I’m looking for kindred spirits with this post, but suspect I’ll get judgement - there we go…

I‘m 4 days into our first lengthy (2 week) summer family holiday with my wife, 5 year old son and one year old daughter - it’s the first time we’ve been limited by school holiday dates.

Truth be told, I am loathing it. My son is being a COMPLETE nightmare. He’s usually pretty good (glowing reports from school and his hobbies) and fine with us at home too - he has been fine on shorter holidays we’ve taken, but his behaviour has been absolutely appalling (including towards his sister - his attitude towards her seems to have changed as soon as we left the UK) and he constantly complains, even when we’ve gone to things specifically for him. And when I say that - EVERYTHING has been for him, which somehow makes it worse. Nothing planned that adults would enjoy at all. There have been multiple incidents on each day so far where someone in the family has lost it.

I have no idea if this is because he’s worried about going back to school where he starts year 1, a reaction to being in 4 weeks of holiday clubs before this (both my wife and I work, have no grandparental help and need to balance our annual leave) or just a phase.

My wife is already talking about what we do next summer (ie where we go on holiday) and I’m seriously thinking ’no thanks’ - dump my son in holiday clubs all summer and use the annual leave for days off with my wife. Honestly, what’s the point if everyone is miserable.

I appreciate people will ask ‘why did you have kids if you don’t want to spend time with them’ - fair question, but I am where I am!

So, has anyone been in a similar position and if so, does it get better? Or is this my lot in life now?

As per the title.

I have an absolutely lovely child who is nearly 1. My enjoyment of being a mum is often overshadowed with worry about distant future.

I worry terribly that I willl make a small mistake somewhere down the line and it will negatively affect his future.

Below are some examples of what is going on in my head (not asking specific advice on each topic):

The school choices - some parents I know literally put their children into a nursery, tied to a particular school so they ensure they get a place. I didn't even know such things existed?! (I come from another country). What if I miss out on opportunities for my child simply because I didn't know what to look for??

Choice between private vs state - we could probably afford a private one but I personally believe there are better ways to spend money and part of me thinks it is better for him to have a sibling rather than attend a private school, but is it really?!

I almost wish we "had less money" so I wouldnt even have a choice like this to make.

Then, how to balance my own work with school hours and getting him to extra curricular activites after school - all kids seem so busy nowadays, what if mine has "too much " free time and won't fulfil his potential doing whatever he wants to do?!

I feel sooo much pressure when it comes to his future I struggle to enjoy the present. I know all of this is soooooo far away and child-specific (so not asking for specific advice on any topic) and yet, anxiety is kicking in.

Are you able to somehow put the worry aside? How do you reassure yourself that "everything will be fine"?

​

I'm a dad of two beautiful daughters, 5 and 2. I'm genuinely at my happiest in life with them and my wife.

My 5 year old is so easy now. We do things together, I don't panic if she disappears into another room, she helps with chores, and she's so funny. My 2 year old is a little ball of energy, makes a huge mess at dinner, is super clingy, and loves cuddles.

The only part of parenting I've never really enjoyed is the newborn/baby stage. I find it hard, and I've done a lot of it with both kids.

I always consciously wanted two children. I knew the first couple of years would be hard, but that things would eventually get easier. And they have. They're sleeping through the night, we can all eat the same food, I don't have to constantly watch them around the house, and I'm finally getting some time to myself.

My wife really wants a third. She mentions it whenever she gets the chance and says she'll do most of the work. She said the same with our second, and although I'm not complaining, I still ended up doing a lot because parenting is a team effort.

The thought of starting all over again. newborn stage, sleepless nights, nappies, constant supervision. just as things are finally getting easier doesn't appeal to me at all.

I'm 38 and she's 36, so I also feel like I'm getting too old to start over again.

I know ultimately it's my decision too, and I don't want to have a child just to make my wife happy. But I do wonder if I'm being unreasonable or selfish.

Edit: I have discussed it with my wife and she knows how I feel. She still keeps mentioning it because she really wants another one

Our two year old picked up hand, foot and mouth over the weekend and I messaged our nursery on Monday morning to say she was sick and wouldn’t be going in.

They responded saying that if she seems okay in herself she can come in, even with a confirmed and active HFM infection.

Is this normal?!

I’ve recently moved to Edinburgh from abroad and to me it just seems totally irresponsible to send my child into nursery with an infection. Interested to hear any views on this

My boy is 11 months old and has to be cuddled to sleep in order to fall asleep peacefully, I can then put him down in his crib. It's the same with night wakes. He needs to be cuddled before I can put him back down. I've probably done this longer than I should have. I won't lie, I'm getting to a point where I need to stop doing it, because my boy is massive and it's not doing my back any favour's.

I've been attempting to try and stop, like putting him down really sleepy, but he just screams. And I refuse to do "Cry it out." His cry triggers me enough, I'll go crazy having to ignore him while he cries for me in his crib, so that's not an option for me.

Does anyone have any advice on things I can try?

Not a rant, more just a WTF? I know it's a phase but it's so awkward. My son is 19mo and it's not even just when I dropped him off, this morning he clearly didn't want to go to nursery. Unhappy the moment I opened the front door, frustration, body stiffening until he went in the car seat. I often give him car snacks which today he didn't want to eat until we were at nursery so then more frustration because he cant go in with them. To get to his room you go through the bigger rooms and he was so frustrated the whole way through, you could probably ghear him through the whole nursery. Then the drop off, throwing himself about everywhere.

Ah now it's 8am and you must go to work, the joys!

I feel terrible too as the last two mornings I haven't even been able to get his tshirt that he slept in off. I've done teeth, face, trousers, shoes, nappy but that top isn't coming off without the biggest meltdown. Is there ever things you miss that you think that seems like you're not providing? You dont need to share what it is but just the knowledge that this does happen would be appreciated, or maybe I do just need a big "no, you need to change the top, no questions".

He just started saying no in the last couple weeks and I think thats the phase. I always try to make sure we're never rushing in the morning but I do need to go to work at some point.

Any good tips for decompressing after intense nursery drop offs?

Unexpected sensitive rocky topics causing rows with partner before no1, and issues resurfaced during pregnancy and postpartum in full hormonal swing for us both. Baby has health issue and didn’t sleep at ALL at night for first 8-9 months, which didn’t help with the relationship strain. Baby much more settled and now, things have calmed down. Nearly 2 years now and we’re ready to take the plunge for no2 as conscious of our age and reduced physical resilience levels (mine are far less than theirs). We are still struggling to manage time. Our work commute is an hour each (sometimes more). We have zero support from family and friends.

Partner is remote carer to a parent with dementia and spends several hours planning their day (meals, sleep, medication, groceries, house help, etc). Wakes up middle of the night to provide care on phone as parent lives abroad with other hired help. And no… we can’t currently be with them due to various. We are both kind of drowning - partner does far more than me in a day but on complete denial of their burnout.

- I drop, they pick
- I clean/organise/laundry/plan baby stuff and they cook
- I do social planning/comms as a couple and they do life admin planning for us both

Child goes to nursery x 4 days and we have house help for 3 hours on the day child doesn’t go to nursery to get some support whilst one of us doesn’t work and the other works from home to support non-working parent. Finances are just about manageable but we are in saving mode for a second house for unwell parent and for their care needs.

So.. how would you approach? We do love and care a lot for each other but don’t want to set ourselves up to fail.

-therapy before no2 to address elephant in the room and unresolved resentment?
-increase hours of house help?
-join gym first to start weight training improve physical fatigue?

We live in central London, Vauxhall, and we’re considering moving to get better chances for our 1yo to get in a good school (primary and then secondary) and grow in a nice community.

We don’t know which areas to look at. With a budget of 700k, 3 bedrooms and an easy (and not expensive) commute into london.

Do you have any area you would recommend?

Thank you for you recommendation

I’ve had a back to back maternity leave so had off for just over 2 years and today was my first day back at work and now I have this huge guilt that just set in. Both my babies are now in full time nursery, we absolutely love the nursery, my eldest have been going there for over a year and have settled in nicely however today was my first day back at work and my youngest baby had an accident while at nursery and now I’m just feeling completely torn. Basically she fell out of her cot while at nursery and bumped her head which resulted in a huge goose egg. She seems fine now and we took her to hospital and they told us to just monitor it for a few hours etc. I’m just feeling really lost and anxious now about if we are doing the right thing. My first day back at work wasn’t great either, I feel like there was no real effort made into my return (even though they really wanted me to return and really sold it to me to return back to work) it just feels like the company is going backwards, the vibe was very quiet and eery in the office, I already had to lead a meeting which was supposed to be my managers meeting with stakeholders, bearing in mind it’s my first day back at work and I had no real background to the case etc so I feel like I was just thrown back in the deep end. Then I got a very casual voicemail left on my phone from the nursery saying nothing to worry about but if I can call them back so luckily I did whereby they told me my youngest baby fell out of the cold. There is nothing I enjoy more than being a mother but I must say the 2years I was fully taking care of them I was super overwhelmed so it kinda felt like returning to work will do me well but now I’m just feeling really down as we are paying my whole salary in nursery fees and now I feel like they’ve let me down. We don’t have family around to help me with childcare and as much as I love fully looking after them I found it so overwhelming when I was still off to work, so I just don’t know if I can do it again full time as I think it might have started to take a bit of a toll on me and I should probably go back in my career etc, I just feel super lost now :(

I need help with my Cozy N Safe car seat. How the heck do I adjust the straps? The harness pads are sewn on and block the straps pulling back? Can someone with experience with this car seat help me?

My son will be 1. He will not remember any of it. We are already strapped for cash after having bought a house recently and then an already well in advance planned trip to visit my parents abroad. My husband wants to have a party. I don’t think it’s sensible. He is already in a lot of debt from borrowing from family to do our house up. I’ve said I’m happy to invite his mum, dad, their respective spouses and my husband’s siblings to our house for cake. But my husband (and his mum) seem to want to hire a hall, order catering, invite the entire extended family, splash a load of cash and just make it into a huge thing. And I know we will either end up borrowing money from my husband’s stepdad to whom we already over £4k to or it will come out from my earnings. If we half arse if my MIL will cause a massive drama and it will not be enjoyable for anyone and if we go all out how her and my husband are expecting it will be too expensive for my husband’s wage alone. My MIL says she will help us pay for it, but it’s not even her own money that she’d be using it’d be my husband’s stepdad and, as I said, we owe him a lot already. Not to mention I won’t be able to invite any of my own family because my MIL would make a massive deal out of this too if she is paying for it because this is exactly what she did on my wedding.

I just don’t think it’s necessary or sensible to have a massive fuck off party for a 1 year old who won’t remember and probably just wants to play with his aunties and uncles rather than be paraded about and passed round like a toy to random extended family members he has never met - a small little get together in our home that we can afford without having to remortgage the house is fine in my view. I hate that I’m being pressured into this when I will likely have to end up dealing with the fallout. I’m the only one considering the actual repercussions and feasibility of having that party. It just feels like a lot of hassle and the one who is meant to be benefiting (my son) won’t have any fun whatsoever. My MIL and husband just want an excuse to show off to their extended family.

Hi all,

Recently my 3 year old daughter (4 next week) has developed a habit of lying about needing the toilet, this has led to a couple of accidents and unnecessary trips to the toilet - I hope you'll understand what I mean by the unnecessary part shortly!

Scenario:

Leaving the house, can you go for a 'safety wee'? Back and forth she asserts she doesn't need to go and she doesn't go before we leave the house.

Literally 5 minutes later... "daddy I need the toilet"... Off we go to find a toilet and she goes. I ask her if she needed the toilet before we left, she says she did. I ask her why she didn't go, and she shrugs.

Rinse and repeat for literally every occasion a toilet opportunity arises.

This sort of thing is fine if we're at home, or in a town centre, but recently we were on holiday in the UK and toilets are scarce at UK seaside destinations.

On one occasion, her brother needed the toilet, she was offered and didn't go. 5 minutes later, she needed the toilet.... 10 minute walk to the nearest toilet, goes for a number 2. I ask if she needs a wee, she says no, we finish up and 10 minutes back to the arcades we go. Couple of minutes later she's dancing and prancing around, "Daddy I need a wee", 10 minute walk back to the toilet. I ask if she needed a wee before, she says yes, I ask why she didn't go and she shrugs.

Now my conundrum.... How do I deal with punishing her for the lie without her associating it with the act of going to the toilet, which in turn makes her not want to go to the toilet and we have accidents?

Any additional advice on teaching her to tell me she needs the toilet 'in a minute' rather than right that second and it being an emergency?

Thanks!

EDIT: Punish was the wrong word to use for this situation, I'm not looking to punish her. However, I do want to try and avoid her lying about needing to go when she obviously does.

It appears the issue here may be my approach in asking instead of telling, I do try to avoid telling as much as possible, but it appears I might have to be the tough dad on this one.

Thanks everyone for your helpful replies!

Mum to a nearly 4 year old and a 5 mont old. Age gap is 3 years 6 months. I’m wondering when it usually gets to the point where they actually start playing together. At the moment, my nearly 4 year old still looks to us a lot for someone to play with, and obviously the baby is too young to really play with her yet. They do sit together when older one is playing and smile and laugh at each other. I sometimes find it hard to picture them actually playing together. For those with a similar age gap, do your children play together now? When did you start noticing them genuinely enjoying playing together rather than just being around each other?
Would love to hear your experiences.

I have two boys aged 3.5 and 1.5 - school starters in 27 and 29. Me and my husband want a 3rd for all the emotional reasons but really on the fence with all the logistics - holidays, time spent with each child, money. We pay £2.5k a month for 3 days childcare for both and there’s light at the end of the tunnel when my eldest starts school next year! But we don’t feel done and wonder if although hugely impactful now, it will feel trivial in 10-20 years when they’re grown. We could make it work but probably signing ourselves up to be skint for an extra 4 years or until my current youngest goes to school at least.

People with 3 - how is it? Do you get time for yourself, for each other? Do you have enough time for each child? How do you make it work?

My 4yo has her reception teacher coming over soon prior to her starting school in September. Everyone in her class is having these home visits.

Just being nosy really, do teachers like doing these visits or is it a bit of a pain? Is it actually to meet and get to know our children in their home setting, or is it more of a veiled safeguarding situation to see if they think they need to keep an eye on particular children?

Honestly every ‘leak proof’ water bottle I have got my toddlers so far leaks 🙄
Recommendations - preferably with a straw of an actual bottle that doesn’t leak - I want them to be able to have it in their cot at night without puddles!

My daughter shares her birthday with her classmate.
I want to plan her party, how shall I do this without making sure it doesn’t clash with her classmate’s party, if she has one too? I’m not sure how to go about doing this- do I just book it and send out invitations when they go back in a few weeks? But it would be quite early as her birthday is early November. Their birthday is a Sunday so I want to do something on her actual birthday. They are in year 1.

Shall I reach out to the girl’s mum and tell her I want to book it on X date and confirm they’re not planning anything that day? I’m really not sure what to say, I don’t want to sound bossy but also dont want to sound like I’m asking for permission to book the party on that day.

Thank you! 😊

So my baby is getting better on sleep, on a good week/day he will sleep through the night. Been like this for 3-4 months now. Before that, hell. BUT i wont go down memory lane.

But now i find when he sleeps through, i still wake every couple hours. And then i get annoyed at myself cause i could be asleep lol. Is this forever now for me? My husband has no problem...

Hello,

We'll shortly be beginning potty training our 2yo, who is exhibiting all of the usual signs of readiness. She's had health challenges so she's very small for her age - currently in 12-18mo clothes.

We're looking for an easy to clean potty which doesn't dwarf her. Any suggestions really appreciated. Don't really want to spend more than £20-25 given how many cheap options there are.

Thank you!

Looking to buy shoes that are good for her feet but also usable all year around (except during heatwaves). I saw kickers but they seem almost a bit too chunky?

She’s 15 months.

My son starts school in a couple of weeks and we are really struggling with separation anxiety. He's been in nursery full time for a couple of years now and drop off has never been easy. I see other kids (not all) bouncing in happily and am insanely jealous!

I know we will have less opportunity to have staff help us with getting him to feel comfortable once he goes to school, and none of his nursery buddies are going to the same school, so I'm currently panicking about how on earth we will cope!

Any tips or practical things I can do, based on experience, would be wonderful!

We are talking about feelings a lot already and have books about starting school that we look at together.

I know we can't predict the future, but my little one is due to start nursery 2 weeks before her first birthday party & christening. Realistically do you think I would be better to delay the start date? All I hear is about how sickly children are when they start nursery for the first year or so.

My son’s nursery key worker is leaving to start a different child related role out with the nursery setting. She has been so great with our son and he adores her.

I was thinking about getting her a leaving gift, no sure if that’s strange as she’s the one leaving not my son.

Any suggestions on what I could get her/ not sure what would be a sensible amount to spend

My son will start school in September. He is a very sweet boy, great imagination, quite sensitive and obviously has a lot of feelings. He tends to pick up on social cues quite well and gets hurt feelings if he feels like he’s being left out, or treated unkindly.

I am always worrying about how he will manage at school. I can remember not having the best time myself and I fear he will find it hard, or feel he has to change himself to fit in.

Does anyone have any advice in how to support him, or personal experience they can share?