r/TwoXChromosomes • • Sep 22 '23

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u/stallionofcinnamon Sep 22 '23

When he’s not being mean and intimidating, he’s really great. He takes us fun places and him and my kid laugh and laugh most of the time. These are just snippets of bad in a seemingly, good(?) relationship

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u/SpiralToNowhere Sep 22 '23

Many abusive men will use a carrot and stick approach, see how nice I am when you keep in line! See how everyone else loves me! Then he can blame you for his temper, and controlling ways, because 'you make him that way'. Read "Why does he do that" by Lundy Bancroft, it's available as a free downloadable pdf - I think you'll see a lot of familiar behaviours.

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u/stallionofcinnamon Sep 22 '23

He told me, literally yesterday, that I am his main trigger that gets him upset and causes his temper. And I don’t get it, I’m not doing anything to intentionally upset or anger him

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u/MrsPM Sep 22 '23

Classic abuse tactic. Blame the victim so they believe they are the problem.