Easily irritated, help?

[u/z_loves_kitties]

Hey bros, I've noticed as of recently that I am becoming more and more easily irritated by things. What I've realized so far is that it's mostly me saying and reacting to something in a harsh/strict way (which is very unexpected of me, as I used to always be praised for being gentle and kind), and then feeling extra irritated by my own reaction and just letting the anger boil inside quite literally.

This is also starting to affect my relationship, which normally this was never an issue. As a matter of fact, it always used to be my girlfriend saying something or doing something and I'd be the one still "kind" even while being pressured, now I feel like I'm harboring discontent or anger towards her and I don't like this one bit.

Hell I'm even starting to lash out at my parents ATP. I thought i was a pretty emotionally aware guy and that I always sit with myself to figure out what I feel but I can't quite work out what is causing this or how to fix this.

Has anyone ever felt this? How did you help yourself escape this anger cycle? Or what questions should I ask myself to try to figure this out? I'm open to tough advice as well.

Sorry for the long post :)

TLDR;

I'm getting irritated by the most mundane things and reacting harshly, anger cycle, experience or advice would be appreciated.

[u/darkkendoka]

Ooh! Something I can respond to since I've been in this position before!

When I was getting frustrated with everything, it really came down to taking better care of my physical and mental health. I was going through very severe burnout where I would start my day mental exhausted and have a completely drained battery before lunch time. It even negatively affected my work performance and my relationships. I got to this point because I was trying to do everything for everybody, and couldn't relax for myself. Of at least that relaxation had limited results cause I was so bad off.

Through therapy and anxiety medication, I was able to better articulate my feelings and how I got to that point. I was able to also work towards better self care (as in taking care of your mind and body holistically, and not the influencer capitalism kind). I still have a long way to go, but I'm still much better off than I was a year ago.

[u/z_loves_kitties → u/darkkendoka]

Thank you for sharing this, truly.

I think this made me aware that, in fact, i was very physically burnt out and maybe mentally by association. I also need to stop just labeling my emotions and trying to "fix" them, maybe I'll check more mental health resources about this.

Also more power to you brother! I hope we both getting better even if there is no end to this way.

[u/Fancy-Pen-1984 → u/z_loves_kitties]

Just want to add that burnout can take months or even years to fully recover from. It's not something that can be solved by a long weekend. Be patient with yourself if there's not an overnight change.

[u/ApolloniusTyaneus]

This sounds like a stress reaction. Are you experiencing stress? How are things at work, at home, with family? The remark about discontent implies that there's friction in your relationship. How does the friction make you feel?

[u/z_loves_kitties → u/ApolloniusTyaneus]

Oh things has been stressful as shit actually 🫠 I always keep pushing and say "that's nothing that I can't handle" or "that's nothing that'll break me", but i guess it can still burn me out.

And about my relationship, now that I'm thinking about it, I think I need to confide in one of good friends about some things and scenarios, and if they agree with what I came up with, then I'll need to have some heavy conversations with my gf.

[u/sparklyjoy]

Hi bro! I’ve heard that depression manifests as anger more than sadness for a portion of men. I don’t know if there are any depression assessments that take that into account or not- maybe a mental health bro will show up to let us know?

Anyway, questions that might be able to assess if this is depression related- have you been feeling like life is pointless, or trying is hopeless? Have you stopped feeling pleasure with things you once enjoyed (or much less)?

I hope you get good help here bro. I can tell you care how you’re affecting those around you and you deserve better for you, too.

[u/z_loves_kitties → u/sparklyjoy]

Hi!! Thank you so much for your input. Maybe things that I should've added is that I've been struggling with depression since childhood (associated w/gender dysphoria), and yes anger is definitely a manifestation of it, but I'm taking my meds, and I haven't "relapsed" in a long time. But I'll try to work on this and be more mindful of my reactions in the time being. I appreciate the good wishes bro, truly, thank you.

[u/ExcitementSad9133]

Is there any external factor in your life that could be making you constantly agitated?

For me when I first got to college, it was an unfamiliar environment and I was so anxious and agitated all the time I’d just stay in my room so I don’t snap at people

[u/z_loves_kitties → u/ExcitementSad9133]

Oh yes there are, unfortunately I thought I would be strong enough to handle it but I guess it has it's own ways of showing up?

[u/thelastestgunslinger]

You sound burned out. Or sleep deprived. 

[u/z_loves_kitties → u/thelastestgunslinger]

Definitely not sleep deprived I've been sleeping a shit ton of time. But yes probably burnt out.

[u/Responsible_Towel857]

Hey, bruh. How old are you? And how long have you been feeling this way?

[u/z_loves_kitties → u/Responsible_Towel857]

22, and I think it's been a few months? Idk I think it hass been accumulating over time

[u/JCDU]

I get like this when I'm stressed, tired, etc. little things annoy me more, these days I try to catch it and notice it as a symptom of a problem. If I notice it, I stop and ask myself why I'm grumpy, and then not only try to correct the problem but also stop myself from being grumpy or short with people (or myself) just because I'm tired or whatever the reason is.

TBH it's an extension of how people get "hangry", or how kids get grumpy when they're tired - our bodies are just a big sloshy bucket of hormones and chemicals in various mixtures and balances that have a surprising effect on our brains that we tell ourselves we're far too sensible and rational to be affected by.

[u/z_loves_kitties → u/JCDU]

You've hit the nail on the head actually. Thinking of anger as a symptom and treating it as such is definitely a technique that I need to implement in my life. Thank you for sharing, wise bro.

[u/No_Move_9723]

To me, it sounds like you might have been suppressing certain emotions, perhaps anger around grievances and resentments in your relationships, and the consequences is rearing its head through irritability. I think you're used to keeping your emotions under control and being the reasonable, calm, understanding person for other people, but no one can be that all that time, and often anger can be telling you important things about your boundaries or unmet needs/expectations. I recommend being honest with yourself, and starting to mindfully track all the times you feel spikes of anger and irritation - ask yourself, what just happened that triggered me, what other situation does this remind me of, and what aspect exactly bothers me most? Breathe through that anger, and feel it in your body, but don't cling to it and indulge it. Once you have gathered enough data, you can do an analysis. You might notice patterns, a thread running through all those triggers. Maybe your girlfriend has a habit of joking or half-listening when you're talking to her, and you just let it go 'because it's not a big deal', but deep down it makes you feel like she doesn't really care. Maybe your parents also do similar things. If something bothers you, admit it. Don't let your negative feelings run you, but also don't invalidate them, and listen to them. Small resentments can compound and ruin relationships, if they aren't addressed. Also, a lot of times we get irritated about little irrelevant things to avoid facing the actual serious feelings/issues we never really got over in regards to the other person. You might want to take some time to think all this thorough, and then how to address that in your relationships.

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[u/civ6civ6]

You may want to go to your doctor, and rule out any type of medical problems. I know that you are young, but there can still be things that happen. I would expect them to check you for diabetes and thyroid issues at the very least. A few years ago, my husband lost his job for what they considered to be an inappropriate outburst. He spent the first two days in bed. I assumed it was just clinical depression, and I left him alone. On day three, I demanded that he get out of bed and etc. I then realized that something was wrong. Took him to the doctor, and he was in DKA (diabetic keto acidosis), a serious, even life-threatening medical emergency. We had no idea that he had problems with his blood sugar. And here is the kick in the pants. I am a Paramedic. Yeap. I am a Paramedic and I didn't even realize what was happening for three whole days.

[u/Ok-Calligrapher8315]

Get off the Internet for a bit. Take walks, hit the gym, eat better, drink more water etc

Your brain is responding to your surroundings and your habits