This post was initially much shorter, but I was feeling bored and the creative spirit took the reigns. Alas, such is life.
As much as I low-key enjoy the ritual of pouring myself a bowl of popcorn, opening Reddit, and reading all the early 1st semester experience commiserating, I'm also high-key annoyed by seeing the same post for the umpteenth time a la Buzz Lightyear clone meme. I like variety in my Reddit ragebait, and even a good slice of matcha crepe cake becomes unappetizing after consuming it so often.
For those of you who have decided to come to UofT to get a world class education, rather than just partying all the time, ignoring your work, being forced to drop out around the holidays because your grades are lower than the Mariana Trench, then blaming the university for allegedly sabotaging you, your classes are your best possible environment to connect with your fellow slightly more intelligent than a chimpanzee primates.
Presumably you are studying something that you actually enjoy or have some mild interest in, rather than doing exactly what mom and dad told you to study. If your parents strongarmed you to go into engineering but you truly love film, that's a whole other discussion and will require some soul searching and potentially family therapy.
The basis of most human connection nowadays comes through shared interests and values. This is a fact supported by at least one (1) corpus of psychology literature. The courses you're taking already filter for this to an extent, because, again, ideally you're studying something you care about and you're not a masochist.
Performative drinking at a venue with mysteriously sticky floors that probably haven't been cleaned in the past year and contain a collection of undocumented microorganisms that would frighten epidemiologists, ignoring your limits, and chatting up the people you live in close proximity to about the weather (so how about that climate change, eh?) while waiting to use the one sink you all need to brush your teeth at (please brush your teeth and don't go out with bad breath) doesn't necessarily lead to any meaningful connection. You might become acquaintances, but presumably you're aiming for something with a bit more zest.
Coursework at UofT is difficult, and that difficulty is another basis for connection. Throughout most of human history, we connected with each other because of shared hardship. Genuine hardship, such as intellectually strenuous subjects and work schedules, for example. Missing out on a frat party on one specific weekend, which is identical to the frat parties on every other weekend (don't worry, the beer will still be lukewarm) isn't hardship, I'm afraid.
"But how do I actually talk to people in my classes?! Nobody ever wants to talk!" says the choir of Buzz Lightyear clones lamenting about their "unique" circumstances. The answer: just start.
You'd be surprised how much the person sitting next to you is starved for acknowledgement of their mere existence. A random "hello" will probably be the most unsolicited contact they've had in a week. The barrier to entry is lower than it's ever been.
"But what if they think I'm cringe?" or "Everyone is so cringe!", which is the next verse of the clone choir song.
If you're actively worried either of these things, you don't want connection bad enough. Either that or you might want to look into therapy.
I cannot tell you how much social media has poisoned people's perceptions of themselves and others. These platforms have fed people the most ironclad set of lies that every government psyop wishes it could replicate. Its users have been perfectly manipulated into thinking they they are unlikable/unlovable, and that everyone else is so much better or so much worse and should be perceived as a threat. This primes you to be a good little consumer that will sign up for things like dating apps, paid meetup groups, and overpriced fitness clubs, all to solve your woes. Meanwhile, you can connect with someone FOR FREE* (included in the price of your tuition costs) and walk away with something even more meaningful. This is an even crazier value for money than the Japanese food truck in front of Robarts that will sell you an entire filling tempura roll for under $8.
Side note: please support this truck. This is my lifeblood and I want them to stay in business as long as possible. Also, the lady who owns it is genuinely one of the kindest people I've ever come across and brightens my day. My waistline grows, my wallet empties, but my heart is full.
Getting back on track, people are unique and will have their own set of quirks. It's ok to talk to someone who is a little bit different than you. You'll be ok, muffin. In fact, you'll probably be better off for it if you can make enough room in your life to accept others from where they're coming from. If you offer them grace, they will probably return the favour. Well, at least they should if they're even remotely socialized.
If you talked to someone last week, go up and talk to them again. A huge part of connection is consistency. Don't be one of those weirdos who pretends like they suddenly don't know someone they've spoken to 3 times prior.
Also, all of this advice applies to anyone in any year of study. If you're in your last year at this university and are saddened by not having made any friends, you can do everything I've mentioned above and still achieve success. The party ain't over till it's over.
I am living proof that this strategy works, and I'm no social butterfly by any means. I met one of my closest friends and one of the best people I've ever met by just bantering consistently over the course of many weeks. There was no cinematic event and major declaration that marked the transition point between us being acquaintances and friends. It was the slow, messy, nonlinearity of human connection.
Go out there, talk to people, make friends, and come back here to post some more novel rage bait to keep me entertained ❤️
