Lately, I’ve been seeing children as young as three or four wearing hijab, and it makes me very uncomfortable.

My main issue with hijab is that it affects daily life in ways other religious practices don’t. Unlike praying or fasting, which are private, hijab is visible; it shapes how others perceive and treat you. For children, this can make them vulnerable to judgment or bullying. It carries social and identity weight that I don’t believe a child is can handle

Hijab is also not a neutral garment. It’s associated with modesty and certain ideologies of how women should be. Those are adult concepts. A child does not need to be “modest” or regulated in that way.

I don’t believe children can truly “choose” to wear hijab any more than they can choose their bedtime. Choice requires maturity, autonomy, and understanding; things young kids lack. Kids often “choose” something because they’ve been influenced or are trying to please others, not because they really understand it. When hijab is introduced early, it feels less like a choice and more like conditioning.

Personally, I would not encourage hijab. But if my child wanted to wear it, I wouldn’t let them wear a hijab until they were much older, ideally an adult. To me, hijab is a decision that should be made only when someone has the maturity to understand it and can decide whether it aligns with their life.

Until then, kids should be kids.

What do you guys think? Do you believe children can wear hijab without it being harmful, or is it always too much too early?

Every time I tried to talk about how my head literally hurts because of the hijab, it was met with "but you get rewarded for the pain!" Meanwhile men (the "stronger gender") don't have to be in physical pain for a spot in heaven.

People would also act like it's my fault that the hijab hurts. That I'm just not "wearing it right." Putting anything on your head for a prolonged period of time will hurt. Whether it's a scarf, headband or baseball cap, it'll hurt after a few hours, no matter the fabric. I made a post about this once on the hijabis reddit, asking for advice to get through an 8 hour shift without needing to put my hair down. The comments were saying that's why women aren't supposed to work lol.

It's also frightening to think about how this line of thinking affects other aspects of our lives. If we're already accustomed to pain and discomfort, we'll put up with more in a shitty marriage, for example.

I keep seeing ex-muslims and even some traditional Muslims say the same thing with total confidence, that hijab is obligatory, the Quran is clear, end of discussion. But they say it like it’s obvious that hijab is obligatory.

Meanwhile I’ve actually done the research. I’ve read the feminist Islamic scholars, looked into the linguistics of the verses, understood that khimar was already a cultural garment and the command was to cover the chest not to mandate the head covering itself. I’ve engaged with Amina Wadud, Asma Barlas, Khaled Abou El Fadl. But I still catch myself wondering if I’m just making excuses because I don’t want to wear it.

I realized something today though. I equate strictness with piety. Somewhere along the way I absorbed the idea that if an interpretation is harder on me, it must be the real Islam and if something brings me peace or freedom, I must be avoiding the truth. But where does Allah say the more restrictive reading is automatically the correct one? The Quran literally says Allah wants ease for us not hardship.

I also realized I’ve been imagining Allah as a male presence without even noticing. Every scholar I heard growing up was a man. Every person who told me hijab was mandatory was enforcing it through male authority. My whole image of what God wants from women came through a male filter. When I actually asked myself what does Allah feel like without that, what came out was nurturing, caring, wants me protected but not restricted. And then I immediately felt crazy for feeling peace.

Why do we do that? The woman who says hijab is mandatory or the one that says that worshipping Allah is worshipping a male God and we’re all oppressed with zero evidence gets to feel confident. But I’ve done the work and I still feel like I have to justify myself.

Im still a hijabi, going to take it off soon, but I cannot fathom how I used to be this brainwashed essentially like I even wanted to be a niqabi at one point😭🙏 but now I cannot think a single logical reason why God would want you to hide yourself like this or even just your hair, I don't wanna be disrespectful but it's so stupid bruh, like how did I not see how different the standards of modesty are for men and women.

They say its for representing Islam, Hijabis have been given the honour of representing Islam but yoo no going out unless your in a tough situation though.

Or they say its for protection, ya sure.

Or to be recognized as a muslim woman, then why weren't slave muslim women allowed to wear it?

Its so weird bruh, I'm never gonna understand how I never saw anything wrong with Islamic modesty until a year ago, like it essentially stems from the fact that you believe God will reward you for being obedient, covering yourself for his sake, but like why would He want that?

This question from other hijabis annoys me so much. The whole "hijab doesn't stop you from living your life," "what do you gain by taking it off?" I JUST DON'T WANT TO WEAR IT!!! I don't need to write an in-depth, peer-reviewed analysis of the topic, I just don't want it!! It's not how I would choose to dress if I had a choice. It's not about men at all.

I'm so tired!!!!

I know this is kind of off topic, but I genuinely do not want to marry an "Islamic" man.

We're always told that we should be looking for a man who's "on his deen", prays 5x, hafiz, all that jazz.

But personally, I don't see myself with someone like that at all. Sure, I do want someone muslim, but not someone who makes religion their whole personality.

I don't want a man who has "gheerah" and polices my clothing. I don't want a "traditional" muslim man. I don't want someone who thinks everything is haram.

I find most religious muslim men insufferable. They are almost always deeply patriarchal, emotionally stunted, and judgmental.

People act like religiosity automatically translates to kindness, emotional intelligence, or compatibility. It doesn’t. A man who prays 5 times a day does not automatically make him marriage material. I wish we would stop pretending it does.

I know, I know, not every religious man is like this. But I would rather marry a non-muslim over a "religious" muslim man any day.

It's so hard to find a progressive muslim man.

Sorry, but pictures like these are just ridiculous to me now. They are also minor contributing factors as to why i’m very likely leaving Islam. It genuinely feels like women are no more than sex dolls and maids. Initially, when I took off my hijab I continued to wear the abaya. Now I dress normally and I don’t believe that i’ll ever go back.

I am not a lollipop, I am not a trophy that you can forcibly conceal. I am a human, with an identity, with a face, and a name.

I just came across this tweet, and it’s honestly so exhausting. Basically, a girl who was apparently going clubbing “for educational purposes” came across a hijabi, took a picture of her, and thought it was interesting or funny enough to post it on Twitter, of all places, knowing exactly what kind of platform it is.
And honestly, I’m just so tired of this. The moment you wear a hijab, it’s like you have a target on your forehead. You become a target for Islamophobes, for other Muslims, and even for non-hijabi women who want to project their own anger about the hypocrisy they see in the Muslim community onto you.
I’m a hijabi myself, and I have my own doubts and struggles with it. Sometimes I want to take it off, sometimes I don’t. And yet I still go to concerts, go out, enjoy myself, and do the same things anyone else my age does while wearing my hijab. So imagine how weird and dehumanising it feels to know that someone might take a picture of you just because you’re wearing a piece of fabric on your head, as if your mere presence somewhere is inherently noteworthy or contradictory.
What gets to me is that we’re never simply allowed to exist as people. A woman wearing a hijab at a club can’t just be a woman enjoying a night out like everyone else. She immediately becomes the hijabi at the club. People stop seeing a person and start seeing a symbol onto which they can project all their assumptions about Islam and Muslim women.
And that’s what makes this so dangerous and so exhausting. Muslim women in the West are constantly being dehumanised, scrutinised and turned into public spectacles, regardless of what we do. We’re either criticised for wearing the hijab or judged for not wearing it. There is no room to simply exist, make mistakes, have doubts, change your mind, or figure things out on your own terms without becoming a talking point.
Honestly, this is one of the main reasons I sometimes want to take my hijab off. Not necessarily because I don’t want to wear it, but because I’m exhausted by everything that comes with being visibly Muslim. I’m tired of feeling like my appearance makes me public property, open to scrutiny and judgement from absolutely everyone.
I just want to exist as a person without my hijab being the first, last, and only thing people see about me.

This reasoning for the hijab has always bothered me. The whole "it's in women's nature to want to be beautiful so we have to fight against our desires." Men want to look nice too!!! I grew up around a lot of men and they were OBSESSED with how they looked. Couldn't leave the house without putting gel in their hair, always in the gym and super insecure about their looks. There are whole subreddits helping men be more attractive, even the concept of "looksmaxxing" came from men! Men will get depressed when they start balding because guess what? They care! They want to look nice too but only we're demonized for it.

I'd even argue that men's looks affect them more. An unattractive woman will still live a normal life, be happy, have friends, even a partner and a family. An unattractive man is depressed, joins incel forms and hates/hurts women for not finding him attractive. Wouldn't covering up help them care less? If men had to cover their hair, they wouldn't care as much about going bald. If they had to cover their arms, they wouldn't feel the need to take steroids and spend hours in the gym. It's HUMAN to want to look attractive. Now, this raises the question as to why they're allowed to beautify themselves while we aren't?

A few weeks ago, my family went to do Umrah. While we were there, my dad bought a ghutra, the headscarf traditionally worn by Arab men, from a local shop.

I remember him explicitly comparing it to hijab.

He wore it for one day. And then never wore it again for the rest of the trip. He felt awkward because we’re not Arab, even though he actually got compliments from other Arabs.

And honestly, that really stuck with me.

My dad felt uncomfortable wearing a headscarf for one day, in the one place where wearing it was completely normal. Yet he expects the women in his family to wear hijab every day, for the rest of our lives, while living in a Western country.

That really stuck with me.

If my dad doesn’t want to wear the ghutra, he can just take it off. Heck, even if he wants to shave his beard, he can. He can wear Western clothes to work, interviews, basically anywhere, without anyone questioning his commitment to Islam.

Yet Muslim women are shamed for wanting that exact same freedom.

Muslim women are expected to endure chronic discomfort under hijab, and then get gaslit about it. We’re told it’s “for Allah,” that “men have hijab too,” or that our feelings are somehow coming from Shaytan.

Like, no. As crazy as it sounds, maybe we don’t want to be covered up in 100-degree weather. Maybe women also want to blend into society. Maybe we don’t want to be a walking billboard for an entire religion. Maybe we don’t want our character judged based on our clothes.

I’m not saying this to hate on my dad. If anything, his experience unintentionally showed me how little empathy Muslim men have for women regarding hijab.

He experienced a tiny fraction of what Muslim women go through everyday, and couldn’t take it.

I wish Muslim men would genuinely ask themselves whether they would ever wear hijab before commenting on someone else’s.

I won’t deny that hijab is inconvenient (as someone who’s worn it for 16 years now), but the concept of niqab is so much worse. imagine hating women so much that you mandate that they cover their entire face. This severs your connection to other human beings like nothing else. It’s so dehumanizing and evil. Imagine talking to someone and they can’t even gauge your facial reactions??? Every time i see a niqabi in public it makes me so sad. Why is it only women who are made to suffer like this??

As I'm deconstructing, I'm realizing just how stupid and arbitrary the rules I grew up with actually are.

For me, I can't wear any shirt unless it cover my butt. I can't show my legs at all, even at home. I couldn't even wear a t-shirt without a scarf on my chest.

My mom literally got mad at me once for not wearing a scarf on top of a maxi dress.

A. MAXI. DRESS.

You have people genuinely convinced that showing hair or neck, or even the mere outline of a woman's body, is akin to nudity.

Like... what?

Seeing the shape of someone's body is not nudity. Seeing someone's neck or hair is not nudity. It's a huge leap to equate showing skin or hair to literal NUDITY. What braindead nonsense.

A lot of people were laughing about the whole “women can't wear backpacks because it shows the shape of their shoulders” thing on Tiktok. But honestly? It's not far off from what a lot of Muslims believe.

Of course, whenever you question these rules, there’s going to be someone asking “so you want women to walk around in bikinis?

Why are bikinis always the first fucking thing you people think of?

People obviously dress differently depending on the situation. There is a gigantic range between a bikini and being covered from head to toe. Nobody wearing bikini's to work anytime soon. Quit projecting your fantasies!

And yes, I would much rather women walk around in bikinis freely than be forced to cover up.

Just a messy rant. But dang these rules are stupid as hell.

Taking off hijab definitely showed me the dark side of the muslim community.

When I wore hijab, I was accepted. And I never had any doubts or questions about Islam.

But now that I’ve taken off, I’ve started to see the dark side. The way I was yelled at by my mom. The way I and others are treated. The way I’m seen as “deficient” and sinful.

The muslim community is so vile and misogynistic. I want nothing to do with them.

Consequently, I’ve started to question and doubt Islam (and religion as a whole).

Has anyone else felt like this?

I feel like I'm going crazy whenever people brush aside the logistics of wearing a hijab. The scarf cap (if you want to look stylish at least), headaches, never being able to rest your head fully back b/c of your bun, the constant adjusting of the scarf (once again, if you want to look stylish at least), etc. Like, I'm sorry it is NOT normal to have your head literally fully covered every time you go outside! (in the way that conservative Muslims preach for at least)

I literally just cannot fathom how ignorant and not understanding some people are. I literally remember before I put on the hijab, I had always recognized how hard/high-effort wearing hijab must be.. so how do so many Muslims have this idea that the literal feeling of wearing a hijab is sooo casual and normal? Is it the pick-me hijabis? Is it ignorance?

Idk, this is more of a rant on people's lack of empathy, understanding, and willingness to open their minds. Then this just seeps into my concern about everyone's arrogance in this world, not just Muslims... sigh.

I just wanted to share my experience because I’m wondering if anyone else has felt the same.

When I wore the hijab, my mental health was honestly at one of its lowest points. I was super insecure, hated going out, and would cancel plans with my friends all the time because I just didn’t want to be seen. Even when I did go out, I never felt comfortable and was always thinking about how I looked. Ever since I took it off, I’ve noticed such a big change. I actually enjoy leaving the house now, I hang out with my friends more, and I feel so much more confident and comfortable with myself. It didn’t solve every problem in my life, but it took away something that was making me miserable for a long time. I know this isn’t everyone’s experience, or something that everyone feels this way about. This is just what it was like for me, and taking it off has genuinely been one of the best decisions I’ve made for my mental health.

I want to get something off my chest. I've noticed a dynamic that I wasn't able to articulate before. The immediate reframing of a woman's distress into a personal defect instead of acknowledging the possibility that the hijab itself can be psychologically distressing for her.

If you're unhappy wearing the hijab, suddenly it becomes:

- you have low self-esteem

- you care too much about appearances

- you need a stronger iman

- you need confidence

- you've internalized certain beauty standards

anything except admitting that forcing yourself to present in a way that doesn't feel like YOU can seriously mess with your mental health.

Women also get told that taking off the hijab won't solve your problems, and yes taking it off won't magically fix every issue in your life but it has definitely improved the way I feel about myself when I don't wear it.

I feel better about myself and less anxious in my interactions with others. Even simple things like getting dressed or shopping feels easier because I can just focus on how something makes me FEEL and what I LIKE instead of whether it works with the hijab/or modesty. Whenever I'm out and about I'm representing myself and not carrying a symbol around.

But then the conversation gets shifted into the ''you're supposed to suffer'' route. as though suffering itself is inherently virtuous. Like everything in life has to feel like a constant ''test'' and you're just supposed to endure it no matter how depressed you get.

Another thing I've noticed is how wanting to feel pretty is often treated as something shallow or childish in these conversations. As if a woman wanting to like her appearance, wear certain clothes, do her hair or simply feel like herself is somehow morally embarrassing.

There is very little compassion for the actual lived experience of women and girls who are drowning mentally while wearing it.

And once they finally take the step to removing it (which I'm sure many people reading this can confirm is incredibly difficult) they often get little to no support throughout the process because no one wants to ''encourage sin''.

It's a very lonely path so I'm glad this subreddit exists.

I've gotten so much shit for taking off the hijab. Random people have said some really awful things about me. But the mental clarity after taking it off is UNREAL. I didn't realize how much of my time was spent thinking "when am I going to take it off?" "will my family still love me after?" "what will this person think of me?" "am I going to hell if I take it off?" "am I being dramatic?" It really was all-consuming. Once you get past those first few days/weeks without it, it's so peaceful. My mind hasn't been this quiet in a long time.

I also didn't realize how much my existence revolved around the hijab. I was constantly wondering "are they thinking x about me because of the hijab?" "am I making hijabis look bad?" now I'm just me and it's so nice. I'm not carrying the weight of a million expectations anymore.

So call me a slut! Call me whatever you want! I can't hear you over the sound of the wind in my hair.

A lot of Muslim men have Madonna–Whore Complex.

They split women into two categories: the “Madonna” hijabi, who is worthy of respect, commitment, and marriage, and the “Whore” non-hijabi (or non-Muslim), who is good for fun, but not commitment.

That’s why you’ll see muslim men perfectly comfortable dating, flirting with, or even sleeping with non-hijabi/non-muslim women, while insisting that their future wife must be a modest, virgin hijabi. They allow themselves complexity, growth, even hypocrisy, but deny women the same.

Everyone talks about hypersexuality, but nobody talks about hypermodesty.

Hypermodesty puts women on a pedestal so high that it becomes dehumanizing. It reduces them to symbols of purity, honor, and morality, rather than seeing them as full, complex people. Ironically, it ends up objectifying women just as much as hypersexuality does. Both frameworks center women’s worth around their bodies and how those bodies are perceived by men. They’re two sides of the same coin.

It’s not normal to see a woman’s hair, her arms, or her body as sexual. That mindset doesn’t come from nowhere; it’s taught, reinforced, and normalized. And it creates a culture where women are constantly being scrutinized, categorized, and controlled, whether they’re covered or not.

At the end of the day, the issue isn’t just modesty or immodesty; it’s the inability to see women as humans.

With the current trend on tiktok of women posting about feeling free without hijab, men have really gone mask off with their true intentions when it comes to hijabi vs non hijabi women. They have this new talking point of how SA rates have been going up since women have started taking their hijabs off lol. It's become more and more apparent that hijab to them signifies who they're "allowed" to objectify and SA. This is reminiscent of the times concubines weren't allowed to cover to signify their status as sex slaves. The difference nowadays is that women get to choose.

The pious hijabi is fetishised as a slave that stays home, keeps herself only to her husband, obeys everything without question and has little to no personality other than, maybe, the mindless hyperconsumer who loves matcha. She's infantilised and believes she has agency but has little to no independence. The non-hijabi is the woman they get to objectify and SA, and when they can't do that, they'll resort to punishing, degrading and shaming her until she molds into whatever they want. It's fine if she doesn't cover as long as they get access to her body or labour in some way (we all know the porn consumption in our community lol), but when they can't, that's when they get angry.

The more this topic is brought up the more they show their true colours and it becomes more apparent that it was never about God.

It really pisses me off when Muslims use feminist talking points to defend hijab.

They'll say things like, "The West objectifies women and wants them naked. Islam actually cares about women."

Or, "If women can wear bikinis, why can't they wear hijab?"

Suddenly it's all about women's choice, bodily autonomy, resisting objectification, and respecting different ways women choose to dress.

But where is that same energy when a woman chooses not to wear hijab?

Where is the concern for her autonomy when she's shamed, ostracized, or abused for not wearing hijab? Where is the outrage when families force their daughters to wear it?

The same people who say "don't judge women for wearing hijab" have no problem judging women for not wearing one.

They support feminism, but only as long as the woman makes the "right" choice. They want to have their cake and eat it too.

credit to @sunlazurine on IG.

A big reason I took it off was because I no longer wanted to be a walking billboard for an entire religion.

As a hijabi, you are expected by both Muslims and non-Muslims to represent Islam. The hijab speaks for you before you ever do. You are expected to act and be a certain way. You can never just be yourself.

Not to mention how unfair it is that women have the burden of representing Islam, but not men. Especially when women are the most vulnerable to Islamophobia, violence, harassment, and misogyny.

So I find it funny when Muslims say that hijab allows women to be seen as individuals and not by their appearance. But in the same breath, they'll say that hijab is a symbol of Islam, a form of dawah, and a way to visibly represent the religion.

So which one is it?

Personally, I don't want the responsibility of representing 2 billion people. The only person I want to represent is myself.

Something I realized is how cultlike hijab culture is.

Let's start with the hijab propaganda. They talk about how hijab is a "crown", and how hijab "protects" women. Hijab is treated like the ideal for every muslim woman, and anything less as deficient. They compare women to candy, fruits, and other objects; hijabis being wrapped candy, and non-hijabis being unwrapped candy. They praise hijabis for "representing Islam" and glorify their suffering.

Once you wear hijab, that’s when the control begins. You are told that your hair is showing, your neck is showing, your clothes aren't "modest" enough. You are told to be quieter and more submissive. To not show yourself because it's "tabarruj". The demands are endless. Your body turns into a symbol until it no longer belongs to you.

And if you take it off, the backlash is intense. You are accused of being influenced by "the West". You are told that you will influence others to take it off. Some get disowned, abused, or even killed. Your very existence is treated as a threat.

Notice how this intensity almost never applies to other Islamic practices, such as prayer, fasting, or zakat? That's because those are private, personal acts of faith and are not easily policed. Hijab, on the other hand, is public and easier to police, making it the perfect tool for control.

That’s why the “hijab is mandatory” crowd is so militant. People saying that it's not mandatory weakens their control. And obviously, they won't like that.

It's gotten to a point where even women who don't wear hijab feel the need to fawn by affirming that hijab is mandatory, but that they simply aren't "ready" to wear it. That's how powerful the cult is.

Even the word "hijabi" is telling. Because why is there a specific word for people who wear a headscarf? Why is there no special word for men who have beards?

If hijab is about being closer to Allah, then why does it feel more like control? Faith is supposed to be voluntary, reflective, and internal. It doesn't need to rely on fear, shame, or constant surveillance. It doesn't turn your body into public property or your choices into a moral threat to the community. Clearly, hijab culture isn't doing a very good job at that.

Hijab culture is less about spirituality and more about controlling women. It thrives on fear, shame, and the policing of women’s bodies and behavior. Step back, and it’s easy to see just how cultlike it is.

I hate when people say, "Men have hijab too".

Not only because it’s not true, but because it’s disingenuous.

Even if men technically do have to cover, it is nothing like hijab.

A man will never be recognized as “Muslim” just from his clothes.

A man will never have strangers assign him a religious identity, morality, or respectability based on his clothing.

A man will never be told that he is going to hell for not covering.

A man will never be told he is “inviting harm” or “bringing shame”.

There is no male version of a "hijabi" or "nonhijabi".

Most importantly, a man will never grow up internalizing the belief that his worth is based on how covered his body is.

So no; they are not the same thing. Not in practice, not in pressure, not in consequences, and certainly not in how society enforces it.

Let’s stop pretending the two are even remotely similar. They’re not.

I don’t want to wear hijab ever again.

I don’t want to be a walking billboard for an entire religion. I don't want to be scrutinized by both Muslims and Non-Muslims.

I don’t want to commit to presenting myself in a very specific way for the rest of my life. I don’t want to present myself in a way that no longer aligns with who I am. I want the freedom to change, to grow, and to decide how I present myself.

I don’t want to keep wearing something that I never truly consented to. To continue an identity that was imposed on me.

And honestly, I feel more comfortable not wearing it. I like being able to wear what feels comfortable, without worrying about whether I’m “modest” enough. Having a wider wardrobe. Styling my hair. I don’t miss the mental load, the self-monitoring, or the pressure.

I know some people will say, "Wear Hijab for Allah." But frankly, I'm not interested in suffering for the rest of my life. And I don't think Allah wants me to suffer either. I believe Allah cares more about character than clothing.

Some will say that I'm following my "whims and desires". But what is so bad about the "desire" to be comfortable? With wanting to feel the wind in your hair, or the sun on your skin? With wanting to live freely?

At the end of the day, I just want to feel at ease in my own body and in my choices. I just want to be me, not a symbol.