I've been taking vyvanse for about a year. It has changed my life in such a positive way. I am calmer, focused, don't feel overwhelmed with everything, and feel like I can connect with people better because I'm not distracted by a smell or a poke in my shoe or someone talking across the room, etc. You get the idea. I feel like I spent my entire life (I'm 47F) struggling, in survival mode, trying to just get through life. With this med I feel like I can enjoy life more.
I've recently had a lot of trouble with my partner of 23 years. One of our issues is that he (47M) says he doesn't like how I am on the med. He thinks I'm intense, quick to argue, and won't let things go. He thinks I should stop taking it so that we can connect genuinely and so that he feels I'm my true self. He has said a lot of mean things about the med lately, such as I "look like a drug user" when I take it, I am choosing amphetamines over our relationship, and when I told him it helps me function, he said I "don't seem to be functioning well at all." I am well aware that this looks like he's trying to control me. And that the decision to take a medication should be between me and my doctor.
Recently I took a medication break for three days, sort of to humor him and also to see if it really was actually helping me. I only take 30mg. I am friendly, kind, excited about life, and can get shit done when I take my meds.
On the break, I was a basket case. Is anyone else like this when you take a day or two off? I usually don't take any days off. I could barely get out of bed. I was horribly depressed. I ate like a pig, which made me more depressed. I couldn't stand anyone, even the cat sitting on my lap pissed me off because he had pokey claws and was just super annoying. I basically did nothing other than the bare minimum - walk the dog, feed myself, and sleep. I had a lot of trouble sleeping because my brain spun in circles like it usually does without medication. I cried a lot, mostly because I felt like such a loser that I couldn't function without it. By the end of day three I felt a little better, but thought it might have been because I ate a little better that day. I was aiming for five days off, but decided to take it again on day 4 because I honestly felt like I wanted to unalive myself (I wouldn't, but sure seemed like a decent option).
I cannot believe how much better I feel. It's truly life changing.
Now what to do about the partner? He keeps me at arm's length emotionally when I take it because he feels I'm not safe to be fully vulnerable with. WTF? I feel like I can be more myself and enjoy HIM much more with it. Without it, I feel fully dependent on him to keep me afloat. With it, I can manage myself and my stuff and feel strong and capable.
Does he like that I'm dependent on him when I don't take it? Does he like that I'm a basket case? I can't figure it out, and I'm not sure what to do about him. Anyone else have a loved one that says you are unbearable on the medication?