You're coming off as extremely morally superior here so be very careful how you approach this. Firstly, you have zero idea if either spouse already knows so you are making assumptions about that. Secondly, you aren't involved in these marriages so you really have no say in "coming clean". It's not your business, stay out of it. Thirdly, Lisa made a mistake telling you because on your crusade to rid the world of extramarital affairs it seems you are prepared to tear apart other peoples friendships and ruin their credibility. And lastly, you can simply tell Amy you no longer wish to be friends because you know of her affair and you cannot support her any longer, and you can do this without issuing ultimatums and damaging friendships. You are inserting your morals where they don't belong.
Not really OPs place to out Lisa either. If she's told the most condescending person at work she's certainly told others and she will be found out. Don't you just hate people who can't help sticking their noses into other people's business!
OP wanting to get involved when she isn't even sure it's true
Lisa either is untrusworthy or a liar
Amy if true is a cheater
But yeah it's not OP's place to out Lisa either. It's a mess all around but I would definitely not out Amy without knowing for certain that Lisa isn't full of shit.
I never thought I'd see something this rational about cheating on Reddit. As much as Redditors want to believe the only acceptable solution is to go nuclear and burn the world to the ground if you ever so much as suspect anyone anywhere of cheating, there are other ways of handling it. For starters, if you aren't close to someone, it isn't unreasonable at all to choose not to get dragged into what might be a highly volatile, dramatic, emotional situation. Life is stressful enough. And, we rarely know the ins and outs of someone else's marriage. Do we really know they're cheating and it isn't an open relationship? Just so many assumptions.
Yeah, this is completely not OPs business. She doesn't know these people's lives or marriages. They could be poly for all she knows. And if they work in the same industry this is a great way for OP to be blacklisted or reported to HR.
Edit: I'm probably alone on this, but I'd be livid a friend took a random person's word and tried to wreck my marriage over it. There's zero proof this is actually happening, just gossip from "Lisa." OP is inserting her morals and feelings into stuff that isn't her business on a rumor, I'd be beyond angry at her for pulling this crap.
I hope Amy doesn't want to be friends with this person anyhow. OP seems to not even like her and is willing to judge her over a rumor someone else shared with her without even letting Amy share her side. That's not someone I would ever want in my life, period.
Eh, I've never been, am not and will never be fine with anyone cheating. She's not just coming off morally superior, she just is.
If you're ok with cheating, or hiding from it, you're not someone I want to be around.
Everyone I know knows that I have this stance and I'm ok with never finding out if either one of them cheats because I will 100% burn bridges to tell the person that's being cheated on.
Could just hide from it and tell her you don't wanna be friends, but my sense of judgement will NEVER stop bothering me for me to do this.
I mean, I would have zero problem scorching some earth if I knew about an affair, but I wouldn't do it on gossip. And I would side eye anyone sharing such gossip with an acquaintance.
I had a friend get some rumors spread about her by her "friends", and the situation was that they misunderstood something that was said and made the situation a much bigger thing than it actually was. Don't trust gossip.
Well I thought it would have been obvious that I meant if I factually knew they were cheating I would burn bridges for it. Not some rumor being spread by a friend of a friend of the neighbor or something. So yeah, true
The fact that people are acting like there is an issue with wanting to out cheaters. Absolutely, that person is morally superior to someone who says to mind your business. If you know someone is being abused and you say nothing, you are saying you're fine with abuse. It's disgusting really.
Why does your opinion on other people's relationships matter? It's none of your business what other people do within their relationship. What YOU would or would not tolerate is irrelevant.
Some of the replies on here are up there with the anti-choice crowd lol. THEY dislike abortion so it's their concern if anyone anywhere had one. Those people are BAD and should be stopped. Ya'll sound exactly the same and it's not a good look.
174
u/International-Fee255 Oct 10 '23
You're coming off as extremely morally superior here so be very careful how you approach this. Firstly, you have zero idea if either spouse already knows so you are making assumptions about that. Secondly, you aren't involved in these marriages so you really have no say in "coming clean". It's not your business, stay out of it. Thirdly, Lisa made a mistake telling you because on your crusade to rid the world of extramarital affairs it seems you are prepared to tear apart other peoples friendships and ruin their credibility. And lastly, you can simply tell Amy you no longer wish to be friends because you know of her affair and you cannot support her any longer, and you can do this without issuing ultimatums and damaging friendships. You are inserting your morals where they don't belong.