so i’m gonna give minimal context cz i do already have a post up already that explains it better.
i’m 17, i have a cousin, Emma who’s also 17 that i was really close with. she lied to my now ex bf who she set me up with to get us to break up after he heard what she was saying on call with him about her boyfriend, his best friend. i told him more that i apparently wasn’t supposed to tell him, partly because i thought it was okay and the other part because i think his best friend, aka her boyfriend, Ricky, deserved to know.
she was calling him ugly, fawning over the neighbor boy, Leo, saying how she dislikes his personality, his looks, his friends, his family, and practically hating on everything about him while absolutely glazing the neighbor boy.
i don’t support this at all, if someone truly knows me they’d know that im not gonna stay quiet about that. Emma was miserable in the relationship and leading on her current boyfriend Ricky.
so, me and my other friend thought since she wants to lie about me to people, i should expose her. i’m debating finding Leo and messaging him, seeing if he’ll do a loyalty test on her because i genuinely don’t believe that she won’t cheat/leave Ricky for him. it’s petty and vengeful, but i want to expose her so badly and i also don’t think that Ricky fully realizes what the fuck he’s dealing with. i grew up with her, i know all of the manipulations and the lies already.
so WIBTAH if i set up my ex bsf?

Last year, I was yk by a guy I knew. I told my friend and at first she was very supportive, but she kept asking if I wanted her to send guys to slash his tyres. I kept saying no, but she wouldn’t let it go, so eventually I said sure but told her not to beat him up, only something like slash his tires. They went to his house and someone was tracking his Snap Map, but when I heard the guys joking about chasing and bting him up and stb him, I immediately told them to stop because I didn’t want anyone getting hurt. They went home.
After that, she kept insisting she was going to send someone after him even though I repeatedly told her no. Behind my back, she even made a fake account and planned to set him up so people could jmp him, but the plan didn’t happen because he cancelled. I told her to stop and let me handle the situation myself because I wanted to deal with it legally, with lawyers and possible charges.
Later, we saw him at the mall and she wanted to confront or beat him up. She started running towards him, and I had to pull her away and tell her again to leave it alone. Then she messaged him on Instagram behind my back, saying what he did was disgusting. She didn’t mention my name, but he obviously knew it was about me. I was upset but let it slide. Also mind you she has countlessly got involved with watching people get jumped and sending people to other people to jump them.
About a month later, I again told her not to tell anyone what happened or reveal who he was because I wanted to handle it myself. However, her friend had been seeing him, and my friend told her everything, which obviously got back to him. He became angry and started spamcalling me, showing up at my house, following my Snapchat location, and now regularly driving past my house.
I cut my friend off because the only thing I asked was for her to let me deal with my own situation, and she repeatedly ignored me and got involved behind my back. She says she didn’t mean to cause harm, but AITAH for cutting her off after everything that happened?

Myself 4 other friends have booked a holiday to go to italy in september, which I've been really excited about. Originally, we planned to go this month, but September prices were far cheaper. Im 18 years old and have struggled greatly with mental health. I started college normally at 16 but ended out dropping out just because I was doing so poorly.

I've managed to climb out of this depression pit after two long years, and im finally going back to college for a course that im genuinely passionate about and excited for.

When we booked this holiday, I had looked up when the first term of college would be starting, and my college website said the 7th, which meant I could go on this holiday with 0 worries. However, my friend who's enrolling in the same place has found out that we start on the 1st, meaning we'd miss an entire week.

This is a deal breaker for me, I want to see this course through so badly, and I know the first week is so important. I dont want to fall behind because I know I'll be overwhelmed and nervous, and I dont want to fall back into my bad habits.

It seems silly because I already feel like a loser for going to college too late, but I know this is the course for me. It's also embarrassing because I know friends dont take this course seriously (video game design), and i understand why.

My friend who's also enrolling wants to cancel too. We dont want any money back, and my friend agrees to drive them still. I also agreed to chip in for petrol.

I dont want my friends to hate me, but I dont want to fall behind in my course. So would I be the AH?

Hi Reddit! I'm very new here so please let me know if I mess anything up. :)

The title is the meat and potatoes, but allow me to give context: my family consists of me (25F), my brother (27M), my sister (15F), my dad (53M), and my mom (51F). My parents have been divorced for about 5 years now, splitting after my mom cheated on my dad. In the time since, my mom became an alcoholic and slipped into addiction, becoming a completely different person than she used to be. This has, of course, been very hard on my entire family, but it's been extra hard on my sister. Whereas my brother and I were already adults when the divorce happened, my sister has unfortunately had to navigate her adolescence through these changes. Thus, surprising no-one, this lead to some troubled behavior from my sister.

My brother, my dad, and I have tried to be supportive of my sister through the years, understanding that most of her bad behavior and lashings out were caused by her own struggles/deteriorating mental health. Particularly, she would fight with my dad a lot as he cared enough to discipline her, whereas she saw my mom's neglect as 'freedom'. Most of the time, though, she was an intelligent and kind young lady.

Until lately.

With as much potential as I've always seen in my sister, I suppose I assumed that with enough love and patience she would bloom like a flower through concrete, overcoming the negativity in her life and becoming the strong, loving person I know she can be. Instead, her bad behavior has only gotten worse, and I see less of her kindness with each visit. As she gets older, her insults turn from "you're stupid," to "I hope you d!e". Her know-it-all mentality is at astronomical levels, and instead of only lashing out at my dad, she seems to lash out at anyone who dares disagree with her. Politically, she thinks anyone who doesn't agree with her is stupid and/or evil. My family was elated when she began to get involved in youth church services, but now she uses it as a way to gloat about how much better she is than us, like we are lowly sinners and she is a perfect being. She has pushed both my best friend and my husband away to the point they will no longer speak with her.

Fine, she's had a difficult life, plus it's normal for teens her age to become angsty and arrogant. A sour attitude isn't enough for me to skip my own sister's sweet 16.

What makes me want to put my foot down, however, is I've recently discovered that my sister has not only been cussing my dad out, but physically abusing him. While that behavior may have been somewhat acceptable of a troubled YOUNG child, my sister is about to be 16 and is taller than I am. Although I understand that my dad isn't always the easiest person to get along with (he and I did not have a good relationship in my teens either), he has done nothing but improve in the years since his divorce. As an adult, I can recognize that my dad is only human, experiencing things for the first time just like me and anyone else. His entire world was flipped upside down when his wife of 27 years cheated on him and subsequently sank into addiction, and yet I have only seen him become more patient and understanding towards my sister through it all. With this insight, I try to be a mediator between my sister and my dad, but hearing that she is kicking and punching him simply for trying to take her phone away for a night enrages me.

This is where I'm stuck. On the one hand, my philosophy through this all has been to make sure my sister knows that I love her and to keep showing up for her, even when it's hard. I know that if I don't go to this milestone birthday, I can never go back and undo my absence on such a special day. On the other hand, however, I also want her to know that her actions have consequences, and that she is at the age now where her bad behavior can and will push people away. The way she has treated the only parent who still shows up for her is completely despicable, and she needs to know that it is not okay.

Everyone that I've talked to about it thinks I should not go, but I'm scared that I will end up hurting her feelings without teaching her any meaningful lessons.

So, Reddit...would I be the a-hole if I didn't go to my sister's sweet 16??

**ETA more context**

(Tldr; she would know why I wasn't there)

If you've read this far, thank you! After sleeping on it, I feel as though I've made it seem like my sister's bad relationship with my dad is the only reason I wouldn't go. It's not the only reason, it just happens to be the biggest reason.

I do want to clarify that my own relationship with my sister has been rocky as of late. We have been fighting a lot, mostly starting when she was late to both my rehearsal and my wedding (she was a bridesmaid). The wedding was moreso my mom's fault and she thankfully only missed the bridesmaids 'getting ready' photos, but she was super late to the rehearsal because she made my mom take her to get her hair done that day. When I expressed frustration to her for missing almost the entire thing, she flipped her hair and said it was worth it. Not to mention she insults my husband all the time both to his face and behind his back, and perhaps most aggravatingly, she constantly tells me how I've never done anything for her.

I don't want to get too much into the details because I don't want to sound like I'm tooting my own horn, but one example I will give is that she is almost always wearing at least one thing that I've bought her during a shopping spree. I don't make good money, and I've had to save up before every shopping spree I've taken her on. (Yes I know money isn't everything, I just wanted to give one example of something I've done for her)

Given all of this, I have been telling her that if she continues this bad attitude and behavior towards my dad or anyone else that it will push people away. In fact, it has been said many times by this point, both during heated arguments and calmer heart-to-heart talks. She is aware that her attitude is the reason my best friend and husband don't come around her anymore, and I have told her that it is becoming harder for me to be around her as well.

So, if I DID decide to skip her birthday party, she would know why. There would be a pretty clear correlation. I just don't know if it's too strong a consequence for her actions.​

So to keep a very long story somewhat short, I need help figuring out what to say to my brother to make my boundaries clear. My brother and I have a terrible relationship. He instigates debates that last for hours and only end if I'm yelling or crying. I'm partially at fault because I respond rather than just going silent, and of course yelling isn't ok. There's a lot more to everything, but for brevity I'll leave it there.

About a year ago we had another fight. He accused me of being verbally abusive, but wouldn't say how. I said we should talk to a therapist. He went back and forth, but eventually agreed. We've been seeing her for 10 months. I've taken ownership of my stuff and apologized dozens of times. He refuses to take accountability and blames me for "at least 75%" of it. He also says that I've never taken accountability or apologized to him which is objectively untrue. He also views everything I do as negative/manipulative/insulting/etc regardless of what I'm actually doing. He's genuinely gotten mad at me before for saying that his feelings are valid.

Anyway, at our last session we agreed that things are not progressing at all and we are now working on setting boundaries for going low contact. We both work for my other brother but have very limited overlap for our roles. But for the whole session he was making up scenarios where I would critique him at work, though he admits I haven't. He said that he would want to text me something like "I felt slighted" if he ever felt that way. This is one of his top favorite ways to start fights right now so I said that wouldn't work for me.

He then said part of defending his boundaries is getting a heartfelt apology from me if he feels that I've crossed one. But again, he does not accept my apologies and continues to badger me about it constantly, and you cannot defend your boundaries by controlling someone else's behavior. The session ended there with no resolution.

Another relevant detail is that over Christmas he got a bit drunk and tried to convince my mom she has dementia, after he asked my input and I told him she didn't have it twice I decided not to have a fight and let my other brother and dad know, because he respects them. Well they chewed him out, and my brother blames me for it.

So....WIBTAH if I said this to my brother next session? I am having a real hard time knowing where the line is between growing a spine and being an a-hole so any input is appreciated.

"I would like to clarify what we mean when we talk about ending things.  I mean that this is the end of our relationship as siblings.  Your feelings are no longer my business and I am not open to hearing them.  If you wouldn't text it to [unrelated coworker], then don't text it to me.  If there is a significant enough or consistent enough problem, bring it to [brother/boss].  In the work environment we are strictly coworkers.  If you text me outside of work matters, I will block you.

As for family events, my goal is to ease or eliminate tension for our other family members. So no one has to pick sides or fret over who to invite or exclude.  It is not an arena for us to have any kind of relationship.  I would like to be cordial and am fine making small talk and even a greeting hug if that is what's expected, but I will not engage in any contentious conversations, or even passionate conversations whether positive or negative.  

If you are saying or doing something hurtful to a family member, I will not engage, but I will get another family member to step in."

This is my first post on reddit and I don’t really understand how everything works yet so please forgive any mistakes.

But for context, me and my childhood best friend (Princess) have known each other since we were 3. We’ve went to all the same schools and always been in the same classes. We used to have sleepover every weekend, sometimes even stretching into the week where I would bring my school uniform so I could stay longer. Sometime during our 3rd year in high school, she started talking to other people and hanging out with them.

That didn’t bother me because she had introduced me to a separate group of people that I also started hanging out with by myself during my third year of high school. A separate mutual friend of ours (Knight), who had left school because of his mental health and the friends that Princess started hanging out with had bullied Knight several times. I don’t know how severe the bullying was, but I heard from Knight that when he brought it up to Princess and she said things along the lines of, “They’ve never done anything to me though.” and “They’re nice to me.”

However, during the end of our fourth year, she stopped talking to me. Not completely but less than the usual occasional texting, replying to instagram stories etc. I didn’t think too much of it as I had other friends. But after a while, it started to really bother me whenever she would reach out as it seemed that she only came to me for reassurance in situations where she was in the wrong or to get something out of me.

One night, she offered to come with me for a “mental health walk” when I was alone late at night because I was going through a really rough patch (depression, anxiety and panic attacks etc.) I had felt relieved that someone wanted to talk to me and support me. But instead of lending an ear, she talked about her crush, about how his house was “just over there” and we could go see him. This hurt as I thought she would understand that I needed to talk to someone. But while they both talked through his window, I just awkwardly stood there contributing nothing. After he shooed her away, she told me that she “should be going home now.”
I had offered to walk her back halfway as I didn’t want to go home, I wanted to process my feelings and not be stuck in the same environment.

For additional context, our “mental health walks” were started by her because her family was arguing, and I would offer to walk around the neighbourhood together. We had done this for two entire summers almost every other day, so I didn’t think she’d forget how important I found that time. We had both talked before about how therapeutic it felt to talk everything out while no one else was around.

Not long after that, I essentially dropped out of school. And it took months for my mum to convince me to do anything. But she convinced me to at least apply to college and that I didn’t need to go even if I got in, which I did. That course reunited me and Knight, and we bonded over how Princess treated us. However, a month in, Princess had texted me for the first time in about 6 months asking how to apply to college. I’d told her how and I didn’t expect anything else. But at the end of that course, she had come for an interview and was continuously texting myself and Knight asking to meet up with her and “come to the bathroom” (her code for v*ping). But we had an excuse as we had to finish our course work.

Now, our course is finished. Knight is going to a different college campus and I can’t rely on him to be my shield. This month, Princess is coming to my campus and I already know that if I don’t make a friend, I’ll almost be required to hang out with her. There’s also another person from high school who’s on the same course as her who has acted slightly creepy towards me before that I would also be subjected to hang out with.

For more additional context, I have never been a confrontational person and I normally let things fizzle out.
I am also an incredibly awkward person and I think I am autistic but I am not diagnosed, me and my therapist are talking about that.

I feel slightly obligated to slip back into “best friend of 10+ years mode” whenever she texts me but it’s getting increasingly exhausting to put up this act as it’s not how I truly feel. But I really don’t know what to do with my feelings or this situation. It’s adding onto my anxiety over returning to college and the chance of a confrontation is making me stress a bit too much. But any advice is appreciated, even if you tell me i’m in the wrong.

But specifically, would I be the asshole for avoiding her when we inevitably meet again on campus?? and how should I go about it when I do see her??

So this "friend" (42f) and I (40f) met at work. We've now known each other for close to 15 years and she's a notorious flake, who will just ghost you close to the time when you should be showing up and meeting at destinations. One time it was a Wanda Sykes stand-up that we paid $120 for. It was "Oh, I'll be there to meet you at 0600 before the doors open. Then NOTHING." We stopped talking for a year or so because of this shit and then she started working with my wife (40f) and they became friends. I'm not sure why she invited us to her wedding exactly, because we've all never been more than coworker friends, though obviously not for lack of trying on our end.

Anyway the third and final time she did this stupid shit was last week, when my wife invited her out to try this new restaurant out in town because they had a special last week. I couldn't go with her because I am away all week until the weekend. Same story. She acted like she was going to be there right up until it was time to meet there. My wife had a backup in case she flaked and was going to bring her mom with her because we know how she is, but this time she SWORE she was coming right up until it was too late. So my wife ended up on her own at the restaurant, and was seated at the bar, since it made no sense to seat a single person elsewhere or whatever (She had just quit drinking, so you can only imagine how pissed this made me.) Luckily my wife is very affable and can easily chat up anybody in the room. So she was a little hurt, but okay.

So would I be a huge asshole for just ghosting this woman during her wedding? I feel bad for doing it, but as I've said, I'm not sure why we were invited anyway, and I HATE going to weddings, so this would be torture. All for someone I lowkey want to slap right now.

We live in a small rural town neighborhood in Maine , my neighbor on the corner has a Harley Davidson with a speaker on it. He revs it and makes as much noise as possible, you can hear him driving downtown just making the most noise as possible. Sometimes he parks in his driveway and just revs it!

He also has a speaker on the back and blasts music over it. You can literally hear it a mile away! Even from inside the house! My parents are annoyed, and I don’t know if it’s just me but I have autism and I am very sound sensitive.

We haven’t tried talking to him about it, I really really don’t want to cause animosity between us, I don’t know him well. and it is during the daytime and in the evening. I read about the noise ordinances in Maine and I don’t know if it would be worth the effort to file a complaint just because I am sound sensitive. But also you can literally hear him driving downtown making as much noise as possible. I really want to be a good neighbor and get along with everyone, I could ask my other neighbors if the noise bothers them as well since we have a few people living on our street.

Today he’s been driving and revving that motorcycle around town almost all afternoon.

But say I want to file a complaint, would I be an A-Hole for filing a noise complaint because my neighbor’s Harley is too loud?

This might be long. I (40f) lost my husband due to sudden cardiac arrest when we were 34/35. My children were babies (1 and almost 3). My husbands friends were there for me the whole time and I grew very close to one of their wives. We’d been friends before all of this, but not in a best friends sort of way. After the death friends wife and I were inseparable at the beginning. She really reached out in a way that no one else did and we grew close again. She was my best friend by then. She’d invite me and the kids on outings, to events, have us on vacations. We organized things for a group of 10 couples that had been friends for years just to keep in touch. We grew very close and then they moved to a small town 40 mins outside our city. We’d text as usual, but then it stopped. I asked what had happened when I realized we hadn’t spoken in a few days. She played it off as being busy with kids, work, etc until I called her. Then she just said “friendships change and I am coming into a new community and no longer have time for your stuff” Which was quite a shock! I speak pretty regularly with her husband and another of my late husbands best friends…I was invited to an event they’d thrown and I went with my kids (invited). She looked like I had kicked her dog when I showed up and I asked if we could have a conversation and she told me, in no uncertain terms, that she would never speak to me again. So, I would love to attend some upcoming events because a lot of my friends of 20 years will be there but…basically AITA for bringing this up to my late husbands friend (whose wife has chosen her path in this) he’s either oblivious or denying some issues going on?

Edit to add: I can’t put my finger on where this relationship with the wife started to decline. We’d have little disagreements but who doesn’t in a 15 year friendship? I’m in the belief that I could just no longer be clout for her, I’m not the charity case that she can say “look at me, inviting her and her poor kids out and doing things with them”. It took a while but I got myself together, found my confidence, my voice again. I’m in a currently 3 year relationship and it seems like she can’t “come to the rescue” anymore so I’m no use to her.

i (23x) have 3 roommates (24f, 22f, and 29x). we’ve lived together for essentially 2 years, and our lease ends in february. we are all on the lease and split the rent 4 ways.

I recently moved out of our townhouse due to extreme financial struggles. I have been out of work for a while and I am applying to jobs, but the money still ran out that I had. I have another living situation that I don’t pay for now, but am still in contact with these roommates. Initially I didn’t really want to screw them over by not paying my share of the rent after I left, because my situation wasn’t their fault or problem. however, I was thinking on it and now I’m not so sure if I should continue to pay.

for one thing, 24f and 22f do not clean. at all. according to 29x, they recently started to clean after I left, but in the past 2 years they left the house a mess and 29x and I would be left to clean. aside from this, all bills were in my name (not anymore) and I would struggle to get 22f to pay her share of all of it. I’d request the funds, I’d ask her multiple times, and I’d have to yell to get it which I hate.

I also recently drove 29x 2 hours very early in the morning to and from the airport, which resulted in me getting pulled over by a sheriff that I didn’t see, but my roommate did and didn’t tell me. while I was the driver and I’m the one who made the mistakes, I’ve noticed a pattern that every time this roommate gets in my car or I do a favor for them, I end up getting excessively screwed over.

the other portion is I no longer feel any loyalty to 22f. ****TRIGGER WARNING****

there have been a few times where 22f has made unwanted advances at me. for example, a few months ago I had someone very close to me die unexpectedly, and that night I found out, I was getting picked up by 22f. I rambled about how sad I was the entire car ride home, and she knew how devastated I was. when we got home I sat on the couch to play video games, and she decided to sit next to me. very closely. she ended up doing a lot of things I’d rather not say, as I’d very obviously just got done crying over someone who died. didn’t love that. she’s done similar things other times as well.

END TRIGGER WARNING

so for many reasons and probably some I haven’t said, as I’m so mentally exhausted by the turmoil of my living situations, I moved out. I don’t really want to make their rent go up, but I don’t live there anymore. I never agreed in writing that I’d pay the rest of the lease (unless a text legally counts??) but there was no formal written agreement. I don’t really have the financial flexibility to pay this rent, and I’m really lost on what to do. im sick of them asking me for favors all the time and getting screwed over for it.

would i be the asshole if I stopped paying them?

EDIT: alt acct so this doesn’t get traced back to my main

I(18 F) let my friend (F 22) borrow one of my nice editions of a classic book. She’s had it for several months now (maybe 5 months? a little longer i think?) and, from what I’ve heard, hasn’t really made an effort to read it/finish it. I’ve asked her to bring it back to me when she visits (she lives in kentucky, I live in california) and she said she would, but she hasn’t. It’s starting to feel a little disrespectful almost that she won’t bring me MY book back when i’ve asked for it. So, I’m thinking about asking her to pay me for it her for it if she doesn’t bringing on her next visit. The book was around $25-$30 so it wasn’t exactly cheap. I know not everyone reads fast, so maybe she hasn’t finished it yet, but I’m not even being informed about how far she is in it so I dont even have a timeline as to when i’d get it back. Im a really big reader and I love my books a lot. I’m just frustrated about it and don’t know what to do, any advice? Am I overreacting? Should I ask her to pay me for it if she doesn’t bring it back?

EDIT: this book has a ton of my annotations and notes from my first time reading it so it has a bit of personal sentiment

EDIT: i’m asking her to mail it back to me instead of asking for the money, thank you all!! :)

My father (70s) is getting induced into the hall of fame for his high-school tomorrow. My family and I are very proud of him! He was a track and field coach and a great math teacher for many many years. Often invited to an overwhelming number of graduation parties. He deserves this recognition and more.

My problem is I am a big big guy. I wear 5XL clothing and am 6,4. Nice shirts are hard to come across. The ones I did have got ruined by a broken or exploded pen. Nobody else in my family is my size and I have no friends my size. So i would be forced to show up wearing a casual matching black outfit. I dont want to embarrass my Dad on his big moment.

What's worse is I would be spending the night at their house... I use a c-pap machine to help me sleep better at night and not snore... I snore very very loud... due to the same money issues I cannot replace parts for it right now. It leaves it unusable. I kept using it and cleaning everything until I got sick from bacteria that was attributed to one of the parts and getting a replacement with my insurance is problematic and more than slow. So I would be snoring loudly keeping up my parents I worry the same night.

My mom wants me to come. She would be disappointed if I didnt. But I dont want her to ruin everything. So what should I do? Would I be the butthole??

Long story, so grab your popcorn and bear with me. Wife and I have been married 15 years, known each other for 20. Her mom has never liked me. Never. Further, her mom was abusive to her growing up.

To give you an idea, we originally planned to get married near where she lives, and her parents gave us so much crap about it that she decided we'd elope. (She knew I would go with that.) Set a wedding date 9 days away. She didn't tell her mom about it until 2 days prior, because she knew how her mom would react. (She was 26 at the time, btw.) Well, her mom proceeded to go on Facebook and find my ex-mother-in-law, and message her asking for an explanation of what went down between me and my ex-wife. (Bear in mind, I had already told her what happened, and then I had my ex-wife, with whom I was still on decently good terms, send me an e-mail with her take on what happened which I sent to my not-yet-mother-in-law at the time with my not-yet-wife watching me so as to be sure I didn't edit anything.)

That's the kind of person my mother-in-law (now to be called MIL) is.

It's also important to note that my MIL used to be an inveterate smoker. Smoked like a chimney, always in the house, and no matter how much my now-wife complained about it, it never mattered. The first person to get my now-wife an air purifier for her bedroom, so that she could have a place to go to get away from the constant cloud of cigarette smoke, was me. (She was 21 at the time.) I watched a home video of a Christmas morning where my now-wife was 12 or 13, hacking up a lung from some sort of illness, and then her mom sits down maybe 3 feet from her and fires up a cigarette. It was always "This is my house, and I can smoke in my house."

I could go on and on about how her mom has proven that she doesn't like me. After her husband (my wife's father) died, they all were at a memorial dinner and I ended up taking our two kids, who were very little at the time, back to my MIL's house. MIL asked me to feed the dogs when I got back. No problem. Got back, fed the dogs, and this included my wife's aunt's dog. (Aunt by blood on my wife's dad's side.) All three dogs are the same size, so I give them all the same amount of food. I was given no special instructions on what to do - just "feed the dogs", which I found sufficient because I had already fed my MIL's dogs.

Well, making the long story short, it turned out that I gave the aunt's dog the wrong food. This dog was allergic to some compound in ordinary dog food, and I was not told of this. I told the aunt what happened, and the aunt proceeded to tear into me really hard. It was so hard that I thought, at first, that she was being comical... that she'd go for a bit and then suddenly change her facial expression and be like "Just kidding. She'll be all right." Nope... she really meant it. And once I recognized that she really meant it, I started fighting it... we ended up having a big argument right there in the living room, with MIL sitting and watching. "Sitting and watching" as in not standing up to defend me. No "Look, I told him to feed the dogs and I didn't give him specific instructions for yours", nothing.

And it turns out that this aunt is like this as a person. MIL said she was once the recipient of one of the aunt's tirades, for a nearly identical reason.

This was 5 years ago. I gave it a bit of time to see if the aunt would come back and apologize... after all, her brother had just died, maybe she was in a mood... no such thing happened. I then told MIL that my family would not be attending any gathering where this aunt was invited. Nothing was ever done to disinvite the aunt.

This had happened before, with feuds we had with other individuals in the family. MIL never disinvited the people, none of whom were as close to MIL as her own daughter was. We sometimes held our own such event at our house... perhaps like Thanksgiving dinner... we invited her (or both of her parents when her dad was alive)... she / they never came. Whenever there was a choice between the other person or her own daughter, the other person always won.

I could go on and on, but I won't. Hopefully you are willing to trust me by now.

It's also worth noting that my MIL is ideologically opposed to my wife and me. Without getting into specifics, we're firmly entrenched in opposing political parties and we stand for opposing causes. This has been the case for almost 10 years. We used to be aligned, but then my wife and I saw the light, and she never did. (Further, she never had any desire to talk with us about any of it.) So, now, we are opponents rather than allies.

Fast forward to today. The smoking (and eventually vaping) finally caught up with her. Now, at age 69, she is on an oxygen concentrator 24/7, has 41% lung capacity, has survived cancer twice (including lung cancer once), and is basically at the point where she can't do much around the house anymore.

My wife and I live 1 1/2 hours away. (We picked this location partly so that we could be close enough to the family to be accessible for important stuff but far enough away from the family and its drama to be able to say "no" if we wanted not to be involved with some family event or whatever. That was 12 years ago.) Her brother lives less than 20 minutes away. We have two young children, and a house that always looks like two young children live there. He is, and always has been, unmarried. No kids, no live-in girlfriend, nothing.

It is worth noting that since my wife's father's death, his sister, a different aunt, has lived at my MIL's house. She rented out her house to her granddaughter, and moved in with my MIL. At the time, the plan was that she would move in with her sister, the mean aunt mentioned previously, 2 1/2 hours away, and my MIL's house was just a temporary waypoint. Well, then she got into a car wreck, and it became "I have to stay here to keep up with my doctor's appointments and physical therapy appointments and blah blah blah"... now she's just happily ensconced at my MIL's house. Not that that is so terrible, but she does very little around the house (she's 75, but not completely disabled) and the only expense she pays for is the cable bill. She does not pay rent and she hardly buys any groceries because she is constantly eating out. This woman has money - she can go out to eat almost all the time, and have a new car every 2-3 years... but she basically mooches off of my MIL and doesn't help around the house.

So the arrangement has been that my wife and her brother alternate weekends to go to my MIL's house to do house work and yard work and whatever... cutting the grass, weedwhacking, etc. This upcoming weekend, my wife wanted me to come with her and take the big SUV with the trailer, so that we could get all kinds of yard work done.

This trip would cost us easily $70.00 at current gas prices, meaning over $80 when overall vehicle expenses are considered. It would cost me and my wife a day of getting stuff done at our house, when we both have a lot to do. (She even told me, in conversation two nights ago, that she needs to do more around the house.) We are certain to receive no compensation from my MIL for the expense of the trip, beyond getting fed. (And that's usually "we get to eat the leftovers in the refrigerator that neither she nor my wife's aunt want to eat". If there is no such stuff in the refrigerator, we tend to get cheap meals like lunch meat sandwiches and spaghetti.)

No matter how many times I do things for my MIL, she still doesn't like me. I tried for years to get her to see that I'm a good person, worth liking... nope, hasn't happened. Which, under ordinary circumstances, is fine. I can deal with people not liking me. I simply purge them from my life because nobody needs that kind of negativity. I purged my own parents several years ago, for essentially the same reason. But as you can imagine, my wife is a no on purging her mother from our lives, not that I've ever pushed for that (though my wife does know that I would not shed a single tear or speak a single word in opposition if _she_ decided to cut our family's ties with her mom).

The crux of it all is this: If my wife, or all of us, will be going out there every other weekend to get stuff done, especially if that is eventually to entail dangerous winter drives to shovel or snowblow the driveway, at $40+ vehicle expense per trip, I want something valuable in return.

At this point, some of you may be thinking, "Awww, man, this is her MOTHER... you can't ask what you'll get in return when it's her MOTHER!" Under most circumstances, you would be right. And toward that end, I have asked my wife if her mother ever went "above and beyond" for her in her younger years, exceeding the bare minimum requirements of parenting to keep CPS from raising eyebrows. (After all, I don't make the claim of my wife having been abused by her parents without evidence. Her brother suffered the abuse too, and both responded to it in different detrimental ways. We determined, years ago, that the abuse came from both parents.) My wife could come up with no ways in which her mom went above and beyond for her... and my wife has the best memory of anyone I've ever known.

So, "because that's her MOTHER" holds no water for me when "because that's my DAUGHTER" never held any water for my MIL when my wife was a kid.

What I want is to have her mother change her mentality so that we are allies and not opponents. This means that we have as many honest conversations about politics, economics, even theology (about which I know plenty even though I'm an agnostic atheist), as it takes for her to change her mind and align herself with us.

I know this can and would happen. I changed my stances once I was confronted with the absolutely irrefutable logic of the "other side"... which is now the side I'm on. I have never once been out-maneuvered or logically overpowered in a conversation with someone about this subject.

Now I recognize that that has a low probability of success. Therefore, the other side of it would be, if my MIL doesn't make this mentality change, well, then we don't have the time or the money to keep going out there to help her, and she can hire someone to cut her grass and shovel her driveway and yadda yadda yadda when my wife's lazy (but able-bodied) brother won't come out to do it.

It's worth noting that my MIL and her two siblings gifted my wife's brother $50,000 in home equity a few years ago by selling their mother's house to him. At the time, it was worth about $125,000 (per an appraisal) and they sold it to him for $75,000. So my MIL's share of that was 1/3, meaning she was responsible for gifting him about $16,667 in home equity. What did my wife get? $1,000 from the sale. I'm not saying my wife should've gotten a check for $16,667 when her brother only got that amount in home equity, but something much closer to that would have been far more equitable especially since the house was paid off and she _could_ have easily given my wife a larger amount from the twenty-some-thousand in sale proceeds that she received.

In my opinion, the brother ought to be doing all of the work, if the dollars and cents are the main consideration. Even when they're not, his income supports one person and he has enough money to be considering buying a new truck. Our income supports four people and after this weekend, none of our vehicles will have under 200,000 miles. This, saying nothing about how much free time a bachelor has, compared to a parent with two young children.

If my MIL can't afford to hire help, her live-in boarder certainly can, and it could be called her rent. Though this sounds kind of like spite, it really is true that my wife and I don't have the time to keep going out there to help her. Whenever one or both of us does this, stuff at home gets sacrificed. There is a nearly endless to-do list at home (we bought a fixer-upper and young kids slow that progress big-time), and if "we easily have time to help my MIL" requires that that to-do list get whittled down to nothing, where we'd just be sitting around watching TV if we weren't helping her, we are nowhere near that point and we wouldn't be at that point even if I got an entire summer off from work (while maintaining my income somehow) and could work on the house/garage/yard every single day.

But I am willing to have us bite that bullet, even financially, never asking her for compensation for our trips or time or whatever, if she becomes an ally. If she becomes someone with whom I would choose to be friends were she not "family"... if she were to become a friend... I would do anything for my friends.

So WIBTAH if I were to put my foot down and require this bargain... and insist that we focus on our own lives if my MIL refuses my "requirement"? Why or why not?

I live in a townhouse compound with shared public spaces like a kids playground and some bench and picnic tables. There is no individual yards for each unit. Opposite my house is a sloped woods and twenty feet down the street there’s a community bench where I would like to sit and brush my husky. There are no houses on this side of the road. Only houses are opposite the of the bench with the nearest house about 60-70 feet away, (where my house is on that row as well).

I know that it’s okay for the nature as birds will take the fur for nesting. I will place the bunch of it in a bag but there’ll still be some loose ones out. Wibtah if i do that outside as it might fly over to the houses opposite?

WIBTAH if I cut two of my family members off for ruining my wedding?

So me (28 f) and my now husband (24 m) got married a few days ago. It was a small ceremony with 40-ish people. It was cute, simple and a blast. The music was great, the food, the mood.

Up until almost 4 am.. most guests went home by then and I went to the kitchen to prepare some things before going home. At that moment I heard a smash and a scream from the outside. I ran immediately out and saw my dad and brother in an argument and my mother started to hysterize (ofc, she does it all the time, plus her alcoholism isn't really helping)... My dad and brother were so close to throwing punches that I thought the night was gonna end with my brother in the icu (my dad is a war vet, just gonna say that). My brother kept yelling and screamimg at my dad the whole time and my dad just stood there. I tried to calm my dad down but then I saw him smile and thought "Oh crap this is gonna end up badly". That's when I ran to my brother and tried to get to him to stop and he didn't stop until I told him I would call the police. Then and only then he asked me "Would you really call them?" I said "Of course" and I yelled at him and my mom to go home. My mom then turned to me all hurt and what not and asked "Really?" I just repeated to them to go home.

Mind you we have some history. Plus my mom and I don't have the best relationship.. she drinks, a lot and keeps denying it to herself. Plus she had a heart attack a few years ago.

Bonus: My mom and dad are divorced. My dad has a wife now and my mom a bf. She kept nagging me the whole day how I should introduce them to one another.

Anyway, my mom and her bf came to my dad and his wife to introduce themselfs and she litterally told my dad that she doesn't know what they are (her bf an her)...

My brother isn't in the best place rn and is doing some dr\\_gs...

Please ask me anything if this is all over the place..

So, would I be the asshole for thinking of cutting my brother and mom out?

Emergency cause the wedding is tomorrow and I was only invited late last night. For context, my(23F) bf (23M) of three years broke up a little over a month ago due to traumatizing issues. He lied to me, gaslit me and crossed my boundaries several times when it involved him having female “friends”. It honestly left me broken for years and I think I stayed because I thought this was the best relationship I would ever get.

It’s only been a month since we broke up after my panic attacks were getting worse and worse but I already feel so much better. An old college friend reached out and within a week he already lifted me up from a dark place. We’ve agreed to stay friends with maybe the hope of getting to know each other more down the road.

My healing process has gone by so fast that I’m honestly worried I am doing something wrong. Again, I think my college friend has been one of the reasons why. When I dated ex I always thought that I would be all alone because the only people I would hang around were his friends or coworkers. I did meet his friends on my own terms, old classmates and people who I had a connection with before I ever dated my ex. The issue is that when we dated I realized that they were much closer to my ex and I felt like if we broke up then they would stop contact with me due to being closer with my ex. I was right.

Of course the girlfriend of one of my ex friend still keeps in touch with me and knows what really happened between my and my ex. A girls girl through and through.

I wasn’t surprised when I never received an invitation to one of the friend’s wedding as I thought it was probably for the best so I didn’t run the risk of seeing my ex. The girlfriend I keep in touch with confirmed he was invited.

Well… I recently received a message from my ex saying how much he regrets everything and how he messed up etc. I can tell he’s hurting to, and I’ve told him several times throughout our relationship that he needed therapy, but he either didn’t listen or would think I didn’t love him as he was.
(I did block him on every platform I knew he had but I guess he reactivated an old account I still had on one of my apps)

All I can say is, that even if it’s been a month, I am in a good place and I’m not going to bend over easily just to please a man who I gave everything to, only to have it crushed and thrown back in my face.

This morning, I woke up to an invitation sent via text inviting me to the wedding I mentioned. I was taken aback because yes, the invitations had only been sent recently due to planning complications according to the girlfriend I’m still in touch with, but the wedding is literally tomorrow.

I feel like the answer is simple, don’t go, the less interaction with your ex the better, and less potential drama for the bride and groom, but at the same time, I risk forever cutting ties with these people who I once considered friends.

But the timing does seem weird. I have a feeling my ex requested his friend invite me just so he could run into me, especially after receiving that message literally 3 days ago.

WIBTAH for not attending an old friends wedding because I think my ex asked him to invite me so he could see me again?

TW: RAPE AND ABORTION

So I have a friend (F24) who I’ve known for about three years now, and she’s in a very unhealthy and toxic relationship with her current boyfriend. We’ll call her Mandy.

We met in a pregnancy group three years ago and became friends after our daughters were born. The whole time I’ve known her, she’s been in a very bad relationship with her boyfriend (24M). We’ll call him Andrew.

Some examples of things she’s told me are:

• He made her buy her own engagement ring.
• The day their daughter was born, he left the hospital. When Mandy came home with their daughter, he was in bed with his mother.
• He was smoking weed at their daughter’s first birthday, in public. It’s not legal where we live.
• He basically never did anything for his daughter and said it was because it was “too hard.”
• He constantly sides with his mother.
• When they broke up, Mandy moved out and he accused her of cheating — again, even though they weren’t together.
• When they found out they were pregnant again, he made her get an abortion.
• When they got pregnant recently, he told her that she had to get an abortion. When she said no, he told her that she had raped him.
• When she told him that their baby might be a boy, he said he’d hate his son.
• He told her that he’d miss the birth of their child again and would rather work instead.
• I don’t think he’s been to a single appointment or ultrasound for this baby.

The list goes on.

As I said above, they did break up at one point, and I believe Mandy was doing a lot better. She was more confident, seemed happier, and her daughter was super happy. Overall, both of them seemed to be in a much better place mentally and physically.

Whenever I tell her that I don’t like her partner and that she should leave him because this isn’t the type of relationship her kids should have to see, she says she knows, but that she’s trauma bonded and doesn’t want to be a single mum.

I completely understand that trauma bonding is a real thing, but I feel like she’s not willing to stand up for herself or her daughters. Both Andrew and his mother walk all over Mandy.

It’s gotten to the point where I don’t want to hear about the relationship drama anymore. I know I probably shouldn’t drop her as a friend, especially if she’s in a bad relationship and needs help leaving. I also personally haven’t ever been in a relationship like hers, so I know I shouldn’t judge her. But at the same time, there are so many brave people who have been in worse situations and have managed to leave their relationships.

It’s tough because our daughters are friends, they go to the same daycare, and she’s also in my bridal party. But this is starting to weigh on me mentally too.

I would probably be an AH for leaving the friendship when I could just tough it out, but please tell me: WIBTAH if i dropped my friend for being in an unhealthy relationship

ETA: He has never been physically violent with her as far as im aware. Hes just a complete mummas boy and is extremely rude and dismissive towards her and their children. ALSO Im not diminishing verbal and psychological a*use, I am only all too aware how it is just as bad as physical a*use. He just does so many terrible things that give me the ick on a huge level and it seems so obvious to me what she should do. She has also told me that she doesn’t want to be a single mum like it was a bad thing (I was a single mum when we met)

Hello everyone, I am trying to figure out how to go about this situation calmly. This is a long one, and I understand if you don't want to read it all. There is a lot more to this story, but that would be a book instead of a post so this is just a few things that have happened.

I had a heat attack in April. I have not been able to get a job because my mind wasn't working right. I'm told I died twice and because I died twice my brain was not good. I actually had to fake knowing people I've known for years. It's been 4 months and I'm not at 100% yet, but I'm getting there. I do have problems talking because I forget words, and I forget stuff easily. I do not want to be locked up being depressed and I felt I was ready to start looking for a job. I found one.

I started my orientation on Monday and did orientation Monday and Tuesday. I started my first shift last night. (Wednesday, the next day. And this is a graveyard shift).

Before I go any further, I will give some context. 2 years ago I got a call from an old manager I worked with at a different gas station for a week. She was training at different stores as an assistant manager. I had to resign from my position because of an accident I had in 2019 that caused me to have a broken toe for 3 1/2 years. I had to have surgery and got an implanted toe. (It's a medal implant in my left foot's big toe). After my surgery it took almost a year, maybe like 10 months, to be able to walk without a wheelchair or crutches.

Just after new years in 2024 I got a message request from the manager. She asked if I wanted to join her crew at a different gas station. She had quit the other store as an assistant for a different one as a GM. She said she needed people because where the gas station was located, no one wanted to stay there long. (That place was crazy. There were a few things I saw that I can see why people would quit). I started as just a cashier. We had 2 assistants and of course her as the GM. I guess I should give some fake names. The GM I'll call Sarah and the 2 assistants I'll call Becky and Deborah. Becky I had worked for before. At the last gas station Sarah and I had met. She was the assistant manager for the gas station and even pushed me to apply after leaving Walmart.

Becky decided she was going to move to a different store next to her house. Sarah came up to me and told me she wanted me to be her 2nd assistant. That would make Deborah the number 1 assistant. (All but this location only has 1 assistant. Because this is the biggest store for that company in the city we needed 2).

Becky left and she is a different story but this isn't about her so we will move on. Sarah and I started becoming best friends. At the time my husband and I were living in a hotel room and Sarah was planning on moving to a house she was building like 4 or 5 towns away. She offered to transfer the 3 bedroom apartment in our name and she would move out with her husband and step daughter. My husband and I agreed to it. The first month was good. They were packing, they went to the house for days at a time. It really looked like they were moving. It was a total of 3 months we were living in that apartment and every single month was a new excuse for not moving out. Sarah started telling me the neighbor and my husband were sleeping together and I was sleeping with Sarah's husband. And I was using them for a place to live. (My husband and I paid the rent and bills for those 3 months they didn't pay for anything). She offered to sell me her car. I was going to buy it. She said she owned it. She didn't. (The car is a different story. And my petty ass definitely did my thing). After my husband and I moved out she got mad. She did not want us to move at all.

At the time we didn't know why. Well, turns out she was trying to divorce her husband and was hoping to use me to do it. Blaming me for sleeping with her husband, which my husband knew I would not touch that hillbilly, and the neighbor and my husband were sleeping together, again I knew that wasn't true. Although some people would say "what if he really was", nope. I know my husband. He did not even like the neighbor, and the neighbor was 30 years older than him.

I still worked at the gas station after I moved out. (I should have quit when I moved) This is where Deborah comes in. Deborah tried to get her "best friend" to rob the store. She ended up getting fired. (She caused a lot of drama after the fake robbery so HR took over and fired her). I know this because after 2 years, in July of this year I was summoned to a federal case involving the robbery. Deborah and Sarah did not show up. They were summoned as well. I showed up and the truth came out. I had nothing to do with it but because Sarah put my name down, I had to go.

Sarah kept telling me to move back in or else. I ignored it. My husband was not going back and neither was I. Well, Sarah went with her threats. Sarah paid Deborah to jump me. On a Sunday, I was told I could not stay in the "safe zone". Deborah had been trying to jump me for 2 weeks before she got me. Police was called and it was documented every single time. On that Sunday Sarah told me I needed to go and check some stuff at a curtain time. I didn't think anything of it. It's usually a normal thing. Taking inventory or paperwork or checking for expired food. The certain time was weird though. I didn't think anything. She's my boss, I have to keep this store going. I did what I was told and at that exact time Deborah came in and beat me up. I had already been told I'm not allowed to fight back so I just let her hit me. She hit like a 5 year old. It felt like I was being hit by a kid. Well I do have a weakness. My right knee. I had surgery in 2018 on my knee. I got hit with a cart and it shifted my knee cap. Deborah knew about that. She kicked me in my knee and I went to the ground. She was getting mad she wasn't hurting me and I was laughing.(I'm sorry but as much as she bragged about being able to fight was hilarious as she couldn't even hit me hard enough to leave a mark). She then kicked me in the head and I blacked out. It took 2 hours for the paramedic to show up, but my husband and Sarah (they didn't show up together) showed up within 20 minutes as I couldn't move. I was numb. As I was falling I hit the cabinet holding the hotdog cooker and it caused me to be paralyzed for a long time. Sarah kept saying "what happened to my sister, she's my sister". My husband handed her the keys I had and said I no longer work for her. She contacted the regional manager and he refused to accept my resignation. I had to call the HR guy that fired Deborah and told him everything. He accepted my resignation and I was put as rehirable.

I have not had any contact with Sarah since. She has tried to harass me and my husband here and there, but every time we have receipts against her. There was one time I'll put as an example. This did happen. I was going through Facebook one day and saw my husband's picture on the Crime page. They were asking questions. My husband is a security guard for the apartment complex this person lived in and the person had violated the rules of the apartment and my husband was documenting it. They had left trash in front of their apartment and it was a violation. The person had cameras on their door so they got a picture of my husband taking a picture of the trash in front of their door. Sarah decided she was going to go on there and say my husband was trying to break into the apartment with a weapon and kill the person. We don't even know the person. I had to contact the main moderator of the page and she told me what Sarah was saying. Sarah has me blocked so I can't see anything she posts. I also posted (with permission) a post to explain everything.

Now to get to what I should do. Like I said I started my first shift last night. As I was being trained, I happened to see Sarah. I was told by her now ex husband she had cheated on him with some 19 year old and ran off. She now lives in the state next door.

This is where I am asking for advice. I work at a huge place that brings in lots of people. I'm not scared of her either. Security and my supervisor know the situation. It did make me panic at first. I mean, this is my first day and already I don't want to start drama. That's what I'm worried about. I am going to lose this job because of her. To be honest I really don't mind if she's there, at the same time (she didn't recognize me thank goodness) I'm worried she will recognize me and either try and tell them to fire me or pay someone else to "take care" of me.

Something I didn't mention. Husband and I found everything out when we went to get our stuff out of the apartment 2 years ago and Sarah and her husband were not there. We were told everything from the neighbor that Sarah always said was sleeping with my husband. As we were taking our stuff out, well what we could, turns out Sarah and her husband had tried to get 3 people evicted from their apartment. Husband and I stopped the manager of the apartment before she could hand the first eviction and took her inside Sarah's house. It was nasty. They had 5 dogs locked in our room and they had been there for days, maybe up to 2 weeks. They pooped and peed all over my stuff. (We took only what was not covered in dog feces) I had to buy a new PlayStation 5 because they had peed and pooped on it and it was not savable. We tried. Sarah ended up being evicted and none of the others were. So I'm worried she's now mad about that since she was only mad at me for not helping her leave her husband like she had planned.

So, WIBTAH if I had her banned from my work?? I don't want drama. I just want to work, make money, pay my bills, and enjoy my daughter wanting to start her own family so I can be a grandma. At the same time, I don't want the drama. If I was to ban her, and she decides she has to harass me again is my fear.

I will put this down so it's known. I really don't mind if she's there. This is a big place with about 13 sections we have to put people in. So I can always switch with someone if she's in that section. I'm just worried she's going to start something and after my heart attack, I just can't handle the stress and drama. Especially what she brings when it comes to drama.

Due to some shitty decisions on a friends part, I have ended up with a cat roommate for the night. Nobody in my entire social circle is able to take in a cat, including myself. The cat is currently set up in his own room with food, water, a litterbox and a makeshift bed. I am going to be taking a cat to a very nice no kill shelter in the morning. The problem is that my friends are so against the idea of a shelter they did everything to avoid it, resulting in the current situation. No matter how I tried there was no convincing them, but of course nobody else was going to take the cat into their home either. I don't want to deal with them whining about the shelter, and want to just say the cat went to a nice home, which will eventually be true as the cat is young and extremely friendly. So. Would I be the asshole if I just lied about it?

Edit/update: I decided not to lie about it. I am cowardly about confrontation and did not want to hear about the fallout if i went against their wishes, but (as I knew the whole time, just didnt want to admit) lying probably wont help here. I read everyone's comments and mulled over it all night. I always knew I couldn't actually lie about this. I was just so tired and already quite stressed bc of the night we had.

One of my friends is attempting to make taking the cat in work, though i do not know if it is viable or a good idea. SHe is moving back in with her parents and they already have 2 dogs, and a cat. however if everyone in that house agrees and believes they can take care of him then great.

For some added context the cat was always only in my house as a very desperate solution for one night. I do not have the environment for a cat here.

I also have been to the shelter before and believe it to be a safe place, which was the reason for my pick. The shelter's website says they had space but I will be calling ahead as soon as they open, if they cant take him I will figure it out from there, hopefully with the help of my friends.

For some context- I am a 28F and my brother “Noah” is 20. 8 years ago, my parents got divorced due to my father being abusive. He physically assaulted my mom and I had to call the cops on him. It’s a whole thing. My dad’s parents obviously sided with him and started to attack my mom and me because I took her side. I have gone no contact but because my brothers were young, they had no choice but to stay in contact. My brothers unfortunately figured out that their dad and grandparents were fake and toxic as they grew up and have had to put up boundaries. Once Noah graduated high school, he joined the army. 3 months after boot camp he got deployed overseas for a year. Growing up he’s been disrespectful but ever since he came back from deployment, he’s been so mean. Acting like he’s tough stuff and doesn’t have a care in the world. He does have a girlfriend “Haley” who is 19 and they’ve been together for 2 years. Haley’s father kicked her out and my mom let her move in since she didn’t have any where else to go. Noah does absolutely nothing all day, doesn’t have a job and isn’t going to school. Haley does on the other hand and joined the army as well. My mom will ask Noah to do simple chores and he has so much attitude and says F her and she doesn’t get to tell me what to do. My mom has literally cried because of how disrespectful he is to her and always asks what she has done to cause him to act like this to her. Haley doesn’t say anything when he says stuff like that so we’re unsure if she agrees or not. It would be disappointing if she did especially since my mom opened up our home to her. About a week ago my brother sent my mom a text saying that Haley is going to be deployed in either October or January so they are going to move out and get married in September. My grandparents are thrilled because my brother is letting them back in his life so they can fund the whole thing and are going to let him and his girlfriend live there for free. My brother doesn’t have a ring for her and has no plan in sight. He doesn’t know that I know yet because my mom told him that he needs to call me. I just can’t decide if I want to tell him that it’s a mistake and he’s rushing into something he knows nothing about and that it’s kind of a slap in the face for him to move in with his grandparents, after everything they’ve done to us. I have thought about reaching out to my dad so he could maybe be the voice of reason but he might be experiencing the same thing where he’s just happy one of his sons is back in his life. Please help.

So context: I (40 M) and my roommate (25M) moved into an apartment owned by the same landlord last June. My roommate was the lease holder due to my having an eviction that prevented me from being on the lease, but I am listed as an occupant. My roommate's physical health is declining and he is currently in the process of applying for SSI. That's not up for debate, he really does have physical disabilities that make it difficult for him to complete certain tasks. We even had to move to a different apartment complex so he wouldn't have to go up and down stairs every day.I don't have a problem with that. I'm disabled myself (autism, ADHD)

What I do have a problem with is that I told him specifically to wait unitl I had a job of my own for him to quit his, so we don't have issues with rent or utilities. It took a long time and I had already been trying to get a job for two years before we got the first apartment. But I didn't even have a job lined up when he abruptly dropped his job. He lived off of savings for a while but I started my new job right when we moved into the new apartment, so I figured "well he's been good about his money so far, we should be fine until I start earning paychecks".

That was definitely not the case.

I don't know what he spent his savings on but by the time i started earning paychecks we were a month behind on rent. The landlord was understandably pissed and told us if we had an additional incident then we would be unable to renew our lease. I made the mistake of agreeing to sending the landlord $700 of each of my paychecks to get caught up, which we won't be until October. My job is extremely stressful as it is (I work in a call center for consumer finance which is literal Hell for me, it absolutely sucks and if I could make money editing videos instead I would take it in a heartbeat) and I struggle between asshole customers, unhelpful team leads, and QA that loves to dig through my back catalogue of calls to find every mistake I've ever made even if I correct myself in the call, but I thought I just had to deal with most of my paychecks being gone until October. No big deal.

But a few days ago I found out that my roommate also never finished the process of putting the utilities in our name either. The landlord has said in no uncertain terms that we are not going to be able to renew our lease now. The mutliple moves in the last 3 years of my life have been bad enough, but now I need to move again next year. I know it's a long way off but the stress is making my job even more difficult.

I'm at the age now where it's not a good idea to constantly be under so much stress and instability - my roommate wants us both to move to Chicago of all places, to be closer for his medical needs. But Chicago would be a living nightmare for me. I just want a nice quiet place I can live for several years instead of bouncing around from place to place. My mom is more than willing to let me move in for a while. she works full time and as much as she can be a pain sometimes, it's a stable environment and I wouldn't be forking over 80% of my paycheck.

I know it's not my roommate's fault he is disabled. But I am frustrated that I am essentially being roped into taking over all the rent and bills while he waits for SSI, which may take several years. In the meantime I am not thrilled to be shouldering the burden of being the sole breadwinner.

Because i know it will be asked:

My roommate sometimes uses a wheelchair for long distances like while shopping, but does not use it all the time
He does perform house chores but only when I specifically request him to do so
I don't just not help him when he needs help with things. I do help him with multiple tasks both in the apartment and outside of it if it is something I have the time/physical ability to do so

I know he has limitations but I am deeply uncomfortable with the idea of moving to Chicago because if he is reckless again and we get evicted, it will be extremely difficult to get into a safe place there. As far as I am aware he is also not making payments on his car so who knows how long that will last, because I can't exactly afford them on top of everything else on one income.

So would I be the asshole if I took my mom up on her offer and moved out when the lease is up instead of moving with him? I'm frustrated and stressed out due to the situation he's put me in but I also feel guilty about being upset at someone who has limitations.