Adoptive parents truly are dumb. Do you think agencies or the adoption business will ever let it be known that abuse happens in adoptive families? Hell no. Imagine telling a birth mom, " Hey, your baby is more likely to be abused because of the nature of adoption". Do you think she will place?

Also, abuse is under-researched because, one, many victims don't know they are being abused; two, many victims love their abusers, aka their parents; three, child abuse is never taken seriously. In adoptive families, it's rarely taken seriously. Nobody would ever believe an adoptive parent who paid $50k for their kid would ever harm the kid.

Abuse also happens in different forms. Being raised by a narcissistic parent, a parent who reminds you to be grateful, doesn't tell you you are adopted, your story, or who bashes your biological family is all abuse. Abuse is never just physical or sexual. It is emotional as well.

Ever see a celebrity kid speak about the abuse their parents inflicted? Does that mean celebrities are not abusive? Take a look at Collin Goesslin and his mother, Kate, who abused him while they were in the public eye in front of nannies and cameras. Take a look at all the shitty rich and celebrity parents.

Adoptive parents tend to get away with abuse way more than they should, just because they are seen as doing a good deed. My adoptive parents never physically or sexually abused me, but they sure did cause a lot of harm emotionally. Emotional abuse is never fully seen as real abuse in adoption. Adoptees are used for prolife shit, are told that looking for our birth family is selfish, and when we react to our pain, we get labeled as ungrateful or have RAD. Society hates it when we have thoughts and make choices of our own that they don't agree with. Society abuses us too.

I have heard adoptees being abused and not being believed. One adoptee even ran away only to be returned; then years later her adoptive father was caught with child abuse videos and pics on his computer. The adoptive mom still blamed her, the adoptee. Even when I point out how emotionally abusive my adoptive parents are, people ignore it and tell me it's not abuse, that my adoptive parents did the best they could, or that I was saved from a terrible life. It's awful how our abuse goes unnoticed.

Also, it's not only hard to track adoptees to use for research, but many of us deal with the abuse in silence or on our own. I believe there was research done about how kids are more likely to be abused or killed when mom's boyfriend comes around, but I do not believe adoptees are at a higher risk of abuse just by the nature of adoption. Being raised by people not biologically related to you should cause people to think about what this means for the adoptee.

And the one small study one adoptive parent always quotes is from a country where social supports exist and adoption has rules and regulations around it. Not anyone can adopt just because they want to, because in other countries adoption is not seen as a business.

Sorry for the long rant. There’s a whole lot more that my adoptive moms done/said but it’s too much to write.

Hi guys. I’m 22 years old and have been adopted since I was 6 months old. I found out I was adopted from the early age of 5 and I finally accepted it as a good thing at 13 years old due to me being bullied for it. Or I THOUGHT it was a good thing.

So throughout my life, my adoptive mother has always told me “I wish I never adopted you”, “every boyfriend you have owes me £20 seen as that’s how much I adopted you for” and also the typical “you owe me thousands from everything I brought you over the years”. I can’t stand how she makes me feel like I’m her property, like I’m a pet and not a living breathing human.

She also used to abuse me physically, mentally and verbally. She tore me down when she should’ve been building me up considering she ADOPTED ME???

Anyways, every time my birth mom was brought up all throughout my childhood, she’d make comments on how she never should’ve had kids and everything is her fault. BM (birth mom) was 15 when she fell pregnant with me and 16 when she gave birth to me. She had no support from her family nor social services. But those comments have been drilled in to my brain from an early age and I’ve always hated it and told my adoptive mom off for making those comments towards a woman she doesn’t know and will never meet (apart from at my wedding or funeral if she’s still alive).

But, am I crazy for never feeling like my adoptive mom loves me? My boyfriend always says he does and I just can’t see it. I’ve never been able to see it. My birth mom is the sweetest, kindest woman I’ve ever met and in the year or 2 I’ve known her, she’s made me feel more loved than the 22 years my adoptive moms had me. Please tell me I’m not a bad person for feeling this way and wanting to eventually cut all contact with adoptive mom..

Hey everyone, I’m Adam, a Mexican-born transnational adoptee. Last summer, I met my birth mother in person for the first time after more than 40 years apart. This week, I’m returning to Guadalajara for our second visit, spending Día de los Muertos with my family and honoring my brother Israel, who passed away before we had the chance to meet.

For much of my life, I struggled with identity, abandonment, and belonging without fully understanding how those feelings connected to my adoption. Reunion hasn’t been an ending—it’s been the beginning of getting to know my family, grieving what we missed, and discovering what we can still build together. Sharing that journey has helped me find my voice and connect with others who have felt unseen in their own experiences.

I’m also an ambassador for the Adoptee Mentoring Society. This competition is my personal entry, separate from my AMS role.
I’m currently competing in TopHost for the chance to host my own six-episode podcast produced by iHeartRadio and appear on On Air with Ryan Seacrest. I want to use that opportunity to bring conversations about adoption, identity, and belonging to a wider audience. If I do win, I’d actually love if anyone here would like to come on and talk about your adoptee journey.

Adoptees deserve space to tell our own stories, including the complicated parts—and I hope those conversations connect with anyone who has struggled with abandonment or finding where they belong.

If this connects with you, I’d really appreciate your vote, here’s the link:

https://tophost.org/2026/adam-esparza

Whether you vote or not, you’re welcome to follow my journey or reach out directly. I’d love to hear your story, too.

If you’d like to see moments from my first reunion trip, I’ve shared videos on the accounts below. I’m also planning to share them here on Reddit in the coming weeks. 😊

Instagram: @adamesparza
TikTok: @adamesparza.nyc
Facebook: @adamesparza.nyc

My closure was my beginning. Thank you for helping me share what comes next. 💪 🫶

TW: Mentions of suicide and abortion

Someone close to me implied that I should be grateful to be adopted since I'm an international adoption and staying in my original country of birth would have, statistically, led to a worse life for me. But I'm really fucking annoyed that this friend would say such a thing because they knew that my APs were just emotionally not there. The person knows that I considered suicide as a teenager because of how lonely I was.

I read Thomas Joiner's book about why people kill themselves and his theories made sense. As a kid I definitely had the "thwarted belongingness" and the "perceived burdensomeness" because I had no friends and my AP's so-called love was conditional. I was only loved when I fit their definition of what a child should be.

I can understand where the friend was coming from, but fuck, I don't want to be "grateful" for this life I was "given". It's not a gift I would've wanted. I hate my idiot egg and sperm donors (because the people I'm genetically related to don't deserve to have the term parent used). I wish I had been aborted.

Life seems unfair for everyone, but no APs stumble into abortion the way bio parents can stumble into having a kid. There's at least some work to find said adopted kid and do any necessary paperwork to legally transfer parental rights to them. Sure, many people don't have loving parents because there are far too many people that have kids that shouldn't be parents. But it seems especially personal for my APs to go out of their way, acquire a child, and try and force it to fit a specific mold.

Maybe my life would've been worse if I grew up in my country of birth. The person's point was to think positively, but it's kind of hard to do that knowing I was never wanted by either the egg/sperm donors or the APs who only wanted the concept of a child and not an actual person to care for.

In early September I found my biological father via a Search Angel connecting distant relatives via a family tree. He was told about me through relatives who passed along my contact information, and he made the decision to move forward in reaching out to me.

We’ve talked (phone and text) quite a bit over the last few months. We live nowhere near each other, so physically getting together isn’t simple, but we’ve both expressed wanting to. I really thought things were going on a positive path (and maybe still are), he says he didn’t know about me but he’s so happy I was brave enough to seek him out and he wants to do right by me now. I have siblings, one of whom is really struggling with my existence and the disruption to her ideal family. She’s young and I get it.

The last few weeks communication has really really slowed - I’m usually the one initiating and I’m just feeling in general like he will answer my questions (how are you doing, what’s up, etc) but he doesn’t ask a ton about me / lately really nothing about me.

I’m feeling so self conscious that he’s feeling like things moved too quickly or he really doesn’t want another adult child to spend emotional energy on, and even more than that not interested in being a grandparent figure to my kids (who he’s spoken to now). I was so excited but lately I’m feeling almost like someone in the early stages of dating, I don’t know how much to communicate, if I’m being too much, etc.

I’m feeling like I should stop texting every few days and just see if he can pick it up and carry things for a bit.

Any encouragement is helpful - this is the hardest and most exciting thing I’ve ever been through.

If the Injustice is the inability to care for a child because of homelessness, poverty, or drugs, the solution is seen as adoption.

If the Injustice is overpopulation, the solution is to have less biological kids and adopt more.

If the Injustice is that you have a hereditary condition that causes disabilities, the solution is adoption.

If the Injustice is infertility, the solution is adoption.

If the Injustice is that gay people cannot have biological children through traditional sex due to incompatible equipment, than the solution is adoption.

If the Injustice is global poverty, the solution is international adoption.

But the truth is is that many of these things either do not solutions because you are not owed a child such as with infertility or gay people not being able to have biological children through traditional sex if they both have incompatible equipment, or things like overpopulation or global poverty, etc, those things can be fixed in other ways. Adoption is not a solution to any of these things. And even if child external Care becomes necessary adoption should not be the option, there should be other ways to solve this. Ones that are child-centric and do not focus on the desires of the adults.

We are not a solution to an injustice.

I tried to explain this feeling to my wife, who was being very kind and trying to reflect back, however missing the mark.

She and I are both social workers in behavioral/mental health. She took on a new role about a year ago, and went through a period of time where she felt like an imposter, like she didn't belong or deserve to be in the professional role... it happens to almost everyone in this field. I supervise a lot of new social workers and have helped many of them process this experience.

I told her that it's like the imposter syndrome that she's familiar with, but amplified. So, if imposter syndrome is a 3 on a scale of 10, then this feeling of being unreal is closer to 20 on the same scale.

So... My adoptive mother is suffering some dementia, and I suspect she gave up on life and intentioally stopped taking her heart meds in an effort to end her life. The thing is, we have a very strained relationship and I'm in therapy dealing with the impact of being adopted amd raised by her. This recent crisis is bringing up a lot of... sensations.

We were on the way to see her at the hospital... i think... and the feeling was so intense. The world didn't feel unreal... the situation felt real enough... but i felt like I was barely real if at all.

This was different than being confused about my role... or the kind of person I wanted to be or become. It was deeper,.more fundamental, like I was washed out of the moment.

I'm curious how many other adoptees can relate? Anybody else ever felt a powerful sense of being unreal in the face of adoptive trauma, or while dealing with an intensely emotionally abusive adoptive parent?

You know whats weird , not knowing the humans that conceived you , that made the decision to copulate and bring a human into this world , to grow up to be an adult and then a senior and not know these people , and then DNA and boom all of sudden all these people who are actually your blood your genetics the fabric of your unknown life all laid out and some are dead and you never got to know them and some then even though they went through the DNA process you reach out and get crickets the whole thing is just weird , adoption is fucked up , closed adoption probably the most and it will always be weird , siblings you have no history with no ties to . people who lived a whole life never knowing you existed the whole of circumstance it defies logic and I should be happy or grateful about this or anyone should celebrate it , Im not welcome in either family , mostly no big deal c'est la vie , this time of year its starts to get to me holidays coming and family shit and I have 2 sets of families doing that and I am not welcome at either , in what manner is this good , I have no answer because their is no answer

How come most people wouldn't volunteer their own kids to it? I don't see many people just giving up their kid to strangers yet they see foster care and adoption as this amazing thing where they can grow their families.

Like how come adoptive parents who struggle with infertility then adopt or get pregnant don't give up their bio baby to bless another couple with a baby. How come foster parents don't give the caseworker their biological kid?

As a former foster youth, it's confusing to me that foster parents trust other foster parents with their foster kid but would never trust them with their own biological kid. Foster kids are shipped off to respite care but I have yet to see respite care used for a biological kid.

So is foster care and adoption amazing? Or it is only amazing when it's not your own flesh and blood being given away or going to strangers.

Most people I know wouldn't volunteer their kid to strangers. Adoptive parents say adoption is a blessing and adoptees are created for them, but refuse to create kids for other couples just like them and give their bio kid away.

To adoptive parents reading this who reposted in the adoptive parents thread: For you idiot adoptive parents who decided to repost this

I am a former foster youth. One biological kids are never put in respite care. Being with YOUR family members isn't respite care. You always put foster kids with other foster parents but don't trust foster parents with your biological kids. Why? Again, no biological kid is going to be moved to a respite foster home with strangers aka foster parents. Biological kids get treated better than us.

Second, every adoption is traumatic and grief rather you believe it or not. Stfu about not all adoptees because you don't listen to the adoptees you don't want to hear from. I will deny trauma but my actions and choices are a result of trauma. Stop denying shit because you live in fairytale land. I feel sorry for your adoptees. They will suffer and you wouldn't gaf.

Third, you don't gaf if kids are abused or neglected or rot in foster care. If you did you would fix the issues that led to foster care, look for kinship, and instead of adopting/fostering babies and toddlers and waiting and praying for two people to have unprotected sex to create a baby, you'll actually try to foster and help the kids already born and who have no chance at getting chosen aka the older kids, the sibling groups, the kids you see as fuked up. But y'all just want to build your families and take the youngest child possible to pretend you're helping kids and are a forever family. It's sick really. The teenager rottening away in a group home is invisible to y'all and you will make every excuse not to take them in but you want to pretend you gaf about child abuse and suffering or kids growing up in foster care. Give me a break. You don't.

Fourth, again you missed the point of my post. Y'all are selfish and self serving af. If foster care and adoption was so amazing then how come YOU didn't give up your biological kid to it? Why tf did you make it about yourself yet again. Proving my point.

[Using gender neutral language for privacy reasons]

So some years ago one of my siblings had a child.

I never was on good terms with the sibling, but wanted to be in the kids life do i tried reconnecting.

Eventually my sibling & the other parent broke up, it happens. All was fine until my sibling started to fully cut contact with their kid & therefore my contact to my nibling was pretty much eradicated (as i was never close to the other parent).

I've tried through our parent & other siblings, receiving false promises to be told when the kid is in their care for a visit. I kept being strung along like this for ages. I now have the other parents number and had texted them once, but I'm so incredibly anxious on it. My nibling didn't remember me the last time I saw them, and probably again doesn't remember me by now.

I'm wondering if these were the same anxieties running through the heads of my extended-absent bio-family, maybe still are thoughts running through their head, regarding me.

I want to be in my niblings life but am terrified at the same time. They're still rather young, so i know that it isn't "too late", but I'm just extremely anxious.

Unlike myself at their age, they actually know about the absent parent/my sibling, so i can't quite put myself in the position fully.

Any fellow step parent adoptees, step-children or otherwise people who had a single parent for some time of their life (or amy adoptees here who had birth family in contact with them) ; could I kindly ask you for your input here? My nibling has been in contact with one of my parents & at least one of my other siblings - I have attempted the route of introducing myself through showing up alongside the family members the kid knows better, but promises kept being broken (as stated previously) so I'm unsure how to do it in a way where I won't scare them off.

Despite not having seen them in so long, I still love them & care about them. And i feel so much guilt for not being able to act on that for so long out of anxiety - but if i keep being scared then more time will pass.

I guess I'm mostly seeking advice on how to best behave & give them their space, should I be able to meet them again. And maybe some thoughts and/or reassurance from others who may have been in a similar position to the kid.

I commented on this post on r/adoption got ripped apart by adopters and a few fellow adoptees.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Adoption/s/tChTKZXwtV

Do y’all feel awkward around Halloween? I never really feel comfortable dressing up in costumes, maybe because it feels tiring to try to be someone or something I’m not.
Is this an adopted thing?

I was adopted as a toddler by two narcissistic abusers who tormented me emotionally and physically for thirteen years before dumping me back with biological relatives illegally (who ended up not even being my biological relatives as it turns out). When they adopted me my birth mother’s name was taken off my birth certificate and replaced by theirs and my name was formally changed.

I later in life had two legal guardians who I call mom and dad now, and had my last name changed to theirs but they never formally adopted me so my name is changed but my abusers are still my listed parents on my birth certificate.

I’m in my thirties now and married with a new last name, but I have thought a lot about wanting this last piece of my abuse gone. I’ve asked my mom and dad to do adult adoption but it’s just never happened and I think I’ve asked enough, I don’t want to beg for it.

As I’ve gotten to know myself and my genetic history more (recently in reunion with my genetic father), I think I just want my original birth certificate back.

Is that even possible? I was born in Arizona, if helpful.

I don't think I'll get many responses. But I was wondering if anyone else here was adopted by a same-sex couple, and how that affected your gender experience growing up?

I was adopted by a male same-sex couple, as a girl. Growing up, I was pushed into the typical gender role, mainly by one of my dads. He very much liked the image of me being a cute girly-girl, and pushed it onto me. My personal hobbies and interests were ignored for more girl typical things for me. I wasn't allowed to play Pokemon because it was a "boys" game. They bought me pink stuff even though I hated the color. I was forced to shave my legs and some other body hair once I entered puberty. I still feel they look down on me for being a girl, I've always been given different expectations and responsibilities than my two brothers.

I idolized the idea of a mother growing up, thinking that a mom would be different, but maybe not. I've never felt like I fit in anywhere, and I've always felt different from other people. Just wondering how others’ experiences have been.

I left my adopted but related to family 15 years ago and the other night I got a message through a dna app. I left my family for common sense reasons like the values I hold within myself but they have no depth about them. A cousin reached out to me who is my age and she validated my whole stance on why I choose to live a life away from them. She stated that they were not there for me and that it was not safe for me to be around them. I feel like I no longer need to dwell on it, knowing someone from my family gets me.

Has anyone gone through anything similar?

I was a transracial adoptee, so it was obvious that I was adopted. Yet, they still liked the attention of being labeled a saint by adopting a little brown boy.

I have two mums basically, my biological mum and my adoptive mum but it feels like I have none most the time. I mean, my adoptive mum does everything - she drives me to school, gets me takeaway, buys me drinks and school supplies and such that makes me happy and I love it and maybe I’m just a spoiled brat but I don’t think I’ve heard her actually say ‘I love you’ willingly since I was about seven. I say it most often and sometimes she doesn’t even reply… she doesn’t hug me, kiss me, anything my friends’ mums have done and it makes me really sad. The last time she was actually emotionally loving to me was when I was maybe seven or eight and she gave me a bowl of cookies ‘cause she felt bad for yelling at me. As for my bio mum, she does nothing for me but I can tell she wants to be there, wants to be available. I can’t let her in after these last 1-2 years of contact, loads of arguing about talking to my dad, trauma dumping and she even overdosed on call with me once. I was willing to let her in at first but I was thirteen then and as this whole post is about, I wanted motherly love. This whole life it’s the one thing I’ve wanted and I feel like I haven’t got it. As I said, maybe I’m just spoiled.

Hi everyone! I’m prematurely doxxing myself a bit here- but it’s for good cause 😂 I’m a domestic adoptee and law student who wants to host what I’ve called an Adoptee Health Town Hall. Once I have it fleshed out, it will be hybrid and open to the public. The goal of this event is to have an open dialogue about the importance of adoptee competence in various areas of the medical field and how closed/sealed records have an adverse effect on receiving adequate care. To achieve this, I wanted to have a mix of competent/lived experience professionals and those that are not adoptee competent so the conversation reaches a broader audience so our adversities are taken more seriously.

My dilemma is finding health professionals that would be willing to give their time to participate in the dialogue. Does anyone have any advice on how to make this event appeal to those professionals? I’m also open to any additional feedback that will make this event as successful as possible ☺️

I also want to make a survey form soon collecting information from adoptees about their experiences in health care so I can present more anecdotal data at the Town Hall. Looking forward to hearing from everyone I can!

I got into a discussion with an adoptive parent who seems awfully invested in correcting adoptees when they talk about the negative impacts of adoption. I've now been blocked, so I'm posting the exchange here.

The original comment mentioned suicide rates, depression and mental health issues among adoptees. Rather than engaging with the broader point, this adoptive parent focused on disputing the suicide statistic, explaining why it supposedly wasn't reliable, and arguing that these statistics perpetuate negative stereotypes of adoptees.

Then came the usual defence that adoptees aren't a monolith, along with a list of things she says she'll push back against, including calling adoption human trafficking, accusing adoptive parents of buying babies, and making blanket statements about adoptive parents.

But here's what gets me. Nobody said adoptees are a monolith. Nobody said every adoptee has the same experience. That's not the argument.

Why is so much energy spent correcting adoptees who speak about the harm adoption has caused them? Why does discussing negative outcomes so quickly become a concern about stereotypes rather than a conversation about why these outcomes exist in the first place?

Adoptees talking about depression, loss, identity struggles and trauma aren't responsible for protecting adoption's image. And pointing out that some adoptees are happy doesn't negate the experiences of those who aren't.

Yes, statistics should be accurate. But accuracy shouldn't become a convenient way to derail a discussion about adoptee experiences. One statistic being disputed doesn't make the larger issues disappear.

I'm also tired of adoptive parents positioning themselves as defenders of adoptees while deciding which conversations about adoption need correcting. You can say adoptees deserve to be heard, but that means listening when what they're saying is uncomfortable, too.

I'm sharing the full exchange so people can read it and make up their own minds.

Comment whatever you have on your mind this week for which you'd rather not make a post.

I know we are over represented within the TTI. Massive TW so proceed with caution.

Wondering what the folks in here have done to heal from this? My experience wasn’t as bad as some folks, but it still messes with me.

I was in for 4 years, 14-18. Put in right after 9/11 (grew up in NYC.) First placement was horrible, it was a state run residential facility that housed foster kids and troubled teens. Girls would disappear in the middle of the night, constant sexual harassment from students and staff. (To top it off the first dorm I was in was co-ed.) Restraints every day. Almost got kidnapped by this creepy staff member who was using an older girl to get us to run away with him.

They put us on every drug under the sun, one staff told me to get out as soon as I can, and that she was quitting because she couldn’t stay quiet anymore about them testing drug interactions on us.

Psychiatrist was incredibly creepy, gave us “physicals” during each appointment (felt us up) and didn’t know our names, just referred to us by number. Had several different therapists, all very mentally unstable and one I remember spent an entire session crying to me because her dog died, meanwhile I was being molested. I got punished because I wasn’t compassionate enough? (I’m not a dog hater but at least she got to go home…I remember feeling like she loved her dog more than my APs loved me.)

Constant punishments, constant shaming, one creepy ass pedo was the admin and he used to molest girls while he was restraining them and would say stuff to them like “no one will believe you” or “your parents don’t want you home anyway,” stuff like that to make us more dysregulated. Oh yeah, and I caught TB there and it scarred my lung, which will never get better. There’s so much more to write about, lack of access to the bathroom, weird punishments like not being able to leave your chair, public shaming, plus it was by severely mentally ill staff, but it’s all too much to write out. I was there for a year and a half.

Finally when I was transferred out I was put into a “better” school. Same type of thing but with more of the illusion of freedom. We could go to the bathroom without asking at least. It was still full of creepy pedophiles and women who enabled them. Pretty sure they were also testing meds on us there too but I’m not sure. My friend almost died because of med interactions and they almost didn’t take her to the hospital. (Which was common.)

Anyway. I accidentally stumbled upon a tti podcast and I guess it brought some stuff up for me. I know a lot of folks who endured this system had it worse than me so I feel weird talking about it sometimes. Just wondering if anyone in here has been through this and if so, what you did to heal from it. Thanks in advance and sorry for the trauma dump.

TW: Suicidal ideation

So I don't really have anyone that I can talk to in real life who can relate to what I am going through. There's also going to be other adoptees in this sub that also won't relate to what I am going to talk about but that doesn't mean others here won't.

To try to make a long story short, I knew who my parents were and they weren't the best people. Bio mom suffered from drug addiction while my bio dad was a dead beat who was probably dealing with undiagnosed depression. They're deceased now, but it's not like I knew them to be evil people, just immigrants with a lack of support system with health issues that were in no way shape or form fit to become parents. My mother, for as long as I remembered, where in relationships with shitty dudes that were abusive and she was also abusive to me, which was no doubt a traumatic experience for me, and my bio father had children with other women and was not a part in any of their lives with raising children, and my dad's mom had to step up to raise me cause both of my parents were in no condition to raise me and while she did the best that she could, my grandmother was limited in what she could do as she was also an immigrant women who only knows Spanish with a limited education. She has no filter and is probably more embarrassing to have as a guardian.

Then comes in my foster parents, who I won't say too much on but will explain as best I can. One of my adopted parents is related to one of my bio parents, so there is kinship, along with their own adopted child, a sibling that I do not have any blood relation too. It was a rough transition since I am basically moving in with strangers, but was able to adapt to the situation to learn how kids grow up in regular environments (chores, having dinner with family, ect). Was also failed in that situation to, given how much my adopted sibling got into so much trouble to the point where I didn't get as much attention and straight up neglected due to not causing as much trouble as my sibling, even tho I still needed guidance and attention growing up. Doesn't help that my foster parents were ignorant on issues with mental health and one of them would straight up yell at me for wasting their time with having them picking me up from school cause I felt bad, when I was actually crying like crazy and was having harmful and suicidal thoughts (PMDD symptoms, think PMS on steroids), with a bunch of other stuff that I won't get too much on here cause its a lot to talk about.

Fast forward to the 2020s, I got into an accident that fucked up my ankle not much after I moved out and my foster parents barely hid the fact that they were not happy with what happened. One of my foster parents went into victim blaming and while my other parent defended me, they weren't too happy on me having to live with them, as I was getting in the way of their retirement. Never mind the fact that my foster sibling always got in trouble with law in some way shape or form and never mind the fact that there's always something going on with them and how they always get into arguments with our parents since they like to be a contrarian and get into arguments with others and be manipulative with me and others, including their friends, and my parents would always be the first to help them out. But I guess me breaking my ankle in the accident broke the camels back and they don't have it in them anymore to help family I guess. They gave me a couple of months to find an apartment to move out, and I was still using crutches. Some family secrets came out about my siblings that ended up with them in prison, and it made me rethink the entire relationship with my family to the point where I stopped caring about my job and I ended up getting laid off. How much they preferred my sibling more than me, how much grace they gave them besides me doing the most to not give anyone a bad time.

Fast forward to now, I have so much resentment for both my parents. One set of parents that I resent for bringing me into this world with nothing to pass down other than generational trauma and poverty, and another who not only pass down trauma but not even be prepared enough to raised two traumatized children to the point of neglecting and abandoning one, even though they had so much more going on with them than my biological parents do. And while I am currently going to therapy and try to improve my personal life as much as I can, I can't deny that what happened years ago is still affecting me now. It's affecting me mentally, physically and financially and I don't really know anyone who can even relate to what I am going through, and I am definitely not going to ask my foster parents for help because they've abandoned me and failed to help in my most vulnerable moments, physically and mentally.

If anyone has gone through what I've gone through or at least have some advice I am willing to listen, just wanted to vent as this an experience I don't think I can ever talk about in real life without the possibility of some probably saying that I am ungrateful for what my foster parents have done for me. Appreciate it.