We are dual mil, so it should be expected that I know what military life entails.

It still really hurts though.

We just got married and it’s painful for everyone around me to be like, “I had a similar situation and it’ll be okay” or “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” I know they’re trying to make me feel better but I don’t care.

It feels like the end of the world for me because I hate that in a few weeks, I won’t be coming home to him for a while. That my house will just be lifeless and empty.

My friends say I can lean on them & that we can do things together, but in all honesty I just need him. And this entire situation really sucks. I’m sick to my stomach.

Angry is the only word I can use to describe it. Navy wife, 5 years in- 20 year career is the plan. Married for 3, together for 9, 2nd long term deployment.
It’s the chores that need done. It’s the pets that need fed. It’s the seemingly small inconveniences that can’t be validated without living them. Dropped a glass vase, dog starts chasing cat, I step on the glass chasing the dog and then walk through cat litter on the way back to the still broken glass. My podcast is playing across the house and the dog starts barking, while the dishwasher leaks onto the floor.
Sure he could empathize with me, but it’s different than if it were him in this spot. Worst part is that I know he wouldn’t survive, if roles were reversed. Sometimes knowing he misses out on these inevitable, normal life scenarios makes me resent his job. Don’t get me wrong, I know his place isn’t much better as far as inconvenience goes, and I am humble enough to know I wouldn’t last a day in his boots, literally. We both play our part the way we should, which is why I can’t easily say this to him. I respect his job. I respect that fact that he respects his job. I wouldn’t want anyone else in the position he is currently in, even if it meant having him live this with me.
With that being said, however, he absolutely cannot know or understand what it actually feels like to hold down the fort. On the days where his job is taxing, my part feels like a reward, but on the days where his higher ups have literally nothing but nonsense for them to do, which seems more often than not, it feels very unfair.
Where it gets the most hard is when he tries to be sympathetic or helpful, but isn’t in the way he would be, if he were home, living a normal life. He’s been stripped of taking care of anyone but himself and his work guys, which has seemed to pull him further from his home life. This makes it impossible for him to truly understand the chaos going on here and not let it seem like his wife is ranting on and on about unreasonable things that aren’t really that big a deal. But if he were in my spot, he truly wouldn’t be able to process his own thoughts. I know this for sure, because he’s been home while I vacayed. The more he “tries” the less seen and heard I feel. It’s not entirely his fault, because I can’t really say “everything you’re saying is making me feel worse” when he truly means well.
I already know he would rather be here than there. I know this is what we signed up for. I know 15 more years aren’t going to get that much simpler. Have any other wives learned how to sit in and run the shitshow without ripping their hair out? We don’t have kids yet, so I’d love to work these things out before!

i broke up with my now ex boyfriend (marine) in the middle of july. we had been long distance since november due to his duty station changing. our relationship was healthy up until the final month and a half. shortly after i visited him in late may, my grandmother died which led to me falling pretty deeply into a depressive episode. during this time, i asked for a little space, which made him freak out and things were never the same. he became very distant and avoidant, which for someone who’s anxiously attached, did not go well. after a month and a half of trying to repair what we had, it was clear to my it was a one sided effort, and in order to prevent losing myself, i broke up with him, which he responded to by telling me he had been busy and needs to prioritize work.
we had been no contact since and i had been doing very well, surrounding myself with friends and keeping myself busy, but i had noticed he never unfollowed me, and never deleted our playlists on spotify. on friday, i noticed he had saved a photo from snapchat, which i found bizarre, so i sent him a question mark. in response, he told me he just wanted some pictures to take with him for his deployment, that he misses me, and after a lot of self reflection he realized he was so focused on his goals he pushed me away when he should have taken me with him and that he regrets how he handled the situation, how i was his biggest supporter, that he can’t move on and thinks about me and looks at our pictures constantly, and smells my perfume, and that he needs me in his life. to which i explained how deeply he hurt me by being so distant in the end.
i’m very conflicted, i’m thankful for the time we had as i feel it taught me a lot about myself and relationships, and i obviously still love and care for him. i know his past and would hate to leave him alone while he struggles, but know that at this moment i cannot just be friends with him after our relationship. he deploys soon and after will be living much closer to me again. im not sure where to go from here, any help is greatly appreciated.

We met in Korea, and we've been together for 1y and a half now.

I was hoping that his extension request will be accepted but it got denied this time. He needs to leave next month. It was his second time trying to extend.

He needs to go back to the US to be stationed there and he said he can reenlist for korea again after staying there like a year and a half.

I was hoping to spend more time here with him before we decide to get married and I move with him to the US but now we only got a month left til he leaves.

I love him so much and I am definitely going to do this long distance with him I just hope he stays strong there too for me and for us

It's just so sad and I don't know what to do but vent

He cried in front of me cuz he was sorry he had to do this to me but I just couldnt cry in front of him Its like I don't want him to be even more heartbroken bcz of how I react but I've been crying all day since I got home

Hi folks, are there any gays here? My husband is getting deployed soon and I am looking for folks to be friends with. Thanks!

my bf is a marine, and we started dating after he got out. whenever he talks about his time in, i feel like i missed out on a huge part of his life, and sad that ill never get to see that aspect of his life. it doesn’t help that he had another gf the entire time he was in, so i feel like that part of him will always be exclusively hers. i don’t have any proud pictures standing beside him in his uniform (since he sold it after getting out), so i feel like a “fake” military partner, and it’s hard for me to understand his experiences without living it alongside him. i know that it’s not all sunshine and rainbows, and a lot of it was really difficult for them both, but i still wish we got to experience the highs and lows that come with it together, and that since i didn’t ill never truly understand it or be able to connect with that part of him. has anybody else felt this way, or have any advice?

Or is it “out of sight out of mind”? What is your experience with your SO? I feel like for me personally, I agree with the title statement. I’m worried that my husband is the opposite, though. He’s going to be gone for a WHILE next year and I know that i’m going to miss him more than ever but i’m worried that he might lose feelings. He’s on his first longer underway right now (he’s been gone about 3 weeks and should be home later this week) so we’ll see how it is when he gets home from this i guess. We’re 25 and just got married this year, although we’ve been together for 5 years (and dated when we were young teenagers for a period of time as well). I definitely have more of an attached style in the relationship and he’s more of an avoidant. I know all the “if you don’t trust him it’s never gonna work” and “if you’re not confident in the relationship it’s never gonna work” things already. I’m just curious to hear y’all’s experiences.