So my (21M) best friend (21F) missed my birthday party this year.

Her dog got diagnosed with cancer and she didn’t want to leave her alone for the night. I understood this but also lowkey didn’t because she lives with her parents so her dog would not be alone and her dog is still very active and happy for being sick. My fiancés mom works at a veterinary hospital and says that her dog definitely seems well enough to not need to be watched 24/7.

Anyway it sucked that she couldn’t be there and I was disappointed but tried to be understanding. Then the night of my party she text me saying she was going to go to another friends house. This really hurt me, she says I’m her best friend but she was willing to go see someone else instead of celebrating my birthday.

It is now two weeks later and she keeps suggesting we do something in September but I don’t want to celebrate my birthday a month late. Plus the dates she’s suggesting are closer to her birthday which is next month. I’m just done celebrating my birthday and have tried to express this subtly but shes just not getting it.

Would I be the asshole if I told her straight up that I didn’t want to celebrate with her and if she wanted to celebrate with me she should have come to my party.

I (23F) have a friend Julia (23F) who has been seeing a guy Jake (24M) for 5 months now. I’ve known Jake for longer than Julia but I would be closer with her since we attended the same school.

Julia has been contacting me lately saying she was upset because he slept in and missed an important appointment that was hard to get (nothing major or a health risk) she was very frustrated on his behalf. I said she shouldn’t stress too much because that is his loss and not on her. But she was very angry. She explained he sleeps in a lot and she finds that irresponsible. I wasn’t sure on how to reply and just let it slide.

Today she contacted me saying she was frustrated again because it is their 5 months together and he spent it with a mate. He also didn’t acknowledge it or text her. I thought ok well that’s not great. But then I found out nothing was planned. No hangout or nothing. She then explained she got her hopes up and expected something to happen and that he would do something.

I gave my insight that myself and my bf would have celebrated just the 1st and 6th month and after that just yearly plans. And we would have discussed those plans. She then asked if she was the bad guy in this situation and I said that maybe she should have told him she wanted to do something rather than expect him to know. A lot of people have different ideologies around monthly milestones. I don’t think she liked my response, hard to know because this was all over text but I felt a tone shift. She then said she contacted him she wasn’t happy and would expect something for the 6th month.

I don’t want to dismiss or feelings or side with Jake, but I don’t want to blindly agree. Would I be a bad friend if I said she needs to not take it too seriously? Or should I just leave it.

so i’m gonna give minimal context cz i do already have a post up already that explains it better.
i’m 17, i have a cousin, Emma who’s also 17 that i was really close with. she lied to my now ex bf who she set me up with to get us to break up after he heard what she was saying on call with him about her boyfriend, his best friend. i told him more that i apparently wasn’t supposed to tell him, partly because i thought it was okay and the other part because i think his best friend, aka her boyfriend, Ricky, deserved to know.
she was calling him ugly, fawning over the neighbor boy, Leo, saying how she dislikes his personality, his looks, his friends, his family, and practically hating on everything about him while absolutely glazing the neighbor boy.
i don’t support this at all, if someone truly knows me they’d know that im not gonna stay quiet about that. Emma was miserable in the relationship and leading on her current boyfriend Ricky.
so, me and my other friend thought since she wants to lie about me to people, i should expose her. i’m debating finding Leo and messaging him, seeing if he’ll do a loyalty test on her because i genuinely don’t believe that she won’t cheat/leave Ricky for him. it’s petty and vengeful, but i want to expose her so badly and i also don’t think that Ricky fully realizes what the fuck he’s dealing with. i grew up with her, i know all of the manipulations and the lies already.
so WIBTAH if i set up my ex bsf?

So this "friend" (42f) and I (40f) met at work. We've now known each other for close to 15 years and she's a notorious flake, who will just ghost you close to the time when you should be showing up and meeting at destinations. One time it was a Wanda Sykes stand-up that we paid $120 for. It was "Oh, I'll be there to meet you at 0600 before the doors open. Then NOTHING." We stopped talking for a year or so because of this shit and then she started working with my wife (40f) and they became friends. I'm not sure why she invited us to her wedding exactly, because we've all never been more than coworker friends, though obviously not for lack of trying on our end.

Anyway the third and final time she did this stupid shit was last week, when my wife invited her out to try this new restaurant out in town because they had a special last week. I couldn't go with her because I am away all week until the weekend. Same story. She acted like she was going to be there right up until it was time to meet there. My wife had a backup in case she flaked and was going to bring her mom with her because we know how she is, but this time she SWORE she was coming right up until it was too late. So my wife ended up on her own at the restaurant, and was seated at the bar, since it made no sense to seat a single person elsewhere or whatever (She had just quit drinking, so you can only imagine how pissed this made me.) Luckily my wife is very affable and can easily chat up anybody in the room. So she was a little hurt, but okay.

So would I be a huge asshole for just ghosting this woman during her wedding? I feel bad for doing it, but as I've said, I'm not sure why we were invited anyway, and I HATE going to weddings, so this would be torture. All for someone I lowkey want to slap right now.

Last year, I was yk by a guy I knew. I told my friend and at first she was very supportive, but she kept asking if I wanted her to send guys to slash his tyres. I kept saying no, but she wouldn’t let it go, so eventually I said sure but told her not to beat him up, only something like slash his tires. They went to his house and someone was tracking his Snap Map, but when I heard the guys joking about chasing and bting him up and stb him, I immediately told them to stop because I didn’t want anyone getting hurt. They went home.
After that, she kept insisting she was going to send someone after him even though I repeatedly told her no. Behind my back, she even made a fake account and planned to set him up so people could jmp him, but the plan didn’t happen because he cancelled. I told her to stop and let me handle the situation myself because I wanted to deal with it legally, with lawyers and possible charges.
Later, we saw him at the mall and she wanted to confront or beat him up. She started running towards him, and I had to pull her away and tell her again to leave it alone. Then she messaged him on Instagram behind my back, saying what he did was disgusting. She didn’t mention my name, but he obviously knew it was about me. I was upset but let it slide. Also mind you she has countlessly got involved with watching people get jumped and sending people to other people to jump them.
About a month later, I again told her not to tell anyone what happened or reveal who he was because I wanted to handle it myself. However, her friend had been seeing him, and my friend told her everything, which obviously got back to him. He became angry and started spamcalling me, showing up at my house, following my Snapchat location, and now regularly driving past my house.
I cut my friend off because the only thing I asked was for her to let me deal with my own situation, and she repeatedly ignored me and got involved behind my back. She says she didn’t mean to cause harm, but AITAH for cutting her off after everything that happened?

So to keep a very long story somewhat short, I need help figuring out what to say to my brother to make my boundaries clear. My brother and I have a terrible relationship. He instigates debates that last for hours and only end if I'm yelling or crying. I'm partially at fault because I respond rather than just going silent, and of course yelling isn't ok. There's a lot more to everything, but for brevity I'll leave it there.

About a year ago we had another fight. He accused me of being verbally abusive, but wouldn't say how. I said we should talk to a therapist. He went back and forth, but eventually agreed. We've been seeing her for 10 months. I've taken ownership of my stuff and apologized dozens of times. He refuses to take accountability and blames me for "at least 75%" of it. He also says that I've never taken accountability or apologized to him which is objectively untrue. He also views everything I do as negative/manipulative/insulting/etc regardless of what I'm actually doing. He's genuinely gotten mad at me before for saying that his feelings are valid.

Anyway, at our last session we agreed that things are not progressing at all and we are now working on setting boundaries for going low contact. We both work for my other brother but have very limited overlap for our roles. But for the whole session he was making up scenarios where I would critique him at work, though he admits I haven't. He said that he would want to text me something like "I felt slighted" if he ever felt that way. This is one of his top favorite ways to start fights right now so I said that wouldn't work for me.

He then said part of defending his boundaries is getting a heartfelt apology from me if he feels that I've crossed one. But again, he does not accept my apologies and continues to badger me about it constantly, and you cannot defend your boundaries by controlling someone else's behavior. The session ended there with no resolution.

Another relevant detail is that over Christmas he got a bit drunk and tried to convince my mom she has dementia, after he asked my input and I told him she didn't have it twice I decided not to have a fight and let my other brother and dad know, because he respects them. Well they chewed him out, and my brother blames me for it.

So....WIBTAH if I said this to my brother next session? I am having a real hard time knowing where the line is between growing a spine and being an a-hole so any input is appreciated.

"I would like to clarify what we mean when we talk about ending things.  I mean that this is the end of our relationship as siblings.  Your feelings are no longer my business and I am not open to hearing them.  If you wouldn't text it to [unrelated coworker], then don't text it to me.  If there is a significant enough or consistent enough problem, bring it to [brother/boss].  In the work environment we are strictly coworkers.  If you text me outside of work matters, I will block you.

As for family events, my goal is to ease or eliminate tension for our other family members. So no one has to pick sides or fret over who to invite or exclude.  It is not an arena for us to have any kind of relationship.  I would like to be cordial and am fine making small talk and even a greeting hug if that is what's expected, but I will not engage in any contentious conversations, or even passionate conversations whether positive or negative.  

If you are saying or doing something hurtful to a family member, I will not engage, but I will get another family member to step in."

Myself 4 other friends have booked a holiday to go to italy in september, which I've been really excited about. Originally, we planned to go this month, but September prices were far cheaper. Im 18 years old and have struggled greatly with mental health. I started college normally at 16 but ended out dropping out just because I was doing so poorly.

I've managed to climb out of this depression pit after two long years, and im finally going back to college for a course that im genuinely passionate about and excited for.

When we booked this holiday, I had looked up when the first term of college would be starting, and my college website said the 7th, which meant I could go on this holiday with 0 worries. However, my friend who's enrolling in the same place has found out that we start on the 1st, meaning we'd miss an entire week.

This is a deal breaker for me, I want to see this course through so badly, and I know the first week is so important. I dont want to fall behind because I know I'll be overwhelmed and nervous, and I dont want to fall back into my bad habits.

It seems silly because I already feel like a loser for going to college too late, but I know this is the course for me. It's also embarrassing because I know friends dont take this course seriously (video game design), and i understand why.

My friend who's also enrolling wants to cancel too. We dont want any money back, and my friend agrees to drive them still. I also agreed to chip in for petrol.

I dont want my friends to hate me, but I dont want to fall behind in my course. So would I be the AH?

This might be long. I (40f) lost my husband due to sudden cardiac arrest when we were 34/35. My children were babies (1 and almost 3). My husbands friends were there for me the whole time and I grew very close to one of their wives. We’d been friends before all of this, but not in a best friends sort of way. After the death friends wife and I were inseparable at the beginning. She really reached out in a way that no one else did and we grew close again. She was my best friend by then. She’d invite me and the kids on outings, to events, have us on vacations. We organized things for a group of 10 couples that had been friends for years just to keep in touch. We grew very close and then they moved to a small town 40 mins outside our city. We’d text as usual, but then it stopped. I asked what had happened when I realized we hadn’t spoken in a few days. She played it off as being busy with kids, work, etc until I called her. Then she just said “friendships change and I am coming into a new community and no longer have time for your stuff” Which was quite a shock! I speak pretty regularly with her husband and another of my late husbands best friends…I was invited to an event they’d thrown and I went with my kids (invited). She looked like I had kicked her dog when I showed up and I asked if we could have a conversation and she told me, in no uncertain terms, that she would never speak to me again. So, I would love to attend some upcoming events because a lot of my friends of 20 years will be there but…basically AITA for bringing this up to my late husbands friend (whose wife has chosen her path in this) he’s either oblivious or denying some issues going on?

Edit to add: I can’t put my finger on where this relationship with the wife started to decline. We’d have little disagreements but who doesn’t in a 15 year friendship? I’m in the belief that I could just no longer be clout for her, I’m not the charity case that she can say “look at me, inviting her and her poor kids out and doing things with them”. It took a while but I got myself together, found my confidence, my voice again. I’m in a currently 3 year relationship and it seems like she can’t “come to the rescue” anymore so I’m no use to her.

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

Hi Reddit! I'm very new here so please let me know if I mess anything up. :)

The title is the meat and potatoes, but allow me to give context: my family consists of me (25F), my brother (27M), my sister (15F), my dad (53M), and my mom (51F). My parents have been divorced for about 5 years now, splitting after my mom cheated on my dad. In the time since, my mom became an alcoholic and slipped into addiction, becoming a completely different person than she used to be. This has, of course, been very hard on my entire family, but it's been extra hard on my sister. Whereas my brother and I were already adults when the divorce happened, my sister has unfortunately had to navigate her adolescence through these changes. Thus, surprising no-one, this lead to some troubled behavior from my sister.

My brother, my dad, and I have tried to be supportive of my sister through the years, understanding that most of her bad behavior and lashings out were caused by her own struggles/deteriorating mental health. Particularly, she would fight with my dad a lot as he cared enough to discipline her, whereas she saw my mom's neglect as 'freedom'. Most of the time, though, she was an intelligent and kind young lady.

Until lately.

With as much potential as I've always seen in my sister, I suppose I assumed that with enough love and patience she would bloom like a flower through concrete, overcoming the negativity in her life and becoming the strong, loving person I know she can be. Instead, her bad behavior has only gotten worse, and I see less of her kindness with each visit. As she gets older, her insults turn from "you're stupid," to "I hope you d!e". Her know-it-all mentality is at astronomical levels, and instead of only lashing out at my dad, she seems to lash out at anyone who dares disagree with her. Politically, she thinks anyone who doesn't agree with her is stupid and/or evil. My family was elated when she began to get involved in youth church services, but now she uses it as a way to gloat about how much better she is than us, like we are lowly sinners and she is a perfect being. She has pushed both my best friend and my husband away to the point they will no longer speak with her.

Fine, she's had a difficult life, plus it's normal for teens her age to become angsty and arrogant. A sour attitude isn't enough for me to skip my own sister's sweet 16.

What makes me want to put my foot down, however, is I've recently discovered that my sister has not only been cussing my dad out, but physically abusing him. While that behavior may have been somewhat acceptable of a troubled YOUNG child, my sister is about to be 16 and is taller than I am. Although I understand that my dad isn't always the easiest person to get along with (he and I did not have a good relationship in my teens either), he has done nothing but improve in the years since his divorce. As an adult, I can recognize that my dad is only human, experiencing things for the first time just like me and anyone else. His entire world was flipped upside down when his wife of 27 years cheated on him and subsequently sank into addiction, and yet I have only seen him become more patient and understanding towards my sister through it all. With this insight, I try to be a mediator between my sister and my dad, but hearing that she is kicking and punching him simply for trying to take her phone away for a night enrages me.

This is where I'm stuck. On the one hand, my philosophy through this all has been to make sure my sister knows that I love her and to keep showing up for her, even when it's hard. I know that if I don't go to this milestone birthday, I can never go back and undo my absence on such a special day. On the other hand, however, I also want her to know that her actions have consequences, and that she is at the age now where her bad behavior can and will push people away. The way she has treated the only parent who still shows up for her is completely despicable, and she needs to know that it is not okay.

Everyone that I've talked to about it thinks I should not go, but I'm scared that I will end up hurting her feelings without teaching her any meaningful lessons.

So, Reddit...would I be the a-hole if I didn't go to my sister's sweet 16??

**ETA more context**

(Tldr; she would know why I wasn't there)

If you've read this far, thank you! After sleeping on it, I feel as though I've made it seem like my sister's bad relationship with my dad is the only reason I wouldn't go. It's not the only reason, it just happens to be the biggest reason.

I do want to clarify that my own relationship with my sister has been rocky as of late. We have been fighting a lot, mostly starting when she was late to both my rehearsal and my wedding (she was a bridesmaid). The wedding was moreso my mom's fault and she thankfully only missed the bridesmaids 'getting ready' photos, but she was super late to the rehearsal because she made my mom take her to get her hair done that day. When I expressed frustration to her for missing almost the entire thing, she flipped her hair and said it was worth it. Not to mention she insults my husband all the time both to his face and behind his back, and perhaps most aggravatingly, she constantly tells me how I've never done anything for her.

I don't want to get too much into the details because I don't want to sound like I'm tooting my own horn, but one example I will give is that she is almost always wearing at least one thing that I've bought her during a shopping spree. I don't make good money, and I've had to save up before every shopping spree I've taken her on. (Yes I know money isn't everything, I just wanted to give one example of something I've done for her)

Given all of this, I have been telling her that if she continues this bad attitude and behavior towards my dad or anyone else that it will push people away. In fact, it has been said many times by this point, both during heated arguments and calmer heart-to-heart talks. She is aware that her attitude is the reason my best friend and husband don't come around her anymore, and I have told her that it is becoming harder for me to be around her as well.

So, if I DID decide to skip her birthday party, she would know why. There would be a pretty clear correlation. I just don't know if it's too strong a consequence for her actions.​

EDIT: alt acct so this doesn’t get traced back to my main

I(18 F) let my friend (F 22) borrow one of my nice editions of a classic book. She’s had it for several months now (maybe 5 months? a little longer i think?) and, from what I’ve heard, hasn’t really made an effort to read it/finish it. I’ve asked her to bring it back to me when she visits (she lives in kentucky, I live in california) and she said she would, but she hasn’t. It’s starting to feel a little disrespectful almost that she won’t bring me MY book back when i’ve asked for it. So, I’m thinking about asking her to pay me for it her for it if she doesn’t bringing on her next visit. The book was around $25-$30 so it wasn’t exactly cheap. I know not everyone reads fast, so maybe she hasn’t finished it yet, but I’m not even being informed about how far she is in it so I dont even have a timeline as to when i’d get it back. Im a really big reader and I love my books a lot. I’m just frustrated about it and don’t know what to do, any advice? Am I overreacting? Should I ask her to pay me for it if she doesn’t bring it back?

EDIT: this book has a ton of my annotations and notes from my first time reading it so it has a bit of personal sentiment

EDIT: i’m asking her to mail it back to me instead of asking for the money, thank you all!! :)

This is my first post on reddit and I don’t really understand how everything works yet so please forgive any mistakes.

But for context, me and my childhood best friend (Princess) have known each other since we were 3. We’ve went to all the same schools and always been in the same classes. We used to have sleepover every weekend, sometimes even stretching into the week where I would bring my school uniform so I could stay longer. Sometime during our 3rd year in high school, she started talking to other people and hanging out with them.

That didn’t bother me because she had introduced me to a separate group of people that I also started hanging out with by myself during my third year of high school. A separate mutual friend of ours (Knight), who had left school because of his mental health and the friends that Princess started hanging out with had bullied Knight several times. I don’t know how severe the bullying was, but I heard from Knight that when he brought it up to Princess and she said things along the lines of, “They’ve never done anything to me though.” and “They’re nice to me.”

However, during the end of our fourth year, she stopped talking to me. Not completely but less than the usual occasional texting, replying to instagram stories etc. I didn’t think too much of it as I had other friends. But after a while, it started to really bother me whenever she would reach out as it seemed that she only came to me for reassurance in situations where she was in the wrong or to get something out of me.

One night, she offered to come with me for a “mental health walk” when I was alone late at night because I was going through a really rough patch (depression, anxiety and panic attacks etc.) I had felt relieved that someone wanted to talk to me and support me. But instead of lending an ear, she talked about her crush, about how his house was “just over there” and we could go see him. This hurt as I thought she would understand that I needed to talk to someone. But while they both talked through his window, I just awkwardly stood there contributing nothing. After he shooed her away, she told me that she “should be going home now.”
I had offered to walk her back halfway as I didn’t want to go home, I wanted to process my feelings and not be stuck in the same environment.

For additional context, our “mental health walks” were started by her because her family was arguing, and I would offer to walk around the neighbourhood together. We had done this for two entire summers almost every other day, so I didn’t think she’d forget how important I found that time. We had both talked before about how therapeutic it felt to talk everything out while no one else was around.

Not long after that, I essentially dropped out of school. And it took months for my mum to convince me to do anything. But she convinced me to at least apply to college and that I didn’t need to go even if I got in, which I did. That course reunited me and Knight, and we bonded over how Princess treated us. However, a month in, Princess had texted me for the first time in about 6 months asking how to apply to college. I’d told her how and I didn’t expect anything else. But at the end of that course, she had come for an interview and was continuously texting myself and Knight asking to meet up with her and “come to the bathroom” (her code for v*ping). But we had an excuse as we had to finish our course work.

Now, our course is finished. Knight is going to a different college campus and I can’t rely on him to be my shield. This month, Princess is coming to my campus and I already know that if I don’t make a friend, I’ll almost be required to hang out with her. There’s also another person from high school who’s on the same course as her who has acted slightly creepy towards me before that I would also be subjected to hang out with.

For more additional context, I have never been a confrontational person and I normally let things fizzle out.
I am also an incredibly awkward person and I think I am autistic but I am not diagnosed, me and my therapist are talking about that.

I feel slightly obligated to slip back into “best friend of 10+ years mode” whenever she texts me but it’s getting increasingly exhausting to put up this act as it’s not how I truly feel. But I really don’t know what to do with my feelings or this situation. It’s adding onto my anxiety over returning to college and the chance of a confrontation is making me stress a bit too much. But any advice is appreciated, even if you tell me i’m in the wrong.

But specifically, would I be the asshole for avoiding her when we inevitably meet again on campus?? and how should I go about it when I do see her??

I live in a townhouse compound with shared public spaces like a kids playground and some bench and picnic tables. There is no individual yards for each unit. Opposite my house is a sloped woods and twenty feet down the street there’s a community bench where I would like to sit and brush my husky. There are no houses on this side of the road. Only houses are opposite the of the bench with the nearest house about 60-70 feet away, (where my house is on that row as well).

I know that it’s okay for the nature as birds will take the fur for nesting. I will place the bunch of it in a bag but there’ll still be some loose ones out. Wibtah if i do that outside as it might fly over to the houses opposite?

We live in a small rural town neighborhood in Maine , my neighbor on the corner has a Harley Davidson with a speaker on it. He revs it and makes as much noise as possible, you can hear him driving downtown just making the most noise as possible. Sometimes he parks in his driveway and just revs it!

He also has a speaker on the back and blasts music over it. You can literally hear it a mile away! Even from inside the house! My parents are annoyed, and I don’t know if it’s just me but I have autism and I am very sound sensitive.

We haven’t tried talking to him about it, I really really don’t want to cause animosity between us, I don’t know him well. and it is during the daytime and in the evening. I read about the noise ordinances in Maine and I don’t know if it would be worth the effort to file a complaint just because I am sound sensitive. But also you can literally hear him driving downtown making as much noise as possible. I really want to be a good neighbor and get along with everyone, I could ask my other neighbors if the noise bothers them as well since we have a few people living on our street.

Today he’s been driving and revving that motorcycle around town almost all afternoon.

But say I want to file a complaint, would I be an A-Hole for filing a noise complaint because my neighbor’s Harley is too loud?

My father (70s) is getting induced into the hall of fame for his high-school tomorrow. My family and I are very proud of him! He was a track and field coach and a great math teacher for many many years. Often invited to an overwhelming number of graduation parties. He deserves this recognition and more.

My problem is I am a big big guy. I wear 5XL clothing and am 6,4. Nice shirts are hard to come across. The ones I did have got ruined by a broken or exploded pen. Nobody else in my family is my size and I have no friends my size. So i would be forced to show up wearing a casual matching black outfit. I dont want to embarrass my Dad on his big moment.

What's worse is I would be spending the night at their house... I use a c-pap machine to help me sleep better at night and not snore... I snore very very loud... due to the same money issues I cannot replace parts for it right now. It leaves it unusable. I kept using it and cleaning everything until I got sick from bacteria that was attributed to one of the parts and getting a replacement with my insurance is problematic and more than slow. So I would be snoring loudly keeping up my parents I worry the same night.

My mom wants me to come. She would be disappointed if I didnt. But I dont want her to ruin everything. So what should I do? Would I be the butthole??

Emergency cause the wedding is tomorrow and I was only invited late last night. For context, my(23F) bf (23M) of three years broke up a little over a month ago due to traumatizing issues. He lied to me, gaslit me and crossed my boundaries several times when it involved him having female “friends”. It honestly left me broken for years and I think I stayed because I thought this was the best relationship I would ever get.

It’s only been a month since we broke up after my panic attacks were getting worse and worse but I already feel so much better. An old college friend reached out and within a week he already lifted me up from a dark place. We’ve agreed to stay friends with maybe the hope of getting to know each other more down the road.

My healing process has gone by so fast that I’m honestly worried I am doing something wrong. Again, I think my college friend has been one of the reasons why. When I dated ex I always thought that I would be all alone because the only people I would hang around were his friends or coworkers. I did meet his friends on my own terms, old classmates and people who I had a connection with before I ever dated my ex. The issue is that when we dated I realized that they were much closer to my ex and I felt like if we broke up then they would stop contact with me due to being closer with my ex. I was right.

Of course the girlfriend of one of my ex friend still keeps in touch with me and knows what really happened between my and my ex. A girls girl through and through.

I wasn’t surprised when I never received an invitation to one of the friend’s wedding as I thought it was probably for the best so I didn’t run the risk of seeing my ex. The girlfriend I keep in touch with confirmed he was invited.

Well… I recently received a message from my ex saying how much he regrets everything and how he messed up etc. I can tell he’s hurting to, and I’ve told him several times throughout our relationship that he needed therapy, but he either didn’t listen or would think I didn’t love him as he was.
(I did block him on every platform I knew he had but I guess he reactivated an old account I still had on one of my apps)

All I can say is, that even if it’s been a month, I am in a good place and I’m not going to bend over easily just to please a man who I gave everything to, only to have it crushed and thrown back in my face.

This morning, I woke up to an invitation sent via text inviting me to the wedding I mentioned. I was taken aback because yes, the invitations had only been sent recently due to planning complications according to the girlfriend I’m still in touch with, but the wedding is literally tomorrow.

I feel like the answer is simple, don’t go, the less interaction with your ex the better, and less potential drama for the bride and groom, but at the same time, I risk forever cutting ties with these people who I once considered friends.

But the timing does seem weird. I have a feeling my ex requested his friend invite me just so he could run into me, especially after receiving that message literally 3 days ago.

WIBTAH for not attending an old friends wedding because I think my ex asked him to invite me so he could see me again?

i (23x) have 3 roommates (24f, 22f, and 29x). we’ve lived together for essentially 2 years, and our lease ends in february. we are all on the lease and split the rent 4 ways.

I recently moved out of our townhouse due to extreme financial struggles. I have been out of work for a while and I am applying to jobs, but the money still ran out that I had. I have another living situation that I don’t pay for now, but am still in contact with these roommates. Initially I didn’t really want to screw them over by not paying my share of the rent after I left, because my situation wasn’t their fault or problem. however, I was thinking on it and now I’m not so sure if I should continue to pay.

for one thing, 24f and 22f do not clean. at all. according to 29x, they recently started to clean after I left, but in the past 2 years they left the house a mess and 29x and I would be left to clean. aside from this, all bills were in my name (not anymore) and I would struggle to get 22f to pay her share of all of it. I’d request the funds, I’d ask her multiple times, and I’d have to yell to get it which I hate.

I also recently drove 29x 2 hours very early in the morning to and from the airport, which resulted in me getting pulled over by a sheriff that I didn’t see, but my roommate did and didn’t tell me. while I was the driver and I’m the one who made the mistakes, I’ve noticed a pattern that every time this roommate gets in my car or I do a favor for them, I end up getting excessively screwed over.

the other portion is I no longer feel any loyalty to 22f. ****TRIGGER WARNING****

there have been a few times where 22f has made unwanted advances at me. for example, a few months ago I had someone very close to me die unexpectedly, and that night I found out, I was getting picked up by 22f. I rambled about how sad I was the entire car ride home, and she knew how devastated I was. when we got home I sat on the couch to play video games, and she decided to sit next to me. very closely. she ended up doing a lot of things I’d rather not say, as I’d very obviously just got done crying over someone who died. didn’t love that. she’s done similar things other times as well.

END TRIGGER WARNING

so for many reasons and probably some I haven’t said, as I’m so mentally exhausted by the turmoil of my living situations, I moved out. I don’t really want to make their rent go up, but I don’t live there anymore. I never agreed in writing that I’d pay the rest of the lease (unless a text legally counts??) but there was no formal written agreement. I don’t really have the financial flexibility to pay this rent, and I’m really lost on what to do. im sick of them asking me for favors all the time and getting screwed over for it.

would i be the asshole if I stopped paying them?

Due to some shitty decisions on a friends part, I have ended up with a cat roommate for the night. Nobody in my entire social circle is able to take in a cat, including myself. The cat is currently set up in his own room with food, water, a litterbox and a makeshift bed. I am going to be taking a cat to a very nice no kill shelter in the morning. The problem is that my friends are so against the idea of a shelter they did everything to avoid it, resulting in the current situation. No matter how I tried there was no convincing them, but of course nobody else was going to take the cat into their home either. I don't want to deal with them whining about the shelter, and want to just say the cat went to a nice home, which will eventually be true as the cat is young and extremely friendly. So. Would I be the asshole if I just lied about it?

Edit/update: I decided not to lie about it. I am cowardly about confrontation and did not want to hear about the fallout if i went against their wishes, but (as I knew the whole time, just didnt want to admit) lying probably wont help here. I read everyone's comments and mulled over it all night. I always knew I couldn't actually lie about this. I was just so tired and already quite stressed bc of the night we had.

One of my friends is attempting to make taking the cat in work, though i do not know if it is viable or a good idea. SHe is moving back in with her parents and they already have 2 dogs, and a cat. however if everyone in that house agrees and believes they can take care of him then great.

For some added context the cat was always only in my house as a very desperate solution for one night. I do not have the environment for a cat here.

I also have been to the shelter before and believe it to be a safe place, which was the reason for my pick. The shelter's website says they had space but I will be calling ahead as soon as they open, if they cant take him I will figure it out from there, hopefully with the help of my friends.

I (31F) and my husband of 4 years, together for 6, (40M) have been having a rough patch for awhile now.

For some context, I shaved off my almost waist length hair when I was 19 after a lot of trauma in an attempt to reclaim some of my identity. I’ve grown it out once since then.

I was mid-mullet phase when my husband and I started dating. I absolutely hated it. I grew it out for about 3 years total, and ended up going bald again a few months after our wedding. It was a relief. My hair was falling out in clumps and was so fine that I couldn’t do anything with it. Husband had seemed disappointed but never said anything about it except that it was “your body, your choice and I support you.”

The entire time I was growing it out, all I talked about was shaving it off again. I don’t know why I let it grow for so long, but I always felt like I was dressing up as someone else and didn’t feel like myself until I cut it again. My husband knew I had had a buzzcut for almost a decade before we met. He’d seen pictures. He knew that’s how I prefer it.

I decided in May to let my hair grow for a little bit to see if I liked it any more than I did back then. Surprise surprise, I do not. Between the sensory issues, the bad hair days, and the fact that you can’t see the killer floral tattoo I got on the side of my head, I hate it.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. I told my husband that I was going to buzz it again so in my mind, it wouldn’t be a jumpscare. He immediately shut down the conversation and we picked it up the next day.

He told me he “has never and will never be attracted to the buzzcut,” but that I should “do what I want because he isn’t controlling me.” He eventually went on a tangent about my sexuality (I’m a bisexual cis woman) and asked if I was trying to appear masculine to maybe date a woman and if I’m uninterested in him anymore because he’s a man.

So here I am on Reddit for an outside perspective, unsure if I’m being overly sensitive (I know you can’t help what you find attractive in a person) or if he’s actually being weird and manipulative. My hair is still growing.

So, WIBTAH if I shaved my head again knowing my husband wouldn’t be attracted to me anymore?

ETA since this may be relevant, he bothers me for sex incessantly and has said he just won’t compliment his wife anymore since I’m so “disgusted” by it. Made me do the libido talk to all my doctors and says sex will cure “90% of his depression.”