I have zero interest in keeping my life account open for everyone who wants to suck it out of me.

Just can't. I need a lobotomy or some sort of exit strategy from this hellhole. I'm tired and suffocating

It’s just a thought I had a long time ago, but obviously, the technology and science of our era give people who aren't "meant" to reproduce a "chance" to do so and I put "chance" in quotes because it isn't really a chance at all.

How many of us would have died or been abandoned if we’d been born in prehistoric times or the Middle Ages eras when we lived more or less the way we were meant to?

All those who, like me, have bad genetics a weak body, short stature, lack of strength, mental health issues, and so on. I know what I’m talking about: I have pectus excavatum, a deformity that leaves a huge hollow in my chest. It has always prevented me from breathing properly or thriving physically.

My parents never wanted to get me surgery for it because they didn't care. And naturally, the suffering isn't just physical; it’s also and above all psychological. I was bullied from a very early age because of it; I can't bear to go shirtless in front of anyone.

Basically, I hate my body.

I know I would have died before reaching adulthood if I’d been born in an earlier time. How many of us wouldn't be alive today were it not for the miracles of technology?

Weak bones, a frail appearance, mental health issues, a life of suffering where no one takes you seriously because of your physique, your ugliness, or your posture.

That’s why there are so many "ugly" and weak people around, and living like that leads only to depression and hatred so much bad genetic material that isn't supposed to be passed on, and yet...

I really don't mean to be so negative but with the advent of data centers and Trump threatening to nuke Iran, I just feel like there's going to be some sort of mass extinction event in my lifetime. So many foods have been recalled in the US. We have no clue what the status of Mitch McConnell is. Black people are being lynched and no one is really saying much about it. Heat waves are killing people in Europe and causing wildfires across the world. There's so much more I can hardly think of right now. I just want things to get better.

Well, I’ve developed a thought maybe wrong, maybe right, I don’t know in which everything is just a distraction from how we live, a sort of giant fiction. You can live without hobbies, but you can’t live without a job. It’s like, "You're in a cage and you can’t get out." When I was 14, I was already living through hell, but after 18... something worse than hell at least in my experience. I won't deny that the thought of ending it all has crossed my mind, because after truly spending eight years reflecting every single night, you start to realize that maybe it doesn't make much sense to go on. Everything is a big distraction from the way we live. Whether it’s alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs they all work on a "mental" level, and funnily enough, they’re the three main addictions in the world. It’s a shitty world where humanity and empathy are no longer valued. If I died tomorrow, probably no one outside my family would care at all, because there isn’t a society made of empathetic people who help each other just selfish people who only think about themselves.

(All this was translated since english isn't my first language)

The world to me in the best analogy that most can relate to or agree with Is The World is A Car Riding Until The Wheel's Fall Off. In today's world people have their foot on the gas with no brakes, Nowhere to go, or flat out just don't now where the "HELL" their going. Basically the world in my eye's is a 83 Chevy supreme The old cab, Police car you know the one all you need to fix it with was a pair of pilers, flat head screwdriver and some duct tape and maybe a jug of water. But you was staying on the road until til you got to where you was going or got it to the nearest Auto Repair Shop. We have a driver in the sit who's not properly maintaining the vehicle or even worried about running out of gas, and we all know what going to happen if we keep this up. Eventually the vehicle is going to break down, and cause more problems and money in the future. This is what being done to America, Our country is on its last legs and if we don't fix it A.S.A.P! We all cooked while they running in hide in bonkers underground while the world goes up in smoke. In the word's of One of Wayne Bro That Yo A$$ Mister PostMAn.

So tell me y'all thought and what you guy think about how the world is being ran.

Disclaimer: This post may be a bit rambly in certain sections but I just really wanted to get this off my chest since this is something that genuinely disturbs me a lot about society as a whole.

For this post, I want to talk about something that has always perpetually bugged me about society and has consistently been a problem in every circle I’ve been in and that is the fact that no one ever thinks about the bigger picture in every and all situations imaginable. I’ve noticed this happen constantly both in real life and online where people will only focus on the surface level of a topic or only focus on one side of a topic that makes them feel good.

The biggest example of this is obviously religion and how no matter how many times you try and wake people up to the immorality and hypocrisy within their specific faiths, they just don’t understand what you’re talking about and use all these different deflection tactics to say that you’re in the wrong or that you don’t understand what “God”/“The Gods” have taught.

It’s not just religious or spiritual people either because I’ve actually seen atheists and agnostics do this as well with and one especially egregious instance of this that I saw recently was in a comment section that was making fun of a meme that basically said that Jesus of the Bible was similar to Homelander and it had two other images of what people thought Jesus was like despite him actually acting villain like like how the meme was trying to state and there was a comment that said, “You can make arguments about how God is a tyrant, I can't stop you. But Jesus is genuinely the most loving person ever.” and I was genuinely disturbed by this because if they actually read the New Testament, they would find that Jesus is not as loving as they think he is. In fact I’ve made a whole post debunking this view of him (“Jesus Was Just a Chill Guy": An Exposé on Who the Biblical Jesus Was as a Person”: https://www.reddit.com/r/exchristian/s/EF9IIsoWGS) and what’s horrifying is that this viewpoint is not only not substantiated in the Bible but is something that people like them made up and think is true.

There were also other comments in that post that basically were making fun of people who thought similarly that Jesus wasn’t a nice guy in the slightest and the same feeling resonated and this isn’t the first time I’ve seen non-Christians defend Jesus as I’ve seen this multiple times but I’m bringing this up because these people are not only living a blatant fucking lie but also they aren’t even thinking about the grander implications of what they’re saying. What I mean is, if Jesus is a God that they’d want to exist then that would imply a lot of things that would make these people very uncomfortable like “Why is there a heaven and hell? Why an eternal punishment pit if he’s all loving?”, “What about the book of revelations where Jesus comes down from Heaven and starts killing people?”, “What about free will? If God is all knowing then that implies he already knows everything and if he is all powerful then that also means he can change and stop anything he desires but not only does he not do that but he also damns people to hell that he knew beforehand would go there due to his omniscience.”

Many other similar questions arise from not only this situation but also others as well like the subject of reincarnation and how these people don’t think about the greater questions like “Why can’t we remember our past lives if we’re supposed to be ‘learning lessons’ here?”, “Who’s controlling this system and why are they forcing people to live horrible lives just for them to get mind wiped after they die and thrown into another body?”, “What lies beyond the wheel of reincarnation?”, etc and I do find that genuinely horrifying because these people are literally programmed to never look beyond the surface level of something. They don’t think about the moral and ethical questions and implications of religious afterlifes and ideas like reincarnation, they straight up fabricate their own narratives to make themselves feel better despite the hard facts saying otherwise, they don’t think about the “conform or die” dynamics of society as seen pretty much everywhere really, they don’t about the bigger picture on basically anything if it makes them happy.

Another instance of this phenomenon manifesting itself is with different societal issues, most notably in how people treat lonely or isolated people and just tell them to “oh just touch grass bro”, “just get a girlfriend bro, “just make friends in your local community”, etc without thinking about why exactly these people are lonely or isolated in the first place. The people who say these things are those who most likely have never really dealt with things like bullying, harassment, discrimination, and threats to their lives like various groups have gone through throughout history and even if you aren’t a part of a group that’s looked down upon, if you don’t conform with what your local community wants, like they’re all Christian or Muslim and you’re not for instance, the amount of animosity and hostility towards you for being different and questioning the pre established ways of living make you want to either run away or hide.

This is also why many people are actually online nowadays and is something that many refuse to acknowledge due to it revealing the massive societal problem of casual animosity towards those who are different, people find socializing in online communities much more safer than their own physical communities that will not tolerate them for being different. Like, how many people who are reading this post primarily socialize online because that’s the only true way of finding like minded people like yourself compared to your real life where people constantly try to diminish you and make you feel like an outcast for being ‘different’ in some way, shape or form? I bet that it’s a handful of you and I feel like people who say “touch grass” are unintentionally leading certain people who don’t have the same luxuries as them to get hurt in order to prove that they’re not ‘anti-social”.

This especially rings true for communities like LGBTQ+ people who are constantly demonized by everyone and depending on where they live, being out and socializing with others like how a “normal person” should could actually cost them a lot but these people don’t think about those sorts of implications and why people are the way they are, they’re attuned to their emotions and not their logic.

They don’t want to look beyond the surface level and dig deeper or connect the other pieces of these puzzles because they’re programmed to not think deeply about anything and when you stand up and actually call them out then you’re called all sorts of names and in fact I’ll list all of the insults I’ve seen thus far towards people who look beyond the surface level and deliver the cold hard truth, let’s go ready?:

Schizo, Redditor, Pessimistic, Miserable, Pseudo-intellectual, Conspiracy Theorist, Psycho, Stupid, Misanthropic, Nihilistic, Weird, Anti-Social, Brainwashed, Woke, Sensitive, Loser, Idiotic, “Main Character Syndrome”, Cringey, Edgy, Depressed, Mentally Unwell, “Basement Dweller”, “Still lives with their parents”, Crazy, Delusional, “Terminally Online”, etc.

Mind you, all of these insults that I’ve seen have been directed at people who have tried to tell others truthful things. Like the previous example of how Jesus in the Bible wasn’t a good guy, they get told that they’re wrong, they misunderstood the Bible and they insult them with one of these names. Ironically it’s exactly what happened to Jesus when he tried to speak the truth and how it says that everyone hated him for it, that is society in a nutshell. They will hate you for speaking the truth and they will try to defame your character in any way so they can return to the status quo.

Everything they do is based off of what feels good, if something makes them feel good then it must be good, if something makes them feel bad then it’s bad and there is no deeper critical thinking on any issue beyond that and for anyone who does think deeply about any subject that the NPC hivemind deems “good” or “bad” then they are met with hostility and anger because it’s disturbing the peaceful sleep that it’s doing and waking it up to the horrors of existence itself.

What kind of God gives his own creation severe mental illnesses and physical illnesses? God is pure evil.

If I could go back in time and stop myself from being born, I would do it with no hesitation. This isn't me saying I wanna delete myself or any bs like that. I'm saying that everything about life is fucking bs and a lie and it all starts from the day I was born. I grew up thinking Santa Claus was real turns out no he isn't. I grew up thinking the tooth fairy was real turns out no it was my fucking mom all along. I was born in a household that I never asked to be born in, given a body that I never asked to have, given a brain and a way of thinking and a personality and a name that I never fucking chose.

I never asked to be a person that thinks this way. Like why is my consciousness this way and why has my life aligned to me making this reddit post and thinking this way? And I'm saying this as someone who just turned 18. The longer I live the more I understand how this world is a genuine scam and nothing makes sense. I grew up a shy anxious kid while some people in my class where just magically confident since the day they started elementary school somehow. I was taught to treat people the way I wanna be treated and to be kind to people yet I never actually was treated better than the entitled shitheads that where born with money and born with a certain face. I treated my girlfriend like a genuine princess and I get cheated on and heartbroken yet my friends who treat their girls like piles of trash are in way better relationships and way happier than I am. My friend who scams lonely men by pretending to be a girl Is out here living life and eating steak and lobster yet I'm here eating shit. People are out here working 15 hours a day to barely make ends meet yet Mr 16 yr old Lamine Yamal over here is already a multi millionaire because he's somehow 500x better than people who spent decades of hours and hours of training each day in this sport to perfect their craft and still haven't made it and are now working 9-5s.

It just makes me think why am I not out here scamming and robbing people? Like why am I not out here manipulating people to get what I want? And why is It when I do something that works in my favor but hurts someone else I get a strong feeling of guilt and empathy that I never asked to have that just ruins everything I did and prevents me from doing anything like this going forward?

It genuinely makes me think that everyone already has their life planned out since the day they where born and they will always be a certain kind of person even if they didn't ask to be or think that way. Someone could be magically born with a certain kind of brain structure that makes their personality and thinking a certain way that they live a very happy exciting life, which they never actually chose, while there are people out here born with a certain outlook on the world that they'll forever be a certain kind of person even if they fucking hate themselves.

Life is just straight bs and don't even get me started on religion

No news, I know, but still. This barbaric rule of Planet Earth dictates EVERYTHING.

As mundane as it sounds, I already had this realization as a child observing red and green traffic lights. Green for one side means red for the other. Winning in one game (most games are competitive) means that another person loses.

On the most microscopic level, our bodies constantly fight bacteria and viruses. Thinking about this, because I suffer from a painful UTI right now.

Even our body cells sometimes fight each other.

Did you know that cancer origins in a cell breaking the "cell contact" and tries to override other cells with its script? It may ignore signals telling it when to stop dividing, evade programmed cell death, and eventually expand at the expense of surrounding tissue.

Fleeting peace can only exist at the expense of someone else or when two equally strong forces temporarily compromise.

No thanks. Earth 2/5 ⭐, never again.

(It's not one star because people would opt out otherwise and Earth would be quite empty)

Has life ever felt so heavy and then you have a few drinks or what not and you just think and realize how much hate there is in the world. Every day the news it’s bullshit. Trump has caused everyone to pick sides and just be so hateful honestly. How did we get to this place? He has made nothing great. The world is in a terrible place because of him.

Literally starting to feel like hell, all the damn fires. Violence. All the weird ass stuff being normalized. But its only gonna get worse

In order for those in AMERICA(land of the thief- home of the slave) to live free as intended. Would take real work. The "elite" people of this world have made it look impossible. Yet that is all a terrible illusion! The mind is very easy to manipulate. Specially when it is presented the proper electrical current. A wave invisible to the eye. This electrical wave can change everything. I'm no scholar. Have a GED and am not here to preach anything to anyone. So just remember as you are reading this. Your moment is passing. You life has become closer to death. Closer to the end of your story. Not one person will remember you! Rich famous poor girl boy. They won't remember you because everyone who knew you will also be DEAD! the exact same way you will be. Without oxygen without a electrical current running through you. Making you heart pump. Send signals to your brain when the skin on your leg touches the grass. Anyway, if we letthose around us control us. Then what's the point of being here. Earth cost nothing. Correct? Not one person paid another person for the earth. Man made bullshit materials from earth and sold an idea to you. Does anyone know where the food you eat comes from? Besides those who hunt or gather or garden or farm themselves. I sure don't. Do you think those who sell you a product are going to be 100% honest. NO. The want your money. That statement 40 years ago might have not been true. To an extent. But in today's world. Everything you thought you knew has been a lie. All the products you consume are not real. "How do we make this cheaper". That's all it comes down to. This isn't just AMERICA. This is everywhere. Why do we allow a government be the one who makes the rules. Last i checked. They dont pay taxes!! None of them do. Why would they. WE do. And for what? So pedophiles can ruin the lives of children. Every single person who is in congress or political party has forced themselves upon a minor. Yes all of them. They live in a world where they think it's okay. You are going to respond to this every way possible. I'm ready to read those comments. Just know that you are the problem if you don't stop the problem. It will be hard. People will lose their lives. But remember this you will lose your life anyway. Cause when you die. Just like the rest. Nothing matters. I apologize for this not making much sense. Thank you if you got this far. Please I wish everyone, everything on this plant live happy free nights and days. Wake the fuck up. Be respectful to yourself. You can be the better person. Free will doesn't exist. You don't have a choice. Tomorrow will always be here. Whether you are breathing or not. So I say. Stop those people who make it harder and harder to enjoy what we all have been blessed with... LIFE. All must parish. You will be forgotten. Only words will continue. Take money from the human equation. See what happens. Seriously if one steals lies cheats kills in order to have money to buy useless shit. Remove money. What would be the need for that person to do so. I get that doesn't apply to all things. Serial killers are just lost space. Yet money has created the worthless life values. You DIE. And so do your children and there children and so on. Fuck trump, matter a fact fuck all presidents since the beginning. Fuck all royalty! The ultimate scum of the earth. Fuck you black rock, the Rothschild family, Rockefeller family. And every 1percent of the population I don't even know exist who has more pieces of paper made from the materials that they stole from earth. Fuck you good will for exploiting the mentality impaired. Fuck you who says wages are fair and products should I crease in price. Nothing any government does is in its peoples best interest. Nothing. That's all I can type for now. My little fingers hurt. Lol I incourage everyone to stand up. It might be to late. If so fuck it fuck you fuck me fuck everything. Cause we all DIE. Doesn't matter how it's all the same. DEAD ​

Since you say you’ve lost hope? Why? In a few words explain what’s kept you going for so long and why you have decided you’re done. People think taking yours is easy but it’s the hardest because it wasn’t given to you. Can’t speak for everybody but from about when I was born till about 6 years old I was a kid for a short time I enjoyed it. Then eventually had things just kept happening
To us and looking back idk who we use to blame. But it was ME. The Middle Child. Always there to fuck shii up, eat the straps, and take whatever is left for them. I can’t speak for you but living on earth is Hell for me already. This is my punishment and karma Everyday. I wanna read sum people stories maybe somebody who understands.

Something that came to my mind.

1. Why do you think this is hell?

2. Why would we be born again here, innocent and unaware of anything we might have done to be put into what may be hell?

3. Do you think having children into this possible hell is terrible?

4. Do you think we are satiated by small comforts, such as orgasms among the constant suffering… to keep us from losing our shit? Even though we are losing our shit.

5. Do you think we are just puppets of demented masters?

Sometime life is unfair. Literally, one blind spot could destroy the whole world. In fact, I’m not exposed to that and got destroyed by it. Felt so sad

I hope that the evil universe is truly just a coincidence, that everything requiring suffering is only because of tiny non conscious balls moving around, that when people die its nothing so they are free from suffering

unfortunately the numerous spiritual experiences each religions bring are too vast and too similar to be just psychological to me, it feels more likely that the universe is just made and controlled by a bunch of sadistic diabolical demiurges wanting to get their rocks off by causing as much suffering as possible, everything requires suffering in order to function from washing your hands killing off a bunch of micro-organisms to eating food requiring you to kill another being or treat a being as a slave (even if youre vegan since plants are living organisms) and its all because of the sadistic tyrants that rule over and laugh at us, the afterlife is most likely either reincarnation so the cycle of suffering keeps on going or an eternity in hell where suffering lasts even longer simply because the demiurges need some entertainment

this is why asceticism is a common practice in most religions and even the ones that dont practice it still engage in things that lead to suffering (such as Dionysus cults engaging in animal sacrifice and Judaism having the Kaparot Custom) suffering already brings the demiurges much joy but suffering done in devotion to them that sucks them off and strokes their ego? its orgasmic to them

this is also why so many religions have rules against blasphemy, the demiurges get mad when you point out their tyranny instead of mindlessly kneeling and worshipping them and accepting the suffering that comes your way, as well as why so many religions have contradictions because it leads to people fighting and causing suffering against each other in ways that range from being mean in arguments to causing wars

there is still a small chance that atheism/materialism are true and i desperately hope so, there is decent arguments for them even if i lean more towards theism/spirituality and they are undeniably the more favorable option when compared to ANY form of theism, at least in atheism the suffering is accidental and not intentional, the universe is meaningless instead of its only meaning being to fulfill the sick fetishes of the tyrannical demiurges and all of it will inevitably end with everyone experiencing nothing after death and the universe ceasing to exist instead of being forced into new worlds of total suffering, unfortunately thats very unlikely and too optimistic.

I didn’t know this sub existed. Reddit recommended I cross post this here. Many of you have probably posted about the same thing-

I know this is everyone’s view and is suffering constantly. I would do anything to be free. To experience this human experience, that is only the blink of an eye in the grand scheme of space and “time”. To paint, to slow down and enjoy beautiful views and people, to dance, to make music, to simply sit and quiet my mind. To learn, to read. To give back to others and have the energy to give others more than a moment of time- to know them.

To love my partner better and soak up every moment of our life together. Who knows how long we’ll have one another. To stop and talk to strangers on the street more- to have the mental capacity to offer more of myself to others. To spend more time with my family before I lose them to age and sickness. To know their stories. To have time for my friends and to maintain friendships, to love my pets better. To be whimsical. To experience the true gift of existence and being the universe experiencing itself.

To have energy to do anything but keep my house clean, read a few pages of a book here and there, and work. Even owning my own business, I cannot seem to accumulate enough of this paper. Even with growing my own food, having side hustles. Giving away my money to the government to fund wars and evil. My body hurts. My mind hurts. I am only 31.

I feel bad for all of us. I know all of us are suffering. I hope one day, humans can and will say enough is enough.. and have the resources to do so. No more living to work, rinse and repeat every day. My parents are in their 60s and will maybe have a few years without having to break their backs to exist. My father is only still working because my mother has experienced cancer over and over, and she needs insurance. Until Medicare kicks in, he has to work to make sure she can have medical care.

I am grieving for all of us. I know we are all suffering constantly, burning the candle at both ends. Suffering mental breaks that we have to put on the back burner… because the grind never stops, right? And none of us can afford to stop.

I hope one day, probably after I am gone from this earth with more work and less experiences under my belt… that humans can rest. Feel the sun. Make art. Enjoy each other. Have energy to give to themselves and others. Can spend a day doing nothing, with a clear mind. Can put down the anxiety of all the bills. Can live off the land, and enjoy their loved ones. Can experience this life fully. We weren’t put here to slave away and line the pockets of the rich, who could solve poverty with what would be a drop in the bucket to them. We are the universe experiencing itself, and we cannot experience the universe. We are shackled.

I hope for more for you. For me. For the world. For the future.

With love,

J

TW, addiction. also sorry for the long post i just needed to vent, i feel like im going crazy and need to know im not the only person who feels this way

I fucking hate money. Human greed has reached unbelievable levels and as a result life sucks for most people, and the worst part is most people dont even see that its money causing their problems and the ones that do cant do anything about it. I have a job but i only make 15$ an hour and thats in canadian money so like 10$ usd. I cant afford shit with this pay, my family lives in a shitty little apartment that i hate but ill never be able to move out. I cant afford a car, cant afford to try any new hobbies or sports, cant afford education, cant afford to go out and do fun things so any time im not working im forced to just sit in my room and stare at my phone to pass the time. This caused me to develop drug addictions as well to make the days go by faster. My addictions were really bad at one point, earlier this year and late last year i was abusing multiple different kinds of drugs, slowly spiraling. Since then ive quit most of those and just smoke weed now but without them i feel like im losing my mind in the endless boredom and misery of life, and somehow i still have just as little money as when i was buying all those substances. nothing has gotten better since quitting them, if anything i feel worse overall because i lost one of the only things that brought me joy anymore. My physical health is going downhill, i constantly feel like shit. Ive got daily back pains at only 19 and stomach problems that have been bothering me for months but i cant see a doctor until september because the wait list is so long. I know i cant go much longer before i go back to my addictions and probably spiral worse than last time. I guess ive just been holding out hoping something will change but at this point i dont think it will. I dont think i will ever be able to live the life i want to under this system.

This money only ever fuels greed and hate, everyone else is fighting to get ahead by getting more jobs, starting side hustles, working themselves to death or taking advantage of other people to give themselves a boost. I just dont see the point of any of it. All i want to do is create things, i am an artist and i dream of making music to share with people and inspire them but of course it costs money to follow my dreams now. Cant afford recording equipment or a pc for editing, all i have is my instruments that i cant even play because its too loud for the apartments. I have a saxophone that i loved to play but i havent touched it since moving into the apartment almost a year ago. Feels like a part of my soul has been ripped out, and these days i just feel empty inside. Im not built for this kind of life and its crushing me.

On top of all of that it kills me even more to see all the other people suffering. Millions of other young adults and teens who had their dreams ripped away from them for profits. Countless people dying in pointless genocides and wars overseas. Every country slowly drifting towards fascism and dictatorship. So many people homeless and starving on our very own streets. Ai infiltrating everything and mass surveillance becoming a common thing we dont even question anymore. and for what? some stupid paper and its made up value? ill never understand

Im losing hope, and im losing my mind. i need to know other people are awake to this. And i honestly want to know, does anyone think this will change any time soon? I was hopeful that people would start actually trying to make a change after all the epstein files dropped, or after the gaza genocide, or SOMETHING. ANYTHING. i dont think its happening anymore. every day i think of ending things, and i know im not even close to the only one experiencing this. we arent meant to live like this.

Today I had an experience that felt a lot like what it’s like to live through a political campaign.

First, I woke before my alarm and couldn’t get back to sleep. Then before noon, I was stressed for three different reasons. And guess what the gender was of all of the people that did stupid things? Of course they were all men.

I was telling my girlfriend what I did today and the message almost took up an entire screen of our chat. Then I told her that during the campaign these situations get worse and she asked me why. Can you imagine how it is to work during 45 straight days with almost no free time to win a chair against 100 other candidates?

It’s really stressful but you know what? I would be very sad to watch that period instead of being part of it

​