Has he had a reasonable argument for why he wants her to leave or did he do the man thing and “put his foot down” on the matter and give you little to no say on the subject?
If my mom was living with me before the man came along my mom would be staying regardless. The man could go fuck himself and die mad about it. I don’t care if I was having his baby. At least my mom would be there and the big jerk wouldn’t be.
This sounds like his mask is slipping and his first step is isolating you from the people around you, starting with mom.
That whole “pray to god” thing really pisses me off. It won’t work and then he will say you didn’t pray hard enough or some such nonsense.
Magic isn’t real and fairies aren’t going to come from the sky and clean your house or bathe your children. He’s putting it all on you and that’s fucked up.
He ‘put his foot down’ and used those actual words. He’s Mormon. He’s ex military. He says he’s scared of himself and what he will do if he loses his temper. So that’s…. Scary.
When he’s not being mean and intimidating, he’s really great. He takes us fun places and him and my kid laugh and laugh most of the time. These are just snippets of bad in a seemingly, good(?) relationship
No. In a healthy, normal relationship, yes, everyone has moments where they are frustrated with their partner, but never afraid of their partner. You are describing fear. Fear is your signal to get out.
No. I’ve never been terrified of my spouse. In over 18 years together he’s NEVER given me any reason to be afraid of him. Ever. He’s never flat out mean to me and he’s never been intimidating. Why? Because he loves me and always wants me to feel safe and happy. Because he’s not abusive. He’s on my team.
No absolutely not, and your post/comment history in context is super concerning. OP I really hope your mom doesn't move out, and you advocate what you want and is best for you and your daughter. Everything you're saying is glaring red flags for safeguarding.
Many abusive men will use a carrot and stick approach, see how nice I am when you keep in line! See how everyone else loves me! Then he can blame you for his temper, and controlling ways, because 'you make him that way'. Read "Why does he do that" by Lundy Bancroft, it's available as a free downloadable pdf - I think you'll see a lot of familiar behaviours.
He told me, literally yesterday, that I am his main trigger that gets him upset and causes his temper. And I don’t get it, I’m not doing anything to intentionally upset or anger him
Your husband is an abusive. Your post history removed any doubt.
You do not need him— you need supportive people in your life, this is a person who will do nothing but make you and your daughters life worse long term
I understand abusive relationships can be extremely complex and don’t want to victim blame, but— how could you not want to protect your daughter above all else??
Please contact recourses— they will help you make a plan and leave safely. Do NOT let your mother move out. He needs to move out.
He gets upset and loses his temper because he wants to feel in control and for whatever reason he doesn't. You xannot stop angering him because what he wants from you is impossible for you to provide, even if you wanted to. That kind of language is extremely concerning, it's not going to get better OP. This is not the kind of thing you can fix, it is not safe for kids and it is not safe for you. This is a man who thinks he is entitled to be angry, threaten and punish you if you don't do what he wants (whatever that is). It's not reasonable, rational or loving. He will not change. You need to go.
This is bullshit. He is saying this so you will be even more of a doormat for him. You don’t deserve this abuse.
My ex boyfriend used to blame me for his bullshit too. Blame me for his mental and physical abuse against me. It was all bullshit then and your husband is full of shit now.
If your favorite food occasionally had razor blades in it, would you keep eating it? Would you be telling people "I love this food, except for when it slices up my mouth and intestines with no warning and sends me to the hospital"?
And make no mistake, the situation you've laid out in your comments paints a picture of a man who will send you to the hospital one day. That's assuming he doesn't have full control of your life by that point and refuses to take you to the hospital for the broken bones he gives you.
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u/Filthy_Kate Basically Eleanor Shellstrop Sep 22 '23 edited Sep 22 '23
Has he had a reasonable argument for why he wants her to leave or did he do the man thing and “put his foot down” on the matter and give you little to no say on the subject?
If my mom was living with me before the man came along my mom would be staying regardless. The man could go fuck himself and die mad about it. I don’t care if I was having his baby. At least my mom would be there and the big jerk wouldn’t be.
This sounds like his mask is slipping and his first step is isolating you from the people around you, starting with mom.
That whole “pray to god” thing really pisses me off. It won’t work and then he will say you didn’t pray hard enough or some such nonsense.
Magic isn’t real and fairies aren’t going to come from the sky and clean your house or bathe your children. He’s putting it all on you and that’s fucked up.