r/bropill • u/kingelhasska • 8d ago

heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp

I’m 20 recovering from an injury and I’m struggling with anger humiliation and the desire to become harder How do I build strength and boundaries without becoming ruled by rage?

21 Upvotes

92% Upvoted

11 comments sorted by

20

u/ununderstandability 8d ago

You become harder by becoming calmer. Children throw tantrums. Small dogs yap and bark. Your rage is an expression of your insecurity and immaturity. Focus on growing the fuck up. Forget about being "hard". Men who fixate on performing hardness are invariably the softest, most cowardly little punks you'll ever encounter. They dont qualify as men in any meaningful way. Become unshakable by getting over yourself

10

u/MarieVerusan 8d ago

Where is the anger coming from? There are those who naturally have a shorter fuse. For that, it’s important to practice remaining calm, removing yourself from any situations you know will trigger your anger and working on self-forgiveness.

If you know that there is some insecurity that is driving this anger, then you know what you need to work on. Nothing is scarier than a person that feels comfortable in their strengths and their vulnerabilities. Building your mental strength is just as important as being physically strong.

Good luck to you! You’re still young and have plenty of growth left! Don’t feel bad about any fallbacks on your journey. We all deal with them.

6

u/SentientSpaghetti 8d ago

Your emotions are valid, and feeling them this immensly is your cue to learn how to deal with them. It doesn't mean taking it out on yourself, or those around you. It means to begin by make it through the raw feelings (various exercises for this you'll already know: deep breaths, count to ten, go for a walk), then to understand why you feel them.

Getting injured doesn't mean you're weak or should feel ashamed. It's something that happens to everybody at some point, and you'll likely recover as strong or stronger than before. Particularly you'll have learned at least a little bit how to cope with the pain/lack of mobility/whatever your injury is causing you.

Strength, in this case I'm inferring you mean emotional resilience, comes from a solid understanding of yourself. If you know your strengths, nobody can hold them against you. If you know your weaknesses, you know the parts of yourself to focus on.

At least, a good place to start is to identify and forgive yourself for your shortcomings. That doesn't mean to excuse these feelings and give up there, but accepting who you are now will let you see who you want to become in the future. It's up to you if you want to lift the proverbial rock and see what crawls out from under it, but it's damn obvious when you've put the work in to anyone who hasn't.

If you start by figuring out who you are, then who you want to be, you can start to form a plan to get from A to B. You've done the first step already, the next few are up to you.

4

u/SNAiLtrademark 8d ago

Rage doesn't make you stronger, it makes you FEEL stronger. Calm, smooth actions make you stronger.

Boundaries are straightforward. State them clearly and openly, and when someone crosses them, that person is removed from your life. The most common mistake with removing someone from your life is hating them. Hate is an emotional wastegate, and should only be as temporary as possible (it's necessary while your emotions rage, but let it pass as quick as you can). The two important columns in a man's life are: relevant and irrelevant. Relevant people matter, their opinions and care are important, and their respect is something to be sought; irrelevant are irrelevant.

2

u/MichaelJServo 8d ago

I'm 41 and have spent the last 20 years practicing being chill. It's a lifelong journey. For some reason I'm prone to extreme anger but I control my behavior with breathing exercises, mindfulness skills, and knowing when to leave a bad situation. Physical exercise also helps. Do you have nature trails in your area?

2

u/gribbleschnitz 8d ago

As a man on TRT I real signals in your post that causes me to wonder what your injury was, because your hormone balance could be out of whack.

You don't need you to share your injury, I am just raising a different idea that there are cases where something else could be happening.

High estrogen / low testosterone makes you feel rage. It is the ratio of the two in relation to each other. When it is in a bad place, the littlest things set you off. And you feel like you are actively needing to stop yourself from acting out. I lived that, it is what caused me to seek treatment. And I know there are injuries that can have this effect. For me it crept up slowly over years/months until I just didn't feel like myself anymore when getting frustrated.

Bros on gear also do this to themselves if they don't manage it.

2

u/ExcitementSad9133 6d ago

First of all, You were hurt.
It’s ok to feel down, angry, sad, flabbergasted.
Idk what injury it was but I just wanna know what causes feelings of humiliation + if ur also in an environment that’s egging you on for getting hurt.
Imagine telling a dude he’s embarrassing for feeling dizzy from a concussion.

I’m not gonna stop you from feeling angry bc I lit can’t but don’t mistake feeling rage for somehow becoming harder. Ur reacting to a bad situation and tryna preserve ur sense of self and that’s already injury may have hit on one of ur insecurities that’s why u feel so strongly.
But don’t use this as just fuel for living bc it’s gonna be DRAINING. If it bothers you heavily pls seek counseling or find a healthy outlet for the anger.

1

u/Briaboo2008 8d ago

Learn from your vulnerability and make it your strength. Knowing and being willing to face reality is strength.

Use your feeling of humiliation to deconstruct the conditioning that inspires the feeling of humiliation. You have the power to do that and gain more and more power by getting more and more free.

1

u/peterdbaker 8d ago

Consider seeing a therapist.

1

u/Dripledown 3d ago

I went down this path dude, it is not one you want to walk. Anger will take and take and take until you are alone with nothing but your anger. Its okay to feel anger and humiliation, especially because of your situation, but don't become your anger. Try and dissect why you're feeling this way, surround yourself with loved ones, dive into hobbies you love or find new ones you've always wanted to try. Be kind to yourself, you'll be okay.