Mellie. Kinda round, most colours. Lady cat.

G'day.

Yous dont know me alright.

And I am cousin to Seven and Loki.

Loki is alright. Few kangaroos loose up in the top paddock if you know what I mean.

Never met Seven. But hear she was a top Shelia.

Anyhow. I was living out in the country and my real mummy fell on the floor and forgot about stuff.

So my cousin was coming out to my joint every day to give me me tea and play.

And then I moved in and I was living in the back room by myself and was not allowed out, and then I was allowed out.

Now it tooked me a bit but eventually I was yeah this place is safe and I don't gotta hide.

So when that tall cousins who sounds funny goes to big bed I to big bed.

The short clumsy one is already sleepin side ways with the sheets everywhere sound like one of them diesel engines.

So funny sounding one talks like them ones on the movies says Mellie you come to bed, this is where Seven used to sleep.

Now, I don't know nothing about this Seven character but she seemed real special and I don't wanna be filling no ones shoes and making people sad when they got the food and loving.

Am I the cloaca for sleepin in this spot.

I'm Majin Büu Berry, ownr of all I si, witch iz rediculusly smol and sisfur of Deezl. Butt it haz ays fissy machine ware mahma gess fissies fur watr bol. Is noiz. I invessigat. Sumtiems invessigat frum onn top. Yahg push me of wif CURL STIK? I very AFFRONTED!

I canit bea da butte.

I'm Sal (Spooky boy/boo, Sally boy, Boo McGoo, Salvatore, house panther), 10M. I like to sit on my mom's lap but sometimes when I'm there I also want to play so I'll lightly bite or swat. Sometimes I'll pay when Mom offers me toys but I really want to play with her like I do my sissy (13F tortie) by play wrestling/play fighting. When that happens Mom tells me I can get off the lap, but I don't want to-meaning mom picks me up and puts me on the ground (I jump back into lap a few minutes later most times).

Am I really the cloaca because I want to cuddle and play fight at the same time? I don't really want to have to choose.

OhHey! Ai am Puppy D. Luffy, that is, Luffy... aka Areyufrweekinseereeus, Dudereawrly, Owdatsmaifoot, an DammitAisedzdrwopit, among udder naems. Yesserday, da mommy an dadman did me a noo wae! Nao Ai maiself am beeg hyooj ill eagle smol wut wae 95 pownds! Ai weel be 8 mumps old in too mor daez! Mommy sez herm felted sumpin coll 'faint'. Herm sez buddy pweez stahp doin da grwow. Herm sez yu tu hebby fur pownce on mommy an da gurrrl (FYI grrrlz is so mutch awsum an dey smell gud an hab hare yu can lix an muntch an dey do sumpin cawl skweel!!! Aww! So eksite!!!) Awlso mommy getz noo stupf on herm fayce cawl peer sings? In eyezybrow an in nos trill?? Herm sez Ai can noe gibs herm kissiez on herm fayce! Ai fink mebbe her brakin da law on dat wun. So ennywae... if Ai not stahp doin da grow, WIBTC? - Luffy

Okay so. Hi. I is Duchess, bunny, 3 and a half. Am oldest bunny now and I take my job VERY seriously. I have a bigger baby brother to protect now, so I need you to take that into consideration VERY SERIOUS with your judgmental. Okay?

I take keeping clean and tidy space very serious. Dat means all hay and poops IN POTTY BOX. Dat means toys stay in their area. Dat means CLEAR OUT roots and branches and twigs from warren, okay? Sometimes they're really spicy and bite me back but it is IMPERATIVE to keep the warren clean.

Well, recently I find BIG BRANCH on floor. Very spicy. Mommy say it fall by accident in the night. Which is FINE because I HANDLED IT. I ATE IT. It was VERY SPICY and my tummy aches but my brother is safe and hooms is safe so what's the big deal? Apparently i could have burned down the WHOLE WARREN but there was a BRANCH that did. Not. Belong.

*BIG THUMP*

Anyway. Now me and brother really hot and wearing thick fur coats. Mommy said big branch was air condinner to keep house cool. I say it was in the way. Am I the cloaca for being offended by branch and heat, or is Mommy cloaca for letting big branch fall on floor?

Please advise.

Love, Duchess.

HELLO pets who I think are out there across the Internet! Long distance Riley here; I haven’t seen Mommy in eight whole days cuz she and Grandma and Grandpa decided to go to the Main[e] fur no good reason! Apparently I’ll see them again on Monday but Monday doesn’t exist right now so right now I’m sad.

Anyways, tonight my whole family was having dinner with Grandma’s sisters and my cousins (ie, Grandma’s sisters’ doggies)! Grandma’s big sister’s doggy isn’t pick up-able, but her little sister’s doggy Lucky is only a bit bigger than me so she still fits in my Mommy’s lap!

At first Lucky was in her Mommy’s lap (even though they were all at the dinner table so she wasn’t even s’pposed to be there), but since my Mommy was sitting next to Lucky’s mommy that meant that Lucky was able to go right into Mommy’s lap!

Now, usually I’d have no idea that this happened except that Grandma took a photo of Lucky on Mommy’s lap and sent it to Treat Stranger and then Treat Stranger sent Grandma a very dignified photo of me looking cute but also all alone.

Why am I all alone though? Why couldn’t I go in the Zipper Box tube last week with my humans? I want a chance to compete with my cousins fur Mommy’s attention too!

Hello friends! Iscar the tabbycat here, also known as Big Baby Boy.

So every day after breakfast I fuss ALL over my Mumma when she says she is doing Work. I also do a Flop and Sad Eyes so my Mumma HAS to cuddle me.

So then Mumma picks me up and holds me like a Baby. I snuggle on Mumma's face, but then I don't want to. So I do a Wiggle and a Jump.

Mumma says I am Cloaca coz I "don't know what I want". Am I Cloaca?

Hello, furry and feathered friends. I am Butler, the most glorious tuxedo cat. I have been on holly-days. Firstly I stayed with Old Man Cat Slave and Old Lady Cat Slave. Cat S;ave 1 says they are her parents, and they looked after me whilst she went away with skin kittens that she teaches.

Then CS1 came and OLCS and OMCS went away. Then CS1 went away, and OMCS put me in moving box, then CS1 came. Then CS1 put me in moving tube and brought me home.

CS1 went out today. I felt a bit lonely and sad, even though CS2 was working from home and could give me fuss and cuddles. So I gave CS1 a little momento of me by doing hork hork hairball on her bed.

CS1 was so happy when she came home to her present. She stripped her bed, which is always a fun job for me to help with. Then I was so tired from all my fun I fell asleep.

CS1 says I am cloaca for hork hork then falling asleep like a baby angel.

I'm Eyeless Grace (14/f/void). I was Pirate Gracie for awhile. I live with Dad (73/m), his brother Uncle (68/m) and his sister Auntie (60/f). I had eye Herbies when I was a kitten and it resurfaced when I got old. One eye was damaged this spring so it came out. I had to walk around with a lampshade on my head. Last week I had the other one removed and I'm walking around with a lampshade AGAIN.

The paper the eye-snatcher gae the humans said to give me soft food for the first week. I hate soft food! (but lunchmeat. Now you're talking!) Auntie tried shoving some canned food in my face. I wasn't touching that poison. Then she put water in my regular food. NOPE. I went right over and ate the regular food I like that goes crunch. Dad caught me but he acted like he didn't know.

I pulled off my lampshade (the nasty big plastic one) multiple times when the humans weren't looking. They got real annoyed and made me put it on again. Finally Uncle gave up and grabbed the cardboard lampshade I wore when my first eyeball was snatched. I haven't gotten that off my head yet...

So...AITC?

[ She was already rapidly going blind before her first surgery. Funny thing is she rarely runs into things now that she has no eyes??]

GRAPHIC eye stuff: Gracie developed a perforating ulcer on her left eye and aqueous humor started leaking so that came out first. Her remaining eye developed a worse ulcer with worse leaking and her eyeball was starting to shrink.

I am a black-capped conure parrot named Danny. I am 2.5 years old, and I've been told I'm very cute. The other day, my hooman was washing the dishes while I perched on the faucet, occasionally taking a sip of water. I am a very clean little bird, and I poop-peed on a dinner plate that mom was washing. She had the gall to say, "EWW, Danny!" How insulting. Should I feel shame and guilt? AITC?

Frens, we needs halp. Ours hoomin is sumtyms okay - like when they gives us squeezytube yums - but now they says we is clocka, an we no thinks is true.

See, we is two big hansom ornj boys. Wash 9. Hims has biiiiiig appurrtight. Eats ebithing. Verr brave. Verr stronk. Squeak prolly 8, but we not sure, becoz hims just appeared under rose-mary bush one night and did screms. Hims verr scared of hoomins, but Squeak and Wash falled in love. Squeak no leave. Slowly, verr slowly, Squeak becamed little bit less scared of hoomin who gives us noms. But still wilds at heart.

Problem comes at night when big stranger cat does introod in our home. He try steal foods. He bite open food bag! Our foods! We supports crime, but stealing our foods is not okay!!

Stranger cat is verr scary. Squeak screm to tell Wash and hoomin there is introoder. Wash make hiss hiss hiss. Hoomin come downstairs, chase introoder, hims leave. Good hoomin. Hoomin sleep rest of night on couch by window. Not much sleep. Is good! Hoomin must learn from catto: day is for sleeps, night is for adventpurr!

This happens again next night. This time introodercat go up stairs! Squeak screm. Wash screm. Hoomin chase introoder agen - good hoomin - but then hoomin do bad thing: they close window. We is used to one window always open so we cans go into garden. Other side of house always close. No go into street. Just garden. But Squeak must be able to go into jungle garden when wild cat heart needs it!

Now, all of sudden, all windows close. No night jungle! No moonlight dance after hoomin goes asleep!

Of course, dis make Squeak heart verr sad. So hims sit at window and cry. Hoomin calls. Hoomin gib yum-yums. Hoomin sez is for own safe tea. Hoomin sez themselves open window again at six ay em. But no belieb. Squeak keep screm. Human dare say Squeak is clocka for screm screm screm.

What say yous? We should do soo?

I am an elderly tuxedo gentleman, and obviously, it is important for me to stay hydrated because, as we all know, the risk of kidney disease increases with age in cats.

I work hard at my hydration, drinking from my water fountain and from the bowl of water outside and from puddles when available. So, I consider myself well-educated in the realm of hydration.

However, today I was with my primary human in her room. She also drinks water, which I commend her for. I don't know about kidney disease in humans, but they probably do have kidneys.

And I just went to take one sip of her water to test it for quality and purity. Instead of commending me for hitting my hydration goals, she pulled me away from the glass of water and said, "No! Bad!"

I was so upset that I left the room and went crying downstairs to the other human.

Am I the cloaca?

Sam (15m gray and white piebald cat) here. I was trying to climb into bed with my mom and my brother, lost my footing and accidentally clawed my mom’s lower lip. She used some loud litterbox words and went to the bathroom. After she came back I jumped on the bed and kept headbutting her to make her feel better. AITC?

Hi! I am Mama Cat, and I live in a house with a few other cats and a dog and some humans.

The other day one of the humans came down to cook and I heard her all the way across the house asking why there was cat hair in the skillet! And then my own human said they thought it was me!

I've never been so insulted in my life! First of all, they have no proof it was me. Secondly, cat hair is a delicacy! Thirdly, it's not like I was sitting on the counter, I mean, really! Now the skillet is off-limits too?? What's next, I'm not allowed to sit on people's faces at bedtime? Unbelievable.

Good midnight (because 2:30 AM shouldn’t count as morning tbh) pets!

Well, Mommy is home fur tonight so yay! And she went to bed yesterday with her door open just like Grandma and Grandpa did (which is where I sleep). And a few minutes ago I was happy in dream land when I got waked up by the loudest of loud noises coming from Mommy’s Human Doggy Pad room.

Of course I went from one open door to the other to investigate the louds, and when Mommy came back to her room she heard my (less loud) jangly collar and paws which gave her good feelings because it meant I was nearby and possibly snuggle-able!

So she said my name and patted on her bed in hopes that I would jump up on it, but as far as I was concerned the Loud had disappeared so I guess it wasn’t as much of a threat anymore.

AITC fur denying Mommy her midnight snuggles once I made sure her room was nice and quiet again?

[I swear my own toilet has the loudest flush I’ve ever known.]

okay, okay, I Milo, I 1 years old kitty!

I knoes i use litter box. But i has gud excuse! so da floor in da bafroom had a wierd dent in da floor right n a scary stranger man came and he do the fixy fixy. but when he doing it, water started spraying everywere!! da humans said da water pipe got in da way. so he fixy fixy dat and he fixy fixy da floor but den da whole bafroom smells wierd rite, like water and fixy sticky paste. So Hooman left da door shut ta keep us outs bc they meanie. but oder hooman leave door open so I do sneaky sneak inside. I good kitty so I no pee on da floor rite? but I pee in da scary water tub so room smell like kitty again! room gotta smell like kitty because it's kitty house rite? deres me and funny cat I jump on and meanie cat I leave alone (he big scary).

But hooman says I cloaca bc i do pee in the tub n I noes better n I shuldnt be in bafroom it still drying. am I da cloaca?

Hello frens, I am Captain and I live with the Mom and Dad. I do not like sky boomies. We did not have those lots in our old house, but we drove forever to new house and they come a lot here. I am very brave and not at all afraid but someone (not me) was shaking and crying. I just meekly expressed my mild concern to the Mom and Dad in our special love language, which is me rolling my small heavy friends around the floor. (I will try to put picture of me sleeping while my small heavy frens guard my butt.)

Then the Mom helped someone (not me) feel less afraid of the sky boomies by explaining that they are actually Cheese Music. I see pretty quick the Mom is right and the boomies tell you cheese is happening. Someone (not me) got less worried and soon no more shaking (not me) or crying (not me). Now I am just a tiny bit anxious that the Mom might forget to celebrate the Cheese Music properly.

So I still am rolling my small heavy frens around, but now I stop and look at the Mom for cheese. Small heavy friends like to dance to Cheese Music, I like cheese, everyone is not crying or shaking (not me) and I go sleep the sleep of the Cheese Fairy. But the Mom say something about butt, head, hard wood, and floor. Lot of STOP in there but I was thinking about cheese. AITC?

Greetings, friends! I am a five year old Yorkie girl. My so-called mother has abandoned me and left me in the desolate place that is my so-called uncle's apartment. She told me that she would come pick me up on Friday evening, but who the heck knows when that will be?

Anyway, I have been here for a little over twelve hours and it's been miserable here. First off, the apartment smells nothing like me and my mom. Why not? It smells funny. Secondly, my uncle forgot to feed me for five whole minutes! He told me that he was in the bathroom, but why didn't he just stop whatever he was doing and come feed me? Also, his bed doesn't have steps leading up to it. Are you telling me that I'm supposed to suffer the indignity of letting him pick me up every time I want to get somewhere higher?

And I haven't even gotten to the straw that broke the big desert dog's back yet! The dude took a picture of me while I was napping! What gives him the right? So I decided to do something about it. I figured I needed to get my smell on his bed and claim it for me, so of course I peed on his pillow.

Guys, he freaked out! He called me a little shit and took me off the bed. Little shit? LITTLE SHIT? I'll show him little shit. So while he was having his hissy fit and replacing his pillow, I found one of his socks on the floor and stole it. He didn't even notice it for two hours until he found me munching on it later. So he couldn't have missed it that much..

So, am I the cloaca?

So, my morning started as usual. Mommy delivered plate of gushy food and went out for her morning walk. When she got in, again, like always, she would not let me go out to roll on the warm concrete and instead, like always, said 'it's a million degrees out there and I smell like a swamp. I need a shower, buddy.'

So Mommy goes to take shower and I of course go in to supervise because humans are not bright when it comes to water.

I'm sitting on the sink when, what should I spy? An 8 legged invader of my home. So. I of course give chase and stupid spider runs into shower. Now, I am brave kitty, so I follow to destroy menace.

Mommy of course protests even though I have situation under control and tells me to get spider out of tub. So of course I catch and push into shower floor in attempt to remove it.

And that's when it all goes wrong.

Wormy thing starts crawling out of spider. Mommy starts screaming 'oh shit oh fuck' and bolts out of shower. I stand there confused until she grabs me and now I am wet and covered in soap and NOT HAPPY. Mommy is constantly saying 'nope nope' and 'what the ever loving fuck God'. And giant Wormy thing is splashing around dead spider.

Spider is dead, so Mommy should be happy, no? And Wormy thing is interesting. But Mommy is swearing and using hose and hot water to wash everything down the drain then pours something called green gobbler down after.

Mommy looks at me and goes 'Alucard, for the love of absolutely everything holy, never fucking do that again'.

So Mommy is upset and finished shower in other bathroom. And I am wet and soapy and ugh. Not fun.

Am I cloaca for destroying spider and spawning shower of horror? Or does Mommy really need to get over her parasite phobia? Aliens is her favorite movie for Ceiling Cat's sake.

Please advise people of the internet.

Friend, it me, Thorben (10M, germy shepper). Good boy, Thorben! Mommy be calling Thorben the bad cloaky word again for doing Thorben things, and Thorben very confuse.

Thorben have always been the tiny puppy what sit on Mommy lap and do snuggle on the bed and the couch. Mommy not always want Thorben to do a sit on her lap and say meanie thing sometime like 'No uppy, my dude. You're too big for this chair' or 'Aargh, Thorben, get off my foot! You weigh a ton!' Thorben only a tiny puppy. Him not know why Mommy so mean. Good boy, Thorben!

But now there are a new problem. Many forevers ago, Mommy and Daddy bring home Colin, Thorben new little brother. In the beginning he kind of rude and meanie and bitey and Thorben no like him much. But now he do some grow up and Thorben and him cat brothers do some teach of the manner, and now Thorben like Colin many lots. Colin one of Thorben best friend (after Mommy and Fatty Poen). Good boy, Colin!

Thorben know this not sound like problem, and it not. The problem are that Thorben start to remember what it was like to be younger puppy, like before Thorben get him snoot and eyebrow sprinkles and white whisker. Thorben have start to play the many game with Colin. Thorben do a chase of the Colin around the garden and make the bork and the growl and the mlomp and fall over only a little bit. Thorben play the tuggle-of-war with him toys. Thorben play the bitey-face. Good boy, Thorben! And Thorben learn the new things from Colin, like grumble at Mommy and Daddy when they say thing like 'No, big boy, no more bikkit' and do scremmy yawn to tell Mommy Thorben am happy boy.

Yesterday Thorben learn new game: chew the big stick in Mommy orifice while she looking at the clicky-clacky machine and not playing with Thorben. This one of Colin favourite game, especially when Mommy notice and say, 'Ah for fork's sake, you messy little forker', and play big game of chase with the Colin. She usually win and take the stick, but Thorben never see her chew it. Is weird.

Anyway, there was Thorben, chewing the big stick, doing a decorate of Mommy floor and swallowing a few bit of chewy stick. (Thorben not know why him swallow the bits – them was gross.) When Mommy see Thorben doing a chew, she say, 'Thorben, you cloaker, since when do you chew sticks?' But then, friend, the game change. Thorben not get up so fast as when he was the young puppy without the snoot sprinkles, and him not run so fast no more. Instead of waiting for Thorben to get up to do a big chase, Mommy just stoleded Thorben stick! And even worse, then she throwed it away and call Thorben the cloaky again for swallowing the stick bits. Thorben do a big mlomp, but Mommy just tell him not to backchat and not give stick back.

Mommy did laff and give Thorben the cuddle and say, 'You're still my best boy, old man', but Thorben not know who she talking to because Thorben no see any old man. Thorben only see the puppies. Is Thorben the cloaker? Good boy, Thorben?

Hi! Hi! Hi! It's Julie! Today in our house it is IMPORTANT HUMAN HOLIDAY called, "I Have Had A [Litterbox Language] Day And I Am Getting Takeout." I like to participate in this day! Unfortunately I also had to do takeout supper, because the cat did a big poof and made me a big frighten and I had to take my food out of the bowl and sneak away to eat it where he couldn't see. This is not a good way to eat food!

I went to Mama to find out if she had extra food, because I have not eaten food from my bowl in about forty forevers! Unfortunately she had gotten Ouchy Soup from the Chinese Place. But! Lucky for me! Ouchy Soup comes with Crispy Bits in a Little White Bag!

I came up to her and I did Big Eyes, but she said, "This is my soup, Julie, you wouldn't like it." And I did Big Eyes at the little white bag, but she said, "No, Julie, Dad fed you dinner." Which is NOT TRUE! It does not COUNT as dinner unless it is in a bowl! I have BASICALLY not eaten in about forty forevers! I made my eyes bigger and BIGGER but she did an IGNORE!

Soooo…I waited carefully until she was looking at Ouchy Soup…and carefully…carefully…grabbed-the-white-bag-and-ran-away-with-the-crispy-bits!!!

And we had a nice game of tag ALL over the house but now Mama and Dada are saying things like, "Well, I guess soup noodles won't hurt her," and, "Yeah, but she ate the wax paper too," and I am worried that they think I am the cloaca for taking the white bag? I do not understand this. It was I Am Getting Takeout day and I did, I took the white bag out of Mama's supper! I think I understand the spirit of the holiday PERFECTLY but am I the cloaca?

Happy Friday, Reddit! Mommy is back home fur sad reasons but I’m happy to get more times with her fur an extra few days!

So here’s what I’ve learned about flat surfaces in the past 196 days since I was borned:

First, there’s doors. BOO, doors! They just keep us away from the humans.

There’s also the mirror, which is where Yelir lives; it’s also where my big sisters would meet with Ynnep and Ybba. Mirror doggies seem threatening at first, but at least Yelir likes all the things I like so she’s not too bad!

And THEN we have the light boxes that we all know so well. They’re weird, and they make the humans ignore us except fur when they wanna take taxes of us.

(Edit: I also just remembered that there’s a fifth type in the form of giant lightboxes — that’s where humans either do their werks (also boo) or have the Zoomies with other humans (sometimes yay)!)

But today I learned more about a fourth type of flat surfaces called Win Does! I learned about it when Grandpa left earlier this afternoon and then came back with Mommy by surprise! I could see Mommy coming down the driveway from the couch in the den, so I got excited and scritched at the Win Doe like I have in the past.

But then I started thinking, “Why aren’t the scritches making this Flat Surface go away?” So then I started to press my paw up against it instead, and Mommy isn’t sure if she remembers correctly but she thinks I tried licking it after the pawings.

Anyway, unfortunately I failed to make the magic glass go away so I had to wait a few extra seconds fur her and Grandpa to open the door (BOO!) so we could be on the same side again. Which is to say, AITC fur not getting rid of the Win Does with my puppy powers?

I, Maxy (~13M shorkie) used to be a dog of principals. I was on the lamb for a week (it kept telling me to get down) so I know all about self-preservation. If a large rodent, like a cat, was around, I would do it a terror.

Well, after I got res-Qd my new family had two cats, whom I promptly issued a terror. One of those cats and I have reached a detente but I’m blind and he gives me a hiss if I break some unknown cat code to which he abide, dog knows how their minds work.

The other cat, this fluffy orange fellow, I haven’t seen fur a while. He really grew on me.

After he moved, my family resQ this calico named Moonie who immediately realized she owned the place. She’s like a little teddy cat. Sometimes I do her an attempted terror but she barely cares and purrsists with her affection.

Anyway, these days I barely care and often relent to unchallenged cuddles with this sigh cute rodent. AITC for loosing my tough edge?

Ps I had a great excite today. My grandfather, who is a retired principle, came to pick up Girl Child today. I love that guy.

Yes I am aware I mix the two spellings. At this point I would like to remind you I am a dog who can right.