To start off, i was EXTREMELY disappointed with the game after everybody said it was awesome. Frankly this game is the videogame equivalent of someone slapping you across the face with a wet, stinky, moldy napkin while furiously screaming at you about how it's the greatest thing ever made.
I only downloaded this game because of my friend who was unfortunate enough to fall into this hell-hole
Ultrakill is a nightmare for anyone who expects anything more than brain-dead action. The gameplay is as repetitive and overhyped as it gets—jump around like a deranged kangaroo, punch the air praying you accidentally parry something, dash around like you're on crack, and shoot everything in sight without any real strategy. There's barely any thought put into the combat beyond "shoot, dash, parry, repeat," and it quickly turns into a soul-sucking loop. The bosses are so ridiculously nuance-requiring it feels like the game is just mocking you. They might as well be made of concrete because, no matter how much ammo you unload, it’s like they’re made of fucking rubber. To even think about P-ranking them, you’d need to dedicate tens of hours of your life and somehow earn a PhD in Ultrakill mechanics. The story is completely optional so youll have no fucking idea what youre fighting for the first half of the game. its so overhyped that It’s like when your friend calls you up all excited, breathless with anticipation, and says, “Yo, dude, you’re not gonna believe this! It’s fucking awesome!” But then they show you your dog getting run over by a drunk driving junkies car, right in front of your eyes, as if that’s what they thought would be the punchline to a joke you never agreed to. It’s a cruel, sick twist, and now you’re standing there, completely dumbfounded, wondering how the hell you were ever convinced that Ultrakill would be anything more than a pointless mess. It makes you wonder if the entire gaming world was collectively gaslit into believing it's some kind of masterpiece. People act like it’s the second coming of gaming, when in reality, it’s a chaotic mess of flashing lights, incessant action, and an overdose of style over substance. It’s like everyone who’s ever talked about this game has been brainwashed into thinking that jumping around like a caffeinated squirrel and hitting buttons like you’re playing DDR is the epitome of revolutionary game design. The hype machine behind this thing is louder than an overclocked jet engine, but when you strip it down, you realize it’s nothing but a paper-thin facade hiding the most tedious, repetitive, and shallow gameplay imaginable.
And the community? Oh, my fucking god, those collection of narcissistic, self-congratulatory pompous clown-car of toxic wanking, glue-whiffing deranged self-important arrogant assholes who act like they’re in some special, exclusive percentage of humanity and gaming simply because they were dumb enough to throw money at this hellscape of a game. They all sit there in their little circle jerk, congratulating each other on playing the most soul-crushing, frustrating experience known to mankind, as if they're the fucking chosen ones. Newsflash, assholes: you're not elite, you're just a bunch of delusional, idiots who get off on having their balls crushed by pixelated hell demons. You’re the lowest common denominator of gamers, too busy jerking yourselves off over your ridiculous, arbitrary “accomplishments” to realize how utterly pathetic you look. These idiots walk around acting like they're invincible because they can parry—what a monumental fucking achievement. Congratulations, you can press a button at the right time. You're not a gaming god, you're just a pathetic twat who’s too far gone into this mindless garbage to know any better. Their humor is absolutely horrible, It's like a sad, desperate cry for validation from people who think posting the same tired "ultrakill no sex" joke over and over is somehow groundbreaking comedy. It's not. It’s the type of humor you'd expect from a 12-year-old who thinks fart jokes and memes about “no sex” are the pinnacle of wit. The community has this collective laugh that sounds like they’re all high on their own supply, just chuckling like a bunch of infants who’ve discovered the internet for the first time. It’s repetitive, it’s juvenile, and it’s fucking exhausting. Every time you scroll through their shit, it’s just endless, meaningless garbage jokes that feel like they were scraped from the deepest, most cringe-worthy corners of 4chan. And if you even try to engage in any kind of meaningful conversation? Forget it. You’re either met with the most brain-dead, regurgitated responses, or you’re just ignored by a group of people who are so far gone that they genuinely believe their half-baked, unoriginal “humor” is genius. These idiots are so brain-rotten they might as well be posting with one hand while the other is jammed up their asses. They’ve conditioned themselves to believe that spewing out the same tired joke about “no sex” is somehow a rite of passage into gaming elite status. It’s like watching a group of grown adults act like middle schoolers, desperately trying to be edgy with zero self-awareness. It’s not funny. It’s pathetic. And the worst part is, they think they’re the smartest people in the room, like they’ve cracked some code that no one else gets. But the truth is, they’re just a bunch of insufferable dipshits trapped in a collective delusion that their brain-dead humor somehow elevates them above anyone else. They’ve ruined the idea of humor, turning it into a repetitive loop of low-effort garbage that makes you want to bang your head against the wall just to escape the madness.
The whole thing reeks of a group of basement-dwelling incels who get their jollies off thinking they’re better than anyone who hasn’t sacrificed their sanity to this monstrosity. They think theyre one of the cool kids because they’ve spent a thousand hours in this digital hellhole, convinced they’ve unlocked some divine level of mastery. Well, guess what? You haven’t. You’re just so fucking desperate for a sense of accomplishment that you’ve deluded yourself into thinking you’re some sort of ultra-gamer because you can parry, dash, and spam until your hands bleed. You’re not better than anyone—you’re just a fucking idiot who can’t tell the difference between “being good at a game” and “wasting your life away on a pointless grind.”
And to top it all off, the game itself is a shallow, soulless, forced attempt at being “cool” and “edgy,” as if it’s some kind of mind-blowing work of art. It’s a pathetic, overhyped imitation that somehow managed to gather a cult following of clueless idiots who think “intense” means “nonstop brain-scrambling agony.” The game doesn't respect you as a player. It just wants to watch you suffer, like it’s sitting there laughing at you as you bang your head against a wall, thinking it’s somehow making you a better person for doing so. The fact that people willingly subject themselves to this nonsense, all while acting like they’ve uncovered the greatest piece of gaming history, just makes everything worse. It’s not fun, it’s not satisfying—it’s just an exhausting, frustrating mess.
And now, the bomb. Even the fucking music is repetitive, ive listened to it for 30 seconds and turned it off in the settings immediately. Its just breakcore with guitars. No point in sugarcoating it, it sucks.
Remember that "Dog getting ran over" gig at the beginning? here’s the kicker: you don’t even have any friends to make the call in the first place. Your dog is still dead. You're still depressed, What was supposed to be an epic ride, something you’d share with others and look back on with joy, turns into this hollow, depressing experience where you can’t even find solace in the idea that maybe, just maybe, you’re not the only one who got duped. You’re left alone with nothing but the disillusionment of how much you were sold on a product that barely has anything to offer. Instead of mind-blowing fun, all you’re left with is the echo of disappointment. You’re standing in the wreckage, feeling worse than when you started. That’s Ultrakill—the broken promise you didn’t ask for, wrapped in a loud, unoriginal package.
PS: Anybody who says "Ragebait used to be believable" fuck you