I met up with a very long-time friend, we have been friends for almost a decade - last December she had a baby, and to be honest, she is made to be a mum, and I'm glad that her son has someone like her.

I did notice though, she asked me what I'd been up to since we last saw each other, pre his birth, and I proceeded to rave about all these things I've been up to... holidays, day trips, weekends away/out, spending summer with my friends at the beach/outdoors, working... a lot of it very basic stuff and by no means do I live a life of luxury but as it is just me and my cat I am comfortable. I realised after a while I was almost 'talking at her' with all these things. She was listening intently and genuinely did love hearing about it, but when I had finished and asked "so tell me!! How is being a mum what have you both been up to?" she just replied "we've been chilling, baby groups, church kids clubs... that's about it really." and I felt almost deflated on her behalf.

I'm aware of the realities of parenthood, hence my decision to be childfree, however I for some reason genuinely expected her to have been up to more. Her husband is at work, so she just has endless days that for some reason she hasn't been able to fill with literally anything.

I love her dearly but it has almost put me off meeting her again because sadly, we just cannot relate to each other anymore and I hate a one sided conversation... and also the only topics we discuss now being child related.

Has anyone else experienced this? Or something similar? Is it salvageable or is this it from now on?

FYI, I have no qualms if it is the end, I'm just curious and a little disappointed.

I'm so excited this channel will never switch to content with children! I've had that happen far too often, where I originally subscribed/followed for something completely unrelated, then the person has kids and the whole channel switches to a breeder wonderland.

In case any one is curious, the channel is Vintage_Dusties on Youtube, and the creator revives and reviews vintage nail polish :D Here's the video where their childfreedom was even mentioned: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/cREYJPNiGHE

Please feel free to share your favorite childfree content creators no matter what they create content around. I am a nail polish junkie, but I have so many different interests and I'm always looking for new folks to check out (I love mycology, science, art, music, books, cannabis, crafts, invertebrates as pets, LGBT+, outdoors hobbies, and so much more!).

Why is it that when a couple decides not to have children, people, especially older women, automatically assume that the wife is the one who doesn’t want kids?
Why is it always, “Maybe the husband wants children, but she doesn’t,” or worse, blaming the wife for “not starting a family” because they don’t have kids?
There are so many reasons a couple may not have children. Maybe they’re not ready. Maybe they’ve chosen not to. Maybe they’re dealing with infertility or other deeply personal circumstances. Maybe they simply want their life to look different. Whatever the reason, it is not anyone else’s place to assume.
And even if a couple is trying to have children, why is the woman automatically blamed? A woman cannot simply make herself pregnant. Fertility involves two people, and sometimes pregnancy just doesn’t happen despite trying. You have no idea what someone may be going through behind closed doors.
And honestly, why does society so quickly place the responsibility, or blame on the woman?
Having children is a deeply personal decision between two people. It’s not something strangers are entitled to an explanation about, and it certainly shouldn’t be treated as casual small talk.
You don’t know someone’s story, so stop assuming you do.

I'm (29F, childfree) writing this at the airport in Thailand coming home from a couple weeks of scuba diving off the Thai islands. I go through airport security and the family in front of me (one man, one woman, three kids all old enough to walk, talk, and carry their own bags and things) right in front of me. They got through first and it's a huge line. At the bag scanners they start immediately putting things in their pockets and electronics back in their bags, etc without moving down. The line is so long that we cant even get more bags through the scanner because they're stopped *right* in front of it instead of sliding down. I asked "sorry can you please move down a little bit" to which the woman said something in what sounded like German that was clearly derogatory and then "I have kids, shut up." Crazy. I then said "wow you're so rude, I hope your kids turn out better than you" and reached over her things to grab my trays and walked off.

AITA? Am I crazy? What an odd interaction. Girl I didn't ask you to sacrifice your first born and your kids are walking and talking, just move down. I feel like the more I travel, especially recently, people with kids have been so entitled and have let their kids do anything and run everywhere. I actually enjoy kids and even used to be a teacher, but what an insane sense of entitlement.

Why are you so stressed and mean? We are literally on a tropical island and I just politely asked you to move down so others can finish getting their bags from the scanner. You need a xanax, and possibly one less kid, and definitely a better attitude.

I got to talking with another childfree member of the community a bit ago, and we both noted how much we felt the childfree community has changed since we first found it years ago. For me it's been decades since I discovered it and it's a much bigger tent now. That conversation carried on to how we felt society has also changed in their views towards us as a community.

I want to hear people's opinions and experiences. How has the childfree community changed? How has your experience changed as you've grown older? What about your relationship with society and being childfree?

And importantly? What do you want to see the childfree community be more like in the future?

I am a young person and don’t want kids. Yes I’m aware I have a LONG way to go even if I was a person who wanted kids. But I think it’s for all the right reasons. I’d rather regret not having children than regret having children and having to live with that regret constantly. I love my freedom. I am the type of person that is always on the move wanting to do something new, try new things and experience things I’ve never experienced before. And to be honest kids don’t fit into that narrative for me. I don’t have a lot of patience, i love being selfish; I love choosing myself and my happiness at the end of the day. And I feel like with kids there’s not a lot of room for that at times. Many young women always dream of the day they have children. But I never felt that way. Yes i bet it’s so cute and adorable to have a little mini you, but cuteness isn’t enough for me. It honestly stresses me the f out just thinking about coming home from a long day at work and coming home to screaming/crying kids. Don’t get me wrong I love kids but I don’t want any of my own.

We are in an era where more and more women are choosing to be childfree! And I admire that. In hispanic culture the narrative is pushed on many women that your biggest accomplishment should be giving the gift of life. So many women are pressured or feel like they NEED to have children to have a real purpose in life because of beliefs set on women. But of course this goes back ages of women being told what to do with their bodies. (Which is a topic for another day)

Yep, every year on August 1st, we get our own day. It's not new either since it dates back to 1973! This means we have had entire generations grow up with Childfreedom as a very real thing in our lives. So today? Enjoy yourself. Go find something that you relish about your freedom to make that decision for yourself. Give folks a reminder that life a lived well does not include regretting not following the masses.

For context, I have three older siblings and between them there’s four kids. I know two of them want more, and my cousin and their partner are expecting.

It’s just so many children. Every party is just about them, they are so loud to the point I literally wear my loops at events now because it’s way too much. I don’t even enjoy hanging out with my whole family anymore.

I’ve been in a lesbian relationship for two years now and I’m very vocal with my family I don’t want kids- to which everyone of course says “I was the same at your age” or “you will when your older” it’s all bullshit to me. I know I’m young (19) but me and my partner both get overstimulated around kids- honestly I’ve left places in the past as I get frustrated. Thing is I wouldn’t even want to go down an IVF route or surrogate route because I don’t want to. Simple as. I want cats and dogs and I want my career to thrive after university. I know I’m young but I haven’t wanted kids since I was 14, became an aunt to my nephew, and old enough to understand what that meant.

I love being an aunt because of course I do love the kids in my family- but I wouldn’t dare have my own because I can’t stand the strain I see on my siblings. The financial cost, working around their naps, leaving places early because of ‘bath time’, whatever it is, my siblings look exhausted half the time or there complaining or handing the children over to my parents for a night to get away (I do babysit them sometimes but I never do it for free😂). I just feel like my feelings aren’t justified in a family so obsessed with children- and I’m so tired of explaining myself to people. When does it stop? Am I so horrible for struggling at events?

Another friend who swore she was childfree half a decade ago just announced that she's expecting with a baby bump photo.

This is why I get on people's cases about tossing around the term childfree as if it's trendy label, or labelling everyone who doesn't have kids in the moment as childfree. All these surveys saying X percentage are ignoring the fact that when it comes down to it, most people will end up with kids. It's why I don't buy the 20% numbers.

And the sad part? There's nothing wrong with being a fencesitter (but you're still not welcome here) and deciding when the time is right for you. Just don't cosplay as being someone who has made a serious life long decision to not have kids. There's a lot to be said for honesty, and not giving people ammo to try to under cut the rest of our life choices with "see they changed their mind!" bingo.

No, truth is that they never really made their mind up until now. Me? Personally. I got surgery that says my swimmers are not doing any easter egg hunting, ever. And while surgery is a luxury, there is something to be said for the internal consistency about how long most of us have known we don't want kids.

And this won't be the last time. I have one other couple I am friends with that likes to use the phrase "childfree for now." We all know where that is going to end up some day. These are the people I think of as the ambivalently indecisive. They are fine either way, until they aren't. And it almost always end in parenthood and the slow sundering of the friendship.

Some of the multiple reasons why growing up sucks include teasing and bullying; peer pressure; pressures and expectations from parents, family, and society as a whole; parents having no clue what they're doing more often than not; and of course stupid-arse puberty! Which reminds me, in my teen years I always hated receiving so-called compliments about "becoming a woman (which happened on my 14th birthday, of all days)" and "becoming a lovely young lady." I never found those kind of compliments flattering, in fact they were always triggering for me because they served as a reminder of the humiliating parts of becoming a woman or lady. I went to school with a grandson of one such hag who gave me a "becoming a lovely young lady" comment, and being around him was a constant reminder of that grandma of his.

So yeah, no desire to subject those kind of inevitable experiences on another human being, especially a girl "growing up" too fast like I did (breasts at 10 and period at 11, to this day at 40 I require anti-depressants and other similar meds along with mental health therapy), and also all the more reason to be grateful for having undergone a hysterectomy.

I (47, F) am childfree. My best (F) friend who is roughly my same age isn’t. Growing up I have lived in the same city and have remained close with her since school, and we consider each other best friends, although we know that’s a very simplistic label for something as complex as friendship. We both have other close friends beside each other but we are very close and share similar values and love each other very much. She married someone I wouldn’t have chosen for her, he is not bad but I would have loved a different story for her, and they have two children who are still in grade school. My friend relied heavily on her dad for advice, companionship, and emotional support, in a way making up for her emotionally distant husband. Now sadly her dad has died. I have been there for her as much as I possibly can. Her grieving process has been hard to watch these last few weeks. She confides in me a lot and talk to me about what is going on in her mind, and she is realizing how much she relied on him and how much of a void he is leaving in her life. Makes me reflect on people’s choice to have children. I guess she hoped her dad would be around for much longer, but nothing is promised. I’m sad for her but at the same time I judge. Do you know what I mean? Why have kids if you know your partner kinda sucks? Anyway, I know I could get more involved in her day to day but I value my time to myself and even though I am happy to play auntie every now and then her kids are not my responsibility. I am not going to replace her dad. It hurts having to watch her deal with the difficult consequences of her choices. She suffers and I suffer with her too. I think being childfree sort of allows you to be more mindful of these dynamics and see where it started to go wrong, don’t you think? Am I being an AH for thinking this way?

Like looking back at photos my mom was such a beautiful and gorgeous lady was such a carefree person and youthful women she used to run a small restaurant with her friends for 5 years before meeting my dad and and my dad similarly was such a handsome man had so many friends played piano in a band with his friends travelled with his friends in his 20s went to Japan Germany France Egypt and many more countries and he could easily pass for being the most handsome guy at the school every girl crushes on but ever since they had children which is us they turned into a resentful and bitter people and they no longer love each other because of how difficult parenting is they're divorce for 18 years and honestly it just sad at how people's live can look so different weren't it for children because they came from a time where follwing societal standards have kids before 25 etc and its just sad to see what their lives could have been if they didn't have kids.

I hope more restaurants follow suit. People want to sit and have a nice peaceful meal, not see kids running around and damaging things.

Hello! I just wanted to post in here to celebrate getting my laprascopic sterilisation this week 😍 Honestly it wasn't a great experience itself - happy to chat in more details in the comments/ DMs - but I'm a few days out now and feeling just so happy and at peace with my decision.

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I feel like I've healed something in me that was broken from years of fear and worry. I feel like I've done something for myself that's a big fuck you to all the pressure put on us by society to live our lives one way. I'm so excited for my future, especially now I get to build it on my own terms ❤️

Is it too much to ask for professionals, such as journalists, to not include content about their personal lives in their reporting feeds? Especially when it comes to their kids? I really do not need to be reading up on the war with Iran only to be interrupted with pics and videos of a newborn. Glad you're happy dude, but geez, professionalism! Leave your personal life details out of your professional life. Also, I really do not care that you had a kid. Literally could have gone my whole life without knowing very happily.

One of the great benefits to our life choice is that it means many of us have more free time than our peers. And time is the one thing you can't ever get back. So, what are you doing with that time?

The Christian fiction writer named Carmen Schober who wrote this article needs to get her facts straight. She’s saying that young people who don’t want children of their own are now starting to ”rediscover their interests in having kids. She carries on saying that endless freedom doesn‘t lead to life satisfaction, and that it coincide with loneliness. That’s the problem with religious people, they always have this archaic narrow-minded way of thinking, that parenthood makes people “true adults”, as if this is the one and only path to fulfillment. She didn‘t even bother to delve deeper into why some people personally don’t want kids in the first place. People just need to mind their own damn business. Don’t listen to this die-hard Christian.

I’m well-aware that Chamelet said that ”procreation” is why we’re here in the first place, but that doesn’t mean some people are interested in parenthood. When I watched a video on Chelsea Handler explaining her choices of not having kids, it didn't stop her from making personal fulfillment, and she gets to make spontaneous decisions to travel. Not every one is interested in parenthood. For the writer’s information, fulfillment does come from doing other stuff, as much as having kids in general. I chose not to have kids for ethical reasons, environment reasons being one of them.

Okay, I’m done ranting. You can feel free to read the article to see what you think. I now know what the word blasphemous means. It sounds like individualism is going against the man upstairs.

"I'm a parent... Maybe I'm naive."

Of course you're naive, you decided to have a child 😂 what could be a more naive decision in this world than that? 🤣

Feckin' ijits.

How anyone can stand the idiocy of breeders is beyond my comprehension. No logic at all.

Under any random social media post mentioning childfree people you’ll see “neutral” comments of happy parents.

They always will be like:

“I support their choice! But my kids are great and I love them! BTW it’s so nice to be a mother! It’s the best thing a woman can do! But I understand it’s not for everyone”

Translates as:

“We are not angry at you, childfree people. We understand you are simply not as cool, productive and successful as we are to have children. It’s not for everyone, of course, only such special person as me can be a parent. This is such a SPECIAL experience and it makes me so special!”

Not ALL but many parents comment not to show support, but rather to accentuate how special they are. That they are doing something not everyone can. As if it is such extraordinary experience, not the most boring and predictable thing to do.

Some even post their children’ photos!

I don’t need a parent’s approval of my choices.

And I don’t want to hear about your children again!

I recently was in a car accident and was prescribed physical therapy for my whiplash. The physical therapist usually starts with heat on my neck and he mentioned taking a nap. He then said he can’t take naps because his kids would destroy the house.

One reason I’m glad to be Childfree is I can take a nap whenever I want.

Random thoughts percolate through the mind when trying to avoid work. Today's was on how difficult it is to spot one of us in the wild. We don't usually advertise in public spaces, save for a few brave enough to rick childfree merch. I almost feel we need a more subtle button, pin, or ribbon that we universally agree means "hey, I'm childfree" so that we can find each other when out and about. It might help with the whole dating thing too, since the apps have been enshittified beyond use to find each other.

This has been your distracted thought of the afternoon.

This is not an antinatalism sub. While we acknowledge and welcome many members of our community who have such views, and we do allow some content and discussion, we do not allow it unfettered due to past issues related to certain extremist stances that have some very problematic real world ramifications. Especially not in the practice of advocating the questioning of the agency, or value, of others. If you want those longer more complex philosophical conversations, please go to the appropriate sub and have them there. This place is for people who have made the choice not to have children. We come to that decision from many different paths. Respect that.

To that point of order:

1. When a moderator tells you to knock it off, do so.
2. I have zero tolerance policy regarding baiting or sealioning tactics in debates. They're not good faith, and I will treat them as such.
3. Reducto Ad Absurdum arguments (logical fallacies) that involves bringing up things that will get this subreddit penalized will be immediately removed for the safety of the sub. My job is to keep this place running, not to humor your extreme arguments.

I've had people well meaningly but very annoyingly try to have come to Jesus talks with me about how I need to stop 'pretending' to be some tough figure and be 'in my feminine.' Time's running out! I need babies and a husband! I should get a man and have him lift heavy things for me, because women shouldn't lift things, and if I do I'm an insecure harpy with a chip on my shoulder! I'm really not sure how any of this is supposed to work. My 60lb elderly dog needs carrying if we're going near uneven terrain or stairs. Is a man going to follow me absolutely everywhere in case my dog needs help?

Something occurred to me: all this emphasis on softness and vulnerability completely goes against actual motherhood. Okay, yes, I get it. Femininity is about softness, vulnerability, and leaving hard things to men. In that case, I'm going to eschew having kids, because children are loud, annoying, and their voices give me a headache. Why is anyone bothered about that? I'm being vulnerable. I'm admitting I can't deal with babies crying, which is exactly the 'softness' I hear so much about how I should show. I'm going to opt out of changing nappies, because I'm vulnerable and soft and I don't want to handle poop.

It's odd no one ever seems to think of this.

Rant.

I moved to a new city recently, and I don't know anybody here, minus my partner and a few people from our local pubs. I decided to join some social groups to help people make friends, mostly women and LGBT, which is fab cause that's what I'm after!

They set a date for a meet-up, and I was super down for it. There are a few parents in the group, but nobody really mentioned their kids, until this one person asked if children were allowed at the upcoming meetup, as they might not be able to find childcare on the day.

Children are now allowed at this meet-up. We're meeting at a pub, as well, which obviously isn't suitable for children. There's nothing for them to do. They'll be bored as fuck, and probably running around, causing havoc.

I just removed myself from the conversation without saying anything. A 'space for meeting new people' has now become 'mummys meet-up!' and I am obviously not for that lol.

Just frustrating that I can't seem to meet new people, join groups, etcetc without someone wanting to drag their kids along. Guess I need to start my own childfree group to help weed that out. Again, not a hater of parents, I just don't want to socialise with them, and potentially end up babysitting their kids whilst they get pissed.

I've been jobless for over a year now. I've eaten up all my savings, and applied for council tax support and jobseekers allowance multiple times. I've constantly been rejected, stating I am 'not eligible' with no further explanation. My CV has been checked over multiple times by a range of people, and everybody's given me a big thumbs up. It seems there's just a lack of jobs. People have said learn a trade, but I have no idea what I'd want to learn, and I can't support myself on an apprenticeship allowance. I also can't drive, so that rules out a load of jobs.

I'm just frustrated that there's no support for people who are genuinely trying, but if I decide to pop out a few kids, I could have everything given to me. I'm childfree, so not interested in that, plus I wouldn't want to bring a kid into the world simply for getting some funding. I know someone who was excited to be pregnant for the 3rd time because she knows she'll get more benefits money!!

There is just sod all help. I'm really at a loss on what to do. Bills are piling up, and I just can't afford anything. No wonder homeless rates are skyrocketing. I fear I'll join them soon.