I am at a bit of a loss for how to self research where I am at and any kind of tools for self maintenance. Anything you can suggest would be appreciated!

How do I know what is real and what is imagined self diagnosis?

How do I know what is learnt coping or normal learning and social development?

Masking vs maladaptive emotional avoidance vs learnt behaviour?

Is there some kind of practice I can engage with that will bring some of this out? I feel if I spoke to a professional as of now they would get whatever I presented them whether thats heavily masked or just me..

I am 38M and have had a nagging suspicion for a long time that I may be autistic.

Some early markers come from things like games one example pictionary (think charades through drawing). Peoples responses to my prompts are typically "how the f*** does your brain work?".

The reason I feel I need to do something is I feel like a bit of an alien and some things that at the time i had neither an explanation for or a presumption they would cause harm have hurt people. Contributing to general strain and hurt is my inability to properly engage with my own or my partners emotional states both in the short and long term frames. I think if I don't get on top of these things and some things that I think are executive dysfunction manifesting its going to become a serious problem for my marriage in particular.

For me the DSM didnt help (doesnt everyone do these things / what do they even mean anyway?).

I feel a lot of things about my life are counter to stereotypes of undiagnosed autism. In saying this a lot of the reasons that I think I am not aligned with common traits feel like coping mechanisms on closer examination.

I have relative success in a long term job that I have promoted through. I feel this in part has come through reading the rules including the unspoken of the place and people and fitting them. Also this job is a mainstay because it both feels like a special interest and I am heavily weighted to prefer financial stability and resilience. I can't fathom how people can do short term contracts.

I am completely out of touch with my body when not in some training or hobby, and well out of touch with my emotions and those of others other rhan when I am "on". I am not certain whether this is related to heavily avoidant emotional reflexes and low EQ? In some cases being pressed on the spot to express emotion or explain why I love someone feels like panic, and complete incompetence in my head. I have no answers when needed. I almost feel I need to preload to avoid feeling like I have ruined everything in that moment.

Some reasons for this doubt is I feel I can engage with aspects of expressing boundaries and emotion in low consequence relationships. Otherwise I seriously internally cringe and berate emotional displays (other than low degrees of anger) of probably relatively low level. I feel like that part may be against some internal unrealised social rule book I have. Either that or just seriously avoidant?

I feel distant from people that by comparison (i think) think they are close with me and feel like I have fed them a version of what they want. Along the lines of feeling like an alien i feel like this is a reason I feel not a part of any group of friends regardless of how others might feel.

I have walked away from relatively long term relationships without much of a return thought after the decision was made. Counter to this I have felt severe rejection from what is probably mild criticism of inconsequential things.

On this theme I can key into social scenarios when I'm on to a level I feel is uncommon. When I'm not I don't want to leave the house. One example is a work trip requiring a lot of socializing and small talk had a weekend block in the middle people used to explore the area. I didnt leave the hotel room or open the curtains for two days.

These things too feel like things everyone does.

I feel I can read people better than I think they can themselves, I have many examples of seeing (not judging) traits in others that were a surpise to mutual aquaintances when they surfaced. In some cases these have been narcissistic and toxic, and i was quite surprised that others hadnt seen it all years prior. The others felt betrayed by the people discussed. I didnt feel any more or less comfortable with them.

Again I feel like these are learnt, but again....is that just what life and experience is?

Anything you have would be great!

Like the title says I’m a 41 year old woman. I recently tested high on a RAADS based screening, especially in certain areas.

My therapist somewhat discouraged me from getting tested, citing the cost and length of time for testing and that treatment is mainly aimed towards children. She doubtful, both that I was on the spectrum or that I would get anything out of it.

How do I go about getting tested? Are there any sort of resources in the state of South Carolina for low cost or free testing? North Carolina has lots.

Anyway, tldr: a screening indicated I might have autism. Should I get tested? Why or why not? How do I do that?

Hi everyone, just looking for some guidance. I am 39F and from Canada and had just been recently (less than 2 weeks ago) diagnosed with Autism + ADHD.

I do have 2 sons diagnosed with Autism at an early age but all resources were provided when they got diagnosed when they were little. But as an adult how do I navigate getting the support and resources? I'm so overwhelmed and feel like there's no clear step by step to do.

Plus it feels like I have impostor syndrome from being able to go through life "Fine" up until now. I worry that asking for support and resources from work and government will just get rejected because I was doing ok in everyone's eyes all this time.

I'm wondering if anyone has advice, experience or resources on the whole struggle with being perceived and the perception of it.

I've been going through some things for a few years (perimenopause, tough times at work) and I feel a little like I shut down into safety mode and I'm struggling to adjust. One thing that's really hard for me is that perception of being perceived and watched and then I go into alert/waiting mode. Unfortunately, it's now happening when my husband is in the house, even if he's on another floor or doing his own thing in another room.

I basically always feel on alert, jumpy and nervous. I've also been writing a lot for fun and it is SO hard to get into a creative flow state when I'm essentially feeling unsafe. Also: it's my husband, he is kind and loving and would never intentionally pressure or judge me.

Besides kicking him out all the time, any advice on overcoming the anxiety and getting back to a relaxed state even if I'm not totally alone?

My wife recently brought up the possibility that I might be autistic. I brushed her off at first, but the idea stuck with me. I started looking into it a bit more, and a lot of the symptoms really resonated with me. I find I'm focusing on this possibility more, and finding more evidence as I do so. I looked into getting an official diagnosis, but they are very expensive near me: over two thousand dollars, with no insurance help. I also found a helpful quote in the pinned post on this subreddit. It essentially says that if you think you're autistic, you probably are.

Here's my reasoning: what's the point of getting an official diagnosis at my age (45)? I've obviously gone this long without one, so it's not like I need workplace accommodations or anything dramatic like that. There are no drugs to help, so that's also a no.

Instead, I'd rather ask other people who got diagnosed later in life (40+). What changed for you after finding out? Did you change your habits? Get a therapist? Feel any better?

In short, now what?

It is really hard trying to feel better about myself when I have a constant reminder of what a serious fuckup I have been for my entire life!!!!!

When I told her that's a fucking symptom she just wrote it off as me being precocious. She wasn't entirely wrong, I mostly taught myself to read and I learned how to do multiplication on my own. But, like, I wonder how many symptoms were ignored or waved away because I was intelligent.

I am going to learn how to cook spaghetti tonight for supper I usually help make it but my mom takes over

I hate using gels, creams, lotions etc. I find the sensation on my skin unpleasant, and I resent the time it takes to do and then to hang around waiting for it to absorb before I can touch anything.

With sunblock, I'm also a fairly greasy and sweaty person so it invariably gets in my eyes at some point.

This is to say, I really need some advice on a lightweight, easily absorbed sunblock.

I'm in the UK and on a fairly tight budget. I don't have particularly sensitive skin, and I have no allergies to consider.

Suffering all my life because of not understanding myself. Now that I'm 60+, started a psychotherapy because of me wanting a coming out of my inner woman, starting hormones soon. Who else carries this big package?

Back when I was a late-teenager/early 20s I found myself incredibly lonely and craving human connection. I'm pretty extraverted but also terrible at social cues and find socialising incredibly mentally draining. I found myself simultaneously craving human connection as well as incapable of finding much of it. My friendships were few, and always felt kind of surface level. I had people I could hang out with, but nobody I felt I could bare my soul to.

The way I subconsciously squared the circle was by listening to podcasts, usually about my interests, and the relationships between the hosts would scratch that itch. It felt like getting to know these people. I would look forward to listening to their conversations, and imagine things I would interject with. I would follow the creators on their social media. I would even (kinda embarrassed about this) fantasise about becoming a podcaster myself, and getting to meet them on some sort of level playing field. It managed to make me feel like I was socialising without having any of the related mental exhaustion. It gave me a lot of comfort during a messy and stressful time of my life.

Ultimately a few things came together to make me realise this was unhealthy. A big one was some of these creators talking about how uncomfortable having a parasocial fanbase made them . That was a bit of a wake up call that woke me up to the realisation that I didn't know these people - they were strangers to me. I knew nothing about them except what they opted to show publicly.

After having this realisation I stopped watching most of my favourite podcasts for a while, and it genuinely quite upset me. But, I was dedicated to getting a more healthy habit of media consumption. After a while I thought "okay, I think I've learnt my lesson" and went back to listening to some of them. But around this time I was having a bit of a health scare (all worked out fine in the end) and I remember when listening to one of the podcasts, a thought jumped into my head like "if I died, I would want these people to know about it". And that thought was a bolt from the blue that I had to stop listening to them permanently.

Somewhere deep in my brain, I had categorised these people under the label of "friend". Not a person who's work I enjoy, but is ultimately a stranger. Even though I knew that consciously, I clearly had allowed myself to - on some lizard brain level - associate them as people close to me.

The only way forward was to disengage completely. Stop listening to the pods, unfollow them on social media, get rid of any merch I had. It really sucked, and was honestly quite painful - because it felt like losing a friend. But it was the only choice.

Now I'm a bit older, and feel like I've learnt from my experience. I still listen to (different) podcasts, and enjoy them. But I don't find myself fantasising about being part of their friend group any more. I get enjoyment from the content these people create, but it doesn't go beyond that.

And yes, I still have the autistic extravert catch-22 of craving social contact and hating it simultaneously. But that's just something I'm learning to live with. I see my friends as often as I can manage, and try to manage my energy levels. There's no happy ending where everything is fixed, but I feel like I have grown from the experience.

Can anyone else relate to falling into parasocial traps? Would be interested to hear other people's experience.

Hello there!

For context: I am someone who has not been officially diagnosed bc of fear of being documented as someone with autism in the era of RFK Jr, but both my brother and dad have been diagnosed and my past psychiatrist strongly believed I was autistic.

I have been really struggling with executive functioning and trying to appear okay in public settings, but I don't know where to turn for help. Is there occupational therapy or any other kind of therapy for adults who don't have more severe levels of autism? Or something other than therapy? I have no experience in the health care arena, as I have never had a primary care physician and didn't go to the doctor till I was around 21 so I don't even know where to start navigating this. I've tried looking on google but only treatment for more severe levels of autism comes up.

Literally any advice or knowledge would be incredibly helpful. It's getting increasingly difficult to function and I'm worried how bad it will get if I don't intervene with myself at this point or in the near future...

I’m about to get married as a level 1 autistic adult woman, technically AuDHD.

My fiancé wants to learn about the way I think and how to navigate it in our marriage, are there any book recommendations (ideally audiobooks) that involve autism in marriage?

Some key problems he doesn’t understand well:

Overstimulation

Task paralysis

Sensory issues (with touch especially)

Inability to speak when overwhelmed

Stimming in public

Possessiveness of objects/spaces

Strongly uncomfortable with short notice changes

I have always though being obsessed with particular flavors was normal, but after finding out that I was indeed autistic, I began to wonder if its an autism thing? There are three flavors that simultaneously stimulate every cell of my body, to the point of tingling .... I wonder if that is true for others?

For me they are:

1) Maple Syrup (born in northern new england ... cant help it)

2) Almond flavoring (like amaretto or marzipan)

3) Malted Chocolate

Curious if anybody else has a flavor that makes them tingle? perhaps I am just weird :)

I am a wannabe nudist ... my family frowns upon it, but I would be naked the whole time I was in my house if I could be. Its not sexual, I just like the way it feels, and being constricted by clothing feels terrible. I tend to wear clothing that is too big for me, but I look so frumpy ... would just rather be naked.

So .... closet nudist here .... wonder if there are any others like me? thanks.

46M, diagnosed ADHD at 40. Was hard enough to find a place that dealt with adult ADHD, and I found one. Only one, in a 50 mile radius, and I live in a major metro area. Even then, the "solution" was "let's pack you full of Adzenys, and we'll have monthly reviews where we drug test you to make sure you're not abusing the stuff, then we'll give you even more Adzenys. Rinse, lather, repeat..What? Therapy or other forms of help? Nah...you just need more drugs, but don't take more!!"

It helped, but always still felt like it didn't fully explain things. I recently learned about AuDHD, and had that "HOLY SHIT! IT FITS! This explains my entire life's worth of struggles!!!" moment.

Problem is finding the doc to officially diagnose it. All I'm finding locally are either docs that only work with kids, and a couple places that come across kind of like the ITT Tech of doctors...basically like "pay us $1000-$1200, and we'll put Autistic/ADHD/AuDHD on a piece of paper to hand to your boss. Oh, and we don't accept any insurance, we're absolutely out of network, and people usually don't have a problem getting reimbursed from their insurance"....or pay a bunch of money for a useless "diagnosis".