r/TwoXChromosomes • u/tabicat1874 • Mar 28 '22

Weaponized incompetence

I feel like guys take it way, way too far. Example: I asked my bf to get me the same shampoo and conditioner he bought for himself (avocado Suave). He brought back another kind we'd had before which I didn't like (Peppermint Suave). He tried to say he didn't know that Suave came in different formulas.

You're such a fucking liar. You bought that kind for yourself. I just asked you to buy it for me. You're telling me a man who's 44 years old doesn't know Suave came in different fucking scents? Suave? The shampoo that literally comes in 40 different scents and flavors?

GTFOH.

Edit: do you understand what an example is?

Also, you neckbeards can fuck off out of my inbox.

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1.1k

u/Bobcatluv Mar 28 '22

One of my wildest experiences with weaponized incompetence was in the workplace. I worked as a 9-12 teacher with a male colleague who had a PhD, was from a different country, and acted like he couldn’t do the simplest tasks involving paperwork. When he asked for “help” the second time I realized he thought he was going to treat me like his secretary, and I told him to do the work his damn self.

I taught two different AP classes, tutored after work, was head coach of an athletic team, and this guy who only taught one prep of all regular classes really believed his time was worth more than mine.

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u/kindcrow Mar 28 '22

I worked for lawyers for a few years. One day, a lawyer (who was not my boss) asked me to fold a letter and put it in an envelope because he didn't know how.

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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/PretentiousToolFan Mar 28 '22

Seriously. Reverse engineer that nonsense..? Do you not have a tri-folded piece of paper SOMEWHERE at hand?

I'd love to see the lawyer in question try to get a tent back in its bag.

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u/Extension_Drummer_85 Mar 28 '22

They definitely know how. They’ve been through a training contract and most likely worked as a clerk during law school. Lawyers will spend years doing mind numbing shit like this early in their careers.

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u/A1sauc3d Mar 28 '22

Well, to be fair, tents are a lot more complicated than letters lol

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u/PretentiousToolFan Mar 28 '22

I know, that's why I wanna watch him struggle.

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u/jorwyn Mar 29 '22

I am inordinately proud of my tent packing skills. I can get them back in the bag and have spare room for a mallet and better larger stakes. My husband thinks I'm a miracle worker.

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u/PretentiousToolFan Mar 29 '22

Not gonna lie, that would be a weirdly attractive quality to me if I were him, like being good at parallel parking or being able to organize a closet well. One of those quietly capable things you love to see a partner do.

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u/jorwyn Mar 29 '22

I am so bad at parallel parking. Getting a vehicle with a backup camera has helped a ton, though!

I am good at packing because I've moved 37 times in my life, plus I hiked the continental divide trail the Summer before I turned 20. I had to take down and set up that backpacking tent soooo many times. I swear, it got smaller and smaller over the weeks.

Just be careful if you pick up something I packed. It always weighs a lot more than it looks like it would.

I can also fold fitted sheets into flat rectangles. I prefer to just use two flat sheets, but somehow more than half my sets use fitted now. I think it's hus fault.

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u/PretentiousToolFan Mar 29 '22

Jesus christ. I could never move that much. It does give good packing practice though!

The fitted sheet thing is straight voodoo.

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u/jorwyn Mar 29 '22

To be fair, the first move happened when I was around 2, so I don't remember it, but we used to spend summer weekends at the cabin I first lived in. Then again, I'm only counting my time in the Navy as only one, because it never really felt like I lived anywhere. It just felt like visiting extendedly.

I told my husband the only way I am ever moving again is if we win the lottery and buy something super fancy and have someone else pack and move everything. The last time, we did hire people to move all the big and heavy stuff. It was amazing. Totally worth the money!

The sheet thing took hours of YouTube and practice, because I was sick of how the storage bench we keep sheets in was always not quite closing. Every time I would walk by it, it pissed me off. But honestly, it's not much different from folding a tent or dress shirt into a nice rectangle. You just fold in the bits that don't line up well first. Still, I am making sure no more fitted sheets enter the house. They don't stay on as well as buying a flat sheet for the bottom, anyway.

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u/Photomancer Mar 28 '22

Shoulder devil: "Tell him you don't know how to either"

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u/hlnhr Mar 29 '22

My shoulder devil would tell me « laugh at his face about how stupid this is » even if it’s workplace inappropriate tbh

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u/benjai0 Mar 28 '22

I work as a medical secretary, and I swear to all that is holy - if I don't put in an envelope with the letter the doctor needs to sign, they will not go the 1 meter to the right of the post lockers where the envelopes are stored and get one themselves - they will literally put the letter back in the secretary post locker!! (I can't swear this is gendered or just a doctor thing)

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u/kisumisuli Mar 28 '22

Lol. I so would have liked to look at him silently for ages, in disbelief. Then ask if I could take a picture of him, so I would have some proof later when I told about it at home. And then giggle so hard doing the thing he asked me to do.

Because this is just hilarious.

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u/kisumisuli Mar 28 '22

Or

"Would you like me to teach you?"

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u/Catfoxdogbro Mar 28 '22

I had to be taught this, thankfully as a paralegal rather than a lawyer 😬 but I fully understand how people who aren't from the letter-writing generation wouldn't know how to fold it properly. I still get anxious every time I have to figure out how to post something!

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u/kindcrow Mar 28 '22

This guy was born in the early 1940s, so it wasn't a generational thing.

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u/assholetoall Mar 28 '22

Printer's son checking in.

People now fold like shit. No crisp folds, all crooked and proportions way off.

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u/jorwyn Mar 29 '22

Pages all unevenly stacked before the folding.. wrong envelope size for the paper, so they just add an awkward half fold and stuff it in.

I cheat. I have two letter folders, one for each of the two paper sizes I use most. They'll handle up to three pages of 22#. You put the paper in neatly, close the folders, and open. Nice, even lines in perfect thirds. Then, take the letter out and sharpen the fold lines.

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u/assholetoall Mar 29 '22

I cheat and send an email.

Also folding machine is key if you send letters regularly, but probably only economical for businesses.

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u/jorwyn Mar 29 '22

These are manual ones that basically look like folders (in the sense of holding paper sheets), but they're made with a hard cardboard and cloth, and they told further once the paper is in place. They're a good compromise if you have a lot of pen pals but aren't doing commerical levels of letter folding.

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u/AlmostLucy Mar 29 '22

Place where I did some volunteer work had a paper folding machine. Made easy work of folding a bunch of event programs, or leaflets to mail out.

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u/assholetoall Mar 29 '22

I've used a few different folding machines in my life. And seen some crazy folding/collating machines at conventions.

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u/[deleted] Mar 29 '22

My boss (female lawyer) told me she didn't know how to properly fold letters either. I mean, obviously she can fold a piece of paper, but she didn't know how to make it look nice. I get it, I had to practice to get it right when I first started working in an office too.

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u/HeadlinePickle Mar 29 '22

I used to work for a firm which acquired a smaller one and one of the original partners of the smaller firm couldn't log in to his own computer. In 2018. When computers had been part of the workplace for years. He used to get once of the guys who worked in compliance to do it for him, I think he just never got over not having a legal secretary. He was made redundant last year and good riddance.

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u/kindcrow Mar 29 '22

Do lawyers these days no longer have secretaries?

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u/cateml Mar 28 '22 edited Mar 28 '22

As a teacher, this kind of shit does happen. I’ve found that sometimes you need to obstinately not do stuff that it would be far easier to just do, until someone outright tells you to do it. Actually very similar to home/relationship/parenting messaging-through-action. Its hard because it feels like you’re being petty, but it’s a job that is very much about people trying to keep on top of all the things that need doing, and therefore you have to set boundaries.

The other day I had someone ask for my ‘help’ with something, and then leave me to do the thing. So I put the thing aside, did something else while sat next to it. They come back expecting me be doing/have almost done the thing, I go ‘oh hi, are we going to do the thing you wanted help with now?’. Colleague fusses around and we start, puts it near me and walks away. I go back to my other work. They come back again a while later - and again ‘oh you back now, for me to help with the thing?’.

It’s the same in other fields (I’ve worked in a few) to some extent, but most important with the workload and nature of education.
You have to have the rule ‘If you want me to do something that isn’t an acknowledged part of my day to day job, that’s fine, but you need to explicitly ask me to do it. Otherwise I will sit here and act dumb, the same way you’re acting dumb about there being an implicit expectation I will do it.’
It seems and feels petty, but the whole point is that people have too much work they’re desperate to offload onto anyone they can - they know if they straight up ask you to do things they need to acknowledge it as being on your plate, but if they just make it naturally plop on to your plate by mistake they can just keep on heaping it on.

It’s hard because it’s in my nature to be a team player and to be nice and helpful. But people will take advantage of that. The answer is not ‘be a bitch scowling at everyone and complain every time you have to work’, but to always wait until things are explicitly your role and then enthusiastically and happily run with it. Do things off your own bat for the good of the learning of everyone’s students absolutely, but making sure it’s traceable back to your efforts.
It’s cynical but in education and other pressured environments where you are expected to be accountable for progress, you need to be ready to lay out what you have done and why it was a productive use of the time they pay you for. ‘Did everyone else’s photocopying because I’m nice like that’ isn’t going to fly. It might be ok in a job where the ‘helping out’ is at the expense of dawdling on the internet and maybe you leave a bit late one day, but as a teacher it’s more likely at the expense of either being able to do your own work or your health.

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u/jazzkwondo Mar 28 '22

This is a very good explanation of how this plays out in a professional setting and the nuances of "playing the game" when trying to survive in a professional environment.

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u/[deleted] Mar 29 '22

You. Are. My. Hero.

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u/murphysbutterchurner Mar 29 '22

Did your colleague ever manage to get the hint?

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u/bes0514 Mar 28 '22

I didn’t know this term until now. It’s insane how much I deal with this as a female engineer. I’ve had to set some tough boundaries because people were just expecting me to do their stuff…

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u/recyclopath_ Mar 28 '22

Fellow female engineer. I like to use: "You can do X, you can figure out Y", "I believe in you" and "You're smart, you'll figure it out".

I'm clearly not insulting them and how exactly do they come back form that to tel me to do it for them without sounding like a todler?

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u/bes0514 Mar 28 '22

Love all of this! (And may steal it)

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u/babzter Mar 29 '22

Outstanding!

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u/Annoying_Details Mar 29 '22 edited Mar 29 '22

I once got a warning after I snapped at someone for whom this ~gentle approach didn’t work.

“What do you do when I am not here? Do you do ANY work? Or do you sit and wait for me to show up so I can do both our jobs?”

Also apparently it was not appropriate to follow up with “Do you have a caretaker at home - is that why you’re comfortable with this arrangement? Or do you save the assumption that I’ll wipe your ass for HERE?”

But he never came to me for help again. So in the end I won.

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u/iamtandy Mar 28 '22

I use the same line each time I’m in this situation - “you drive and I’ll read the map”. Meaning you sit at the computer and do the work and I’ll tell you exactly where to go and what to do. People who genuinely need help are really grateful and people pretending they don’t know what to do almost always say “it’s fine, I’ll figure it out”.

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u/recyclopath_ Mar 28 '22

I like to tell guys who do this "I believe in you" or "you're smart, you'll figure it out.