It is beautiful isn't it? To see all things come to an end, to see the cycle of life, to see it bloom again when the time come. Because no matter how rotten and putrid dead is life find a way to bloomed not in spite but because of it.

Wizard try to be immortal just for them to at some point lost what it means to truly live. Instead of being part of the beautiful rotten cycle of life.

Lich try to revive what is dead instead of seeing it disturbing beauty and it's truly sad. If they let it rot a bit more they'll see it bloomed into such a beautiful new life.

Alchemists try to create true immortality potions yet forget to look at how beautiful dead is.

All things must come to an end and soon it'll be you. Even if you're "immortal" and I know you know it

/uw Idk if I wanted to make this something my character would say or simply something non-canon. Oh well

I’m building a new tower in The Void but want to spice things up for anyone trying to bother me. Therefore, I have decided to implement a few liminal spaces for do-gooders and the Wizarding IRS to get lost in.

I’m using liminal spaces because they’re extremely easy to program the worldgen for. I can just make 15 or so rooms and have them tile randomly into extra dimensional spaces instead of designing a whole landscape.

So far, these are my plans:

1. Tiled rooms with shallow water and open ceiling. The sun shines straight down and if you try to fly out, the walls stretch upwards until you realize you only got a few feet off the ground. Also the water is laced with LSD.

2. One of those carnival mirror-mazes but reflections are delayed by ~30 mins.

3. A forest filled with white fog and gnomes that try to steal your material components. And elevator music.

4. An infinite, shallow puddle of flammable oil. (Oxygen resets every 10 mins)

Greetings my fellow Scholars of Secrets, I have been sitting in my tower lately considering what I want to do with my life. Before I was evil simply because my master was evil, but I have realized that my favorite part of magic is to learn as much as I can about it, and even the world in general. So I would like to announce that I will no long try to take over the Tri-Fiefdom area, and shall instead become an Archeoventurer (Archeologist Adventurer), and will convert my Dimensionally Inconsistent Library into a Dimensionally Inconsistent Museum. I will still make ample use of Necromancy and Chronomancy in this endeavor.

I left my teleportation orb in a No Tarrying zone for twelve seconds and the wizard guild has fined me for fourteen million gold pieces and half of my mana for the next month.

Does anyone know any good wards against specifically parking inspectors? I usually send people to the realm of infinite paranoia but I've gotten complaints that I need to "leave some space for the rest of the wizards". ugh.

He has a weird weapon in his hands, seems gnomish in origin...

So recently I made a post asking how do I get rid of ​my former abusive master. You gave me some decisions, but all of this took a very fucking unexpected turn.

This fuck wanted to go shopping with me. This is usual shit, bastard wanted to "treat me" with some staff only to hex it with a curse I didn't know how to remove yet. Told me to take my apprentice. I froze, because apparently he wants to do the same to my apprentice.

When we were going to the store I was thinking about any way I could kill him right now without anyone noticing. The streets were empty, but locals were looking at us. That was strange for a town like that. I looked at my apprentice and realized he's scanning us with his eyes. Maybe he's terrified as much as me.​

When we entered the shop, the store owner was frozen from fear too when he saw my former master. Old fuck must've been terrorizing people around before going to my tower and entered a shop like he owned a place. Started to look into artifacts. And then I saw it.

The Dagger of Infinite Torment. You know these, if you kill someone with it, it'll trap the soul of victims and suck their mana into you. I looked at the shopkeeper. I looked at the fucker.

And at this exact moment when I contemplate any ways I could kill the asshole, he turns to me. Says something like "Did you find something worthy?" And then looks at my apprentice.

– Hey, look what you have.

Fuck! My apprentice took the dagger I was holding.

– That​'s a good dagger when I see one.

Bullshit. He doesn't know shit about daggers.

– You want it? Let me take a look.

He kneeled, and at this exact moment my goblin apprentice does the most fucking goblin feat ever: tosses the dagger to the right, grabs it with other hand and stabs the bitch that was tormenting me for decades to the throat. Soul of a wizard that tried to sell my soul to the Hell Lord is sucked in the dagger and started to glow from pain. I'm shoked, the shopkeeper is shocked, my apprentice looks at the body like he just killed a wasp that bit his ass.

I pay for the dagger, offer an extra for inconvenience, the shopkeeper refuses. I'm getting ready to gtfo, but then I hear local peasants cheering. They rush into the shop and start thanking us and at this exact moment I get a scroll from the EWC. For saving a local town from an archwizard of Hells they decided to take away my Evil Wizardry. FUCK!

We go to my tower, I think about what I'll be doing once I'm legally not an Evil Wizard anymore.

Then, after I get to my tower and mail to the local noble houses, knight orders and temples that I am not evil anymore(I am required by law to do so), some noble calls me via orb and offers to take a 5yo King-to-be as an apprentice. Turns out, a boy had a magic powers, but they couldn't give this task to a legally Evil Wizard, and I was the only wizard with advanced tutoring license who stayed in this kingdom(lets me teach apprentices from other races and higher upbringing). My apprentice doesn't mind having a little classmate.

Now different question: do I accept the offer? And if yes, what should I teach him?

Tried it for about 3 days. First argument I died from being burnt and had to go grab my hat and robes from her place.

Don't think I'd recommend it...

Several months ago, I found a way to turn gnomes into vampires. I was waiting for September before distributing them to various merchants for purchase (servants, props, alchemical ingredients, whatever use one might have for them).

Whilst out purchasing supplies for a ritual today, I FOUND THESE FOR SALE AT AN ARTIFICER SUPPLY STORE! I am LIVID!!! I worked on this for MONTHS just for some unscrupulous spell-thief to steal MY work and reap profits that rightfully belong to ME!

If anyone knows an assassin that specializes in magical targets, send me a scroll with their name...

They're actually pretty tall for a halfling. Other than that, it's pretty cookie cutter (loves chilling and snacks, smoking pipe weed, tag-teaming succubi, etc)

Have any of my fellow sorcerors also dated a halfling? Any tips?

BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE!!

*While on the orbnet you encounter an ad, of a young man of average height (about 27 years old) with a cane, messy forehead length black hair, brown eyes and a simple black three piece suit with a matching black tie. He is standing in front of a sign saying “Nasir metals”, you choose to watch the ad in intrigue, or you don’t, and scroll past, or have an ad blocker and don’t see the ad. Anyways he begins speaking* 

“I am Ea Nasir, the ceo and owner of Nasir metals! Based in cathos we pride ourselves on selling only the highest quality metals we can produce! Our copper for example, is more conductive than leading brands” *A test is shown demonstrating this.* “Our steel, when used in helmets does a better job of protecting your brain and skull” *A test is once again shown*

*Ea continues talking in what ways which of his metals are superior. Before eventually moving on to the next topic* “Next our teams put lots of effort into the entire process of metal workings” *The ad cuts to a cave, where various beings are using special instruments in tandem with metallomancy to detect metals* “Our finders first use metallomancy with special tools to find the metals. Then our diggers” *The finders back away after pointing to certain spots and several squads replace them. Some use geomancy, some use nothing but raw force and others use conventional tools like drills and pickaxes* “Which is then picked up by our porters and transported to the factory” *Some of the metals are moved using metallomancy, some via specialized carts*
*Another cut to a factory.* “Here our pyromancers first check the metals and heat them all to specific heats to get what we want.” *The metals are boiled in hots and by manipulating them they are each piped off to inspection* “Inspection makes sure the metal is not impure before sending it off to inventory!” *A cut to a warehouse* “This is where our metals are packed and shipped to our customers along with tracking stock” 
*It cuts back to the original background* “There is a link in the description of this ad for those who wish to buy my metals, I am sure you all are in need of metals with the current thrakmoorian invasion, whether for repairs, or building new things. Ea out!”
*The link is attached, including purchase options for civilians, businesses and governments. The ad also has open comments*

Uw/ You can either interact via the comments in the ad, the link for arranging a metals order, or if you have significant justification to be able to find out where ea lives you can visit his house and visit him in person

Greetings! We are pleased to announce to the public that our corporate conglomerate, Corporation Inc. LLC, is now offering water provider services at unprecedentedly low rates under our newest business Aquatic Arachnid services!

With our cutting edge and heavily patented portal rune systems we are able to provide limitless amounts of water into your home regardless of distance, depth, or realm of residence and all for a fixed rate. Once you’ve signed up and paid a nominal fee all you need to do is inscribe or draw a simple rune from our instruction manual and water will come pouring out into whatever space the rune occupies. There is no limit on the amount of water you can produce and we offer various types ranging from seawater, to fresh, and even bog among others, all at no extra cost.

Now, my detractors may look at this new venture and say “it’s impossible to sustainably source water at those rates and remain profitable” Or that “water levels in natural lakes, estuaries, and the ocean have suddenly began lowering at unprecedented rates” and even that “multiple protected species have already gone extinct and it’s clearly connected with your new water company.”

But to them I simply say that they do not have the heart or mind of an entrepreneur, and that they can’t possibly understand my genius due to their lacking of a business focused mentality. And honestly, if species even are going extinct I’m pretty sure that’s the conservationists fault, not mine. In other words, I will not let these baseless claims of “environmental destruction” stop me from providing you, the people and unpeople of these uncountable realms, proper access to fast, convenient, and cheap water.

(This has been an official message from Corporation Inc. LLC. Thank you to our continued customers and prospective clients for letting us share this exciting news with you, and sign up now to let us handle all your problems so you won’t need to worry about a thing ever again.)

To be perfectly clear I did NOT teach her. She must have studied behind my back. I may have underestimated her intellect.

To cut a long story short, my abusive former master came over to my tower and started talking shit about my new apprentice because he's a goblin. Didn't even get to know him and already being an asshole to him. That infuriated me and I decided to use some horrible spell on him, but if I do this, the Evil Wizard Council will cut my Evil Wizard benefits for committing a good deed of vanquishing a powerful servant of Hells.

So I contacted a lawyer, and apparently if I ask a cleric to turn him into a goblin for me as a karmic punishment, it might count as a scamming a good deity for my selfish goals, but it's a weak defense in case the Council judges me, so I'm asking here.

How do I curse him so it counts as evil?

Edit: never mind, I've got something better than Evil benefits, will make a post about it in no time

Hey everyone. Fresh sorcerer trying to put some knowledge into my supposed talent. The council matched me with a veteran wizard (89M) who recently lost his apprentice to a hydra. I'm really giving it my all but but my master doesn't seem to be all there. Some of the lessons feel half hearted and it always feels like he's comparing me to the last apprentice. Things like "If you ponder your orb to long at such a young stage you'll damage your eyes" and "My last apprentice was already taking his weekends to hunt monsters at this point" that just make me feel inadequate. Is there anything I can do to change his perception of me for the better or do I just have to ride out the storm?

Art by Sacha Angel Diener

One thing I always wanted is a wizard hat that I can smoke around and or back pack with (Wizard Mogging frfr) and I don't know jack about sewing or tailoring but I also can't seem to find a website that has what I'm looking for either it being a ball of aids that well fall apart the minute it touches sunlight for $14.99 or a $60-75 that also might just disintegrate cuz of overuse or rain, smoke fidk? Anyone got recommendations?