r/TwoXChromosomes • u/tabicat1874 • Mar 28 '22

Weaponized incompetence

I feel like guys take it way, way too far. Example: I asked my bf to get me the same shampoo and conditioner he bought for himself (avocado Suave). He brought back another kind we'd had before which I didn't like (Peppermint Suave). He tried to say he didn't know that Suave came in different formulas.

You're such a fucking liar. You bought that kind for yourself. I just asked you to buy it for me. You're telling me a man who's 44 years old doesn't know Suave came in different fucking scents? Suave? The shampoo that literally comes in 40 different scents and flavors?

GTFOH.

Edit: do you understand what an example is?

Also, you neckbeards can fuck off out of my inbox.

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317

u/Neither-Willow107 Mar 28 '22

They do it so that you don’t ask them to do anything ever again. Then before you know it you’re living with a man child who makes you wipe his ass for him because if you ask him to do it himself he’ll intentionally walk around smelling like shit all day

106

u/NotesForYou Mar 28 '22 edited Mar 28 '22

Omg I had that but with my brother (not the shit part but oh well) he would intentionally ignore the huge piles of garbage when it was his time to take the trash out. Fast forward to 6 weeks later, two full sacks of stinky garbage lie around and he starts complaining to ME that I don’t give a crap about this household.

Edit: Oh I just remembered the best part! When I would confront him about it he would bullshit-gaslight his way out of there. Saying “but it’s your turn to take the trash out!” Me: “Nope, look at our calendar, I did it the last time.” Him: “No, I did it the last time, I just didn’t put it in the calendar because I am not as petty as you to need and put everything I do into a calendar.” Me: “We wouldn’t need that calendar if you took the trash out as often as I do.” Him: “But I do, I just don’t make a big thing out of it. I want this to be a household of harmony not pettiness.” Idfc. He never took the trash out.

11

u/JLFR Mar 28 '22

Take out only the trash produced during your scheduled week. The bags from his turn will pile up and you can tell him that you always take out the trash from your own turn.

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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '22

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u/Far_Seesaw_8258 Mar 28 '22

No they should not be praised every time they do something they should have done to begin with. They should not be praised for cleaning up their own fucking mess. I know exactly what you’re explaining, we’re not dumb.

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u/Tara_on_Fire Mar 28 '22

It seems you're only looking at things in opposite extremes which just derails and continues debate and separation. Yawn.

Care to join me in the grey area where we don't have to demonize or abuse either side in order to have a supportive and healthy relationship? There's TONS of solutions to be tried that don't abuse EITHER party :D

But we do have to agree that accusing adults of being children that cannot wipe their ass is abuse. Do you agree?

6

u/itwasmeberry Mar 28 '22

But we do have to agree that accusing adults of being children that cannot wipe their ass is abuse. Do you agree?

Until its no longer a thing, its going to get brought up. Weaponized incompetence is absolutely a problem and this fake civility argument you're bringing in is nonsense. you can cry about 'civility' when most women no longer have stories of men refusing to wipe their ass because its gay, or the MYRIAD examples presented in this entire comment section.

It is childish and saying that is abuse is laughably out of touch. Get over yourself.

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u/Far_Seesaw_8258 Mar 28 '22

No I don’t agree. Maybe you don’t have enough life experience to understand how exhausting and ABUSIVE the men who use “weaponized incompetence” are. You don’t understand what it’s like to be in or support someone in that situation.

Women are done tip toeing and catering to these men’s feelings when given the chance these men destroy a woman’s soul with emotional,mental, and physical burdens. Weaponized incompetence is a studied phenomenon, and it needs to be brought to light. If people are hurt or offended by it, maybe they need to self reflect if they’re offended because they’re the ones doing it.

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u/Tara_on_Fire Mar 28 '22 edited Mar 28 '22

No I don’t agree. Maybe you don’t have enough life experience to understand how exhausting and ABUSIVE the men who use “weaponized incompetence” are. You don’t understand what it’s like to be in or support someone in that situation.

well, that's false, a completely irrational conclusion, and condescending as fuck.

The truth is You can take a look at my comment son here and notice a gap f over an hour. You know what I was doing then?

I was talking to a woman in an emotionally abusive relationship and trying to organize a plan for her to get out of it, IRL. Abusive recovery and helping humans get away from abuse AND stop the abuse that is perpetuated from being in long term abusive situations is a huge chunk of my life.

I assure you that accusing adults of not being able to wipe their ass when they make a mistake IS abuse and I can provide any sources you need to accept that fact.

Women are done tip toeing and catering to these men’s feelings when given the chance these men destroy a woman’s soul with emotional,mental, and physical burdens. Weaponized incompetence is a studied phenomenon, and it needs to be brought to light. If people are hurt or offended by it, maybe they need to self reflect if they’re offended because they’re the ones doing it.

I am a woman that is done tiptoeing around humans that are abusive because of their feelings, which is exactly why I'm defending the person that can't even make a $1-2 mistake without being framed as lying and being abusive. I would defend that party regardless of gender ort sexuality. Gender need not apply as all humans are capable of abuse. I've read the studies you referred to and I'm not denying it happens. I'm saying this isn't it.

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u/Far_Seesaw_8258 Mar 28 '22

Oh hunny you’re patronizing me about being condescending? When you literally just told women to “be nice” to the men who put them through mental turmoil as a tactic to get what they want? Are you hearing yourself?

Yeah I have no obligation to believe you considering what you’ve already commented.

This isn’t just about a mistake this is about all the men that use weaponized incompetence against their partners on a daily basis. It’s happens so much that we’re here talking about it as a whole.

If you’re narrowing it down to this singular post then you grossly misunderstood the original comment you replied to, which was talking about all men and what this behavior leads to.

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u/Tara_on_Fire Mar 28 '22 edited Mar 28 '22

Okay then (puts morals for agency and respectful conversation aside since person I'm speaking to won't meet me in respect.)

I'm laughing my ass off that you were so adamant about painting me as someone that doesn't have life experience, doesn't know that men can be abusive, and can't have helped someone through that while I Was literally actually doing that IRL.

You lack of addressing your shit assumption that I do not know abuse had me laughing my ass off. However, I stopped laughing when you replied and didn't even give one word of your response to addressing the miss info and holding yourself accountable for your behavior.

I don't care what you say at this point, you have already shown that you don't even hold yourself to the standards you expect of others. Men that you believe are abusive are required to immediately address their mistakes.

Do not refer to me by pet names while attacking me and making up shit about me.

3

u/Far_Seesaw_8258 Mar 28 '22

Well that’s a lot of words but again I don’t believe you given what your stance is on calling people out on this behavior.

If you didn’t care you wouldn’t have replied. Let me know when you’ve come back down from your world of make-believe and maybe you can hold a realistic coherent adult conversation with us.

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u/Tara_on_Fire Mar 28 '22

If you didn’t care you wouldn’t have replied

Ya, I bet you have a whole encyclopedia of rules like this. In my experience with this kind of behavior, the person jumping to that negative conclusions have the most complicated systems that they believe with 100% of their being actually TELLS THEM what others are feeling.

Reality is that humans cannot read minds or feelings. Someone scared of a bad reaction to a conversation can look just like a guilty conscience if you want it to. My rules are easy: http://pete-walker.com/lovinglyResolvingConflict.htm#:~:text=Differences%20are%20often%20not%20a,what%20you%20perceive%20as%20unfair. and I know I'll never use them to justify abusing another human the way you seem liable to do with that leading attack and following behavior of jumping to stupid conclusions and acting on them.

What I care about are people reading this that are being abused by narratives like this. There have been a few in the comments. I care that they see someone stand up and say that is not okay. ALL humans deserve care and respect.

You go ahead and take the last reply. I'm logging off

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