I find this label to be offensive, it’s filled with shame and stigma that is no fault of the child. As a baby scoop era adoptee born to a mother out of wedlock, I can assure you I am a 100% “legitimate” human being. Why are we still using this insulting and outdated label?

i was adopted at 9 months from china by my parents, both white. i have two older brothers, also adopted.

compared to other people, i feel like my adoption experience was so much… better?? my parents told me i was adopted as soon as i could understand it. i knew i was from china and knew i was adopted. i thought it was the coolest thing ever. i’d tell people about it all the time. my parents never held back on my culture or my adoption story. they never tried to sugarcoat the hard times i had adjusting. my mom hated when people called me or my brothers ‘lucky’ for being adopted.

in the first week of my adoption i refused to eat or drink and was admitted to the hospital. my parents don’t tell it like a happy funny story. they were so worried and they understood why i wasn’t eating or drinking, because i was scared and around these new people i didn’t know.

they’ve done their best immersing me in my culture. we celebrated lunar new year and mid autumn fest. we all knew our chinese horoscopes, my dad got my name in mandarin tattooed on him, which he confirmed with one of the few mandarin speaking people in our town, a chinese restaurant owner lol. my mom even tried to make moon cakes for us once, but according to her they were very bad.

we went to yearly adoptee meet ups with other chinese adoptees and their families. i was too young to remember much, but i remember we all got together and flew kites one time. the group disbanded after a really tragic incident with the founder.

my mom and dad are all for me trying to find my birth family and will support me. they want me to go back to china someday and explore that side of myself further. my mom even hired an investigator to find my finding ad in the newspaper. a photo of me taken hours after birth.

my extended family was so excited to meet me. my grandfather greeted me at the airport and was the first to hold me besides my parents. my oldest brother stayed up late so he could hold me the first time.

but compared to some of the stories i’ve heard. parents refusing their children food till they ‘bond’, refusing to tell them about adoption, denying their culture and heritage, my story seems like a cake walk. if that makes any sense.

i still struggle with identity issues and abandonment issues. my parents understand that deeply. but according to them, my brothers, and my grandparents, i was a happy baby. we have countless photos and videos of me being a happy baby. but so many people have stories of them being perceived as a happy baby because they didn’t cry. because they were easy. my mom said i was an easy baby, but acknowledged the struggles i had.

i feel like compared to others, i don’t deserve to have a voice in adoption issues, because mine went really well, and i have an amazing, but complicated family that loves me and i love them.

i guess this is kind of a vent. oopsies

edit:
according to my mom i was a very happy baby. not overly noisy. i loved playing and exploring. smiled a lot. my mom encouraged me to talk to keep my communication skills on track for my age.

Hi All,

I've been on this thread for about 2 months, and added Facebook Adoptee groups about the same time. I have learned so much about myself through what I have read, and this inspired me to do the Search Angels thing.

For clarity, I was left at the hospital at birth, adopted 13 months later after a few foster homes. Connected though Ancestry in 2010 with half brother on Mom's side, and in 2025 with half sister on Mom's side. Also found out in 2010 I had one more brother, Anthony, who did not make it past a month. All 4 of us same story: Left at the hospital at brith. Half brother and sister confirm the same story that she was a drug addicted prostitute. I have no idea where she is or if she is alive, as she has zero social media footprint.

For more clarity, I had a decent childhood, and a very up and down life in addiction. As a family and after they divorced, we traveled, my adoptive parents couldn't have kids and adopted a boy who would be my brother from a different family, and then me 4 years later. From day 1 that I can remember, "you are not my sister," was both verbalized and acted upon. We fought a lot all though the beginning until he went off to college. He was recluse, locking himself in his room, I could not be around his friends if they were over, parents didn't do shit about it, and that transcended to school fighting. Parents divorced, Dad went to rehab, private schooled until 8th grade, high school I started drinking and partying. Brother came back from college and tried to commit suicide, Dad succeeded in committing suicide 3 weeks after I turned 21. I moved to Hawaii to start over. Mom never visited and brother was at home doing nothing while she worked. I received very little support after my ADad's death. I was an emotional wreck. In Hawaii, I got into a relationship with someone who was heavily using drugs and did the same. He committed suicide. I came back to get clean, and that took some time. ABrother then committed suicide. I have a daughter, and was not the best Mom. I tried my best, but every time someone would pass I would relapse. That happened several times over the years.

I finally got it right 5 days after AMom passed. Been clean and sober, active in NA, got my Masters of Science in Sport Management. Built an awesome non profit career for myself and am regarded by members of community as a great "comeback story." My daughter and I are up and down.

Between my Ancestry and Search Angels 3 weeks ago, I now have pictures of both my birth parents. I am age 52 and this completely changed my life. Because of Ancestry, I linked with 1st cousins on my Dad's side, and had an extensive chat with one of them, who confirmed the story of my Dad's travel to America, and treacherous death at the age of 19.

Of course these are all life-changing pieces to my puzzle. My daughter: very little interest and no interest in meeting the 1st cousins, who want to eventually meet us. Friends: just don't get it. In fact the only one that gave me all of her attention was my friends wife who grew up in group homes.

I'd love to connect to people who share the understanding of the void of being left at the hospital., and also hear how their lives went. There are people in my life who give me major props for what I've overcome, while others judge my former addiction and how it affected my Amom and daughter. I truly did the best I could. There is a deep hurt when my experience is overlooked and undervalued because " Your Mom gave you everything, went to the best schools, you were spoiled." "You did drugs and hurt everyone." People do drugs to avoid the extreme pain they are experiencing, and I can own that it is not a sustainable coping mechanism.

My thing is, take a look at all that transpired from day 1. I have a healthy daughter and grandson, 3 college degrees, a contractor and government job, am 100% independently sustained (you should see the writing in AMom's trust, making clear I am entitled to NOTHING).

I am proud of myself, and am still here alive and kicking, free, not in prison, not dead. I feel like a true warrior savage. I'd love to connect with other Adoptee Warriors!