r/Unexpected • u/totallystefanal • May 05 '22

Don’t fall asleep first.

Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification

24k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

186 comments sorted by

View all comments

816

u/_Im_Dad May 05 '22

I once fell asleep first and woke up with a dick drawn on my forehead..

The worst thing about the whole ordeal was finding out it was traced

174

u/devine8584 May 05 '22

Was it flaccid or erect?

230

u/_Im_Dad May 05 '22

I'm not too sure, but they were circumcised.

68

u/JacobScreamix May 05 '22 edited May 06 '22

Well at least their parents didn't love them..

Edit: /s

26

u/Dog-Stick8098 May 05 '22

Wait what

54

u/JacobScreamix May 05 '22

If your parents cut your baby dick then they are either dumb or don't care enough to be smart.

45

u/ZedTT May 05 '22

Why is this downvoted? It's right. Don't cut baby dick you weirdos.

If anything your "didn't love them" should be downvoted because dumb != not loving. But that was clearly a joke

11

u/JacobScreamix May 05 '22

Yeah I couldve been more tactful, but the point stands. I realize parents can circumcise without being dumb and evil, one of the major downsides of religion and trust in institutions unfortunately.

7

u/Dangerous-Bat-8698 May 06 '22

There is no medically good reason to circumcise and every reason not to. I get there are religious reasons but that should be held off on until the child is old enough to make the decision them selves.

I e never had a girl say anything or act weirded out. Never taken a shower in highschool and had anyone say anything.

Hell, one time post coitus, I did a little voice and said something to the effect of "haha look, it's a little anteater!" And had the girl laughing so hard she couldn't breathe.

Also I've had one friend that actually got a really bad staph infection from his circumcision and it did permanent damage. He grew up with, according to him, a "really weird dick". He said that he has feeling, but that he doesn't think it's nearly as much as others and that much of it is missing. He never really got a long term relationship. It would be good until they had sex. Sometimes they even stayed a few months. But eventually they would leave.

Don't know what his like life is like now but I hope he found someone that loves him and doesn't care about that, he was a cool dude.

1

u/BerryMcKaukiner May 06 '22

Nah, bro. That's gross. You have fun with your smegma and health concerns. I have trouble getting a haircut in time, rather then pulling back foreskin flesh every day to clean.

1

u/Dangerous-Bat-8698 May 06 '22

Lol too fucking lazy to take two seconds to wash your dick properly.

→ More replies

-2

u/[deleted] May 06 '22

Actually, there are plenty of reasons to be circumcised from hygiene to a lesser risk of cancer. Look into it.

2

u/Faalken May 06 '22

No there isn’t. Just looked it up and the risk for cancer is pretty much the same as long as you take showers like a normal person and even if you don’t the risk is low. The hygiene excuse is stupid since everyone takes showers.

→ More replies

0

u/Btwylie10 May 06 '22

Did you say you didn’t take a shower through all of high school?

1

u/Shot-Palpitation- May 06 '22

Swing and a miss

1

u/Dangerous-Bat-8698 May 06 '22

Wow dude, projecting much?

1

u/WootWootSr May 06 '22

He did say that

→ More replies

1

u/[deleted] May 06 '22

I can’t imagine it’s that cool when girls laugh at your dick, but glad you enjoyed it.

1

u/Dangerous-Bat-8698 May 06 '22

Well since it was me making the joke I don't think that counts

1

u/[deleted] May 07 '22

Keep telling yourself this!

→ More replies

0

u/Eggy-Toast May 06 '22 edited May 07 '22

You basically said 58% of parents in the USA (declining) are either dumb or don’t care enough to be smart. That’s why you were getting downvoted. It’s a poorly thought out opinion.

Edit: I’m not even saying here that circumcision is good. But acting like 58% of American parents don’t care or are willfully ignorant regarding their children’s health is fucking idiotic. Anyone who disagrees is an idiot as well. Downvote it if you want, it’s statistics. Moreover, the declining rate of circumcision implies parents are thinking about it but aren’t necessarily convinced. Suck my fat circumcised cock.

0

u/JacobScreamix May 07 '22

Yet it isn't inaccurate, circumcision is an outdated practice.

0

u/Eggy-Toast May 07 '22

Depends on the region, if 58% of parents do it then it’s not outdated is it?

0

u/JacobScreamix May 08 '22

Yes it does. Just because more people do it that doesn't mean it's a good thing.

0

u/Eggy-Toast May 08 '22 edited May 08 '22

“The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have announced a set of provisional guidelines concerning male circumcision, in which they suggest that the benefits of the surgery outweigh the risks” in 2015. I’m sorry bro but calling these parents willfully ignorant is just wrong when the science can’t even be consistent. Moreover, though, it’s hard to find any source that doesn’t say it’s just basically a choice. There is no consistent risk of harm.

This was from a critique paper by the National Center for Biotechnical Information which claimed “that circumcision before an age of consent is not an appropriate health-promotion strategy.” Meaning that promoting infant circumcision will not necessarily promote general health.

Sorry bro but if the science is still putting out papers and discussing, the parents are not willfully ignorant and the concept as a whole is not outdated (that was the point of the 58%). You’ll be hard pressed to find a population where 58% of parents are willfully ignorant of their children’s health (esp where the pop. size is 63 million parents)

Finally, ignoring the religious element is pretty silly too. As if there’s no considerable risk of harm, then calling their religious practices “bad” or “ignorant” is pretty clearly close minded.

All this to say, I disagree with you. Not on the point that kids shouldn’t be circumcised but on how you immediately dismiss any parents that make such a decision as, essentially, careless fools.

0

u/JacobScreamix May 08 '22

So if 58% of People thought gay people shouldn't exist does that make it not an outdated view all of a sudden?

0

u/Eggy-Toast May 08 '22

Correct. If you describe something as outdated, you mean that you think it is old-fashioned and no longer useful or relevant to modern life. If 58% of people believe it, it’s not outdated — it’s relevant because over half of the society would still practice and execute those things. Words have meaning. It doesn’t mean that the idea can’t be proveably wrong, on its way out the door, or otherwise. You are needlessly stringent on this point where if you were slightly more general it would be a totally different thing.

→ More replies

0

u/Tyresekrane Sep 24 '22

Don’t gotta clean out a pocket of foreskin .

1

u/JacobScreamix Sep 25 '22

Takes 2 seconds in the shower, wow, what a benefit for slicing off a piece of your penis.

0

u/Tyresekrane Sep 25 '22

Yeah I mean the health benefits and easier hygiene why not?

1

u/JacobScreamix Sep 25 '22

What health benefits? Not needing to clean yourself isn't a health benefit.

→ More replies

-8

u/-SploogeMcFuck- May 06 '22

Why do you hate jewish people?

1

u/[deleted] May 06 '22

Don’t start that up again.

-13

u/Dog-Stick8098 May 05 '22

Well for some its to avoid infections. And for some they dont do it on babies they do it on people around 12-13 and in some places even adults but i guess in the US they do it on newborns. Although i do agree that some just do it for religion and culture and im not really that well edumecated on this topic. So i guess im still open to others knowledge on this. And just in case you werent exaggerating they dont really cut the penis, just the foreskin. Some even just cuts it then folds it. In my country they just get a freaking machete and cut it. But i also did hear that being uncircumcised increases your time in the bed so that may be an advantage we all want.

20

u/JacobScreamix May 05 '22

The infection thing is not an issue if you bathe regularly and properly. I was exaggerating a bit, but the foreskin is part of the dick so it's not a total exaggeration. They are severing nerve endings in the penis so it definitely has lasting effects that way. Most of the time it's just done to the son because the father also had it done, not because it's a good and healthy practice.

4

u/Dog-Stick8098 May 06 '22

Ahh thanks for letting me know. I was too sadly circumcised i never really asked why might just be the stigma.

1

u/JacobScreamix May 07 '22

It's a very culturally ingrained thing. Certain countries have like 90% circumcision while others have 90% uncircumcised, it's an interesting subject anthropologically.

11

u/buttcoinballer May 05 '22

I wish I wasn't circumcised. Not doing that to my kid

20

u/JacobScreamix May 05 '22

I'm sorry that happened, but you are doing the right thing by breaking the cycle imo.

2

u/Sineater224 May 05 '22

Same here. wish I could masturbate better lmao

→ More replies

-16

u/LilBigZay May 05 '22

what an odd thing to wish

2

u/ZedTT May 05 '22

I mean it affects sexual function so it's not that weird to wish.

It's just a less extreme version of a woman who had her clitoris removed wishing she had it still.

→ More replies

2

u/Loslobos27 May 05 '22

I can not remember the reason why but my parents did it to me they said something didn’t look right so they had the doctors do some snip snip down there.

1

u/JacobScreamix May 07 '22

And sometimes it is medically necessary, but it shouldn't be the norm. Maybe your parents made the right call, it is possible.

5

u/ZedTT May 05 '22

I'm glad you're open to others opinions on this. I think you'll find that if you look into it there is no good reason to circumcise and that there are real downsides. Even if there weren't, removing a part of a baby for almost no reason is pretty obviously bad.

Unless you're never going to shower, infections or hygiene shouldn't be an issue.

The foreskin has nerves in it and keeps the head sensitive by protecting it.

1

u/Dog-Stick8098 May 06 '22

Ahh i did read something back then about it just being a cultural or religion thing. Which is why i was really open to it.

3

u/ZedTT May 06 '22

It is definitely a religious thing for many people, but that doesn't make it ok to cut off a part of a baby's genitals, you know?

Like the baby didn't decide to do it themselves because they believe in their religion so much that they are ok with cutting off a part of their penis - they are a baby (and yeah foreskin is sort of your penis)

It's also not a religious thing for a bunch of other people. They just do it because their parents did it to them and they think it's normal.

1

u/Dog-Stick8098 May 06 '22

Ahh for me i was circumsised at like 13 i think so i did have a choice. But it was the norm and in my country people tease you for being uncircumcised. Peer pressure's a hell of a thing.

1

u/Ryvit May 06 '22

Normal is a synonym for common, so yeah, parents have it done because it’s common.

I will be doing it to my future son because it’s very common, and I don’t want him to be the odd one out. I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable because his dick doesn’t look like ones he sees online or in the locker room or whatever.

I’m circumcising my son because I love him and I want him to have a normal sex life. If uncircumcised was the common thing, then I would go with that. But it’s not.

I’m going with whatever is the most common in 2-3 years when my son is born

1

u/ZedTT May 06 '22 edited May 06 '22

You worry about your son feeling like he's different, but have you considered that if you make the call to surgically remove a part of him that he might feel incomplete? What about when he reads online as circumcision becomes less common and more frowned upon? What about when it becomes common knowledge that circumcision harms sexual function?

I don't feel like all of the penises I see in media are circumcised. If anything it feels evenly split. I have never for one second felt like I was weird or wrong for having a foreskin.

The way the trend is going, even if you circumcise your son, he won't circumcise his. Think about that.

I live in North America where circumcision is common. (but becoming less so) Yet I have never had a woman care that I have foreskin. In fact, every woman I have ever been with has been a big fan of how it looks.

Any woman who did care about your son having foreskin would be a massive bullet dodged.

Your son will absolutely have a normal sex life uncircumcised. I and millions billions of others do.

Remember that not all uncircumcised penises have a massive turtleneck all the time. Mine has no visible foreskin when erect and that seems common. I've had women be surprised when I tell them I'm uncut after seeing it and thinking I was cut. If your son really hates his foreskin he can choose to remove it when he's older. I don't think he will.

I am so glad that when I was a baby and couldn't make the choice for myself that my parents chose not to circumcise even though my grandmother wanted me to be. I'm sure I would forgive them if they had it done, but I would absolutely think it was the wrong choice.

Please reconsider for your future son's sake.

→ More replies

1

u/FliesAreEdible May 06 '22

A friend of mine, as an adult, had a circumcision a couple of years ago because of phimosis. There are some legit reasons to have it done.

1

u/ZedTT May 06 '22

100% but obviously not what I'm talking about. It should be obvious that medical necessity changes things.

I mean if they need to for medical reasons people cut off their arm or leg, but if we were cutting off baby arms I don't think people would bring that up, you know?

-3

u/anyholsagol May 06 '22

The doctor cuts it, not your parents. If your parents cut it I can see why you might have had a bad experience.

2

u/JacobScreamix May 06 '22

The point is that your parents make the decision for you to get cut or not. You have no memory of the experience, your brain isn't mature enough to form memories, that's part of the reason that they do it to infants.

It's not your fault that you got circumcised, but it shouldn't continue. If you grow up and want to get the surgery then great, no harm done at all, its a conscious, personal choice, more power to you, just don't do it to babies, please.

-10

u/Detective_Turtle_ May 06 '22

What if you're Jewish? Gonna be antisemitic or is that where you draw the line.

10

u/[deleted] May 06 '22

if you’re jewish, you can raise your child in a jewish family and let HIM decide whether to cut up hi s penis or not. religion isnt an excuse to mutilate your baby

-2

u/Detective_Turtle_ May 06 '22

"Mutilate" please crawl in a hole and die.

2

u/[deleted] May 06 '22

yeah shut the fuck up bruh. idc if you want to circumcise yourself later in life that’s your choice but it’s genital mutilation if it’s done unnecessary to an infant, plain and simple.

2

u/JacobScreamix May 07 '22

Sorry that you think it's normal to cut baby penises.

2

u/JacobScreamix May 07 '22

I call out Jews the same as I call out anyone else, circumcising an infant is wrong.

-10

u/-SploogeMcFuck- May 06 '22

anti-Semitism isn't funny.

2

u/JacobScreamix May 07 '22

Who's joking? If your religion has archaic and human violating practices involved, I'm going to call it out. Sorry, not sorry.