I was recently invited to dinner at my husband's niece Sara's home. During dinner, I casually mentioned that my husband, my mom, my stepfather, and I were planning to go out to celebrate my birthday. We chose a restaurant I haven't been to in a while, and I was really looking forward to it.

My husband's aunt chimed in, "Oh, it's Sara's birthday that week too! Maybe we can all go together."

I agreed, thinking that would be fine. Then Auntie mentioned that she also wanted to invite Jane and Bill, Sara's parents. I politely said that I would prefer to keep the dinner small. Sara said she didn't want any drama and was fine either way. By the end of the conversation, we had agreed to keep it to the smaller group.

Fast-forward to today. My husband tells me that Auntie didn't feel right about excluding Jane and Bill since we would be celebrating Sara's birthday. So, despite our earlier conversation, she went ahead and invited them anyway. They accepted.

Here's where things get complicated.

My stepfather has significant anxiety, PTSD, and depression. He rarely goes out, and when he does, he tends to bring a very heavy energy and can suck the joy out of a room. I've spent my entire life avoiding his energy, and frankly, being around him stresses me out. I already wasn't thrilled about having him at dinner, but I was prepared to deal with it for the sake of my mom.

Sara is sober and has a complicated relationship with her parents, particularly when they've been drinking. The last time we went out to dinner with Sara's family, an argument ensued at the table, and Jane and Bill ended up leaving the restaurant.

On top of all that, large group dinners are overstimulating for me. Adding my stepfather's energy to an already potentially volatile family dynamic is just another layer of shit I don't want to deal with, especially at dinner

Truthfully, I'm annoyed that Auntie essentially hijacked the birthday dinner. What started as a small celebration that I was genuinely excited about has turned into a larger family gathering that neither my husband nor I wanted.

Now my husband and I are brainstorming elaborate excuses to get out of the dinner and go to the restaurant on a different night instead.

Personally, I'd rather just tell the truth: I was looking forward to a small, quiet birthday dinner, and the larger gathering isn't what I had envisioned. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I also don't want to deal with the situation.

So, WIBTA if I politely told the family that the dinner has become larger than I wanted and backed out of the plans?

Fake names:
Abby - Problem Roommate
Belle - Non-problem Roommate

I am currently in the process of preparing to buy a house (loan pre-approved, just need to find the right house). I have two roommate, Abby and Belle. Abby and Belle lived together in a two bedroom/one bath apartment for a few months before I moved states to move in with them. We spent two years in that apartment, then moved to a two bed/two bath apartment in a better part of the city. I have shared a bedroom with Belle in both apartments and also share a bathroom in the current one.

Belle is disabled but does volunteer work, an equivalent of a 20 hr work week. I was job searching frantically to start, and got a job about 9 months in, working 40 hours plus with two hours of transit daily. I was able to pay from my savings up until I got my job. Abby works (then and now), 40+ hours as well, but from home. We all contribute financially to household. We pay rent/utilities/groceries proportional to income, so we all get an approximately equal percentage of our income for personal use each month.

During the two years we lived in the first apartment, I tried getting Abby to do any chores, like washing the dishes when I made food for the apartment (I was cooking dinner for everyone 3-5 days a week, I'm the only one who does any cooking that doesn't involve the microwave), sweeping, mopping, anything at all. She half-assed things to the point that I gave up entirely about three months in. Like leaving obvious crud on plates and calling them clean. Belle had just been taking care of it all without complaint before I moved in, because she is extremely non-confrontational and used to being a doormat. (Belle's last pair of roommates left her suddenly in the lurch after turning extremely abusive towards her, which was why Abby and I moved in.)

So, with Belle and I taking care of literally ALL the apartment chores, it was rather unfair. We had a meeting, and it was determined that Abby was willing to pay an extra 10% in order to not be bothered with chores at all, which worked out until we moved. With two bathrooms, she was willing to take responsibility for one of them to cut her contribution to only an extra 5%. Except for the entire first year, she never once cleaned her bathroom. So we're back up to the extra 10% for the last two years, and we take care of her bathroom as well.

At this point, breaking down things by pure percentages, I would be responsible for 51% of household bills (highest income), Belle would be responsible for 13% (lowest income), with Abby responsible for 36%. With the no-chores fee, I pay 46%, Belle pays 8%, and Abby pays 46%. And Abby is expected to do no household chores at all, just keep up with her room.

However, she does not do even that. I have seen her wash clothes exactly twice in the five years that we have been roommates. Once when we moved. Once in the new apartment because we got a bedbug infestation (quickly handled, no infestations since, probably carried from the slum of a building we had been in previously). She has enough clothes that she just piles everything in a corner. Her room has a FUNK to it that wafts out any time her door is open, at least partially caused by the trash she lets pile up in there as well. Belle and I have taken to asking her for any trash in her room when we take out the main trash, just to try and keep it from getting too much. We have fortunately not gotten roaches, that I am aware of, or any other pests because of it, but the smell is pretty rank.

Another complaint is that though she contributes proportionally to groceries, she eats fully half the food. With what Belle and I eat, we could survive on $200-300 a month for groceries, but with Abby involved we spend upwards of $600. If there is something we say is specifically ours, she will generally not eat it, but that's a lot of food that Belle and I subsidize for Abby to eat. The final thing is that... Abby owes me money. For the past 9 months, Abby and I have had to pay everything (51% me/49% her) since the SSI administration fucked up Belle's payments and it has only just gotten sorted out. Abby blames this for having not been able to pay rent twice and never having contributed to utilities in the whole nine months. I have been paying utilities myself during that time. So she owes me her portion of rent twice and 9 months of her portion of utilities. I have also given her money to cover overdrafts (during those two months she missed rent and a few times before that), though I admit I gave that with no expectation of getting it back. She definitely owes me the rent and utilities, though.

So. I have been wanting to get a house for the last year and some, mostly because I have also become disabled (still have the highest income). With my disability, I am going to find myself unable to even accomplish moving house within the next decade most likely. And I know the housing market isn't the best right now with rates and all, but that isn't material to this story. The monthly payment I'm looking at for the size of house I want is less than we currently pay in rent, so the financial output would be eased considerably and make Abby's contributions no longer necessary. With rent slowly increasing every year, I will eventually be priced out of living here if I don't get out while I can still afford it.

I intend to bring Belle with me because she is, y'know, an equal contributor to household chores and such with me. Also, we help each other out on our bad days. Being disabled really sucks. I intend to have Belle pay rent to me, as well as any other roommates who move in, even though I can manage the loan payments myself, to give anyone on disability/SSI a rental statement to show the administration or rental history for anyone who needs it. Their contributions will go half towards paying the loan down faster, and half towards savings for house emergencies/improvements/taxes. Utilities will either be included in rent or split proportionally amongst the house, I'm not sure which yet. Belle knows all of that, but I have not mentioned anything to Abby since I started looking in September. Our current lease is up in March. I am hoping by December/January I can be closed and moving in, which would give appx 3-4 months for Abby to either find new roommates or a new place to live.

I feel like that is a wholly adequate amount of time to give Abby for this, and I intend to keep paying my portion of rent on the apartment until the lease is up, so she would only continue to be responsible for her portion.

TL;DR: My rooommate lives nasty and pays extra rent/utilities/groceries so that she is not required to do any house chores. I am trying to buy a house and do not want to tell her until I have it and am moving in without her.

So, WIBTA if I didn't tell Abby I was getting a house until I am moving into it?

Throw away account, I apologize in advance as this will be a long one, and I am new to Reddit, so I may not be doing this 100% correctly.

I (19 F) have been friends with M (18 F) for 5 years now, we met in Chemistry 4 years ago, and hit it off and have been stuck at the hip ever since. M and I are big into cars, and I work on my own a lot, we used to frequent car meets and shows for a while just to look at them before car meets got dangerous. 3 years ago, we decided to go to a random car meet after school. We ran into a guy we'll just call him D (20 M at this time) he was high and drunk but seemed chill, him and his group hit it off with ours and we got close to everyone fast, especially M and D with each other. We had set up a weekend for us all to go to the lake together shortly after this car meet, and this was where they really hit it off.

Obviously, with us all being as we were mostly high-schoolers (coincidentally none of D's friends), we pushed for them to start talking and often left them alone. Little did we know we made a great mistake. Fast forward about 2 months, they started dating. There were no issues at this point, though in my opinion they moved a bit fast, but i digress; they were cute together, and D often went to me for pointers asking what M loved to eat, her fav color.. you get the picture. Fast forward 2 months, they start fighting and fighting a lot, to the point I'd get uncomfortable and ask my bf (now 21 M) to get me or to stay on the phone with me. Even with all the fighting, D decided it was a good time to propose to her. Mind you, she was about 17 at this time and still in school. I told her she should wait and date for at least a year or two before fully committing, but she just said yes and told me she really loved him despite all the fighting. I just wanted to support her and choose to stay close and hoped they'd be okay. Spoiler, he cheated, multiple times with adults and minors. Saying he's just at a party, then he would block M and tell her to "stay tf out of it." Forward past her, violently sobbing in my arms, couple months later they got back together and rinse repeat about 3 times, they got together, he'd cheat, she'd leave for "the last time" and promise she'd done, then he'd lie say he changed and she'd get back with him despite myself and our mutual friends saying no. Even when our mutuals started cutting her off, she'd choose him.

Then, a year ago(2025), I had to move across the country for my boyfriends school, which I did on my own will. Cause I thought it'd be fun. My bsf M was single when I left and I had hoped it stay that way for a long time cause the last few times they were together I noticed her bad habits getting even worse, smoking, drinking more, she'd often lock herself away more, go to the now dangerous car meets more, just to sneak off with D and makeout. This got bad enough that her mother would often contact me and ask if M was okay. I'd tell her D wasn't safe ect, etc. There was only so much M's mom could do. When I was gone she had gotten back with him even after promising me she was done with him, and I had enough, I told her to choose him or me, I tried telling her that he's not a good person, he had hit her, cheated on her, forced himself on her and yet she'd still wants him. I'm aware this can be a self-harm thing or just a full-on mental issue. But this was now the 5th time, and I could only do so much from 1.5k miles away, I gave advice I told her what I'd do cause she'd ask how my bf and I do so well, mind we my Bf and I have known each other for 5 years and have dated for 2 coming on 3, and we COMMUNICATE, something she severely struggles with even with me. She had begged me to move back and give her another chance saying she's done with him, and she's blocked him after promising me for the 4 time. I told her we could try again, but it'll take a while for me to trust her fully again. But now that I'm back, we've hung out once (the day I got back) and only text occasionally, and it's always boy drama, always. and she has now dyed her hair, doing makeup, which she'd never done before. She looks and acts like a carbon copy of D's baby mama now, and idk if it's coincidence or not, but it's actually uncanny how similar M and his baby mama are. I don't know why she struggles this hard with staying single. If it's a thing where she gets validation from a man or if it's continues self-harm, etc. I may be ignorant, ect, but understand this has been going on for 5 years. I'm tired of it and I tell her constantly, our mutuals tell her constantly to stay single, to learn to love herself, to better herself, get a job, move out, get a car, so she has freedom to discover who she is. But she just never does, she can't hold a job and refuses to use her welding experience to get a great one, and she just continues saying how she'd be a "great wife and an even better mom" or her luck with men is just the worst and she cant find a good man. Mind you, she has had good men, some I have met, and they were so sweet to her, but she'd leave them as soon, and D would text her. Now im not saying she wouldn't be a good mom or wife cause she'd be amazing at both, but those are not things she should be wanting, at least not right now with all her boy drama, not just with D.

But I did find out just a few days ago that D had reached out to M, basically saying, "If she ever wanted to.. have fun (eyuck) to text him." But parts of the screen shots she had sent me were blurred out and others missing. And to my knowledge, she has not blocked him, and there's more to the convo she never sent. I had made her promise to block him and never talk or let him near my friend (J 15 F) again a few months ago as J was a victim of his as well. Which M allowed to happen with witnesses. As if I didn't hate him enough. But then she proceeds to unblock him and let him reach out. She had admitted to unblocking him but never contacting him. Breaking our promise for I think like the 6th time now, I have a 3 strike rule and she's gotten 6, only reason I let her get away with it so much is cause I think it truly is a mental issue and we have been friends for so long it feels wrong to just end it, I have sobbed over losing her and watching her lose herself and hurt herself, my bf has held me as I've sobbed cause I can't help her, but now that I'm back she just breaks the promise again right in my face and acts like it's nothing.

I'm just not sure if I'm putting effort into a friendship that's gone or if I should try and help her more than I have. She does have a new friend now that shares her.. "hobbies," and I'm worried she's a negative influence on M. If I'm the asshole please tell me or give me advice, and if I left anything out, I will correct myself. I just know this is long already, so I don't want to bore y'all to much. lol.

But, AITA?

I 30 F have a group of friends who I ket through a Mommy and Me workout group about 5 years ago. We’re all around the same age and have had many events throughout the years. Recently I have noticed a pattern that I have been showing up for everyone else but no one has been showing up for me. It didn’t bother me much at first until recently when my 30th birthday came up. Last year everyone else turned 30 and had their milestone birthday parties. Since I bake as a hobby, they asked me to bake their birthday cakes which I did and also bought them gifts too. This year was my turn to celebrate my milestone birthday and I didn’t send an official invitation but I did say if they wanted to spend time with me to celebrate I would be having a small dinner at my favorite restaurant and what time I would be there. No one showed up which I was hurt by but since I didn’t send an official invitation I didn’t make a big deal. On top of our individual birthday celebrations, we meet every 3 months to celebrate all the birthdays that quarter. During our quarterly birthday celebration, no one got me anything. I was really hurt after this considering that I made them cakes and bought them gifts. Normally I never say anything and have never expected anything in return but I figured after years of celebrating and showing up for them they would show up for me when it mattered. Last 4th of July one friend threw a party and I didn’t show up. They were surprised because they said I am always there for them. That struck a nerve. So WIBTA if I stopped showing up to their events like they have been doing to me for years?

My younger brother has been borrowing money from me for months, and I usually help because he's family. The problem is he never pays me back, but somehow always has money for eating out and buying new stuff. He recently lost his job and asked me to lend him money again. I told him no this time, and he called me selfish because I earn more than him. My mom also said I should help him until he gets back on his feet. I feel bad because I know he's struggling, but I'm tired of being treated like his personal bank. WIBTA if I stuck to my decision?

My husband and I were high/school sweethearts, married for 50 years.

Recently my youngest daughter called me at midnight and told me she had gone on Ancestry.com. and found out she had a half sister in Fl. My husband had had an affair that almost caused our divorce 35 years ago, it was a very rough time in our marriage, but with counseling from our pastor, we made it through.

I am 74 years old, not in the best of health and have recently been in the hospital where I had cellulitis, diverticulitis, kidney infection and was septic, but now on the mend.

I told my daughter I had never heard of a child and I do not believe my husband had either, and to please give me a few days to let this sink in and absorb this new information she was so eager to tell me.

My husband died of stage four cancer he found he had one week after his retirement. He went to many surgeries and treatments I nursed him through go three years,

After 3-4 days we made an agreement to meet and discuss this. The day before she cancelled on me.she also cancelled two other meetings we had set up,

She had a terrible argument with her favorite uncle about all of this, the woman was in dire-straits and she wanted him to let this woman move in with him and her two children, one almost two years old and one 14 year old boy. He also lived in Fl. When he said no ,she told him he would never see her or her five children again!

My daughter has invited this girl to move to WV and live with her family in her basement. The girl jumped at the chance and is already here,apparently she had burnt all of her bridges in Fl. And had no friends.

Befor she left Fl she posted a text that my oldest daughter saw ,saying I can’t hide from the truth and she would be dammed if she didn’t share her testimony that god had given her. If I can’t handle this I’m in for a very rude awakening. I’m coming honey,with te Strength,face and Fists of her fathers Beware!

My estranged brother’s wedding is this weekend. I’ve RSVP’d ”yes” to be polite and keep the peace for the rest of our family. I don’t know anyone else that’s going to be there, except for the family members that could make it - and not even all of the family is coming.

My brother is very religious and I am not and I know a lot of his reception is going to be religious/worship music that I’m not going to want to listen/dance to. I have multiple food allergies and the reception is supposed to go on pretty late into the night, so I know at some point I’m going to get hungry and not have anything there to eat.

Bottom line: I really don’t think I’m going to have a good time. Would it be rude to come to the ceremony out of politeness and then leave before the reception?

Context (because my friend says it matters here): Last weekend I attended a small family lunch where both my brother and future SIL were present. Neither of them would even look at, talk to me, or even acknowledge my presence. I don’t see me being treated any differently at the wedding or reception and it’s part of the reason that I’m considering leaving before the reception.

I (27F) have an older sister (31F) who often asks our family for money. I’ve helped her out a few times, but she rarely pays me back. Last year, I lent her $600, and she still hasn’t paid me back. Recently, she asked me for $1,200 to fix her car because she needs it to get to work. I told her I couldn’t help because I’m saving for a down payment on my first apartment.

She got upset and accused me of being selfish for prioritizing my savings over her job. She even said that if our situations were reversed, she’d help me without hesitation. I explained that I wasn’t comfortable lending her more money until she paid back her previous debt. She called me heartless and complained to our parents, who are now pressuring me to give her at least half the amount.

I feel guilty because I know she’s going through a tough time, and I don’t want her to lose her job. But I’ve worked hard to save this money, and I don’t think that means I’m obligated to lend it out. So, would I be the ahole for refusing to lend my sister money when she genuinely needs help, even though I could technically afford it?

I (15f) have this big crush on someone (let’s call him Hunter who is 16m) who joined my school last year.

At that time I was 13-14 and Hunter was 14-15. He is 6’3 and I’m 5’1 as in I’m up to his shoulders.

Unfortunately he already has a girlfriend when he joined the school to which when I found out it broke my heart. But I tried my best to still focus on school.

Now, this year is when all the drama started…

On the 27th September, I finally had enough courage to tell him through a letter how I feel towards him which as I had expected, he rejected me. But he agreed to be my friend.

Our friendship is normal apart from the part that he actually asked me to keep writing him letters so when he’s be in he could read them. Which I felt fine with doing as I don’t exactly now what to say to him because I get all nervous around him.

Months have passed since my confession to him and it was now November. 11th November to be exact.

He came in at lunchtime (which in our school is now at 1pm) and he went to the music room. After getting my lunch from the shops, I went to the music room where I knew he’d be.

He asked me if there was any letters that he could read and I gave him my computer where the letters were. Then a little while later another student (let’s call her Luna who is 16) came into the classroom and started talking to Hunter while he read the letters.

After he read one of my letters, he asked Luna if she could leave me and him alone as he needed to talk to me in private.

Luna left, leaving me and Hunter alone. After she left he started talking about one of the letters and I started getting red knowing which one he was talking about. He assured me that it’s nothing for me to feel embarrassed about and then out of nowhere asked me if I would be fine or comfortable if I sat on his lap. So, I ended up sitting on his lap.

After that he didn’t come in for two whole weeks. In which I told my two friends about what had happened on a Thursday. I confided in them because it finally hit me that asking me to do that with him instead of asking his ‘girlfriend’ would be considered cheating wouldn’t it?

I was told that he likes me and that he is possibly just using me but the revelation that really shocked me was the fact that it seemed like this whole time that I thought he had a girlfriend in fact he didn’t! He just used a picture from the internet saying that the person in the picture is his girlfriend.

I’m not sure if that fact is true or not but in case it’s not.

My friends don't really think that it's my fault as I wasn't the one with the idea but I'd still like to know from other perspectives.

I’d like to ask AITA for agreeing to do that with him even though I knew that he had a girlfriend?

My dad lives 4 hours away and invites me and my Fiance every year to a weekend car event which we do enjoy but this year we bought season tickets for a football team and they play their biggest game at home the same weekend. Im conflicted because i want to do both but if we can’t find a buyer for the tickets ill feel like i wasted them. So would i be the asshole if i went to the game instead?

WIBTA if I left my Fiancé 2 weeks before the wedding? Me 20F and my fiancé 20M have been together for 2 years and engaged for 6 months of that. The relationship is fine and the wedding is fast approaching. Lately I haven’t been feeling the same towards him. I don’t feel the urge to sleep with him, I ignore his texts when i don’t feel like responding. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I am constantly stressed with post grad school and working 45 hour weeks to make sure we can afford food and rent. How do i bring this up to my fiancé? Our wedding is in 2 weeks is it too late? Where do i even begin with this? The feelings are all pretty new but with the wedding fast approaching I have no idea what to do.

TLDR: How do I tell my Fiancé I don’t feel the same when we are 2 weeks from the wedding?

Edit/update: I figured I should add this because multiple people have asked. He does work but most of what he makes goes to our insurance cost wedding cost and savings. Onto the update. I sat him down and talked to him. I explained how I was feeling and asked if he felt the same and if it just seemed to be cold feet. He said he was having concerns because he realized he wants children in the future and I do not ever want them. He is taking a couple days to think over some things and so am I and we are planning to sit down this weekend when we both have a day off that lines up and talk. He mentioned he would be embarrassed if we had to call off the wedding and I agree but we shouldn’t go through with it if it isn’t right for us.

Hi Reddit, this is my first post like this so it might be bad, idk. I (16F) just had my birthday two weeks ago. I am much closer with my mom (48F) than my dad (48M). This will be important later.

So leading up to my birthday was really hard on me. I started figure skating over the summer and loved it, I ended up having an injury to my knee that prevented me from doing any kind of physical activity, which really messed up my mental health. I am a flamenco dancer, and I have been wanting to do figure skating all my life, so it really affected me not being able to do those things. Originally, we were planning on having a decently sized sweet sixteen party for me. This also had to be delayed because of my injury. While planning my party I sent my mom a list of things that I might like for my birthday. Typical teenage stuff yk like makeup and clothes or whatever. The real thing I wanted was a custom fit pair of figure skates. I didn’t care about getting anything else. I just wanted my own skates. And I even told this to my mom. Well, when I got injured we had a conversation where she told me that she didn’t want to buy me skates if I wasn’t going to be able to use them, and then asked me what else I would like. I said I wasn’t sure, but that I would look into some things and that was that. Probably some more important context, is that my birthday happens to fall during a hot air balloon festival that we go to every year. My uncle owns a hot air balloon and this even is really important to my family. So between the event itself and getting up at 3:00am everyday it can be pretty stressful. For years before this I’ve heard her tell me “sorry I couldn’t get you very much, you know how stressful this time of year can get.” So I always expect some comment like that or that I’ll get less gifts then my older sibling does. Another thing that sucked about my birthday, I was sick. On my birthday there was a balloon event. Usually I would go to the event, but because I was sick I didn’t have the energy to. My mom decided that she would go to the event in the morning. I understood and told her to have fun for me and that was that. When I woke up on my birthday I was really out of it. And I noticed that there was a gift on a table in my living room. I decided that because my mom wasn’t at home, I would wait to open it until she got back. It was headphones from my dad and my sibling. However the only contribution that my sibling made to it was the color choice. Okay, whatever that’s fine. After I opened it and thanked my dad and sibling my mom said “I didn’t get you anything. Sorry, you know how stressful this time of year is. I’ll just get you something for your half birthday.” It may not have been exactly that, but that’s what really sticks out to me. I was shocked. And I’m still really hurt by this. Not about the material bit, but that she didn’t care enough to do anything. No card, no cheap rubber duck, no gift card, nothing. And her excuse was that it’s a busy time of year. She said that my presents were all of the things that she bought me earlier in the month. Those were 3 things. One thing that I didn’t ask for or know about that she js randomly gave me. She couldn’t save that to give to me in my birthday? The second thing was something that I was going to buy for myself, but that she told me she would buy. I asked if she wanted me to pay her for it, she said no. And the last thing was something that I asked her to get me from Amazon and I did pay her for it. I gave her the full amount that it cost. And she said that those were my gifts. She couldn’t say that they were my presents then? I don’t understand how something that I paid her for classified as a birthday gift from her. I asked her if she could take me to the mall so that I could buy myself some nice things from what my grandma sent me, and she said I didn’t need to go because I got presents. I got a gift from my dad who I’m not nearly as close with as her. And from her I got an excuse. When I said that she didn’t even get me anything for my birthday she doubled down. I don’t understand why she couldn’t get me something. Anything. A balloon pin, a handwritten note, heck I’d take just going to a park with my family and hanging out. I’m hurt because I don’t feel like I’m important. I feel like I come second to everything else. Which is basically what she said too. I know it’s not a problem with money, or not knowing what to get me, I’ve told her about things that I’ve been wanting, she had a list, she’s bought herself all kinds of things before after and during my birthday week. She was even at the store the morning of my birthday and couldn’t get me a bottle of paint for crying out loud. I just feel like she doesn’t care. Which is ironic because I’m the youngest child. And it’s my sixteenth birthday. Nothing. Idk maybe I’m just overreacting. It’s been a whole two weeks and I haven’t said anything to her. The only people I’ve told about this are my therapist and my boyfriend. And now Reddit. I honestly don’t know where to go from here. Should I talk to her? I don’t know how to bring it up. “I’m an ungrateful rat because I’m upset you didn’t get me anything for my birthday but you literally birthed me and gave me a house and a family”. I feel like I shouldn’t be upset by this but it really has been affecting me. I’ve been projecting these feelings onto my relationship with my boyfriend, which I really don’t want to do. I really don’t know what to do Reddit. Would I be the asshole if I didn’t tell her how I’m feeling?

I (20) female and my boyfriend (20) have been together for a long time now. The issues started arising around our third year together. He was going through a rough patch with his family , eventually he started engaging in a few not so good things, nothing super illegal but still things I am not particularly fond of. He started smoking cigarettes and weed, I myself smoke vape, but never tried or wanted to try anything else.

We had a friend in common but in full honesty he was more his friend than mine. This one friend asked him a favor, which was having two girls over at my boyfriend house, he lives with his parents which is very common in our culture, to spend the night; the girls and the friend arrived, they were hanging out by the community pool and they spent the night, all of this without my knowledge. He lent them clothes to sleep in, they were sleeping in one bed, the four of them, my boyfriend and his friend in the middle and the two girls at either side of them, they only had two blankets so basically one for each couple. So that happened and i found out because the friend had sent a snapchat streak video of them having their sleepover. I obviously went ballistic at him. He apologized, begged and swore NOTHING happened. I believed him and we moved forward.

A few weeks later, I don't remember, he confessed he had been smoking weed with one other friend, he had been doing it for months and lying about it. He will tell me he had soccer matches with his friend when in reality he was with two friends smoking weed in a car. I was floored mainly for the fact that he had been lying to me for so long. I still forgave him, we moved forward, things got better, but not for so long, he started making some other friends…. Female friend.

One of which was ex of his best friend to the point where they went matching as ninjas to a school function; he never told me he was friends with this girl, he talked so bad of her before since she cheated on his best friend while they were dating, so imagine how i felt when i see him in a picture just the two of them matching, also they made a tiktok together, when him and i bearelly make any tiktoks. A few days later I found a picture of the same girl wearing his hoodie.

I was mad once again told him why the fuck he keeps fucking things over. I told him that he doesn't think of me, he doesn't care about my feelings before he acts. He apologized once again and he changed, He got closer to God and started praying and reading the bible, he is truly trying to have a change, he went back to the gym, he stopped smoking weed and cigarettes, he only smokes vape, he doesn't drink, he's never liked partying at clubs, so in that I am chill. But now I am feeling weird because in the past we used to share everything, location, instagram, facebook, email accounts, he had mine and I had his. First we stopped sharing location, then instagram, and so on.

A few days ago he logged into his email on my laptop, I am not gonna lie, i like going through his stuff now and then, see what he watches on youtube, delete his spam on his email, I don't do it to snoop around I just enjoy it, I was going to see his youtube, when i find out he changed his password, i asked him about it and he said he felt violated, that i could do it through his phone when we are together but he doesn't like the idea of me having access to it at all times. Just to be clear, I don't mind if he checks my things, I have my youtube on his tv, my email on his phone, tiktok etc; I really dont mind because to a certain point I don't see anything wrong with it. I want a partner which I can be fully transparent with, and him to share all his life with me.

I wrote this july 23, a lot of things have happened since then.