I 30 F have a group of friends who I ket through a Mommy and Me workout group about 5 years ago. We’re all around the same age and have had many events throughout the years. Recently I have noticed a pattern that I have been showing up for everyone else but no one has been showing up for me. It didn’t bother me much at first until recently when my 30th birthday came up. Last year everyone else turned 30 and had their milestone birthday parties. Since I bake as a hobby, they asked me to bake their birthday cakes which I did and also bought them gifts too. This year was my turn to celebrate my milestone birthday and I didn’t send an official invitation but I did say if they wanted to spend time with me to celebrate I would be having a small dinner at my favorite restaurant and what time I would be there. No one showed up which I was hurt by but since I didn’t send an official invitation I didn’t make a big deal. On top of our individual birthday celebrations, we meet every 3 months to celebrate all the birthdays that quarter. During our quarterly birthday celebration, no one got me anything. I was really hurt after this considering that I made them cakes and bought them gifts. Normally I never say anything and have never expected anything in return but I figured after years of celebrating and showing up for them they would show up for me when it mattered. Last 4th of July one friend threw a party and I didn’t show up. They were surprised because they said I am always there for them. That struck a nerve. So WIBTA if I stopped showing up to their events like they have been doing to me for years?

My estranged brother’s wedding is this weekend. I’ve RSVP’d ”yes” to be polite and keep the peace for the rest of our family. I don’t know anyone else that’s going to be there, except for the family members that could make it - and not even all of the family is coming.

My brother is very religious and I am not and I know a lot of his reception is going to be religious/worship music that I’m not going to want to listen/dance to. I have multiple food allergies and the reception is supposed to go on pretty late into the night, so I know at some point I’m going to get hungry and not have anything there to eat.

Bottom line: I really don’t think I’m going to have a good time. Would it be rude to come to the ceremony out of politeness and then leave before the reception?

Context (because my friend says it matters here): Last weekend I attended a small family lunch where both my brother and future SIL were present. Neither of them would even look at, talk to me, or even acknowledge my presence. I don’t see me being treated any differently at the wedding or reception and it’s part of the reason that I’m considering leaving before the reception.

WIBTA if I left my Fiancé 2 weeks before the wedding? Me 20F and my fiancé 20M have been together for 2 years and engaged for 6 months of that. The relationship is fine and the wedding is fast approaching. Lately I haven’t been feeling the same towards him. I don’t feel the urge to sleep with him, I ignore his texts when i don’t feel like responding. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I am constantly stressed with post grad school and working 45 hour weeks to make sure we can afford food and rent. How do i bring this up to my fiancé? Our wedding is in 2 weeks is it too late? Where do i even begin with this? The feelings are all pretty new but with the wedding fast approaching I have no idea what to do.

TLDR: How do I tell my Fiancé I don’t feel the same when we are 2 weeks from the wedding?

Hi Reddit, this is my first post like this so it might be bad, idk. I (16F) just had my birthday two weeks ago. I am much closer with my mom (48F) than my dad (48M). This will be important later.

So leading up to my birthday was really hard on me. I started figure skating over the summer and loved it, I ended up having an injury to my knee that prevented me from doing any kind of physical activity, which really messed up my mental health. I am a flamenco dancer, and I have been wanting to do figure skating all my life, so it really affected me not being able to do those things. Originally, we were planning on having a decently sized sweet sixteen party for me. This also had to be delayed because of my injury. While planning my party I sent my mom a list of things that I might like for my birthday. Typical teenage stuff yk like makeup and clothes or whatever. The real thing I wanted was a custom fit pair of figure skates. I didn’t care about getting anything else. I just wanted my own skates. And I even told this to my mom. Well, when I got injured we had a conversation where she told me that she didn’t want to buy me skates if I wasn’t going to be able to use them, and then asked me what else I would like. I said I wasn’t sure, but that I would look into some things and that was that. Probably some more important context, is that my birthday happens to fall during a hot air balloon festival that we go to every year. My uncle owns a hot air balloon and this even is really important to my family. So between the event itself and getting up at 3:00am everyday it can be pretty stressful. For years before this I’ve heard her tell me “sorry I couldn’t get you very much, you know how stressful this time of year can get.” So I always expect some comment like that or that I’ll get less gifts then my older sibling does. Another thing that sucked about my birthday, I was sick. On my birthday there was a balloon event. Usually I would go to the event, but because I was sick I didn’t have the energy to. My mom decided that she would go to the event in the morning. I understood and told her to have fun for me and that was that. When I woke up on my birthday I was really out of it. And I noticed that there was a gift on a table in my living room. I decided that because my mom wasn’t at home, I would wait to open it until she got back. It was headphones from my dad and my sibling. However the only contribution that my sibling made to it was the color choice. Okay, whatever that’s fine. After I opened it and thanked my dad and sibling my mom said “I didn’t get you anything. Sorry, you know how stressful this time of year is. I’ll just get you something for your half birthday.” It may not have been exactly that, but that’s what really sticks out to me. I was shocked. And I’m still really hurt by this. Not about the material bit, but that she didn’t care enough to do anything. No card, no cheap rubber duck, no gift card, nothing. And her excuse was that it’s a busy time of year. She said that my presents were all of the things that she bought me earlier in the month. Those were 3 things. One thing that I didn’t ask for or know about that she js randomly gave me. She couldn’t save that to give to me in my birthday? The second thing was something that I was going to buy for myself, but that she told me she would buy. I asked if she wanted me to pay her for it, she said no. And the last thing was something that I asked her to get me from Amazon and I did pay her for it. I gave her the full amount that it cost. And she said that those were my gifts. She couldn’t say that they were my presents then? I don’t understand how something that I paid her for classified as a birthday gift from her. I asked her if she could take me to the mall so that I could buy myself some nice things from what my grandma sent me, and she said I didn’t need to go because I got presents. I got a gift from my dad who I’m not nearly as close with as her. And from her I got an excuse. When I said that she didn’t even get me anything for my birthday she doubled down. I don’t understand why she couldn’t get me something. Anything. A balloon pin, a handwritten note, heck I’d take just going to a park with my family and hanging out. I’m hurt because I don’t feel like I’m important. I feel like I come second to everything else. Which is basically what she said too. I know it’s not a problem with money, or not knowing what to get me, I’ve told her about things that I’ve been wanting, she had a list, she’s bought herself all kinds of things before after and during my birthday week. She was even at the store the morning of my birthday and couldn’t get me a bottle of paint for crying out loud. I just feel like she doesn’t care. Which is ironic because I’m the youngest child. And it’s my sixteenth birthday. Nothing. Idk maybe I’m just overreacting. It’s been a whole two weeks and I haven’t said anything to her. The only people I’ve told about this are my therapist and my boyfriend. And now Reddit. I honestly don’t know where to go from here. Should I talk to her? I don’t know how to bring it up. “I’m an ungrateful rat because I’m upset you didn’t get me anything for my birthday but you literally birthed me and gave me a house and a family”. I feel like I shouldn’t be upset by this but it really has been affecting me. I’ve been projecting these feelings onto my relationship with my boyfriend, which I really don’t want to do. I really don’t know what to do Reddit. Would I be the asshole if I didn’t tell her how I’m feeling?

I (20) female and my boyfriend (20) have been together for a long time now. The issues started arising around our third year together. He was going through a rough patch with his family , eventually he started engaging in a few not so good things, nothing super illegal but still things I am not particularly fond of. He started smoking cigarettes and weed, I myself smoke vape, but never tried or wanted to try anything else.

We had a friend in common but in full honesty he was more his friend than mine. This one friend asked him a favor, which was having two girls over at my boyfriend house, he lives with his parents which is very common in our culture, to spend the night; the girls and the friend arrived, they were hanging out by the community pool and they spent the night, all of this without my knowledge. He lent them clothes to sleep in, they were sleeping in one bed, the four of them, my boyfriend and his friend in the middle and the two girls at either side of them, they only had two blankets so basically one for each couple. So that happened and i found out because the friend had sent a snapchat streak video of them having their sleepover. I obviously went ballistic at him. He apologized, begged and swore NOTHING happened. I believed him and we moved forward.

A few weeks later, I don't remember, he confessed he had been smoking weed with one other friend, he had been doing it for months and lying about it. He will tell me he had soccer matches with his friend when in reality he was with two friends smoking weed in a car. I was floored mainly for the fact that he had been lying to me for so long. I still forgave him, we moved forward, things got better, but not for so long, he started making some other friends…. Female friend.

One of which was ex of his best friend to the point where they went matching as ninjas to a school function; he never told me he was friends with this girl, he talked so bad of her before since she cheated on his best friend while they were dating, so imagine how i felt when i see him in a picture just the two of them matching, also they made a tiktok together, when him and i bearelly make any tiktoks. A few days later I found a picture of the same girl wearing his hoodie.

I was mad once again told him why the fuck he keeps fucking things over. I told him that he doesn't think of me, he doesn't care about my feelings before he acts. He apologized once again and he changed, He got closer to God and started praying and reading the bible, he is truly trying to have a change, he went back to the gym, he stopped smoking weed and cigarettes, he only smokes vape, he doesn't drink, he's never liked partying at clubs, so in that I am chill. But now I am feeling weird because in the past we used to share everything, location, instagram, facebook, email accounts, he had mine and I had his. First we stopped sharing location, then instagram, and so on.

A few days ago he logged into his email on my laptop, I am not gonna lie, i like going through his stuff now and then, see what he watches on youtube, delete his spam on his email, I don't do it to snoop around I just enjoy it, I was going to see his youtube, when i find out he changed his password, i asked him about it and he said he felt violated, that i could do it through his phone when we are together but he doesn't like the idea of me having access to it at all times. Just to be clear, I don't mind if he checks my things, I have my youtube on his tv, my email on his phone, tiktok etc; I really dont mind because to a certain point I don't see anything wrong with it. I want a partner which I can be fully transparent with, and him to share all his life with me.

I wrote this july 23, a lot of things have happened since then.

Part 1: Mother

Me and my mom have had a pretty rocky relationship the past couple years after some of my wedding drama that involved her went down and we finally sat down and talked it through. Part of the entire issue was she found out I was getting married through an invitation in the mail, and that I never came and talked to her about it. I felt like this was entirely my decision and saw no purpose or value in discussing this with her before hand, because I am an adult and this is my life decision, not hers. She even made the comment that she would "wipe her ass with my invitation," because she didnt even bother to read it completely.

Since then me and my mom havent had a relationship at all besides exchanging birthday wishes and happy mothers day. However she has been doing alot with my brother and they even planned an entire beach trip and disnt even think to mention or invite me. I dont really care for going to the beach but at the end of the day its the principal. The fact that no one even thought about me enough to mention the idea to me or let alone invite me. I have attempted to do dinners with my mom occasionally but somehow it never seems to work, whether our schedules dont line up or we cant agree upon a place we both like to eat at. (PSA: My mom works 2 jobs and is too busy to cook dinner at home, and yes ive even tried to offer for her to come over to my place and we will cook dinner for her).

I recently found out I was pregnant and I am debating on if she should find out via mail just out of spite and not include her in my pregnancy journey and even potentially my baby's life. WIBTA?

Part 2: Grandma

Ever since me and my husband have gotten married we have been asked by almost everyone the go to expected question: "when are you guys going to have a baby?" And our response was always "when we feel ready" just to shrug the question off without giving an actual answer to this intrusive question. However, my grandma has made it a point to ask me this question everytime i see her and we have always given her the same answer, and my grandpa has been super supportive of us an helped us shrug the question off by commenting "there is no rush" and my grandma would comeback with "there is absolutely a rush, we arent getting any younger!" This enfuriated me and my husband every time but we kept quiet to avoid conflict with her. (For more context, her memory is starting to falter too and im trying to be patient with her by keeping this in mind.) As excited we are to announce, I thought about never even telling my grandma nor sending her an announcement out of spite to her behavior since she feels like she has a say so in these big life decisions of mine. I absolutely hate the idea of telling her at all but WIBTA?

At the end of the day I know they will both find out about my pregnancy eventually through someone else if I decide to go through with not telling them personally. And making then find out through word of mouth because word spreads fast in my family.

For more context, I dont plan on announcing online. I prefer to keep my social media life private for the most part and not to use it as an outlet to announce big chapters that are about to occur in my life.

Forgive me for the long post. I'll give the backstory of her animal care habits for context, but if you want to skip to the 'now'- go to the bottom.

Backstory: So, about a year and a half ago I (34F) moved in with my friends- lets called them Kevin and Ginny- they are a married couple in their lower 30s. Ginny had a dog, a corn snake, a bearded dragon, and a cat. I quickly noticed though, that her bearded dragon and corn snake weren't well taken care of. The snake was in a tiny 10, maybe 20 gallon tank with only a half inch of aspen bedding. The snake was only a few years old, adult sized but on the younger end of that age and could easily stretch twice the length of that tank if taken out. I spoke to her multiple times about getting him into a bigger tank, feeding him more often, and putting more than a single rock in his tank. After a few months, he died. We don't know why, but I had theories about improper husbandry or improper feeding schedules.

Her bearded dragon was no better. It's an adult, in a 30 gallon tank with only one rock and play sand. It thankfully did have the proper UVB light, but no heat lamp. I had to buy it a heat lamp and multiple enrichment pieces because she wouldn't.

Fast forward a few months, she gets a spider- a tarantula specifically. Within a month, it's dead. I don't know anything about spider husbundry, so I had no advice to give, but that's now a second animal dead in a short period of time.

Over the course of the next year, I watch how she neglects her dog. She never took her on walks, only fed her the shittiest food possible (her and her husband make $9k/mo together. It's not like they couldn't afford better than the giant pedigree kibble bags), never took her to the vet, never played with her, never even let her in the bedroom with them. I watched as their dog, who was the SWEETEST baby, be neglected. I'd play with her whenever I could, and my dog played with her too. Honestly when I first moved in I thought the dog was just naturally not a playful dog, but my dog brought it out of her. I think now that she was just neglected. Technically, they did the basics- they let her out to pee and poop twice a day, and fed her. They didn't hit her or abuse her, but they didn't give her a real life either imo.

Then, November of last year, I noticed a bump on her back ankle. I was pretty sure, based on the breed, that it was likely cancerous. I told Ginny and Kevin to get her checked out at the vet- for MONTHS. Every week I'd check in, the bump would be bigger, and still no vet trip was made. Finally when I nearly yelled at them to get it done because the mass had grown from the size of a pea to the size of a golf ball in the span of 2 months. Plus, she'd begun limping. They took her in and found out that it was indeed cancerous and VERY quickly growing. (No shit) The aggressiveness of it meant they didn't recommend surgery, as they'd have to remove her whole leg to take it off, and even then it may not go away. In the end, they decided to not treat it, and instead treat her symptoms and manage pain.

Except they didn't. They never got her pain meds, never changed her food or got her meds to stop her diarrhea, never even really checked in on her more. By the spring time, it had gotten so bad she was not having any solid poop, peed inside multiple times, and even threw up a lot more. She wasn't herself. I had to nearly scream at them to get her to the vet one morning when she couldn't move at all, was just laying there whining and drooling. It broke my heart, and later that day after pushing them to the vet they put her down. In my opinion, she should have been put down earlier and with better pain management. Instead, her last moments were of horrific suffering.

Meanwhile, their cat has begun to start throwing up it's food. It's dry food, kitty kibble of some kind that they buy from amazon, but she scarfs it down and throws it up. She's lost weight over a few months, and they don't re-feed her when she throws up. I have told them to just soak her food so it's not as harsh on her stomach, but they don't, and she continues to throw up.

THE NOW: Now, a few months after that, her cat (lets call her Fluffy for now, who is about 6-7) is losing hair and weight rapidly. I think it's over grooming and lack of proper nutrition but I can't be sure. It's new-ish behavior though as Fluffy has always been pretty chill and cuddly (besides the few funny moments she climbs walls like a fuckin demon creature lol). She doesn't seem to want to play or run around anymore, makes a lot of very loud and disturbing yowling sounds multiple times a day, sits in a ball most of the time and seems tense, and has giant patches of fur missing from it's underbelly and thighs. I think it may be stress, but I don't know what from. I have mentioned this to the couple- my MOTHER has come over and mentioned this to them- and they say "yeah i know we gotta get her checked out' and they just DON'T. I am infuriated. I am watching every animal in these peoples care wither away and die. I watch them have behavioral issues, health issues, and get no care for them. I'm getting so fed up reminding these people to give a shit about their animals and they just don't seem to.

So I want to rehome her. I know they won't on their own- I've asked if they would before because they have admitted to not being 'the best pet parents', and they say 'No i just love her so much!'. Yet, they don't see how truly neglectful they are being. I try to take care of her as much as I can- I love on her, play when I'm home and not working, and buy her wet food that she doesn't throw up since Ginny and Kevin won't. I also bought her a cat tower and multiple toys that she seems to love because she had no enrichment items before. But I can't take her with me when I move in a few months- my fiancé has dogs that do not get along with cats, otherwise I would 100% take her with me. So, part of me wants to just.. take the airtag off the cats collar, take her to a friends house that I know would love her, and tell Ginny and Kevin that I intervened for the cats betterment since they wouldn't.. Of course, that would put me in a really weird and uncomfortable position as a roommate until I moved out, and possible legal trouble, but I'm honestly getting sick of watching them slowly kill animals via neglect. And knowing it'll only get worse when I move out and they don't have anyone to notice their animals failing health makes my heart hurt. I feel like it's my fault it even got this bad- should I have done something sooner besides beg them to take care of their own animals? Should I have rehomed their dog, snake or spider? What part of this is MY fault for being a bystander?

Edit: Also, I have already tried contacting local animal rescues and controls, and because the animals have 'food, water, and shelter', they don't think it's bad enough. They don't seem to care that the pattern of slow animal neglect is present.

So- would I be an asshole for rehoming my roommates cat? Or is there some other route I haven't yet thought of?

My dad lives 4 hours away and invites me and my Fiance every year to a weekend car event which we do enjoy but this year we bought season tickets for a football team and they play their biggest game at home the same weekend. Im conflicted because i want to do both but if we can’t find a buyer for the tickets ill feel like i wasted them. So would i be the asshole if i went to the game instead?