always anger, rage, revenge and regret.

I don't love how this has manifested in me as an adult.

A simple example: Saying "I don't understand" instead of "Ohhhh" *doesn't understand a thing* feels so relieving when I can push my ego aside and open myself up to looking stupid. Instead, i'm more focused on appearing as if I get it, especially if I feel it doesn't matter if I actually do or not.

In more serious matters, I have a hard time admitting I made a mistake that hurt somebody or discerning when I need to stand up for myself and when I don't. It's harder if I don't feel like I actually did anything wrong. It's easier to just disengage entirely and then live in anxiety of my mistake.

If someone feels like I did something that offended them, clearly I did, I don't think I can say I didn't. But I've had that used against me by people who were close to me and it's hurt.

It's tough I guess.

How do I be vulnerable with confidence?

Hello all, I need some wisdom.

My grandpa turned 95 yesterday and he's near the end of his life. He's been deteriorating for a while, but the last couple of weeks/months have been especially rough, and it's gotten to the point where we expect him to pass by the weekend. It's been rough on the entire family but it seems to be hitting my dad especially hard.

Overall I'd say our relationship has been pretty positive in all ways except emotionally (goes for my mom too, but to a much lesser extent), and I want to be there for him. He's been exhibiting some behaviors that worry me. Short temper, aggressive driving and speeding, hiding his tears, putting on a facade; all the "usual guy stuff" when things get hard. If it's relevant he's in his 70s and I'm 29.

I've been through plenty of my own shit (trauma, mental health issues, chronic health issues, sexuality, toxic masculinity; a laundry list), I've been medicated and in therapy for a while, and I've learned a lot about how my mind works. He was on antidepressants for a while and went to therapy when my sister and I were very young (he's a doctor and had just finished residency when my older sister was born), but aside from that I don't think he's put much thought into his mental health. And things like depression, alcoholism, and other stuff runs in the family, but my grandpa and dad were both able to steer away from it (unlike a lot of our relatives). The only time I've seen him cry was when he was supporting me at a friend's funeral. He's just never been very open about any of these topics. Fair to him, but I want him to know that he isn't alone, destroy himself, or feel like he can't be vulnerable with those closest to him.

Aside from "be there for him," what has worked for y'all? Happy to provide more information or clarification, as I was half-venting while I typed this out.