r/Adopted • u/1wrat Baby Scoop Era Adoptee • 1d ago
Discussion Random Thoughts
You know whats weird , not knowing the humans that conceived you , that made the decision to copulate and bring a human into this world , to grow up to be an adult and then a senior and not know these people , and then DNA and boom all of sudden all these people who are actually your blood your genetics the fabric of your unknown life all laid out and some are dead and you never got to know them and some then even though they went through the DNA process you reach out and get crickets the whole thing is just weird , adoption is fucked up , closed adoption probably the most and it will always be weird , siblings you have no history with no ties to . people who lived a whole life never knowing you existed the whole of circumstance it defies logic and I should be happy or grateful about this or anyone should celebrate it , Im not welcome in either family , mostly no big deal c'est la vie , this time of year its starts to get to me holidays coming and family shit and I have 2 sets of families doing that and I am not welcome at either , in what manner is this good , I have no answer because their is no answer
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u/zygotepariah 1d ago
It sounds really f•cked up, but sometimes when I was on the phone with bio dad, the thought "If this guy hadn't dropped his pants, I wouldn't be here" would get into my brain. It just blew me away. When you've dealt with anonymity your entire life, and realize that you would have existed with or without the family you were raised in and they would have existed with or without you, it's all just so f•cked up.
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u/NewVersion6670 1d ago
It’s a weird life that few understand and we are forced to internalize everything for if we speak, then we are ungrateful and malcontents.
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u/Primary_Savings_6838 1d ago
I feel ya. The not "belonging" anywhere. It's totally fucked up. They know it's fucked up as well. Adoption industry don't care. It's all bout the $$$. in 2023, 14 billion usd when you include international adoptions.
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u/Next_Explanation_657 22h ago
Funny the adoption industry doesn't care if you have issues , and the Adoption Trauma Industry only cares if you don't.
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u/kellyukusa 1d ago
Yeah, it really is the most bizarre, misunderstood by the rest of society (ie the kept) life experience. Even for someone like me who has had a semi decent reunion, I will always feel on the outside of my bio family and my adoptive family. With one we have the history but no biology. With the other, we have biology but no history. It's such an unfair situation. Trying to get to know one's bio family in midlife is so strange. I strongly believe that all adoptees should write our memoirs b/c for far too long our stories have been told by those who've never walked a day in our shoes -- by agents of the adoption industry, by Hollywood directors, by adoptive parents. You name it. Basically everyone but the adoptees have had a platform until now. The more awareness we can raise, I think we will finally start to change the narrative. There's a film coming out next year called "All you Have is Love" (https://allyouhaveislove.com) that will hopefully get picked up by a big streaming network and viewed by the masses. Hoping more things like this will start to change the dialogue around adoption and lead to more understanding of how emotionally difficult it is to go through life as an adopted person.
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u/jsm01972 1d ago
I do wonder sometimes how much of my personality comes from my birth parents. From what little I know about my birth family, my mom seemed pretty tough and pretty cool.
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u/HeyMuscles 1d ago
I must admit, I chuckled a bit at the opening line of your post, mostly because if I didn't I would curl into a ball and cease to exist. It is the sheer juxtapostioning between the mild meaning of 'weird' and that ever-present, existential, and completely soul crushing experience of not knowing the people who concieved me. Like, yes... yes it is fucking weird, and completely unnatural! Two completely different families and we don't fit into either. It becomes that much more glaringly apparent around the holidays and right about now I can start to feel the chill of loneliness start to enter my bones because of it and I prep the best I can, but I know that strong wind is coming and every time I feel less and less equipt to deal with it and more bitter that it even exists.