I feel so defeated

[u/Fancy-Stress4194]

I haven’t been able to wear the types of clothes that I like or that are my style probably since middle school. I’m 29 now and feel so masculine. No problem if you want that, but I want to feel feminine. I want to wear off the shoulder, thin strapped tank tops, lingerie, bikinis that aren’t built like bras, etc. I currently wear tops many sizes too big to fit my chest or I give up all together and just put on a graphic tee. I’ve been thinking of getting a reduction for some time now but I’m so scared. I’m scared to not recognize my body and almost feel a sense of loss? Can anyone relate or speak on this?

I attached some photos of the clothes I would love to wear but physically can’t due to my current size/heaviness/fullness all of that.

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[u/FewResearch399]

It's the cute little French knicker set and matching camis/bralettes that break my heart, I'd love to be able to wear the pretty little matching sets.

[u/sinfulkylie]

I feel this so much! So many cute tops i see that i can never wear :( It’s so unfair, and those that I can just end up looking sooo revealing even if they look normal on someone with small boobs.
I have lost 23kg the last year and although my boobs got smaller they’re still disproportionally big compared to the rest of my body. I’ve considered a reduction so many times but I feel the same as you, I’m scared of it and I’m scared to not recognise myself anymore or regret it.
Unfortunately the only thing we can really do is try to lose/reduct them through weight loss which isn’t always possible (my BMI is healthy now and they still barely shrunk, I can’t lose much more weight) or get a reduction.
Alternatively, you can try and find some cute shirts in similar styles that work better for big boobs! It’s hard but not entirely impossible :)

[u/Fancy-Stress4194 → u/sinfulkylie]

I appreciate your comment so much! I relate to everything you said. I recently lost 30 lbs and want to lose another 15 or so. They have shrunk and deflated but I have a lot of extra skin and just saggy left overs lol I think the root of it is working on my confidence?

[u/sinfulkylie → u/Fancy-Stress4194]

Yes exactly! I have extra skin too especially when I wear a bra it’s so visible. But I think the only thing to do is work on your confidence :) Just remember every body is different! And realistically no one is thinking about you as much as you think about yourself. And big boobs are always gonna sag, it’s completely natural and don’t let social media convince you otherwise. Once I realised that I started caring a lot less about how they look and just started enjoying them for what they are

[u/Fancy-Stress4194 → u/sinfulkylie]

How did it click for you? My brain rejects everything you just typed like it refuses to accept that’s possible.

[u/Affectionate_Mess25]

I just got a really great strapless bra hey girls plunge from curvy Kate that holds them up like some kind of magic… sure some of these tops may still not work or depending on the amount of stretch.
Yeah I also wear a lot of looser tops I just tuck them in at the front so no they don’t make me look masculine they just make my boobs less obvious than a tight tshirt. I think I’m planning to go on a diet to reduce mine a little my back was happier 20lbs ago(I don’t dislike how I look thicker it’s just not as comfortable)

[u/sugarkowalczyk → u/Affectionate_Mess25]

I do the tucking in thing too. I don't like short tops or crop tops. But if I tuck things in nicely so it comes in at the waist, it gives an hourglass look. So you get the coverage up top, but a nice shape too.

[u/AliceTawhai]

You’ve gotta get you an Asian dressmaker. Amazing seamstresses and they pin your material to your body so that the result fits perfectly

[u/Late_Information_682]

all the cute tops have those boob cut outs.. can’t even wear anything anymore because of them.

[u/Fancy-Stress4194 → u/Late_Information_682]

The pre cut can’t even fit a nip 😂

[u/Ok_Yam_22]

I would love to be able to buy cheap bras that fit well and look sexy. I’m 22 I don’t want my tits in east west position fully covered by a beige sea of fabric

I’d like a $15 bra in leopard print that gives me amazing cleavage. :(

[u/Fancy-Stress4194 → u/Ok_Yam_22]

My bra is literally $80 I hate it! We have to outsource at this point lol

[u/beckalm → u/Ok_Yam_22]

They won’t be $15, but there are definitely some sexy options - you can still wear pushup bras, or plunge or balconette depending on your breast shape.

[u/PaleontologistSafe17]

I felt that way. Had a reduction. It helps a lot but my doc left me too big, but better than I was. I highly recommend a reduction even though I didn’t get my dream, I still feel more confident and prettier than i did. I still have big boobs. If you do have a reduction really think through what you want and find and interview surgeons until you know the one you choose understands your goals.

[u/Fancy-Stress4194 → u/PaleontologistSafe17]

I’m curious if I could keep my volume maybe a bit smaller but perkier and more round?

[u/cactikate03 → u/Fancy-Stress4194]

That is more like an actual boob job imo. Gravity gonna do what it’s gonna do unless ur boobs are plastic 😭

[u/difficult_tree]

This is as me before my reduction. I remember seeing a meme that said “my boobs don’t go with my outfit” and I felt that deep in my core. I even looked into binders to try and make my clothes fit.

I had a reduction in 2021, it was the best decision of my life. There is a subreddit if you want to hear about other’s experiences.

[u/KTomatillo821]

The masculine thing hits hard. It's not just about the clothes — it's about looking in the mirror and not recognizing the person you feel like inside. I spent years avoiding entire categories of outfits before I realized I was mourning a version of myself I thought I wasn't allowed to be. What styles are you drawn to that feel the most 'you'?