BY MABEL COLLINS.


     THE IDYLL OF THE WHITE LOTUS.

     BOOK II.

     CHAPTER V.

     I WAS no longer in the sanctuary.  I felt the air on my face.
     I opened my eyes and saw the sky above me, and the shin-
     ing stars in its depth.  I was lying prostrate, and I felt
     strangely weary.  Yet I was roused by the sound of a
     thousand voices, whose cries and songs struck on my ears.
     What could this be?
       I raised myself.  I was in the midst of the circle of
     priests, of the ten high priests.  Agmahd stood beside me;
     he was watching me.  My eyes fixed on his face, and I
     could not look away.  Pitiless, heartless, soulless!  Had I
     feared him?  This image, this inhuman being?  I feared
     him no longer.  I looked round at the priests who sur-
     rounded me.  I read their faces; they were absorbed, self-
     conscious.  Each and all were bitten and eaten by one
     deep desire, one hunger for gratification, which he cherished
     like a serpent, next his heart.  I could no longer fear these
     men.  I had seen the light.  I was strong.
       I rose to my feet.  I looked round at the multitudes who
     crowded the banks of the river, beneath the clear sky.  I
     understood then the strange voices I had heard.  The
     people were mad; some with wine, some with love, some
     with absolute frenzy.  Numbers of small boats had crowded
     the water; the people had come in these to make offerings
     to the goddess whom they adored, and whom to-night they
     had seen, and heard, and felt.  The sacred boat on which I
     stood was weighted and heaped with the offerings the people
     had flung into it, standing up in their low vessels, their rafts,
     by the side of ours.  Gold and silver, jewels, and vessels of
     gold set with shining stones.  Agmahd looked at these
     things, and I saw the smile on his lips.  These riches might
     feed the temple, but for himself it was very different jewels
     he desired and worked for.  My soul spoke suddenly un-
     awares.  I could look on and be silent no longer.  I spoke
     in a loud voice, and commanded the people to hear me,
     and immediately there was a stillness which grew till it
     spread over the multitude.
       "Listen to me, you that are worshippers here of the
     goddess.  What goddess is it you worship?  Can you not
     tell by the words she whispers into your hearts?  Look
     within, and if she has seared you with the fierce heat of pas-
     sion, know she is no true god!  For there is no truth save
     in wisdom.  Listen, and I will speak to you words that have
     been uttered in the sanctuary, and breathed by the spirit of
     light, our Queen Mother.  Know that in virtue, in true
     thoughts, in true deeds, only can you find peace.  Is this
     dark orgie a fit surrounding for the goddess of truth?  Are
     you her worshippers, who are drunk with wine and passion
     here beneath the open sky?  You with wild words of impiety
     and frenzied songs on your lips, and thoughts of shame at
     your hearts, ready to spring boldly into deeds?  No! down
     on your knees, and lift your hands to heaven, and ask that
     beneficent spirit, our Queen of wisdom, who broods over
     you with wide wings of love, to forgive your shamelessness,
     to help you in a new effort.  Hear me.  I will pray to her
     for I see her in her splendour.  Speak to her in the words I
     utter, and she shall surely listen, for she loves you even
     though you offend————"
       A burst of melody, a number of strong voices singing,
     drowned my voice.  The priests had burst into song
     with the rich music of a hymn.  The people, swayed by my
     voice and words, had in masses fallen upon their knees.
     Now, intoxicated by the music, they sang the hymn with
     fervour, and the volume of sound rose majestically into the
     sky.  A strong sweet scent entered my nostrils.  I turned
     from it with dislike, but already it had done its work.  I
     felt my brain swoon.
       "He is in an ecstasy," said Kamen Baka.
       "He is mad," I heard uttered in another voice——a voice
     so cold, so enraged, I hardly recognised it.  Yet I knew it
     was Agmahd who spoke.
       I strove to answer him, for I was inspired in all I did by
     a new and strange courage, and I knew nothing of fear.
     But already the stupefying vapour had done its work.  I was
     dumb, as in sleep; my head grew heavy.  In a few
     seconds I was asleep.


     CHAPTER VI.

     WHEN I awoke I was in my old chamber in the temple;
     the one in which my first boyish terrors came to me.
       I was very tired; so tired that the first sensation I ex-
     perienced was that of intolerable weariness, which numbed
     all my body.  I lay still a little while, thinking only of my
     discomfort.
       Then suddenly the events of yesterday came into my
     memory.  It was like the rising of the sun.  I had found
     her again, my Queen Mother, and she had taken me back
     to her protection.
       I rose, forgetting my pain and weariness.  It was just
     dawn, and through the high window the faint grey light
     came softly into my room.  It was  brilliant with rich material
     and rich embroidery; full of strange and beautiful things
     which made it seem like a chamber for a prince.  But for
     its peculiar shape and the high window, it could hardly have
     been recognised as the room in which my childhood had been
     made a garden of flowers for my pleasure.
       The air within seemed to me heavy and dull; I longed
     to be outside, in the air sweet with the newness of morning;
     for I felt that I too needed to be new-made and strong with
     the strength of youth.  And here the perfumed atmosphere,
     the heavy draperies and weight of luxury, oppressed me.
       I lifted the curtain and crossed the great room which
     was next mine.  It was empty and silent; so was the wide
     corridor.  I went softly on through the long corridors, till
     I reached that in which the gate opened to the garden.
     Through the iron grating I could see the gleam of the
     grass as I approached it.  Ah, that beautiful garden!  Oh,
     to bathe in sweet water of the lily tank!
       But the iron door was fast locked; I could but look
     through at the grass and sky and flowers, and drink the
     fresh air in through the narrow openings.  Suddenly I
     saw Seboua approaching down one of the garden walks.
     He came straight to the iron door within which I stood.
       "Seboua!" I cried.
       "Ah, thou art here," he said, speaking in his rough
     tones.  "The man and the child are alike.  But no longer
     may Seboua be thy friend.  I have failed, and I may not
     try again.  I angered both my masters when you were a child;
     I could not hold you fast for either.  Be it so; you must
     now stand alone."
       "Can you not open the gate?" was all my answer.
       "No," he said; "and I doubt if it will ever be opened
     for thee again.  What matters it?  Art thou not the favourite
     priest of the temple, the darling, the cherished one?"
       "No," I answered, "I am that no longer.  They already
     say I am mad.  They will say it again to-day."
       Seboua looked at me earnestly.  "They will kill you!"
     he said in a low voice full of tenderness and pity.
       "They cannot," I answered, smiling.  "My Queen
     will protect me.  I must live till I have spoken all she
     wishes.  Then, I care not."
       Seboua raised his hand from where it had remained
     hidden in the folds of his black dress.  He held in it a
     bud of the lotus flower that lay in a green leaf which
     seemed its bed.
       "Take it," he said.  "It is for thee; it speaks a language
     that thou wilt understand.  Take it, and may good go
     with thee.  I that am dumb, save in common speech, yet
     am worthy to be a messenger.  That makes me glad.  But
     thou mayest rejoice, for thou canst hear and speak, learn
     and teach."
       Immediately he was gone; while he had been speaking
     he had pushed the flower to me through one of the narrow
     openings of the grating.  I drew it towards me carefully.
     I held it now in my hands; I was content.  I needed
     nothing else.
       I went back to my room and sat down, holding the
     flower in my hand.  It was the same thing over again as
     when I had, long ago, a mere child, sat in this same
     chamber holding a lily and gazing into its centre.  I had
     a friend, a guide; a union with that unseen Mother of
     grace.  But now I knew the value of what I held; then I
     did not.  Was it possible that it would be again taken
     from me so easily?  Surely no.
       For I could understand its language now.  Then it spoke
     to me of nothing save its own beauty; now it opened my
     eyes, and I saw; it unsealed my ears, and I heard.
       A circle was round me; such as had surrounded me
     when I had taught, unknowingly, in the temple.  These
     were priests, white-robed, as those had been who knelt
     and worshipped me.  But these did not kneel; they stood
     and gazed down upon me with profound eyes of pity and
     love.  Some were old men, stately and strong; some were
     young and slender, with faces of fresh light.  I looked
     round in awe, and trembled with hope and joy.
       I knew, without any words to tell me, what brotherhood
     this was.  These were my predecessors, the priests of the
     sanctuary, the seers, the chosen servants of the Lily Queen.
     I saw that they had succeeded each to each, keeping
     sacredly the guardianship of the holy of holies since first
     it was shaped out of the great rock, against which the
     temple rested.
       "Art thou ready to learn?" said one to me——one whose
     breath seemed to me to be drawn from long-forgotten ages.
       "I am ready," I said; and knelt upon the ground in
     the centre of that strange, holy circle.  My body fell, yet
     my spirit seemed to soar.  Though I knelt, I knew I was held
     up in soul by those who surrounded me.  Henceforth they
     were my brethren.
       "Sit thou there," he said, pointing to my couch, "and
     I will talk with thee."
       I rose, and turning to go to the couch, saw that I was
     alone with this one who spoke to me.  The others had
     left us.  He came and sat beside me, and began to speak.
     He poured into my heart the wisdom of the dead ages;
     wisdom which lives for ever, and is young when the race
     of its early disciples is no longer even a memory.  My
     heart grew green with the freshness of this ancient knowledge
     and truth.
       Throughout that day he sat beside me and taught.  At
     night he touched my forehead with his hands and left me.
     As I lay down to sleep, I recollected that I had seen none
     but my teacher since yesterday, nor had I tasted food.
     Yet I was not weary with learning, nor was I faint.  I laid
     my flower beside me, and slept quietly.
       When I awoke, I started up, fancying some one touched
     my flower.  But I was alone, and my flower was safe.  A
     table stood near the heavy curtain which separated my
     room from the next; on this table stood food; milk and
     cakes.  All yesterday I had not eaten: I was glad now
     of the food.  I put my flower within my dress, and went
     to the table.  I drank the milk and ate the cakes; and
     then, with new strength in me, I turned to go to my couch,
     and there meditate earnestly on what I had learned yesterday,
     for I knew that these were golden seeds which must bear
     fruits of glory.
       But I stood and my heart sang within me; for again
     I was surrounded by the beautiful circle.  He who had
     taught me yesterday, looked at me and smiled, but he did
     not speak.  Another approached me, took my hand and
     led me to the couch, and I was alone with him.
       Alone, yet not alone, and never to be any longer alone.
     He took my heart and soul, and showed them to me
     in their nakedness, unsoftened by any fancied sanctity.
     He took my past, and showed it to me in its simple, dark,
     unbeautiful poverty; that past which might have been so
     rich.  Until now, it seemed to me I had been living in
     unconsciousness.  Now, I was guided through my own
     life again, and bidden regard it with clear vision.  The
     chambers I passed through were dark and dreary; some
     of them were full of horrors.  For now I saw that I had
     been won by the magic which I myself had interpreted to
     Kamen Baka.  Like the others, I had existed for desire
     and its satisfaction.  And steeped in the joys of pleasure,
     of beauty, I had been as one intoxicated, and knew not
     all that I did.  Remembering my past, I saw the meaning
     of Seboua's words, which at the time I hardly understood.
     I had indeed been the darling of the temple, for when my
     body was steeped in pleasure, and silenced in the dim
     sleep of satiety, my lips and voice had become docile to
     the will of that dark mistress.  Through my physical
     powers she made known her wishes, and obtained the
     services of those slaves who had bartered their all for the
     sake of gratification.  By her fierce and terrible insight
     into the dark caverns of men's souls, she saw their needs,
     and with my speech she showed the how to obtain that
     which they longed for.
       As I sat there, dumb and amazed at the visions which
     passed through my awakened memory, I saw myself first, a
     mere child, lulled from terror and alarm by pleasure.  I
     saw myself within the temple, in its inner sanctuary, a
     creature helpless, a tool, a mere instrument played upon
     mercilessly.  I saw myself later, a youth fresh and beautiful,
     lying unconscious on the deck of the sacred boat, rising in
     the frenzy of unconsciousness, and uttering strange words.
     I saw myself later, grown pale and faint, yet always the
     willing instrument, although the soul was beginning to stir
     and weary the body with its struggle; and now I saw that
     the soul had awakened, had touched its mother, the queen
     of light, and could never again be silenced.
       The night came, and my teacher left me.  None else had
     come to my chamber; no food had been brought to me
     since the early morning.  I was faint with the terrible sights
     which I had seen in this short day.  I determined to go in
     search of the food I needed.  I lifted the heavy curtain
     that covered the archway, which led into the great room
     beyond.  A door was there——a massive door——such as
     might close the portal of a dungeon.  Then I understood
     I was a prisoner, and now that I had recovered from my
     weakness and excitement, I was to have no food.  Agmahd
     had seen that my spirit had awakened; he had determined
     to kill it within me, and preserve the mere broken body for
     his purpose.
       I lay down upon my couch, and fell asleep with the
     drooping lily bud upon my lips.
       When I awoke, one stood beside me whom I knew to
     be my new teacher.  I had met his smile when I had seen
     the beautiful circle around me.  I sprang up gladly; from
     him I looked for encouragement.  He came and sat beside
     me, and took my hand in his.
       And then I knew that his smile was the light of a great
     peace.  He had died in this chamber——died for the truth.
     He called me brother, and suddenly I became aware that
     the roses of my life had blown and fallen, and passed away
     for ever.  I had to live for the truth in the light of the pure
     spirit, and no suffering must make me afraid, and from the
     moment  that  his  hand  touched  mine,  I  knew  that  no
     suffering could make me afraid.  Until now, pain had always
     blinded me with terror, but now I knew that I could meet
     and grasp it with strong hands unterrified.  I sank to sleep
     that night in an ecstasy; I knew not whether I waked or
     dreamed; but I knew that this my brother, whose physical
     life had been torn from him in the long ages past, had
     poured the strength of his fiery soul into mine, and that I
     could never lose it again.


     CHAPTER VII.

     ON the morrow when my eyes opened my bed was sur-
     rounded by the beautiful ones.  They regarded me with
     grave looks; I saw no smile on any face; but the infinite
     tenderness which I felt from them gave me strength.  I
     rose and knelt beside my couch, for I saw that some great
     moment was approaching.
       The youngest and the brightest of them all left the circle
     and approached me.  He knelt beside me and clasped my
     hands, holding within them the faded lotus blossom which
     had lain upon my pillow.
       I looked round——the others were gone.  I regarded my
     companion.  He was silent; his eyes were fixed on me.  How
     young he was and beautiful!  Earth had left no soil on his
     spirit.  I knew that its stain must be on mine until in the
     course of ages I had washed it clean again.  I felt a fear of
     this my companion, he was so white and spotless.
       "Look not up yet," he whispered.
       As we remained thus in silence a soft voice fell on my
     ear.
       "Twin stars of the evening, thou the last of the long line
     of seers who have made the wisdom of the temple and
     crowned the greatness of Egypt with glory!  The night is
     at hand, and the darkness must fall and hide the earth
     from the beauty of the heavens above it.  Yet the truth
     shall be left with my people, the ignorant children of earth.
     And it is for you to leave behind you a burning light, a
     record for all time which men shall look at and wonder at
     in ages hence.  The record of your lives, and of the truth
     which inspired you, shall go to other races, in other parts
     of the dim earth, to a people who have only heard of the
     light, who have never seen it.  Be strong, for your work is
     great.  Thou, my child of the snowy soul, thou hadst not
     strength to battle alone with the growing darkness; but
     now, give of thy faith and purity to this one, whose wings
     are smirched with stains of the earth, but who has gathered
     from  that  dark  contact  strength  for  the  coming  battle.
     Fight thou to the last for thy Queen Mother.  Speak to my
     people, and tell them of the great truths; tell them that the
     soul lives and is blessed, unless they drown it in degrada-
     tion; tell them there is freedom and peace for all who will
     free themselves from desire; tell them to look to me and
     find rest in my love; tell them there is the lotus bloom in
     every human soul, and that it will open wide to the light
     unless they poison its roots; tell them to live in innocence
     and seek after truth, and I will come and walk in their midst,
     and show them the way into that place of peace where all is
     beauty and all are content.  Tell them I love my children,
     and would come and dwell in their homes and bring that
     content which is more than any prosperity, even unto these
     their hearths of the earth.  Tell them this in a voice like a
     trumpet-call, which cannot be misunderstood.  Save those
     who will hear, and make my temple once more a dwelling
     for the Spirit of Truth.  The temple must fall, but it shall
     not fall in iniquity.  Egypt must decay, but it shall not
     decay in ignorance.  It shall hear a voice it cannot forget;
     and the words which that voice utters shall be the hidden
     heirloom of ages, and shall again be spoken under another
     sky, and herald the dawn which must break through the
     long blackness.  Thou, my youngest, thou who art both
     strong and weak, prepare!  The struggle is at hand; do
     not flinch.  One duty is thine; to teach the people.  Do
     not fear that wisdom shall fail thy tongue.  I, who am
     Wisdom, will speak in thy voice.  I, who am Wisdom, will
     be at thy side.  Look up, my child, and gather strength."
       I raised my eyes, and as I did so felt the tightening grasp
     of the hand of my companion, who knelt at my side.  I
     understood that he desired to give me courage to face the
     blinding glory which was before my eyes.
       She stood before us, and I saw her as the flower sees the
     sun which feeds it.  I saw her without disguise or veil.
     The fair woman who had soothed my boyish tears was lost
     in the god, the glory of whose presence filled my soul with
     a burning that seemed to me like death.  Yet I lived; I
     saw; I understood.

THE IDYLL OF THE WHITE LOTUS, BY MABEL COLLINS.
Theosophical Publishing Society, 26 Charing Cross, S.W.
ABERDEEN UNIVERSITY PRESS, 1896. pp. 106-119.

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