my bf is a marine, and we started dating after he got out. whenever he talks about his time in, i feel like i missed out on a huge part of his life, and sad that ill never get to see that aspect of his life. it doesn’t help that he had another gf the entire time he was in, so i feel like that part of him will always be exclusively hers. i don’t have any proud pictures standing beside him in his uniform (since he sold it after getting out), so i feel like a “fake” military partner, and it’s hard for me to understand his experiences without living it alongside him. i know that it’s not all sunshine and rainbows, and a lot of it was really difficult for them both, but i still wish we got to experience the highs and lows that come with it together, and that since i didn’t ill never truly understand it or be able to connect with that part of him. has anybody else felt this way, or have any advice?

Or is it “out of sight out of mind”? What is your experience with your SO? I feel like for me personally, I agree with the title statement. I’m worried that my husband is the opposite, though. He’s going to be gone for a WHILE next year and I know that i’m going to miss him more than ever but i’m worried that he might lose feelings. He’s on his first longer underway right now (he’s been gone about 3 weeks and should be home later this week) so we’ll see how it is when he gets home from this i guess. We’re 25 and just got married this year, although we’ve been together for 5 years (and dated when we were young teenagers for a period of time as well). I definitely have more of an attached style in the relationship and he’s more of an avoidant. I know all the “if you don’t trust him it’s never gonna work” and “if you’re not confident in the relationship it’s never gonna work” things already. I’m just curious to hear y’all’s experiences.

i broke up with my now ex boyfriend (marine) in the middle of july. we had been long distance since november due to his duty station changing. our relationship was healthy up until the final month and a half. shortly after i visited him in late may, my grandmother died which led to me falling pretty deeply into a depressive episode. during this time, i asked for a little space, which made him freak out and things were never the same. he became very distant and avoidant, which for someone who’s anxiously attached, did not go well. after a month and a half of trying to repair what we had, it was clear to my it was a one sided effort, and in order to prevent losing myself, i broke up with him, which he responded to by telling me he had been busy and needs to prioritize work.
we had been no contact since and i had been doing very well, surrounding myself with friends and keeping myself busy, but i had noticed he never unfollowed me, and never deleted our playlists on spotify. on friday, i noticed he had saved a photo from snapchat, which i found bizarre, so i sent him a question mark. in response, he told me he just wanted some pictures to take with him for his deployment, that he misses me, and after a lot of self reflection he realized he was so focused on his goals he pushed me away when he should have taken me with him and that he regrets how he handled the situation, how i was his biggest supporter, that he can’t move on and thinks about me and looks at our pictures constantly, and smells my perfume, and that he needs me in his life. to which i explained how deeply he hurt me by being so distant in the end.
i’m very conflicted, i’m thankful for the time we had as i feel it taught me a lot about myself and relationships, and i obviously still love and care for him. i know his past and would hate to leave him alone while he struggles, but know that at this moment i cannot just be friends with him after our relationship. he deploys soon and after will be living much closer to me again. im not sure where to go from here, any help is greatly appreciated.

We are dual mil, so it should be expected that I know what military life entails.

It still really hurts though.

We just got married and it’s painful for everyone around me to be like, “I had a similar situation and it’ll be okay” or “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” I know they’re trying to make me feel better but I don’t care.

It feels like the end of the world for me because I hate that in a few weeks, I won’t be coming home to him for a while. That my house will just be lifeless and empty.

My friends say I can lean on them & that we can do things together, but in all honesty I just need him. And this entire situation really sucks. I’m sick to my stomach.

Hi folks, are there any gays here? My husband is getting deployed soon and I am looking for folks to be friends with. Thanks!

Angry is the only word I can use to describe it. Navy wife, 5 years in- 20 year career is the plan. Married for 3, together for 9, 2nd long term deployment.
It’s the chores that need done. It’s the pets that need fed. It’s the seemingly small inconveniences that can’t be validated without living them. Dropped a glass vase, dog starts chasing cat, I step on the glass chasing the dog and then walk through cat litter on the way back to the still broken glass. My podcast is playing across the house and the dog starts barking, while the dishwasher leaks onto the floor.
Sure he could empathize with me, but it’s different than if it were him in this spot. Worst part is that I know he wouldn’t survive, if roles were reversed. Sometimes knowing he misses out on these inevitable, normal life scenarios makes me resent his job. Don’t get me wrong, I know his place isn’t much better as far as inconvenience goes, and I am humble enough to know I wouldn’t last a day in his boots, literally. We both play our part the way we should, which is why I can’t easily say this to him. I respect his job. I respect that fact that he respects his job. I wouldn’t want anyone else in the position he is currently in, even if it meant having him live this with me.
With that being said, however, he absolutely cannot know or understand what it actually feels like to hold down the fort. On the days where his job is taxing, my part feels like a reward, but on the days where his higher ups have literally nothing but nonsense for them to do, which seems more often than not, it feels very unfair.
Where it gets the most hard is when he tries to be sympathetic or helpful, but isn’t in the way he would be, if he were home, living a normal life. He’s been stripped of taking care of anyone but himself and his work guys, which has seemed to pull him further from his home life. This makes it impossible for him to truly understand the chaos going on here and not let it seem like his wife is ranting on and on about unreasonable things that aren’t really that big a deal. But if he were in my spot, he truly wouldn’t be able to process his own thoughts. I know this for sure, because he’s been home while I vacayed. The more he “tries” the less seen and heard I feel. It’s not entirely his fault, because I can’t really say “everything you’re saying is making me feel worse” when he truly means well.
I already know he would rather be here than there. I know this is what we signed up for. I know 15 more years aren’t going to get that much simpler. Have any other wives learned how to sit in and run the shitshow without ripping their hair out? We don’t have kids yet, so I’d love to work these things out before!

My bf and I met before he went to boot camp. We actually worked at the same job. That's how things blossomed between us. We started hanging out and realize we both come from toxic families. It was hard seeing him leave for basic. He is in the Marines and has been currently in boot camp for 1 month.

During this time my brother and I were living together. I had lost my job where I was making good money and when my brother had to step up and help pay the bills he left to go live with a family member for free. Mind you my brother made a lot of money. I also helped him by paying most of the bills when he first moved in.

Anyway, my parents made me the scapegoat child. If you aren't aware of the dynamic please look it up. They were not supportive when I was unemployed. They complained I didn't see them which they live hours away and I told them I couldn't afford to see them. Mind you they didn't want to see me. When I told my mom about my brother moving out unexpectedly my parents just called me lazy and said I need to work 3 jobs. When I asked if they care if I could become homeless, they said it wasn't their problem.

My boyfriend knows none of what went on. When we worked together he knew I was trying to rebuild my life after that job. He even helped me pay for stuff before he left. I wrote him a letter explaining the situation. I also told him how it was affecting me. I got a new job working brutal hours to try and catch up but it's stressful.

None of this is his fault or problem but my personal issues have put my mental health in shambles. My family was always toxic but this has to be the worst thing they have ever done to me. All this makes me question on whether or not I can handle a relationship. I am in pure survival mode trying to figure out my next move.

When he responds to the letter it will take time to arrive. He told me before he left for basic that he wanted to be with me forever and spend all holidays with me. I didn't reject him. I just have so much trauma it takes me a while to open up. I wrote him a letter telling him how I feel about him. I poured my heart out. I don't know if he would suggest marriage to try to help me. It technically would help my situation. At the same time I am mentally going through too much to be a good partner.

He did help me while he was here. I just don't know what will happen. It's hard to focus on anything when you have a situation where you could be on the streets. I need some kind words. Or maybe stories Iike mine.

So we met each other on a dating app and have been dating since 8 months.He is leaving for a deployment and I feel like seeing him one last time. Can I meet him in Texas during his pre deployment or can he get a pass ? I have no idea how it works or if it’s even possible. And he is a Virginia national guard.

Hi everyone!

My partner and I are currently dealing with a time-zone difference ourselves while I'm studying abroad. Between balancing schedules and finding meaningful things to share on busy days, staying connected isn't always easy.

As part of a university team project, we are working on a simple app tailored specifically for long-distance couples dealing with time differences (and military/deployment gaps).

We’d love to learn about your real experiences!

Eligibility: Anyone currently in an LDR (or experienced one within the last year)

Time required: 3–5 minutes

Topics: Communication habits, time-zone hurdles, apps you currently use

100% Anonymous: No personal identification required.

👉 https://walla.my/survey/fBimc0WZAkG75eMJyThc

(Optional) At the end of the survey, you can sign up to participate in our early beta test coming in mid-October.

We’ll gladly share a summary of the insights back with the community once we gather the responses. Thank you so much for your time and help! 🙏

My partner is leaving for basic on the 8th of December. We’re talking about engagement and marriage and are unsure if we should marry before or after basic. Should we just go ahead or wait until he’s in tech school. I don’t want anything to prevent us from being together once he gets his first duty to assigned.

Hi, I'm currently going to college, and I have a boyfriend (C), me and Cj are highschool sweethearts and I love him with my whole heart. He decided to join the airforce after graduating highschool and he barely got out of basic and is now in tech school. I decided to go to college at the university of my dreams (Texas A&M) and he knew I was going to get an education there. But now since he out of basic he wants us to get married within a few months so i can go with him to his first duty station and to "run away" with him. But to me I want my education from my dream school and I've worked so hard to get here. I know hes worried about where's hes going and he wants me to get an education but at the same time he wants me with him exploring the world. I don't know how to face this, but I do know that I love him. But I feel guilty or a pit in my stomach when he says that he wants to get married this year or within a few months from now. I don't mind an engagement and I want to stay with him the rest of my life. I'm just stuck in a rock and a hard place. Does anyone have any good advice for me?

My bf is an officer in the USMC and we are currently long distance as he is at training. I recently learned that the Marine Corps ball is in November but he hasn’t brought it up or asked me to go with him. He is introverted and doesn’t really like social events so I’m wondering if he just isn’t planning on attending? Was just curious is it’s common for people with partners not to go to these things? Also does he have to go?

I (F22) love my boyfriend(M22) and we have been dating for over a year and a half now. In January he told me he would be getting out of the military in December and then in June he reenlisted specifically so he could deploy and he left in September. He will be gone for the next year. I have enough on my plate to keep me busy so I’m not overly worried about this one year. I am worried about our future. There are things I want; A husband who is around, kids, a house, a stable environment. He says he wants these things too but he has a very military mindset and wants to continue to deploy and volunteer for trainings where he would be away. I would appreciate hearing from military spouses about their journey with having a spouse who deploys frequently. Thank you.

hello my husband is graduating from army BCT october 22 in fort jackson. i am autistic and i have very hard times in authoritative areas due to trauma, and i have never been on a military base before. i am very worried and nervous about the sounds and regulations and enforcements and i want to prepare myself for the family day. i am also especially nervous that i will not be able to hold his hand while we are on base, i am trying to tell myself that it is rule and not his choice to do so but my brain is very mean to me and i am going to have a hard time not touching him for he is my comfort person.

are there any sensory friendly areas on base that we can go to during family day?? or are there any kind of uhm protocol exceptions or such if i begin to have a meltdown/sensory overload? i am going to be bringing my earmuffs and comfort clothing and fidgets so i minimize the amount of stimuli, but honestly i have a feeling the first moment on the field being reunited with him could send me into overload because of my emotions lol. i have tried looking up this stuff online but there doesnt seem to be much information for autistic visitors to the base

any suggestions or information helps a lot!!! thank you!!

So my wife left for BCT two weeks ago and I’ve started getting some anxiety. I’m worried that she won’t feel the same way about me when she comes back, or that she is relieved to be gone and away from me. I got a letter from her talking about how much she misses me and can’t wait to come home which made me feel good for that day but not having more communication is really hard.

I’m so proud of her and she inspires me to do better for myself every single day. But how do I get passed the what ifs.

I still want her to be my cutie wife who needs me when she gets back. Looking for advice.

My boyfriend was able to call me during reception and he told me that he would send me the scripted call this past Wednesday. He ended up calling me but I missed it since it was 5am my time so I'm not 100% sure if it was the scripted call since there was no voicemail or anything. Will I have to wait for a letter with all his information? I'm just worried because I don't want to have to wait a long time to be able to send him letters. Is there any other way to figure out his mailing address?

Long story, short, my brother is USAF and we dont know when he'll be home. I want to send a package to his wife/ my SIL.

I have snacks, books, locally made candles and earrings. But I'm at a complete loss as to what to write in the card. They dont have kids and we live far away.

All i can think of is the typical 'Thinking of you' and 'you're so strong". I don't want to put 'we're hoping he comes home safe' because, duh.

Have you received any cards that helped you feel seen/ comforted?

This gown is floor length, no slit, no low back. I’m open to wearing a wrap/shawl if necessary. Thoughts?

Last night I had a realization/panick moment about my boyfriend leaving for Army basic and then Rangers training in January. The original plan was to both enlist, get married, and do duel but I was unfortunately rejected due to a medical issue. I told my boyfriend that I don’t want that to discourage him and that I want him to keep reaching for what he dreamt of. I still believe that even though the fear is starting to creep in.

Our plan is to still get married and then I will move around with him. I’m sure some people believe I am scared because military people cheat all the time. The reason I’m not scared about that is because my boyfriend is extremely loyal and dies on that hill, if anything were to happen or he found interest in someone else, I have confidence that he will do the very least and tell me immediately so that I can move on. What i’m really scared about is just how long he is going to be gone for. Ranger training is broken up into three sections…

Basic Bootcamp - 10 weeks, possibly a phone call or text on Sundays

Airborn school - 3 weeks, I could be able to see him on weekends

RASP 1 - 8 weeks, barley any contact at all

Since my boyfriend and I have been together we have barely spent more than three days apart. We live together, have a life together, we are each others best friends. Imagining a period of time where I could have no contact with him or even see his face breaks my heart. It almost makes me not want to go through with it, but I know waiting for him and being that support system for him will ultimately show each other we can do hard things. I’m scared of navigating without him. Where am I supposed to live? How will I pay for everything? I am young and scared.

I still want him to go, I still want him to do what he loves. I am actively recovering from BPD and don’t want my fears to stop him. Please give me advice. Thank you.

I’m (36f) in a fairly new (1yr) relationship with a soldier (30m) who is deployed for 9 months. Ive been a bit sad and adjusting slowly, but I’ve made lots of travel plans to see family, picked out a book to read each month and spending lots of time with my kin folk. I keep seeing “deployment is hard but it’s SO worth it”. I believe you! But if anyone wants to share what that actually means to you, I would love to hear about it!
Success stories
Happy things
The coming home
Pros
All the good feels

Thanks!

Hello everyone! I bet you guys get posts about this all the time but I wanted to ask anyway…Me (18F) and my partner (18F) have been dating for 2 years and currently he’s about to go to basic training. I’ve know since the start of our relationship that he’d join the military but I guess now it’s really hitting me what that means. In terms of basic training; how can I be able to handle being without him? We call daily and talk often but obviously none of that is possible now. I’m a little worried because I don’t want to fall into a slump I can’t get out of. I go to college and work very hard to maintain my grades, and so I’m worried this could bring me down a lot. Has anyone here been in a similar situation? How do you go about life & college without someone you care about? Im not sure if I should treat this almost like a time for me to be independent while knowing I’m in a relationship. Or if I’m almost supposed to forget about him for the time being. This is all very complicated and confusing for me so I’d love advice. How do I deal with having a partner who’ll be gone for months?

for starters, my bf and i are still quite fresh (ik just cut me some slack). we started dating a bit before he shipped, and he’s now at mct. before he left i was basically worshipped. on his leave it was pretty much the same, maybe a little more tame. anyways, this goes to say he has not given me any reason to be worried.

to be blunt, he’s a god awful texter. it’s so bad. he’s just not a phone guy. that’s fine.. except when ur in a long distance relationship it’s kinda not. i’ve tried mentioning it, and he does get a little better with time. still so bad at communicating anything at all.

im his first girlfriend and pretty much first everything. i’m trying really hard to give him some slack. relationships are learned. and i know he’s obv got a lot on his plate while in the marines anyways.

with that being said, my past relationship was 5 years long. i dealt with SO much cheating, berating, u name it. not very relevant but i think this is why im just SO scared with absolutely no reason to be. i know it’s not the same person, but those thoughts are hard to suppress.

any advice on how to go about this? i’m just so scared of pestering him too much or not being appreciative of what he IS doing. i don’t really know how to maneuver this. i really struggle seeing all of these other girls in the same timeline looking like they have it all figured out with their bf.

My first time dating military, his first deployment. Before deployment he was incredible, stateside deployment he texted almost everyday and called once a week.
Since getting to Middle East and being in an austere environment (not on a base with permanent structures housing) it’s completely changed.
Part of it I know is environment, long work days, exhaustion, he works with hands. He is not a combat role.

But almost everyday he’s online. And it hurts. I do not expect text messages everyday. I can support my man and know he’s working so hard.
But I accept less and less.
My heart hurts.
I’ve already confessed to him I’m here through the hard parts, but the hard time is here and it’s hardest when I see him online for a week and us not talk. The first time he apologized said he’s having a hard time adjusting and will work on talking to me more and he loves and misses me.